As any of my friends can tell you and almost all of my family, this year was not a merry season. I did not want to yet could I afford to buy gifts. I did not feel like decorating and wished that this holiday would soon pass. I had planned to sleep most of it away and then fast forward through the rest; it however did not work out that way.
I was awakened from a not so pleasant dream by my mother who wanted me to clean the tub. I was pissed, as after I permed my hair I made sure I returned it to the state it was before I used it. Not having cleanser, I used some purple cleaner that she handed me and happened to work better. I returned to bed and had difficulty falling back to sleep as the sun had already risen.
Tossing and turning I received a text message wishing me a merry Christmas from Zach, to which I replied, "To early." An hour or two later my mother started to scream for my sister and I. With her not saying what needed to be done after each yell I figured I stay half asleep. She stopped yelling and I then felt bad, as I knew, she wanted to open gifts and I probably hurt her feeling by not making a big deal or even pretending for her sake.
I half listened as gifts were opened and she guessed what hers was without even touching the box. I knew she had gotten me a gift card, and I was satisfied with the idea, no need to rush to open it. I awoke finally and started to get ready. I was excited to wear the present I bought myself, a chain with a Whinny the Pooh charm. It was going to go great with my black shirt that has silver and white lines running through it.
I showered, shaved, dressed, and talked to my sister who told me what I was to get from my stepfather for Christmas, 60 dollars. I told everyone I needed money and why. I know why I got the gift card from my mother and I am completely satisfied, to be quite honest from her money would not have meant as much. In the middle of getting dressed, she gave me a big kiss on the cheek and ensured that I had an imprint of red lips on my face.
Once I dressed completely and put on makeup to hide my puffy face, from a lack of sleep the past few days, I joined the rest of my family and drank a cup of tea. It was not long before we left to continue with family tradition. We went to my grandmother's house as it has been done since the birth of the first grandchild 24 years ago. We waited for the entire family to arrive, which includes my grandmother, her three daughters, her one son, my stepfather, my aunt's husband, 8 blood grand children, and one adopted. The eldest of us had to work, thank god.
We had breakfast, which any black family can tell you a truly good meal for any family event consist of fried chicken and waffles. I think that has been a tradition for the past maybe 8 or 10 years. Then the gifts my grandmother bought for all while uncle john bought for the little ones and his favorite, my sister. My aunt Shunie bought for the little ones, and thank god, she did. My youngest aunt has absolutely no fashion since; her daughter is dressed like a boy and her son an old man. To rectify this, my aunt bought my cousin clothes to make her look like a little girl. My cousin after trying them all on decided to keep an outfit on.
I was cynical and was quick to make snappy comments and jokes about what annoyed me. My cousins and sister joined in because they felt the same way.
After the gift opining, this was done in size order according to gifts and I going third having gotten a wallet, had bid farewell and headed to my next stop. I called Brenda who has become part of my Christmas tradition, only to find out I missed her, so I grabbed my cards and to my Grandma Betty's.
It was perfect timing, as I was sitting in my car filling out the cards my aunt pulled aside me and had my cousin in the car with her. I hadn't seen him since we worked together. We chatted and I went in the house.
It was just how it is every year. Eating and merry making, Card reading and joke telling, it was how Christmas with the family should be. I was quite shocked as I left my grandmother's house. I had to admit I had a really nice Christmas. I got a decent amount of money, and had a good time with the people I loved.
Was it because I lowered my expectations, or was it because the spirit just came late? Whatever it was I hope the feeling comes sooner next year so that I don’t risk hurting any feelings or feeling bad at the end of the day. So while I still feel warm in heart I wish merry Christmas to all and to all the happiest New Year.
Vixc B
25 December 2008
22 December 2008
Never Over
Why is it when you decide to cut someone out of your life something kind of major happens to remind you of him or her, the good times, and why you allowed him or her to stay in your life for so long. I cannot look at a picture that was artistically taken without thinking of Neal Curly, I look at some of the clothes I bought to where to a party and I think about how jazz was with me to pick them out and what a good time we had. Almost everywhere, I go in the city of Philadelphia I See my friends from high school and ex boyfriends.
The new job has taken me to a town I never thought I would go to again, a town I had decided would have a great memory and that its. It was July second and I had lead my boy friend at the time to the wrong extension of the Penn Turnpike. I was supposed to get him to the turnpike then follow him back to his place, but we never made it. We found a motor lodge to spend the night and after taking showers, we were intimate for the first time. The town is called Lansdale a little town north of Philadelphia that has no real significance.
My now ex and I had spent the morning of July fourth in what seemed to be a dead town before parting ways.
My new job has me working indirectly for Verizon FiOs, going door to door to get current landline and DSL customers to make the switch to the much better FiOs. The place I have to do this is Lansdale. I started the Thursday after Mr. M's birthday hangout, where I decided that not talking to him for a while would be a great idea. I was ever so shocked to find myself driving ever closer to the spot where I felt I truly fell for him.
After two days of having to go door to door learning the greatness that is VZ FiOs I saw that this town did not deserve to be remembered as that place but rather the place where I may one day move only because the cost of living seemed to be cheaper with all the apartments.
Once again, I received divine enlightenment one night while talking to Mr. MeTo it was explained how why so many people hold onto bad relationships. I had not asked for understanding nor had I told him about how I was feeling about Mr. M, the topic of relationships came up and wanted to share a lesson he learned and it helped me to see and understand Mr. M. a little better.
I have decided that I will continue with this break but when the New Year comes and he and I are friends again I will be all the better a friend because Mr. MeTo is really proving to be the half that I've been looking for.
The new job has taken me to a town I never thought I would go to again, a town I had decided would have a great memory and that its. It was July second and I had lead my boy friend at the time to the wrong extension of the Penn Turnpike. I was supposed to get him to the turnpike then follow him back to his place, but we never made it. We found a motor lodge to spend the night and after taking showers, we were intimate for the first time. The town is called Lansdale a little town north of Philadelphia that has no real significance.
My now ex and I had spent the morning of July fourth in what seemed to be a dead town before parting ways.
My new job has me working indirectly for Verizon FiOs, going door to door to get current landline and DSL customers to make the switch to the much better FiOs. The place I have to do this is Lansdale. I started the Thursday after Mr. M's birthday hangout, where I decided that not talking to him for a while would be a great idea. I was ever so shocked to find myself driving ever closer to the spot where I felt I truly fell for him.
After two days of having to go door to door learning the greatness that is VZ FiOs I saw that this town did not deserve to be remembered as that place but rather the place where I may one day move only because the cost of living seemed to be cheaper with all the apartments.
Once again, I received divine enlightenment one night while talking to Mr. MeTo it was explained how why so many people hold onto bad relationships. I had not asked for understanding nor had I told him about how I was feeling about Mr. M, the topic of relationships came up and wanted to share a lesson he learned and it helped me to see and understand Mr. M. a little better.
I have decided that I will continue with this break but when the New Year comes and he and I are friends again I will be all the better a friend because Mr. MeTo is really proving to be the half that I've been looking for.
21 December 2008
The Pink Life
I like to refer to gay life as the Pink Life. It sounds better and doesn't hit as hard. There is this belief that being gay means spending late nights out in the clubs drunk and having wild crazy sex. There are many different types of gay people who lead lives as different as there are different shades of pink.
Some gays chose to be conservative, while others are just out there, and then the rest fall somewhere in between. With all the persecution of what is debated as a choice or luck of the draw. Many men choose refuge with those who are the same and the best place to find other men who are like them are the clubs that pepper many major cities. There are online communities that cater to gentlemen who are longing to keep how they feel a secret but want to escape from a life of lies and deception for only a moment.
We live in a world where sex sells and many have forgotten what sex is. Not just Pink clubs but all clubs promote sex. The whole nightlife scene whether it be straight or gay is riddled with glamorous over use of Alcohol, provocative dance and dress, trying to score, illegal drug use, and all under the cover of night.
The modern Pink Life man is making a point to change. You see the LGBT organizations hosting events that are more wholesome. Showcasing the things that gays have been known to be good at for years, the arts. From film and stage to building and painting, the pink life is more than just sex.
Modern gay are now trying to prove that we are in fact the same as heterosexuals. We are just as good at raising children and taking care of families, we can manage money, work in any field not just the arts, we are different in only one way and that is the people we date are of the same sex and that is all.
Sure I talk about sex freely and my relationships, I talk about going to the clubs and the men in my life, But I also talk about my family, friends work and what I want in my future. To be quite honest I talk about the same things everyone else does, it's just in blog form.
This is my blog, it is about my life and my life is Pink.
Some gays chose to be conservative, while others are just out there, and then the rest fall somewhere in between. With all the persecution of what is debated as a choice or luck of the draw. Many men choose refuge with those who are the same and the best place to find other men who are like them are the clubs that pepper many major cities. There are online communities that cater to gentlemen who are longing to keep how they feel a secret but want to escape from a life of lies and deception for only a moment.
We live in a world where sex sells and many have forgotten what sex is. Not just Pink clubs but all clubs promote sex. The whole nightlife scene whether it be straight or gay is riddled with glamorous over use of Alcohol, provocative dance and dress, trying to score, illegal drug use, and all under the cover of night.
The modern Pink Life man is making a point to change. You see the LGBT organizations hosting events that are more wholesome. Showcasing the things that gays have been known to be good at for years, the arts. From film and stage to building and painting, the pink life is more than just sex.
Modern gay are now trying to prove that we are in fact the same as heterosexuals. We are just as good at raising children and taking care of families, we can manage money, work in any field not just the arts, we are different in only one way and that is the people we date are of the same sex and that is all.
Sure I talk about sex freely and my relationships, I talk about going to the clubs and the men in my life, But I also talk about my family, friends work and what I want in my future. To be quite honest I talk about the same things everyone else does, it's just in blog form.
This is my blog, it is about my life and my life is Pink.
20 December 2008
Faux Pas
I know I am not the fashion police but there are certain things that people just should not wear. It is almost comical when the wrong top, shoes, belt or socks pulls down an entire ensemble.
There are the classic leave it to the pros colors that you just may not mix, such as pink and orange, blue and green, black and blue, and my favorite, roygbiv. I find it unfortunate when someone steps out their house and honestly feels that they look like a cover model wearing every possible color they could.
Sometimes mornings, are rough and things don't go as planned, so it is always safe to go with an outfit almost the same color or something that you think is boring. You can never go wrong with something such as a black or white top with black or khaki pants as long as you must remember to were black socks with black shoes or it is ruined.
The classic outfit bring down is none other than, the white sock, (shivers). White socks should never be worn unless you absolutely cannot avoid it or you are wearing sneakers. I have seen this one way to many times. It is very disappointing to catch gentlemen wherein a suite, nice tie, well-pressed shirt and (Oh No!) white socks. You can ask any corporate professional or even a lady and they will all tell you the same thing “It's an eye sore.”
Then of course, there are accessories or furnishings for men. These little accent pieces can become the focal point of any bad outfit. Many times these are the first things people notice so that they can negate a good outfit. This is why the experts say, “A belt, bracelet, watch, necklace, or set of earrings can make or break any outfit.” If corporate woman is caught wearing all black with those sexy black stilettos, a delicate pearl necklace and one of those $1.99 star wars talking watches from Burger King she immediately becomes the talk of the office in the second worst way possible. But let's say my fun loving boss who wears kakis and button down shirts with the different company logos came in one day wherein Hawaiian gear, no one would think ill of him. He is having fun that is, as long as he is not wherein black socks and sandals.
Many people think they can dress like the stars but have you seen a lot of the junk the Black Eyed Peas where or that white puffy thing Aretha Franklin wore to an awards show three years ago. Stick to the basics and you cannot go wrong, you just might even get a compliment.
There are the classic leave it to the pros colors that you just may not mix, such as pink and orange, blue and green, black and blue, and my favorite, roygbiv. I find it unfortunate when someone steps out their house and honestly feels that they look like a cover model wearing every possible color they could.
Sometimes mornings, are rough and things don't go as planned, so it is always safe to go with an outfit almost the same color or something that you think is boring. You can never go wrong with something such as a black or white top with black or khaki pants as long as you must remember to were black socks with black shoes or it is ruined.
The classic outfit bring down is none other than, the white sock, (shivers). White socks should never be worn unless you absolutely cannot avoid it or you are wearing sneakers. I have seen this one way to many times. It is very disappointing to catch gentlemen wherein a suite, nice tie, well-pressed shirt and (Oh No!) white socks. You can ask any corporate professional or even a lady and they will all tell you the same thing “It's an eye sore.”
Then of course, there are accessories or furnishings for men. These little accent pieces can become the focal point of any bad outfit. Many times these are the first things people notice so that they can negate a good outfit. This is why the experts say, “A belt, bracelet, watch, necklace, or set of earrings can make or break any outfit.” If corporate woman is caught wearing all black with those sexy black stilettos, a delicate pearl necklace and one of those $1.99 star wars talking watches from Burger King she immediately becomes the talk of the office in the second worst way possible. But let's say my fun loving boss who wears kakis and button down shirts with the different company logos came in one day wherein Hawaiian gear, no one would think ill of him. He is having fun that is, as long as he is not wherein black socks and sandals.
Many people think they can dress like the stars but have you seen a lot of the junk the Black Eyed Peas where or that white puffy thing Aretha Franklin wore to an awards show three years ago. Stick to the basics and you cannot go wrong, you just might even get a compliment.
18 December 2008
17 December 2008
Happy Fucking Birthday
So December 16th is Mr. M's 26th Birthday. To celebrate we went out the night before. There was no agenda just an odd guest list. Mr. M, his roommate, our friend Catherine, the ex before me that we will refer to as Alpha, alpha's three friends, Catherin's boy friend, Matt and myself.
I borrowed money from my stepfather for gas and cell phone minutes and then went to the dollar tree to pick up a B-day card and maybe a little gift of humor. To my surprise, the second card I picked up was perfect and as I turned, there was a box filled with teddy bears of all different colors. I found a blue one, which is Mr. M's favorite color and checked out. I called to get the run down and with no agenda; I decided to just meet them there.
On my way, I had an interesting conversation with Mr. New York, the man who I was planning to date before Mr. MeTo. Mr. New York still seamed appealing but I knew Mr. MeTo was the one for me. We talked about his Friday plans, as he had to go back to NYC for a doctor appointment and holiday parties. I suggested I be his date. The parties were all work related and I figured it would be a good way to have myself seen, discus my photo shot, and to tie up some loose ends in Queens.
I decided I would call him back Wednesday after my second interview and would let him know if I could go. As I got onto King of Prussia road, I decided it would be a good idea to get off my cell phone. I arrived, filled out the card and just as I was getting out the car, I received a text message and a call asking where I was from the birthday boy.
Mr. M, his roommate, Matt and I all drove down to meet the others on South Street. A stop at one place to say hi to Catherin and pick a place and we were off to Fat Tuesdays. Anyone who is anyone knows about Philadelphia's South Street. It is the true melting point of the city. It is where LGBT meets republicans, black meets white, Drag queens mix with hookers and people who earn honest livings, and it is where everybody gets along with everybody. The street teams with people and cars to form an elongated miniature times square. That is on nights that aren't Mondays.
If it had not been for the Eagles game South Street would have been just like any other part of the city. I was poor so two-dollar bud lights were good enough for me, especially because I didn't want to get drunk. The night progressed well. Alpha and his friends showed up and everyone got along with everyone.
There were comments about Matt being a ribbed sex toy due to his sweater, Catherine played with Mr. M's nipples and Alpha's Bff said I reminded him of Noah, from Noah's ARC. I had heard it before, no surprise, but I was quick to point out I was taller, and lighter.
Before I knew it Alpha and I were playfully going at it, I have to admit I love a good banter, and banter we did while Catherine and her boyfriend really quarreled. Stories of drunken nights, puking and a trip to the hospital and I was all caught up on what I missed on this half while I was in NYC.
We moved to another bar and in the process, Mr. MeTo called me. I was so surprised, having thought he had gone to bed by the time I called. We chatted and I delighted in every word he said to me. I hadn’t felt the way I felt in quite awhile. Of course, I was out with friends and Alpha had an objection. So to shut him up and free my hands for payback I told Mr. MeTo I would talk to him later. I then put alpha in a chokehold, we ended up on the ground, and I got a hurt elbow. I realized we were on the ground like kids and immediately got up, both laughing.
Bar two was closing so on to bar three, which was quite a different crowd, straight and predominantly black ghetto folk. Alpha was pulled away by the birthday boy. Everyone saw it as an opportunity to ask what the deal was between the two of us. I was confused; did it appear to be something? I asked quite shocked what everyone meant.
Catherine responded by saying "the lovers' quarrel" it was odd coming from her as she and her boyfriend were fighting most of the night. I explained that we were just having a good time getting on each other's nerves. But I then thought, did I like him, I did think he was cute and he made a few references to taking off his shirt. I thought about the possibilities and then thought about Mr. MeTo and it was a no brainer.
Everyone returned to the table and it was evident that Mr. M was drunk. While Alpha and I quarreled for the hundredth time about shutting up Mr. M made the comment that if Alpha stopped talking I would follow. Mr. M then said, "He just likes to talk, that’s what I was trying to tell you in the bathroom." So apparently a normally quite me who is normally asked if I am ok when meeting new people for a lack of talking, and I who is almost never tells a story in full because Mr. M cuts me off likes to talk.
So I stopped talking and the rest of the party apparently did not enjoy it. It was typical drunk Mr. M behavior. I was around and he felt it a prime time to treat me like shit. All thoughts of ever getting back with him were gone. I had a flood of memories of how I would call to catch up and a drunk him would have nothing but negative things to say, when we dated he would critique some of the most petty things and the night he decided to have a heart to heart with my best friend he made a point to point out all the things he did not like about me.
I realized that this alcoholic had beef with me. A tall and good looking me then began to play his game I made it look like I was interested the rest of the night mixing my banter and "lovers' quarrel" with kind words and signs of interest towards the person that was described as Mr. M's Mr. Big. I had a strong feeling that he was not happy as he did not talk to me for the rest of the night and kept giving his look of disproval. I had seen it before and he only got away with it this time because it was his birthday.
Alpha's best friend made a point to drill me on the topic of why I was not interested in Alpha, to be honest I kind of was but I liked someone else more.
When we got back to the apartment, I could see that the games had begun. Why I participated, I have no idea but nonetheless I did. I hated seeing Mr. M getting along with his ex and further more Mr. M was supposed to be back with his most recent ex. It was made quite clear that Mr. M did not want there to be any way of his two exes hooking up. He let Alpha go far but not too far, far enough to keep his hands off me but not to the point of getting together.
Everyone went out for food and Alpha decided to pay. I went to the hall to explain the situation to Jason via phone and I was told to leave like a grown up and stop playing games. Mr. M won despite the fact I stayed. Or it would appear that way.
The roommate may have been trying to hint at the fact that the birthday boy and alpha we going to have sex and I may not want to be around to hear it. He told me about an ice storm that was coming in the early morning. He then decided who slept where and I who always slept with Mr. M was now sleeping on the floor of the living room.
I pretended to sleep while Mr. M and Alpha discussed relationships and the past. I knowing Mr. M so well knew the two were going to have sex. The moment I heard the bedroom door close my heart started pounding. I was not ready to hear such a thing take place. I don’t know why but I snuck out and ran down the hall to the elevator. I made up in my mind it was time to just cut Mr. M out of my life.
Someone who drinks to feel better than puts me down, Someone who says they value my friendship but never acts like it, someone who knows how I feel yet shows now respect for that and has taken advantage of it. Despite all my efforts and hopes for the best Mr. M has not changed. I learned he was one of those fags that likes drama and will always be surrounded by it. And when he does not have enough in his life, he dates those who do.
To Mr. M, I know you, I got you pegged and at 26, you are not changing but happy fucking birthday you lost a friend and one of the few guys who treated you like a human.
I borrowed money from my stepfather for gas and cell phone minutes and then went to the dollar tree to pick up a B-day card and maybe a little gift of humor. To my surprise, the second card I picked up was perfect and as I turned, there was a box filled with teddy bears of all different colors. I found a blue one, which is Mr. M's favorite color and checked out. I called to get the run down and with no agenda; I decided to just meet them there.
On my way, I had an interesting conversation with Mr. New York, the man who I was planning to date before Mr. MeTo. Mr. New York still seamed appealing but I knew Mr. MeTo was the one for me. We talked about his Friday plans, as he had to go back to NYC for a doctor appointment and holiday parties. I suggested I be his date. The parties were all work related and I figured it would be a good way to have myself seen, discus my photo shot, and to tie up some loose ends in Queens.
I decided I would call him back Wednesday after my second interview and would let him know if I could go. As I got onto King of Prussia road, I decided it would be a good idea to get off my cell phone. I arrived, filled out the card and just as I was getting out the car, I received a text message and a call asking where I was from the birthday boy.
Mr. M, his roommate, Matt and I all drove down to meet the others on South Street. A stop at one place to say hi to Catherin and pick a place and we were off to Fat Tuesdays. Anyone who is anyone knows about Philadelphia's South Street. It is the true melting point of the city. It is where LGBT meets republicans, black meets white, Drag queens mix with hookers and people who earn honest livings, and it is where everybody gets along with everybody. The street teams with people and cars to form an elongated miniature times square. That is on nights that aren't Mondays.
If it had not been for the Eagles game South Street would have been just like any other part of the city. I was poor so two-dollar bud lights were good enough for me, especially because I didn't want to get drunk. The night progressed well. Alpha and his friends showed up and everyone got along with everyone.
There were comments about Matt being a ribbed sex toy due to his sweater, Catherine played with Mr. M's nipples and Alpha's Bff said I reminded him of Noah, from Noah's ARC. I had heard it before, no surprise, but I was quick to point out I was taller, and lighter.
Before I knew it Alpha and I were playfully going at it, I have to admit I love a good banter, and banter we did while Catherine and her boyfriend really quarreled. Stories of drunken nights, puking and a trip to the hospital and I was all caught up on what I missed on this half while I was in NYC.
We moved to another bar and in the process, Mr. MeTo called me. I was so surprised, having thought he had gone to bed by the time I called. We chatted and I delighted in every word he said to me. I hadn’t felt the way I felt in quite awhile. Of course, I was out with friends and Alpha had an objection. So to shut him up and free my hands for payback I told Mr. MeTo I would talk to him later. I then put alpha in a chokehold, we ended up on the ground, and I got a hurt elbow. I realized we were on the ground like kids and immediately got up, both laughing.
Bar two was closing so on to bar three, which was quite a different crowd, straight and predominantly black ghetto folk. Alpha was pulled away by the birthday boy. Everyone saw it as an opportunity to ask what the deal was between the two of us. I was confused; did it appear to be something? I asked quite shocked what everyone meant.
Catherine responded by saying "the lovers' quarrel" it was odd coming from her as she and her boyfriend were fighting most of the night. I explained that we were just having a good time getting on each other's nerves. But I then thought, did I like him, I did think he was cute and he made a few references to taking off his shirt. I thought about the possibilities and then thought about Mr. MeTo and it was a no brainer.
Everyone returned to the table and it was evident that Mr. M was drunk. While Alpha and I quarreled for the hundredth time about shutting up Mr. M made the comment that if Alpha stopped talking I would follow. Mr. M then said, "He just likes to talk, that’s what I was trying to tell you in the bathroom." So apparently a normally quite me who is normally asked if I am ok when meeting new people for a lack of talking, and I who is almost never tells a story in full because Mr. M cuts me off likes to talk.
So I stopped talking and the rest of the party apparently did not enjoy it. It was typical drunk Mr. M behavior. I was around and he felt it a prime time to treat me like shit. All thoughts of ever getting back with him were gone. I had a flood of memories of how I would call to catch up and a drunk him would have nothing but negative things to say, when we dated he would critique some of the most petty things and the night he decided to have a heart to heart with my best friend he made a point to point out all the things he did not like about me.
I realized that this alcoholic had beef with me. A tall and good looking me then began to play his game I made it look like I was interested the rest of the night mixing my banter and "lovers' quarrel" with kind words and signs of interest towards the person that was described as Mr. M's Mr. Big. I had a strong feeling that he was not happy as he did not talk to me for the rest of the night and kept giving his look of disproval. I had seen it before and he only got away with it this time because it was his birthday.
Alpha's best friend made a point to drill me on the topic of why I was not interested in Alpha, to be honest I kind of was but I liked someone else more.
When we got back to the apartment, I could see that the games had begun. Why I participated, I have no idea but nonetheless I did. I hated seeing Mr. M getting along with his ex and further more Mr. M was supposed to be back with his most recent ex. It was made quite clear that Mr. M did not want there to be any way of his two exes hooking up. He let Alpha go far but not too far, far enough to keep his hands off me but not to the point of getting together.
Everyone went out for food and Alpha decided to pay. I went to the hall to explain the situation to Jason via phone and I was told to leave like a grown up and stop playing games. Mr. M won despite the fact I stayed. Or it would appear that way.
The roommate may have been trying to hint at the fact that the birthday boy and alpha we going to have sex and I may not want to be around to hear it. He told me about an ice storm that was coming in the early morning. He then decided who slept where and I who always slept with Mr. M was now sleeping on the floor of the living room.
I pretended to sleep while Mr. M and Alpha discussed relationships and the past. I knowing Mr. M so well knew the two were going to have sex. The moment I heard the bedroom door close my heart started pounding. I was not ready to hear such a thing take place. I don’t know why but I snuck out and ran down the hall to the elevator. I made up in my mind it was time to just cut Mr. M out of my life.
Someone who drinks to feel better than puts me down, Someone who says they value my friendship but never acts like it, someone who knows how I feel yet shows now respect for that and has taken advantage of it. Despite all my efforts and hopes for the best Mr. M has not changed. I learned he was one of those fags that likes drama and will always be surrounded by it. And when he does not have enough in his life, he dates those who do.
To Mr. M, I know you, I got you pegged and at 26, you are not changing but happy fucking birthday you lost a friend and one of the few guys who treated you like a human.
16 December 2008
For Granted
We as middle class Americans take for granted many things. The fact that we are allowed to express our selves is one that we cannot imagine living without. We see ads for those charities that help children in developing countries and because we cannot relate, we change the channel. Sure, it's sad but we think, "What can we honestly do?" We think about how much trouble the world is in and the fact that in order to rectify the problems, it has to be a united front not just one or two here and there for a small period of time.
We take almost everything and everyone in our lives for granted. It is what we do. Our friends come and go, and in so become disposable like trash bags. Our family will always be our family so we treat them as to how we see fit or how we were raised without second-guessing if it is truly the right thing to do. You can walk from one end of your house to the other and not imagine what it would be like if we didn’t own certain modern convinces. Such as trashcans and trash pickup, toilets, sinks and indoor plumbing. A kitchen with several appliances to cook and prepare food. We turn on the stove and it works, when it does not we replace it or write a check to pay the gas or electric bill. The fact that we have a place to live is a concept that we are asked to reflect upon but no one truly dose and if we do it is only for a fleeting moment.
So many things I can mention, clothing, entertainment devices, the computer you use to read this blog and all the connections that make it work, are all things that we don’t bother imagining life without.
But why is it so easy to take the things in our life for granted. Why is it that we can almost look at those without as if they made a choice to live such a way? It has gotten so bad that many people push the limits and destroy what they have so that they have an excuse to get more. People typical will push others away in order to get new friends, or a new lover. Tear down buildings so they can build bigger and better ones. Some even persistently sell and trade their cars in to have the newest and greatest.
It all has to start and end some place. We live in a world of certainty. We may not know the day, hour, month or even year but we know that all that has a beginning has an end, what goes up must come down, and where there is light, there will be shadow.
Certainty tends to be translated differently in the brain of us humans. Because we see the sunrise and set in the same fashion for several years, we simply assume that it will do the same for the rest of our lives. We know one day we will die but live life like it is infinite, assured that because I woke up this morning when I go to sleep tonight the same will happen. It is not until tragedy strikes and shakes our core that we stop to truly reflect.
Pearl Harbor, September 11th, a best friend dies; we are in a car accident, our house burns down, earthquake, tornado, drought, or the loss of employment. We imagine with modern convinces such as unemployment and insurance we will be ok through most of these. Then the lawyers come and say only half was covered or acts of god don’t count, we see that nothing brings back our best friend from the dead, we almost died in that car, the people that went to work that day and had plans for after work never got to do them, dry cleaning never got picked up, and many people never got to see their loved ones again. Do we deserve the tragedies that come upon us and remind us of what we take for granted? Do we have a right to be angry with god or some higher being that we have to suffer a loss?
No, we don’t deserve tragedy, and no, we should not be angry at a higher being or fate. From the moment that we can comprehend, we learn that almost anything can take away almost anything. Your favorite toy was broken or stolen by another kid at day care or on the playground and we learned that the things we love need protecting. If you value your life, protect and cherish it. Don’t waste it and don’t make the lives of others worse for your own gain. When tragedy strikes, it's to remind of how infinity exists only in the heavens. The earth moves and changes just like all that inhabit it. The tide comes and goes, the moon has many different phases, and while it may all look like each day is the same as the last it is not.
Just like people, each day only graces the earth once. We can make it a good day or a bad day. The first of many days that help to improve the lives of other or the first of many days to kill life early. With every action there is a reaction and the only things we can control is how we act react. When you sit and reflect on life without many of the things you fail to appreciate daily you will see just how easy it is to take everything for granted. You will see how it can snow ball to the point that we are only pretending to care about other s because it is what we were taught to do.
The moment comes in our lives when we stop and start to value life, things and people not as we have been taught but as we are meant to do. Some will never have that moment while others will be so moved by the revelation they will strive not only to undo their own damage but as much damage as they can. Some will just do small things and others will simply adjust the way they live in ever a slight way but enough to make a difference. We will once have thought, "One person can't make a difference." But we will see the error and realize "That it was that one last straw which broke the camel's back."
We take almost everything and everyone in our lives for granted. It is what we do. Our friends come and go, and in so become disposable like trash bags. Our family will always be our family so we treat them as to how we see fit or how we were raised without second-guessing if it is truly the right thing to do. You can walk from one end of your house to the other and not imagine what it would be like if we didn’t own certain modern convinces. Such as trashcans and trash pickup, toilets, sinks and indoor plumbing. A kitchen with several appliances to cook and prepare food. We turn on the stove and it works, when it does not we replace it or write a check to pay the gas or electric bill. The fact that we have a place to live is a concept that we are asked to reflect upon but no one truly dose and if we do it is only for a fleeting moment.
So many things I can mention, clothing, entertainment devices, the computer you use to read this blog and all the connections that make it work, are all things that we don’t bother imagining life without.
But why is it so easy to take the things in our life for granted. Why is it that we can almost look at those without as if they made a choice to live such a way? It has gotten so bad that many people push the limits and destroy what they have so that they have an excuse to get more. People typical will push others away in order to get new friends, or a new lover. Tear down buildings so they can build bigger and better ones. Some even persistently sell and trade their cars in to have the newest and greatest.
It all has to start and end some place. We live in a world of certainty. We may not know the day, hour, month or even year but we know that all that has a beginning has an end, what goes up must come down, and where there is light, there will be shadow.
Certainty tends to be translated differently in the brain of us humans. Because we see the sunrise and set in the same fashion for several years, we simply assume that it will do the same for the rest of our lives. We know one day we will die but live life like it is infinite, assured that because I woke up this morning when I go to sleep tonight the same will happen. It is not until tragedy strikes and shakes our core that we stop to truly reflect.
Pearl Harbor, September 11th, a best friend dies; we are in a car accident, our house burns down, earthquake, tornado, drought, or the loss of employment. We imagine with modern convinces such as unemployment and insurance we will be ok through most of these. Then the lawyers come and say only half was covered or acts of god don’t count, we see that nothing brings back our best friend from the dead, we almost died in that car, the people that went to work that day and had plans for after work never got to do them, dry cleaning never got picked up, and many people never got to see their loved ones again. Do we deserve the tragedies that come upon us and remind us of what we take for granted? Do we have a right to be angry with god or some higher being that we have to suffer a loss?
No, we don’t deserve tragedy, and no, we should not be angry at a higher being or fate. From the moment that we can comprehend, we learn that almost anything can take away almost anything. Your favorite toy was broken or stolen by another kid at day care or on the playground and we learned that the things we love need protecting. If you value your life, protect and cherish it. Don’t waste it and don’t make the lives of others worse for your own gain. When tragedy strikes, it's to remind of how infinity exists only in the heavens. The earth moves and changes just like all that inhabit it. The tide comes and goes, the moon has many different phases, and while it may all look like each day is the same as the last it is not.
Just like people, each day only graces the earth once. We can make it a good day or a bad day. The first of many days that help to improve the lives of other or the first of many days to kill life early. With every action there is a reaction and the only things we can control is how we act react. When you sit and reflect on life without many of the things you fail to appreciate daily you will see just how easy it is to take everything for granted. You will see how it can snow ball to the point that we are only pretending to care about other s because it is what we were taught to do.
The moment comes in our lives when we stop and start to value life, things and people not as we have been taught but as we are meant to do. Some will never have that moment while others will be so moved by the revelation they will strive not only to undo their own damage but as much damage as they can. Some will just do small things and others will simply adjust the way they live in ever a slight way but enough to make a difference. We will once have thought, "One person can't make a difference." But we will see the error and realize "That it was that one last straw which broke the camel's back."
14 December 2008
A Summery Thus Far.
Lately I have been feeling like my time for the single life is coming to a close. I had given up on the search for a boyfriend and began enjoying being single and free. I was truly a unicorn. I was uncatchable and did not want to be caught.
Then I started to be in Mr.M's life again and after watching Sex and the city season six, I became scared. I watched as Carrie took care of Big and Big began to suggest growing old with her. After having wanted to be with Mr. M for so long, having one bad discussion after the other, and listening to how bad things went in his last relationship, I had decided we were only truly ever going to be friends. He didn’t see me how I wanted him to see me and I was starting to see him not as I once did.
We were on the path to friendship and even that was not leaving me where I wanted. I had made up in my mind that I wanted to be one of his best buddies and I was feeling that, that was not something he really wanted either, so friends at a distance. But this one episode started making me think and thinking about a future with Mr. M was not good so I dressed and ran out.
Talking to my friend Sarah who I had not seen in months, I realized that I needed not to force this thing with Ramón. I never mentioned Ramón or what was going on with him to her. But I received clarity through some advice she gave that helped me to see how pointless and bad having a relationship with someone my friends did not like would be.
So I was back at square one but happy to still be free. A night at shampoo was nothing more than a rerun of my past. Most of the leading men showed up and I saw how stupid I was at times and how desperate I was at others. It was a musical with dance numbers and surprise guest. I remember the pride I felt walking off the dance floor sweaty but glistening in the right ways and receiving looks from men who clearly wanted a dance.
A week went by and there were hot guys and hot nights and it hit Me, I was getting tired and wanted no more of this wild life. It was time for this unicorn to be caught. No sooner had I thought the words than did I receive an email from Mr. New York.
Mr. New York turned out to be what I needed he worked in fashion and I was trying to get in as a model. A disappointing conversation left me thinking that I may not be able to be a model. But after emailing my pictures and stats, he confirmed that I could in fact go far in the industry.
We talked every night, about me modeling, his work in the industry, Miami, NYC, hopes and dreams, and how we were compatible. In my mind it went from him being a hot sugar daddy, to the break I was looking for, to, he could be the one. There was one issue though, his age.
Not that I have ever let age determine a relationship as long as he was older by at least a few days, with the exception of Reed, that’s another story. But this man at the age of almost 50 was looking to settle for life. He had a few goals left to achieve then he would be done and would want to travel the world with his sweet heart. Ok I can do that but I also had goals of my own. Do they or can they tie into together. I called on fate and decided if it were meant to be it would be.
I continued to talk on A4A incase the perfect guy was looking for me. I stayed open to finding whatever where ever. I browsed social net working sites for nothing in particular but to stay connected with my friends but as fate would have it, Mr. MeTo showed up.
He sent me a very kind and promising note through A4A. I replied and the conversation commenced. He was not physically my type but then no guy I have fallen for, ever was. We kept it online but the next day by some odd kind of magic; he suggested calling to hear my voice. It was odd only because I was about to type the same thing. In a 2 hour, conversation we had what some would equate to 3 dates. We talked about everything except sex. There was not much we didn’t talk about we touched on every topic we could imagine and the amount of things we had in common was spellbinding.
We related how two people should and differed in the same way. Our ideas of a lasting relationship were the same. I remember getting off the phone thinking that a guy like this is never interested in me. I figured I would see that flaw that made him a total looser soon enough.
The next day I was on a mission to find his unforgiveable flaw or have him find mine. No luck, it was another perfect day spent online and on the phone. We talked about sex this time and he gave me chills. Just the basics such as stats and a few likes and dislikes. We were compatible there as well. It even looked like we may be compatible in the kitchen. Too good to be true.
Then finally the non-compatible issues came up and all were small things. So in fact, we could find things to fight about and reasons to make up. I opened up to Mr. MeTo unlike ever before I trusted a guy I have yet to meet face to face. I told him things that I wait for a long time before I reveal to people and he did the same to me.
My heart is still guarded Mr. M has taught me that you can never rush into a happy ever after. And with my life goals being what they are I must proceed with caution, I am still a unicorn. My heart is the heart of a man who so wants to fall in love and get his fairy tale ending. I imagine my perfect guy with his flaws and things that amaze me. I measure every guy I conceder to him. MR. MeTo measures up thus far which is to say a lot.
All there is now is trying to see if a relationship between us works and if it does how will being in a relationship effect my plans for becoming a model? Will my new relationship goals effect things with Mr. New York? Have I learned what it takes to find a decent relationship?
I don’t know what is going to come next but I can say with confidence I am looking forward to it. I hope that 2009 will be filled with what I am hoping for and that I can write 2008 a happy ending.
Stay tuned.
Then I started to be in Mr.M's life again and after watching Sex and the city season six, I became scared. I watched as Carrie took care of Big and Big began to suggest growing old with her. After having wanted to be with Mr. M for so long, having one bad discussion after the other, and listening to how bad things went in his last relationship, I had decided we were only truly ever going to be friends. He didn’t see me how I wanted him to see me and I was starting to see him not as I once did.
We were on the path to friendship and even that was not leaving me where I wanted. I had made up in my mind that I wanted to be one of his best buddies and I was feeling that, that was not something he really wanted either, so friends at a distance. But this one episode started making me think and thinking about a future with Mr. M was not good so I dressed and ran out.
Talking to my friend Sarah who I had not seen in months, I realized that I needed not to force this thing with Ramón. I never mentioned Ramón or what was going on with him to her. But I received clarity through some advice she gave that helped me to see how pointless and bad having a relationship with someone my friends did not like would be.
So I was back at square one but happy to still be free. A night at shampoo was nothing more than a rerun of my past. Most of the leading men showed up and I saw how stupid I was at times and how desperate I was at others. It was a musical with dance numbers and surprise guest. I remember the pride I felt walking off the dance floor sweaty but glistening in the right ways and receiving looks from men who clearly wanted a dance.
A week went by and there were hot guys and hot nights and it hit Me, I was getting tired and wanted no more of this wild life. It was time for this unicorn to be caught. No sooner had I thought the words than did I receive an email from Mr. New York.
Mr. New York turned out to be what I needed he worked in fashion and I was trying to get in as a model. A disappointing conversation left me thinking that I may not be able to be a model. But after emailing my pictures and stats, he confirmed that I could in fact go far in the industry.
We talked every night, about me modeling, his work in the industry, Miami, NYC, hopes and dreams, and how we were compatible. In my mind it went from him being a hot sugar daddy, to the break I was looking for, to, he could be the one. There was one issue though, his age.
Not that I have ever let age determine a relationship as long as he was older by at least a few days, with the exception of Reed, that’s another story. But this man at the age of almost 50 was looking to settle for life. He had a few goals left to achieve then he would be done and would want to travel the world with his sweet heart. Ok I can do that but I also had goals of my own. Do they or can they tie into together. I called on fate and decided if it were meant to be it would be.
I continued to talk on A4A incase the perfect guy was looking for me. I stayed open to finding whatever where ever. I browsed social net working sites for nothing in particular but to stay connected with my friends but as fate would have it, Mr. MeTo showed up.
He sent me a very kind and promising note through A4A. I replied and the conversation commenced. He was not physically my type but then no guy I have fallen for, ever was. We kept it online but the next day by some odd kind of magic; he suggested calling to hear my voice. It was odd only because I was about to type the same thing. In a 2 hour, conversation we had what some would equate to 3 dates. We talked about everything except sex. There was not much we didn’t talk about we touched on every topic we could imagine and the amount of things we had in common was spellbinding.
We related how two people should and differed in the same way. Our ideas of a lasting relationship were the same. I remember getting off the phone thinking that a guy like this is never interested in me. I figured I would see that flaw that made him a total looser soon enough.
The next day I was on a mission to find his unforgiveable flaw or have him find mine. No luck, it was another perfect day spent online and on the phone. We talked about sex this time and he gave me chills. Just the basics such as stats and a few likes and dislikes. We were compatible there as well. It even looked like we may be compatible in the kitchen. Too good to be true.
Then finally the non-compatible issues came up and all were small things. So in fact, we could find things to fight about and reasons to make up. I opened up to Mr. MeTo unlike ever before I trusted a guy I have yet to meet face to face. I told him things that I wait for a long time before I reveal to people and he did the same to me.
My heart is still guarded Mr. M has taught me that you can never rush into a happy ever after. And with my life goals being what they are I must proceed with caution, I am still a unicorn. My heart is the heart of a man who so wants to fall in love and get his fairy tale ending. I imagine my perfect guy with his flaws and things that amaze me. I measure every guy I conceder to him. MR. MeTo measures up thus far which is to say a lot.
All there is now is trying to see if a relationship between us works and if it does how will being in a relationship effect my plans for becoming a model? Will my new relationship goals effect things with Mr. New York? Have I learned what it takes to find a decent relationship?
I don’t know what is going to come next but I can say with confidence I am looking forward to it. I hope that 2009 will be filled with what I am hoping for and that I can write 2008 a happy ending.
Stay tuned.
13 December 2008
Pissed !!!
(Please be aware that the following contains strong language and profanity. this post is a result of some repressed anger. if you are sensitive to terms that represent extreme hate, words that demean women and or you have thoughts or suicide, please do not read this post. Also be aware that the grammar of this post remains unedited for artistic reasons)
There are times when we are just angry with the world. Every now and then when we are is such a state it is for good reasons. I for have had to suffer not just my adult life but even as a kid. Trying to gain attention from my parents and the love of my stepfather. I to this day cannot give you a valid reason as to why my family insist on not helping me even as half as much as they help my younger sister.
I am repeatedly lied to by my mother and given poor excuses from my step father as to why I am forced to live a live that I live. So I am a gay 22 year old who didn’t get to walk in my high school graduation. I have made many mistakes like having to repeat the 4th grad, doing so poorly in high school that I flunked out of St. Joe's prep, and then did not get to walk down the sale senior year because I had to go to summer school for math.
I had a temper that I unleashed on whom ever I felt deserved it, but when I went to counseling was told I was quite normal for any kid. I have suffered loosing a parent I so desperately wanted to be there for me. My father did my senior year of high school after suffering many years with the effect of brain surgery and diabetes. He did and because i was so angry I hadn't talked to him for 4 months and 4 days. He died probably missing me. He didn’t know I was angry with him but I know.
My mother makes excuses for every one that hurts me. My father step father my ex best friend and even my grandfather. Telling me t just let it go. I have had so much taken from me I am honestly at the point of giving up.
I never used substances to make me feel better I am a law abiding citizen yet the state of Pennsylvania looks at me as if I am a speed daemon. The more I look at my life as a whole the more I hate it and myself. I never hurt anyone, but those that are the closet think that it is ok for others to hurt me. Am I a door mat for the world. Why is it that someone that everyone says has a lot of potential and love has to suffer the way I do? The Christians say that is why Christ did so that people like myself don’t have to carry such a burden.
What do I have to do to get what I deserve. Men use me for sex, fake friends use me for rides and entertainment. I know only three people who have ever loved me the way a person should be loved Britteney Simmons , Brenda Sharpe, Jason Bailey and Lisa Bethea. They see me hurt and get angry, I cry it brakes their hearts. It is tough enough that my finances are not where they should that I have NO financial support from my parents yet along support for the things in my life that matter. Yet if today I was to leave this world mother would weep for fear I was burning in hell for the "choices" I made. My step father because he knows he was not the parent to me he should have been. And Britt and Jay would cry because they lost a person they truly loved.
Who else and why, would anyone else cry for me. My friends in high school abandoned me at one of the worst times in my life. Jal'za decided not to be friends after 13years for reasons that she can't even put reason behind. People like me and say they like me but no one want to love me, why?
I am passed over in the date world for ass hole who break hearts. Betrayed by friends for people that are only merry weather friends. Most of family looks at me with jealousy, contempt, anger, I now say fuck them all. You think your loyal then fucking act it I am not giving of myself to anymore ass hole who don’t deserve my time or kindness.
I will get what I want out of life no matter whom I have to kill, cheat on, borrow from, and lie to or anything else. You all pissed me off you know who you are and I hate you.
There are times when we are just angry with the world. Every now and then when we are is such a state it is for good reasons. I for have had to suffer not just my adult life but even as a kid. Trying to gain attention from my parents and the love of my stepfather. I to this day cannot give you a valid reason as to why my family insist on not helping me even as half as much as they help my younger sister.
I am repeatedly lied to by my mother and given poor excuses from my step father as to why I am forced to live a live that I live. So I am a gay 22 year old who didn’t get to walk in my high school graduation. I have made many mistakes like having to repeat the 4th grad, doing so poorly in high school that I flunked out of St. Joe's prep, and then did not get to walk down the sale senior year because I had to go to summer school for math.
I had a temper that I unleashed on whom ever I felt deserved it, but when I went to counseling was told I was quite normal for any kid. I have suffered loosing a parent I so desperately wanted to be there for me. My father did my senior year of high school after suffering many years with the effect of brain surgery and diabetes. He did and because i was so angry I hadn't talked to him for 4 months and 4 days. He died probably missing me. He didn’t know I was angry with him but I know.
My mother makes excuses for every one that hurts me. My father step father my ex best friend and even my grandfather. Telling me t just let it go. I have had so much taken from me I am honestly at the point of giving up.
I never used substances to make me feel better I am a law abiding citizen yet the state of Pennsylvania looks at me as if I am a speed daemon. The more I look at my life as a whole the more I hate it and myself. I never hurt anyone, but those that are the closet think that it is ok for others to hurt me. Am I a door mat for the world. Why is it that someone that everyone says has a lot of potential and love has to suffer the way I do? The Christians say that is why Christ did so that people like myself don’t have to carry such a burden.
What do I have to do to get what I deserve. Men use me for sex, fake friends use me for rides and entertainment. I know only three people who have ever loved me the way a person should be loved Britteney Simmons , Brenda Sharpe, Jason Bailey and Lisa Bethea. They see me hurt and get angry, I cry it brakes their hearts. It is tough enough that my finances are not where they should that I have NO financial support from my parents yet along support for the things in my life that matter. Yet if today I was to leave this world mother would weep for fear I was burning in hell for the "choices" I made. My step father because he knows he was not the parent to me he should have been. And Britt and Jay would cry because they lost a person they truly loved.
Who else and why, would anyone else cry for me. My friends in high school abandoned me at one of the worst times in my life. Jal'za decided not to be friends after 13years for reasons that she can't even put reason behind. People like me and say they like me but no one want to love me, why?
I am passed over in the date world for ass hole who break hearts. Betrayed by friends for people that are only merry weather friends. Most of family looks at me with jealousy, contempt, anger, I now say fuck them all. You think your loyal then fucking act it I am not giving of myself to anymore ass hole who don’t deserve my time or kindness.
I will get what I want out of life no matter whom I have to kill, cheat on, borrow from, and lie to or anything else. You all pissed me off you know who you are and I hate you.
12 December 2008
Leading Men?
Every gay man has that group of men the consist of ex boyfriends, old potential boyfriends and friends that want more that friendship that have a certain place in their lives. These are the guys we call when friends are all busy, we need a quick roll in the hay, or we are broke and need a nice dinner or drinks while clubbing. We cannot conceder it using these guys because we suffer through bad stories, them asking us why not me, inappropriate touching and in many case they get sex with someone they think is totally hot.
For me I have a significant size group, Ramón, Dwaine, Alex, Mr. R, Andrew, Mr. K, Mark and of course Mr. M. All are men that I have talked about before some have even had their own blog and were the highlight of an evening. I have taken many serious, only to be disappointed and on more than one occasion, but not many had to deal with heartbreak. Yet I remain friendly because after all I have been through with some of them I continue to find uses that outweigh the pain they caused.
The roll of the leading man is never held by one man as you can clearly see. Interesting as it may be to those who are not in the life, it is standard for the rest of us. The leading man is never a boyfriend until the last act.
The entire time we spend in the scene is just a show, a play if you will of a scene after scene of night clubs, bar's, dates, hook ups, fights with family member and friends who don’t understand our lifestyle. The friends that we have stay the same from scene to scene, but it is a guy whom we only scene for a brief while that truly runs the show. He steps in and decides the next scene. Will be at a bar or club. At out fest or pride, will be a night under the cover or a romantic dinner? He is coached and encouraged but he ultimately decides and once he dose he plays his part and then gives the stage over to the next.
The dance goes on until the main character decides he has found the one, the one who ends the dance of changing scenes. Finally, the main character and the new leading man negotiate on each scene and setting. The play is finally over and gives way to a new play called the Relationship.
The play goes on and rarely dose it ever go big and continue to end with death, it usually ends with a return from the play we entitle the scene and all the while we notice that the men from before are playing the same parts, while the main character and his friends my look and many times think differently it is all in all the same and we continue to watch and learn how each gay life is connected proving ;
it's a world of laughter, a world or tears
its a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
there so much that we share
that its time we're aware
its a small world after all
CHORUS:
its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small, small world
There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world
For me I have a significant size group, Ramón, Dwaine, Alex, Mr. R, Andrew, Mr. K, Mark and of course Mr. M. All are men that I have talked about before some have even had their own blog and were the highlight of an evening. I have taken many serious, only to be disappointed and on more than one occasion, but not many had to deal with heartbreak. Yet I remain friendly because after all I have been through with some of them I continue to find uses that outweigh the pain they caused.
The roll of the leading man is never held by one man as you can clearly see. Interesting as it may be to those who are not in the life, it is standard for the rest of us. The leading man is never a boyfriend until the last act.
The entire time we spend in the scene is just a show, a play if you will of a scene after scene of night clubs, bar's, dates, hook ups, fights with family member and friends who don’t understand our lifestyle. The friends that we have stay the same from scene to scene, but it is a guy whom we only scene for a brief while that truly runs the show. He steps in and decides the next scene. Will be at a bar or club. At out fest or pride, will be a night under the cover or a romantic dinner? He is coached and encouraged but he ultimately decides and once he dose he plays his part and then gives the stage over to the next.
The dance goes on until the main character decides he has found the one, the one who ends the dance of changing scenes. Finally, the main character and the new leading man negotiate on each scene and setting. The play is finally over and gives way to a new play called the Relationship.
The play goes on and rarely dose it ever go big and continue to end with death, it usually ends with a return from the play we entitle the scene and all the while we notice that the men from before are playing the same parts, while the main character and his friends my look and many times think differently it is all in all the same and we continue to watch and learn how each gay life is connected proving ;
it's a world of laughter, a world or tears
its a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
there so much that we share
that its time we're aware
its a small world after all
CHORUS:
its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small, small world
There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world
11 December 2008
Friends?
Back in my high school and early college, days I wrote about how friends should only be temporary due to how I was pissed at all my friends in high school abandoning me. Sure, I left the school but I tried to keep in contact until they all with the exception of one just stopped answering their phone and would not respond to emails and changed their AIM screen names.
It was not that I was in denial about my sexuality; I was just raised in a family where we were taught that homosexuality was wrong so I felt that god would change me when he was ready. Needles to say prayers and fast later I embraced who I was and gained the courage to try and find the friends of mine who knew what I knew way back when.
To my surprise, no one still would get in touch with me. My group of friend that was known as Surf and turf had disbanded and their leader I was completely cut off. Neal Curly hurt the most as I had found out that it was thanks to me that he stayed at SJP. Christian Myers and I fell out big time as he decided to come out of the closet and tell everyone I was gay when I had not told anyone and while I had been dating women. Boima Blake was the only one who kept in touch but he had a way to piss me off like no one else so we went back and forth we would talk then months would go by without speaking. Francis Quatrone stayed in touch, but barley it was I who did all the work and after going to the Franz Ferdinand concert, I never saw or heard from him again.
I had an apartment and none of them responded to my house warming invites, and over time, I accepted the fact that I should just let go. That was until I entered the scene and bumped into Christian Myers several times and while dancing on a speaker box at Woody's he showed an interest. I eventually told him I had a crush back in high school and he told me he did too but that was as far as that went. Then I gained touch with someone I didn’t get along with so much in high school. Jimmie Dupree.
Jimmie Dupree and I both sensed the other was gay but never ousted the other, we tried being friends and it didn’t work it was like a seesaw until we just didn’t see each other anymore. That is until the gay scene called him too. And to my surprise, he was in it before I was and I was a year older and 21.
So Boima was sporadically in my life and Christian and Jimmie were in my gay life. But my best friend all through high school was not. So today, I hunted him down and from what I have found, he is still going to school in Chicago and may be living there. According to Christian, he is dating some guy as well.
I got an email address for him and sent him an email. I hope he responds it would be nice to have a connection in Chicago. And Now that Jal'za Wyche is out my life it would be nice to know that the people I feel are truly good friends would stay in my life. Because while friends can be disposable a best friend never should be.
It was not that I was in denial about my sexuality; I was just raised in a family where we were taught that homosexuality was wrong so I felt that god would change me when he was ready. Needles to say prayers and fast later I embraced who I was and gained the courage to try and find the friends of mine who knew what I knew way back when.
To my surprise, no one still would get in touch with me. My group of friend that was known as Surf and turf had disbanded and their leader I was completely cut off. Neal Curly hurt the most as I had found out that it was thanks to me that he stayed at SJP. Christian Myers and I fell out big time as he decided to come out of the closet and tell everyone I was gay when I had not told anyone and while I had been dating women. Boima Blake was the only one who kept in touch but he had a way to piss me off like no one else so we went back and forth we would talk then months would go by without speaking. Francis Quatrone stayed in touch, but barley it was I who did all the work and after going to the Franz Ferdinand concert, I never saw or heard from him again.
I had an apartment and none of them responded to my house warming invites, and over time, I accepted the fact that I should just let go. That was until I entered the scene and bumped into Christian Myers several times and while dancing on a speaker box at Woody's he showed an interest. I eventually told him I had a crush back in high school and he told me he did too but that was as far as that went. Then I gained touch with someone I didn’t get along with so much in high school. Jimmie Dupree.
Jimmie Dupree and I both sensed the other was gay but never ousted the other, we tried being friends and it didn’t work it was like a seesaw until we just didn’t see each other anymore. That is until the gay scene called him too. And to my surprise, he was in it before I was and I was a year older and 21.
So Boima was sporadically in my life and Christian and Jimmie were in my gay life. But my best friend all through high school was not. So today, I hunted him down and from what I have found, he is still going to school in Chicago and may be living there. According to Christian, he is dating some guy as well.
I got an email address for him and sent him an email. I hope he responds it would be nice to have a connection in Chicago. And Now that Jal'za Wyche is out my life it would be nice to know that the people I feel are truly good friends would stay in my life. Because while friends can be disposable a best friend never should be.
10 December 2008
I'm working in the rain.
Last Thursday I had started the day off with three interviews, but due to an issue with my mother's computer, I had to cancel my first. I went to my Second in Center City Philadelphia at borders. I was meeting a guy whose name I could not remember and as it turned out, I was not the only one. I was talking on the phone and the person who was sitting at my table for the past hours over herd and mentioned she was there for the same guy.
As if by some type of roach, magic people came out of nowhere and introduced themselves to us. Then the interviewer showed up. He was cute and not what I was expecting, He took the first guy then it was my turn. I enjoyed talking to him but not as much as he enjoyed talking to me. He made a point to ask jokingly if I checked the right box in regards to my criminal background, which took me off guard and made me think it was a trick question.
It was not he then began to tell me about how one guy lied and bla bla bla. He could not mention a topic without divulging information about himself, which he pointed out several times that he, had no idea why he was telling me such things. Then he pointed out a very important characteristic about myself, I was easy to talk to. Which are quite true people tend to feel a need to confide in me. I have never had an issue with friends with holding feeling and experiences. It is something that I use to feed my curiosity but never to hurt anyone and I guess that is why it keeps getting stronger.
I walked away knowing I had the job. I got back to Sharon Hill later than I had expected and had to call my second interview and let them know I would be late. I had been to this place twice before and each time I felt it was a waste of my time but I was assured they had different positions available, so I went and had yet another pointless interview.
While I was taking care of Josh, I got the call to confirm that I had been chosen for a position with the nonprofit. I was thrilled and accepted. My start date would be Wednesday.
So I started my new job and it was not glamorous in the least bit. I had to work outside pitching the company's mission and convincing people, that becoming financially involved would be worth their while. It’s a cause I believe in. I was promised a half day training and after an hour of filling out paper work and going over the company's profile I got to practice my pitch two time and was put on the corner. Needles to say I felt like a Virgin hooker.
It was an entire day of May I talk to you for a minute, only to have people retort, No it's raining. No, don’t have time. I'm on my way to work, on my lunch break. And the few times that I did get people to listen to my pitch they asked for the web address and continued on their way. Then the pressure from my pimp to put myself out there more, use my hands to draw people in, be louder and shit like that.
With the rain and several rejections, I just wanted to go home. When 6 o'clock came I was oh so happy and oh so soaked. One last thing to be showed and I left. To go home and begin the job search all over again.
As if by some type of roach, magic people came out of nowhere and introduced themselves to us. Then the interviewer showed up. He was cute and not what I was expecting, He took the first guy then it was my turn. I enjoyed talking to him but not as much as he enjoyed talking to me. He made a point to ask jokingly if I checked the right box in regards to my criminal background, which took me off guard and made me think it was a trick question.
It was not he then began to tell me about how one guy lied and bla bla bla. He could not mention a topic without divulging information about himself, which he pointed out several times that he, had no idea why he was telling me such things. Then he pointed out a very important characteristic about myself, I was easy to talk to. Which are quite true people tend to feel a need to confide in me. I have never had an issue with friends with holding feeling and experiences. It is something that I use to feed my curiosity but never to hurt anyone and I guess that is why it keeps getting stronger.
I walked away knowing I had the job. I got back to Sharon Hill later than I had expected and had to call my second interview and let them know I would be late. I had been to this place twice before and each time I felt it was a waste of my time but I was assured they had different positions available, so I went and had yet another pointless interview.
While I was taking care of Josh, I got the call to confirm that I had been chosen for a position with the nonprofit. I was thrilled and accepted. My start date would be Wednesday.
So I started my new job and it was not glamorous in the least bit. I had to work outside pitching the company's mission and convincing people, that becoming financially involved would be worth their while. It’s a cause I believe in. I was promised a half day training and after an hour of filling out paper work and going over the company's profile I got to practice my pitch two time and was put on the corner. Needles to say I felt like a Virgin hooker.
It was an entire day of May I talk to you for a minute, only to have people retort, No it's raining. No, don’t have time. I'm on my way to work, on my lunch break. And the few times that I did get people to listen to my pitch they asked for the web address and continued on their way. Then the pressure from my pimp to put myself out there more, use my hands to draw people in, be louder and shit like that.
With the rain and several rejections, I just wanted to go home. When 6 o'clock came I was oh so happy and oh so soaked. One last thing to be showed and I left. To go home and begin the job search all over again.
09 December 2008
Unicorn
In the gay world there are many times when the leading men change their looks and to their surprise a revert back leads to being put in high demand. Before my move to NYC I had cut my hair and started going with the natural curly look and to my surprise it was a look that many of my guys missed.
I have noticed that every time I take myself out of the scene, when I return I have different hair, not that I am saying I have been in it long but that is just how things have gone. I have also thought about my success rate when the online dating is factored in because it crosses and overlaps the nightlife, my success rate is far better than most.
I have found serious boyfriends, danced with many hot guys, been hit on by strippers, and received many invites home after a bar with guy who only wanted one thing. The secret to such a success is one thing. Live life like the unicorn.
The unicorn as we all know is the mystical creature who looks like a horse, has a horn that contains mystical powers, and can only be captured by one type of person , a virgin female. Now as I have my skills in bed they would have to be matched for any relationship to work. Despite my boy next door demeanor, and my kiss and don’t tell attitude, I have acquired some tricks and moves that make many a guy come back. And with the obvious reason of me being gay a female just won't work.
So I am a unicorn, I am unattainable except by the one guy who has all the qualities that I am looking for. Men love to chase what they can't have. That's why gold, platinum; silver, diamonds and mystical creatures are things men have obsessed over for many centuries. A woman will play hard to get in order to nab the man she desperately wants and many times, it works with great ease.
In the gay world with the right modifications, it works even better. Most single gay men and even some in relationships want what all men want, to be one of the few to have actually been with the local unicorn. Some will brag and others will smile with pride when they see all the losers rejected while they know that had a crack at the hottest guy in the club.
The funny thing about being the hottest guy at the club is that it's always changing. The mood shifts, some popular queen gets jealous, the crowd will simply change and just like that your just another pretty face until the scene changes or you adjust to the crowd and someone who is a crowd pleaser points you out.
Everyone wants to be a crowd pleaser and the crowd pleaser's friend. That is why Jason and I as best friends work so well together. Two funnie men who don’t always want to be the center of attention but can't help finding themselves there and knows how to get to the center and stay there for as long as they like. It’s a balance of power and we take turns holding center stage. In the club scene however Jason can hold his usual spot on the dance floor I can take the bar and when I get in the mood and the freak comes out all eyes are one of two spots on the dance floor.
Yeah we give the ring over to others for a brief while to show that we are not attention whores but we regain it. Its is sometimes hard living life and being the center of our social crowd but we were elected to the position. It also enhances life as a unicorn.
When it comes down to it the modern unicorn is always seen , and herd. There are stories false and true about the unicorn's abilities. Speculations are formed about how one will hold up in the bedroom. All in all a task that every unicorn must master is, remaining in the limelight but always leave them wanting more. A unicorn never gives it all away, the one thing the crowd wants most is reserved for that one special someone.
I have noticed that every time I take myself out of the scene, when I return I have different hair, not that I am saying I have been in it long but that is just how things have gone. I have also thought about my success rate when the online dating is factored in because it crosses and overlaps the nightlife, my success rate is far better than most.
I have found serious boyfriends, danced with many hot guys, been hit on by strippers, and received many invites home after a bar with guy who only wanted one thing. The secret to such a success is one thing. Live life like the unicorn.
The unicorn as we all know is the mystical creature who looks like a horse, has a horn that contains mystical powers, and can only be captured by one type of person , a virgin female. Now as I have my skills in bed they would have to be matched for any relationship to work. Despite my boy next door demeanor, and my kiss and don’t tell attitude, I have acquired some tricks and moves that make many a guy come back. And with the obvious reason of me being gay a female just won't work.
So I am a unicorn, I am unattainable except by the one guy who has all the qualities that I am looking for. Men love to chase what they can't have. That's why gold, platinum; silver, diamonds and mystical creatures are things men have obsessed over for many centuries. A woman will play hard to get in order to nab the man she desperately wants and many times, it works with great ease.
In the gay world with the right modifications, it works even better. Most single gay men and even some in relationships want what all men want, to be one of the few to have actually been with the local unicorn. Some will brag and others will smile with pride when they see all the losers rejected while they know that had a crack at the hottest guy in the club.
The funny thing about being the hottest guy at the club is that it's always changing. The mood shifts, some popular queen gets jealous, the crowd will simply change and just like that your just another pretty face until the scene changes or you adjust to the crowd and someone who is a crowd pleaser points you out.
Everyone wants to be a crowd pleaser and the crowd pleaser's friend. That is why Jason and I as best friends work so well together. Two funnie men who don’t always want to be the center of attention but can't help finding themselves there and knows how to get to the center and stay there for as long as they like. It’s a balance of power and we take turns holding center stage. In the club scene however Jason can hold his usual spot on the dance floor I can take the bar and when I get in the mood and the freak comes out all eyes are one of two spots on the dance floor.
Yeah we give the ring over to others for a brief while to show that we are not attention whores but we regain it. Its is sometimes hard living life and being the center of our social crowd but we were elected to the position. It also enhances life as a unicorn.
When it comes down to it the modern unicorn is always seen , and herd. There are stories false and true about the unicorn's abilities. Speculations are formed about how one will hold up in the bedroom. All in all a task that every unicorn must master is, remaining in the limelight but always leave them wanting more. A unicorn never gives it all away, the one thing the crowd wants most is reserved for that one special someone.
07 December 2008
The rest of last week.
I spent the next few days contemplating what happened to me. Why did I let Kevin have his way knowing no good could come of it? Did I really want to date Ramón? I needed someone to get nonobjective advice.
I woke up and called my aunt my grandmother picked up the phone and my aunt was asleep and I told her I would see her tomorrow after she got back from shopping. Still hung over I went back to sleep. My mother had been out most of the day with my stepfather so she barely noticed I slept the day away.
When I woke for good, it was dark out. I got on the comp and looked for a job. My sister asked if I could take her over her best friend's house. She was home for one more night before she had to go back to school I agreed. Then midnight came and there had been no request and I was tiered. 10 min later she asked for that I ride and I was all like I'm tired and she was all like hold on. Then she came back and was like her mom is going to pick me up so I was like ok just let mommy know. She was all ok. Knock, knock on my mother's bed room door and the only response was heavy breathing. So she came back and said I'll just send her a text and asked that I make sure she knew. I was like ok and she gave me a kiss and left. So I went to bed.
I heard when the text got to my mom's phone and still just heavy breathing.
I awoke late the next day only so my mother would not ask me to church. Its one of those black homophobic ones you know. But to my surprise at noon she was still home. I went down to see what was going on and she was baking a cake. Around one she told me that my aunt was having my cousin's 1st birthday party. I like always found out last minute. I got dressed and waited for my mother who told me last minute that she was not coming straight home. She had a pick and black number and looked very nice so she had to go show off to the new man in her life.
So I drove and made plane to go see my aunt and grandmother after this boring party. I arrived to find that my sister and I were the only cousins their and the guest of honor was giving an encore of thanksgiving. The little brat was losing cool points by the second. Lauren put on a movie but would not stop talking. Then she changed it once I was into it and still kept talking. I smiled and nodded she hadn't seen me in awhile and it was not stupid rambling it was intelligent thought about the movie and a little of the craziness that you can tell she picked up from her mother.
The food was good but everyone insisted holding out for my other aunt who I knew was not going to show. You can tell how cool someone is by the amount of friends who show up at their party. Lets just say this little noise maker had no one. Only half the people from thanksgiving dinner showed. I guess to give the little urchin the benefit of the doubt it was a last minute party.
My aunt never showed and we all had better things to do, so we sang happy birthday and eate cake and then I could not get out fast enough. I did get one good laugh though. He had walked right into the dish washer and fell backward while holding his bottle he looked drunk.
I got to my grandmother's and caught them up on my entire life. I then caught my aunt up on my love life over dinner. It had been a long while and I could not stop talking. I was there for 4 hours and I did almost all the talking. She was happy to see me and the work my grandmother had done to the house looked great.
I got home and called Jason, who wanted to go to get ice-cream after I turned him down for meeting up with Zach at a restaurant. We went to Wawa got ice cream then went back to his and watched Britany Spears for the record. How gay, right.
I sent Jazz an email telling her what was going on and that I would either come to NYC on the 2nd or 3rd. and went to bed.
The rest of the week was just mailing letters to debtors, traffic courts, old schools, keeping everyone barest of what was going one with my car job and to those interested my love life.
I had taken Jason to his Main Line Model appointment and got a lead out of it as well. There was trip to the mall and a stop to his friend and then I was home.
On Wednesday afternoon I finished my catch up blogs, my layout edits, and all I had left was finding a job.
I went to NYC to finalize things with Jazz and she refused to end things civilized.
I came back home set up several interviews and on Thursday after having two interviews I was mad a job offer. And Friday night, well I will tell you about that tomorrow.
I woke up and called my aunt my grandmother picked up the phone and my aunt was asleep and I told her I would see her tomorrow after she got back from shopping. Still hung over I went back to sleep. My mother had been out most of the day with my stepfather so she barely noticed I slept the day away.
When I woke for good, it was dark out. I got on the comp and looked for a job. My sister asked if I could take her over her best friend's house. She was home for one more night before she had to go back to school I agreed. Then midnight came and there had been no request and I was tiered. 10 min later she asked for that I ride and I was all like I'm tired and she was all like hold on. Then she came back and was like her mom is going to pick me up so I was like ok just let mommy know. She was all ok. Knock, knock on my mother's bed room door and the only response was heavy breathing. So she came back and said I'll just send her a text and asked that I make sure she knew. I was like ok and she gave me a kiss and left. So I went to bed.
I heard when the text got to my mom's phone and still just heavy breathing.
I awoke late the next day only so my mother would not ask me to church. Its one of those black homophobic ones you know. But to my surprise at noon she was still home. I went down to see what was going on and she was baking a cake. Around one she told me that my aunt was having my cousin's 1st birthday party. I like always found out last minute. I got dressed and waited for my mother who told me last minute that she was not coming straight home. She had a pick and black number and looked very nice so she had to go show off to the new man in her life.
So I drove and made plane to go see my aunt and grandmother after this boring party. I arrived to find that my sister and I were the only cousins their and the guest of honor was giving an encore of thanksgiving. The little brat was losing cool points by the second. Lauren put on a movie but would not stop talking. Then she changed it once I was into it and still kept talking. I smiled and nodded she hadn't seen me in awhile and it was not stupid rambling it was intelligent thought about the movie and a little of the craziness that you can tell she picked up from her mother.
The food was good but everyone insisted holding out for my other aunt who I knew was not going to show. You can tell how cool someone is by the amount of friends who show up at their party. Lets just say this little noise maker had no one. Only half the people from thanksgiving dinner showed. I guess to give the little urchin the benefit of the doubt it was a last minute party.
My aunt never showed and we all had better things to do, so we sang happy birthday and eate cake and then I could not get out fast enough. I did get one good laugh though. He had walked right into the dish washer and fell backward while holding his bottle he looked drunk.
I got to my grandmother's and caught them up on my entire life. I then caught my aunt up on my love life over dinner. It had been a long while and I could not stop talking. I was there for 4 hours and I did almost all the talking. She was happy to see me and the work my grandmother had done to the house looked great.
I got home and called Jason, who wanted to go to get ice-cream after I turned him down for meeting up with Zach at a restaurant. We went to Wawa got ice cream then went back to his and watched Britany Spears for the record. How gay, right.
I sent Jazz an email telling her what was going on and that I would either come to NYC on the 2nd or 3rd. and went to bed.
The rest of the week was just mailing letters to debtors, traffic courts, old schools, keeping everyone barest of what was going one with my car job and to those interested my love life.
I had taken Jason to his Main Line Model appointment and got a lead out of it as well. There was trip to the mall and a stop to his friend and then I was home.
On Wednesday afternoon I finished my catch up blogs, my layout edits, and all I had left was finding a job.
I went to NYC to finalize things with Jazz and she refused to end things civilized.
I came back home set up several interviews and on Thursday after having two interviews I was mad a job offer. And Friday night, well I will tell you about that tomorrow.
05 December 2008
An ever-growing Party
Jason was in a herb kind of mood and after calling two trusted suppliers and getting no decent response; he called the one person we all can count on for such things. Peter is a true pothead through and through. I had a crush on him for some demented reason and things would have worked had it not been for obsession with marry J.
We got to Pet's house and Jason pointed out the house number while we waited for the door to be answered, 420, how appropriate. It was so perfect that to this day I think Pet's dad changed it on purpose.
Inside there was a party going on and a game of beer pong was under way and way to extended. To our surprise, we found a friend of Kevin's. You will have to stay tuned for the summer gap to get all the juicy details.
I met Mike at Kevin's AKA K birthday party over the summer. Mike had played the lead in "Bye, Bye Birdie." I saw him looking at us when we came in the door but could barely see him when he stood up Jason recognized him immediately. We hugged and started catching up. We had the whole how do you know so and so where you going what you doing later. And that's how two more people were on their way to Kevin's house for Jen's 21st birthday.
I had a beer then had Mike give Zack directions to Kevin's house I was all turned around after going to Pete's and I hadn't been since early august. So much confusing directions were discussed while I drank a beer and enjoyed how for once I was not the one driving.
A few turns her and few turns her and one u-turn later we were at Kevin's I was not sure how he was going to take to me just showing up after all I knew about the party but he did not extend an invitation. I was quite surprised to find people thrilled to see me. It was all, hey where have you been and what have you been up to's. I was MIA for quite some time.
I noticed that Zack, Jen's boyfriend was not present but felt It would be a bad idea to ask where he was. I made a drink and sat next to Tia. I leaned over and told her I saw the host naked and that he was thinner then. Once I felt my drink hit I said there we go and joined in on the electric slide. My tooth hurt so bad I could not really eat so I just drank. That was until I went outside and had a cigarette with everyone else. I even herd Kevin the guy who doesn't smoke smoked on to relax.
In the middle of talking to someone about Mac and cheese and after I had invited her over my house to have some Kevin grabs my hand and takes me up stairs. I though oh god what did I say or do. To my surprise, I was on my back and his lips were attached to mine. I was shocked and during short breaks, he told me he would stop if I wanted him to. That he was not trying to take advantage, that I really turned him one and all that shit guys who want to fuck you but still come off as gentlemen say.
I asked where I was and he said Mar and Lar's room, His parents' bedroom. It was a scene from so many movies. I had official seen every room in this house but two. Before I knew it, my saying I think we should stop turned into us getting naked. Like responsible people, the question of aids test came up but there was no way he was fucking me. One he was not my boyfriend and two we had no condom. So it was naked grinding and jerking off on his parent's bathroom floor. We got dressed to the sounds of people screaming, what you are doing, not in mar and Lair's room. Fire, we decided to tell everyone we just made out. I felt like a slut. The party went on and we stayed at opposite ends until it was time to go when he gave me a hug and said we still had to meet for drinks in the city.
It would appear that the guys I always want claim they don’t want to date and just fuck around which was a big change for Kevin considering what happened over the summer.
We got to Jason's and I got in my car and drove home. Got in bed and went to sleep knowing the next day would bring a hangover.
We got to Pet's house and Jason pointed out the house number while we waited for the door to be answered, 420, how appropriate. It was so perfect that to this day I think Pet's dad changed it on purpose.
Inside there was a party going on and a game of beer pong was under way and way to extended. To our surprise, we found a friend of Kevin's. You will have to stay tuned for the summer gap to get all the juicy details.
I met Mike at Kevin's AKA K birthday party over the summer. Mike had played the lead in "Bye, Bye Birdie." I saw him looking at us when we came in the door but could barely see him when he stood up Jason recognized him immediately. We hugged and started catching up. We had the whole how do you know so and so where you going what you doing later. And that's how two more people were on their way to Kevin's house for Jen's 21st birthday.
I had a beer then had Mike give Zack directions to Kevin's house I was all turned around after going to Pete's and I hadn't been since early august. So much confusing directions were discussed while I drank a beer and enjoyed how for once I was not the one driving.
A few turns her and few turns her and one u-turn later we were at Kevin's I was not sure how he was going to take to me just showing up after all I knew about the party but he did not extend an invitation. I was quite surprised to find people thrilled to see me. It was all, hey where have you been and what have you been up to's. I was MIA for quite some time.
I noticed that Zack, Jen's boyfriend was not present but felt It would be a bad idea to ask where he was. I made a drink and sat next to Tia. I leaned over and told her I saw the host naked and that he was thinner then. Once I felt my drink hit I said there we go and joined in on the electric slide. My tooth hurt so bad I could not really eat so I just drank. That was until I went outside and had a cigarette with everyone else. I even herd Kevin the guy who doesn't smoke smoked on to relax.
In the middle of talking to someone about Mac and cheese and after I had invited her over my house to have some Kevin grabs my hand and takes me up stairs. I though oh god what did I say or do. To my surprise, I was on my back and his lips were attached to mine. I was shocked and during short breaks, he told me he would stop if I wanted him to. That he was not trying to take advantage, that I really turned him one and all that shit guys who want to fuck you but still come off as gentlemen say.
I asked where I was and he said Mar and Lar's room, His parents' bedroom. It was a scene from so many movies. I had official seen every room in this house but two. Before I knew it, my saying I think we should stop turned into us getting naked. Like responsible people, the question of aids test came up but there was no way he was fucking me. One he was not my boyfriend and two we had no condom. So it was naked grinding and jerking off on his parent's bathroom floor. We got dressed to the sounds of people screaming, what you are doing, not in mar and Lair's room. Fire, we decided to tell everyone we just made out. I felt like a slut. The party went on and we stayed at opposite ends until it was time to go when he gave me a hug and said we still had to meet for drinks in the city.
It would appear that the guys I always want claim they don’t want to date and just fuck around which was a big change for Kevin considering what happened over the summer.
We got to Jason's and I got in my car and drove home. Got in bed and went to sleep knowing the next day would bring a hangover.
03 December 2008
Happy Friday
Friday I was home alone. My mother went to my step Dad's to get her car fixed and my sister had spent the night at my aunts. I got up and went to pick up my sister, buy her several phone calls and text made it clear that she was ready to leave. I promised I would drive her to the mall so she could pick up long-sleeved shirts. West Philly left us time wise equally between the best malls to do such shopping.
To KOP we went. I think josh was off as I walked passed and looked for him and no where to be seen. We went to all the stores she thought would have shirts she liked and I called VZW to see what had to be done to get my phone back one. One argument with my Cell provider and 4 stores and we were on our way back home.
The rest of the day was spent doing much of nothing online, that is until I got a call from Jason. He asked if I wanted to go with him to a Birthday party at Kevin's. it was our friend Jen's 21st and I had completely forgot that Kevin and I had talked about it. As far as Kevin knew, I had to work back in NYC and he was unaware that I moved home. So I agreed and got ready, mother gave her slight disapproval of me hanging out every night, gas wearer and tear on car and what not. Little did she know the only night I drove was the night before thanksgiving. So I met Zach at Jason's told him why i moved back home and we went to pick Jayson up from Olive garden.
I was summoned in to see all the people that were there I knew and jokes, hugs, and insults later we left for Kevin's house.
To KOP we went. I think josh was off as I walked passed and looked for him and no where to be seen. We went to all the stores she thought would have shirts she liked and I called VZW to see what had to be done to get my phone back one. One argument with my Cell provider and 4 stores and we were on our way back home.
The rest of the day was spent doing much of nothing online, that is until I got a call from Jason. He asked if I wanted to go with him to a Birthday party at Kevin's. it was our friend Jen's 21st and I had completely forgot that Kevin and I had talked about it. As far as Kevin knew, I had to work back in NYC and he was unaware that I moved home. So I agreed and got ready, mother gave her slight disapproval of me hanging out every night, gas wearer and tear on car and what not. Little did she know the only night I drove was the night before thanksgiving. So I met Zach at Jason's told him why i moved back home and we went to pick Jayson up from Olive garden.
I was summoned in to see all the people that were there I knew and jokes, hugs, and insults later we left for Kevin's house.
02 December 2008
OMG Thanksgiving
For the first time ever my mother needed hardly any help with preparing the house for guest. I had no hang over and only slept until about noon. I figured I would call Ramón tomorrow as I saw him this morning and today was a holiday.
I just spent the day being a big brother to the world's greatest younger sister. Joking and all the cool stuff siblings that are close as the two of us are do. We both have always hated the doorbell. It's this obnoxious old church bell clock-chiming thing. So Britt suggested putting a sign on the door-saying knock. So we meaning me did. The first had to be my grandmother and that was the end of that.
My mother had asked that I be in charge of activities so I got apples to apples and candy land. My family is even to boring for those. I never played apples to apples and didn't have a little fun. Thank god for my favorite cousins Tiffany and Lauren,. Lauren tried her hardest to keep up but she was at a disadvantage. She is only 8 and Tiffany the next youngest is 19.
The food was good and there was no big dinner is done or a prayer of thanks just a bunch of prissy boring black people digging in to dishes off food and sitting where ever to eat. I must admit I looked amazing in my checker outfit. And to the family's surprise my jacket matched.
My non stop crying baby cousin did just that, cry, and my adopted cousin continued to show why kids with add should just be eradicated at birth. Crystal the supper model for ghetto monthly was loud and obnoxious like always. And the rest leave me with material to boring to even mention them, except for uncle john who I am planning a house warming for.
My mother did all the cooking and had time to spend with the family she worked hard and would have been the life of the party had she not been cooking since 3am.
After my family left, I went over Jason's and played, blurt with all his family who were all mostly cousins and second cousins. I had so much I cannot honestly tell you who won. The wine was good and so was the company. I then went with Tia, Jason and Sam, to Sam's place and we watched to boondocks, two of the four of us was high. I thought I was going to get a contact but nothing. My damn toothache sent me home at about midnight. Some thanks giving been home for two days and yet to have gotten drunk.
I just spent the day being a big brother to the world's greatest younger sister. Joking and all the cool stuff siblings that are close as the two of us are do. We both have always hated the doorbell. It's this obnoxious old church bell clock-chiming thing. So Britt suggested putting a sign on the door-saying knock. So we meaning me did. The first had to be my grandmother and that was the end of that.
My mother had asked that I be in charge of activities so I got apples to apples and candy land. My family is even to boring for those. I never played apples to apples and didn't have a little fun. Thank god for my favorite cousins Tiffany and Lauren,. Lauren tried her hardest to keep up but she was at a disadvantage. She is only 8 and Tiffany the next youngest is 19.
The food was good and there was no big dinner is done or a prayer of thanks just a bunch of prissy boring black people digging in to dishes off food and sitting where ever to eat. I must admit I looked amazing in my checker outfit. And to the family's surprise my jacket matched.
My non stop crying baby cousin did just that, cry, and my adopted cousin continued to show why kids with add should just be eradicated at birth. Crystal the supper model for ghetto monthly was loud and obnoxious like always. And the rest leave me with material to boring to even mention them, except for uncle john who I am planning a house warming for.
My mother did all the cooking and had time to spend with the family she worked hard and would have been the life of the party had she not been cooking since 3am.
After my family left, I went over Jason's and played, blurt with all his family who were all mostly cousins and second cousins. I had so much I cannot honestly tell you who won. The wine was good and so was the company. I then went with Tia, Jason and Sam, to Sam's place and we watched to boondocks, two of the four of us was high. I thought I was going to get a contact but nothing. My damn toothache sent me home at about midnight. Some thanks giving been home for two days and yet to have gotten drunk.
R is for Ramón
I dropped Liz and Jason and Jason's house. On the way she puked thank god she remembered to open the door, and she attacked the decal of Whinny the Pooh on my windshield. She was to drunk so she was going to sleep it off before driving herself home.
I called Ramón to tell him I was on my way. He gave me directions but I was tired I past his house twice. He had moved back home after his father died. So I had never been to this House although it was closer.
I finally made it and he made fun of me for passing him and his dog. Dog, hmmm, I don’t date guys with dogs. I had tried once but we never made it to a date and all the other just did things with them that creped me out.
I was willing to look past it, come to think of it there were lots of things I was going to have to look past in order to date him. We talked and concluded I was to keep him awake. And before I knew it my glass of orange juice was on the TV and I was on my back. We were going at it pretty strong to the point I agreed to lose the clothing. And for the first time I felt and saw his penis completely uncovered and knew what all the fuss was about.
It was huge the kind guys like me normally work up to. Before we even started, making out we agreed not to have sex but I was so turned on that jerking each other off was not out the question. And a quick double hand job and clean up I was out and he was next to me fast asleep. I remember an alarm clock going off and I think I am responsible for it being turned off, but I won't tell him that.
Ramón popped up and yelled at me for not keeping him up. He always had this tone where I could not tell if he was joking or serious. Hje was supposed to go running and he had put on a little bit of weight so this run was important if we were to honestly give this a shot. He ran downstairs and I was behind him and to my surprise I found an older slightly frail woman standing in a night gown. The dog was ever so happy to see her. I had to quickly remember that Ramón was adopted and that this was our first time meeting. Thank god, I look decent when I wake up even after a night of clubbing and drinking. Ramón introduced me as "you remember my friend Victor." We never met before but we both played along.
Some way to start your Thanksgiving.
I called Ramón to tell him I was on my way. He gave me directions but I was tired I past his house twice. He had moved back home after his father died. So I had never been to this House although it was closer.
I finally made it and he made fun of me for passing him and his dog. Dog, hmmm, I don’t date guys with dogs. I had tried once but we never made it to a date and all the other just did things with them that creped me out.
I was willing to look past it, come to think of it there were lots of things I was going to have to look past in order to date him. We talked and concluded I was to keep him awake. And before I knew it my glass of orange juice was on the TV and I was on my back. We were going at it pretty strong to the point I agreed to lose the clothing. And for the first time I felt and saw his penis completely uncovered and knew what all the fuss was about.
It was huge the kind guys like me normally work up to. Before we even started, making out we agreed not to have sex but I was so turned on that jerking each other off was not out the question. And a quick double hand job and clean up I was out and he was next to me fast asleep. I remember an alarm clock going off and I think I am responsible for it being turned off, but I won't tell him that.
Ramón popped up and yelled at me for not keeping him up. He always had this tone where I could not tell if he was joking or serious. Hje was supposed to go running and he had put on a little bit of weight so this run was important if we were to honestly give this a shot. He ran downstairs and I was behind him and to my surprise I found an older slightly frail woman standing in a night gown. The dog was ever so happy to see her. I had to quickly remember that Ramón was adopted and that this was our first time meeting. Thank god, I look decent when I wake up even after a night of clubbing and drinking. Ramón introduced me as "you remember my friend Victor." We never met before but we both played along.
Some way to start your Thanksgiving.
01 December 2008
The Pink Pub Crawl
Jason told me to get to his place at 8:00 so we would arrive at 8:45 as the crawl started at 9:00. I was 15 min late and he in true Jay Fashion was still not ready. We even had to wait on our friend Liz. Once she arrived and we hurried Jason some we went to pick up Tia and her friend.
Then we had to go pick up pot for two out of the five people going it set us back so far that we for went the first bar in the crawl.
The hood was alive and strong Tavern on Camac was the second stop on the crawl and the first for us. I had been once before and loved it but could never convince my friends to go instead of Woody's. as it was a pink pub crawl Tavern or TPC as it is called played every pink dance mix it possibly could.
Having to wait a half hour we made the best of it that we could, watching the drunk queen spin around the dance floor, our friend Tia dance with the mirror and I listened to Liz tell sort of funny stories, and laughed appropriately.
When the bar began to get crowded, we went to look for the guy with tickets so we could start drinking. no luck upstairs to get a drink I went down stairs and for the first time in my life I had to wait to get back into a place. My kamikaze was offal to much lime. I finally got back to the dance floor and found my friends the music was changing and it was approaching the hour where we move on. The next stop was Bump a place that has great significance it would seem every guy that I was in a serious relationship no matter how short has bought me a drink from this place and the time we have always sets the tone of the relationship.
I was not feeling the kamikaze at all. So I ordered another I always feel the second. Bump was bumping its only flaw was lack of a dance floor. The orange bar that normally glows bright was almost completely bock by all the body ordering drinks. The thing I always hated about bump was the bartenders attitudes. I guess because bump is the one place every gay guy has been to and promises to go again they just feel no need to be polite, or it could be because its normally a last stop before pure or home and everyone is pinching money when it comes to tips.
We found a table and did what everyone in bump dose, we caught up with each other while bumping into our friends. First it was Jeff, Ramon's roommate that I once had crush one. I was feeling loose and everyone noticed apparently. It was like no matter what I did tonight people kept staring. Their was one guy across the bar that Tia agreed was charming in appearance. I would have gone over if I were closer and not blocked by bags and cotes. I kept staring and he kept staring back. And when Jason made me where his hat I must have looked even better because everyone took a look. It always happens when you don’t care how you look and you are not putting yourself out there that the would assumes you are.
Soon Ramón showed up and we caught up. Ramon and I had tried to date but his reputation as some one who has really slept around, and the fact he continued to sleep with my best friend stopped us. After the last attempt to date failed once again and we decided to be friends he went after the guy I was clearly talking to for a month, I was done and hadn't talked to him since.
This was the first I saw of him since then and all those old feelings came back so strong that I forgave him for wasting my time and allowed him to buy me a drink. Well I almost forgave him, after he returned with the drinks he turned to talk to his friend and we jokingly egged a drunk and apparently bisexual Liz to drink his drink. She did with very little hesitation. To my surprise when he turned to find his drink empty and got upset I felt no remorse.
Ramón and I spent the time catching up and getting to know each other all over again, it had been quite some time since we last talked. Everyone else went to Woody's and we went to 12th air to grab another drink, Ramón thought Long islands were on special but it turned out it was Cosmos. It was while talking to him that I realized Mr. M was never supposed to be the person I made him out to be in my head. I began thinking if Ramón was supposed to be. I always had feelings for the guy and he apparently had them for me.
After making plans to go on a real date on the 3rd of December and moving to the other bar and ordering yet another drink I bumped into Jimmy Dupree. Picture a younger and much sexier Anthony Marantino I mean for the first time I saw and thought sexy instead of silly little fag. He was angry about something but would not tell me. We chatted a little introduced the guys we were with as just friends and began catching up a little. I also sang a little Karaoke.
The time came to leave and I walked Ramón to his car which was on the way to a very drunk Jason and Liz. I found Jason and the first thing out his mouth was, "Victor I'm done." For the first time that I ever hung out with Jason he was far more drunk than I.
We found Tia and Sam and I drove everyone home. But my night was not over I still had a private after party with MR. R.
Then we had to go pick up pot for two out of the five people going it set us back so far that we for went the first bar in the crawl.
The hood was alive and strong Tavern on Camac was the second stop on the crawl and the first for us. I had been once before and loved it but could never convince my friends to go instead of Woody's. as it was a pink pub crawl Tavern or TPC as it is called played every pink dance mix it possibly could.
Having to wait a half hour we made the best of it that we could, watching the drunk queen spin around the dance floor, our friend Tia dance with the mirror and I listened to Liz tell sort of funny stories, and laughed appropriately.
When the bar began to get crowded, we went to look for the guy with tickets so we could start drinking. no luck upstairs to get a drink I went down stairs and for the first time in my life I had to wait to get back into a place. My kamikaze was offal to much lime. I finally got back to the dance floor and found my friends the music was changing and it was approaching the hour where we move on. The next stop was Bump a place that has great significance it would seem every guy that I was in a serious relationship no matter how short has bought me a drink from this place and the time we have always sets the tone of the relationship.
I was not feeling the kamikaze at all. So I ordered another I always feel the second. Bump was bumping its only flaw was lack of a dance floor. The orange bar that normally glows bright was almost completely bock by all the body ordering drinks. The thing I always hated about bump was the bartenders attitudes. I guess because bump is the one place every gay guy has been to and promises to go again they just feel no need to be polite, or it could be because its normally a last stop before pure or home and everyone is pinching money when it comes to tips.
We found a table and did what everyone in bump dose, we caught up with each other while bumping into our friends. First it was Jeff, Ramon's roommate that I once had crush one. I was feeling loose and everyone noticed apparently. It was like no matter what I did tonight people kept staring. Their was one guy across the bar that Tia agreed was charming in appearance. I would have gone over if I were closer and not blocked by bags and cotes. I kept staring and he kept staring back. And when Jason made me where his hat I must have looked even better because everyone took a look. It always happens when you don’t care how you look and you are not putting yourself out there that the would assumes you are.
Soon Ramón showed up and we caught up. Ramon and I had tried to date but his reputation as some one who has really slept around, and the fact he continued to sleep with my best friend stopped us. After the last attempt to date failed once again and we decided to be friends he went after the guy I was clearly talking to for a month, I was done and hadn't talked to him since.
This was the first I saw of him since then and all those old feelings came back so strong that I forgave him for wasting my time and allowed him to buy me a drink. Well I almost forgave him, after he returned with the drinks he turned to talk to his friend and we jokingly egged a drunk and apparently bisexual Liz to drink his drink. She did with very little hesitation. To my surprise when he turned to find his drink empty and got upset I felt no remorse.
Ramón and I spent the time catching up and getting to know each other all over again, it had been quite some time since we last talked. Everyone else went to Woody's and we went to 12th air to grab another drink, Ramón thought Long islands were on special but it turned out it was Cosmos. It was while talking to him that I realized Mr. M was never supposed to be the person I made him out to be in my head. I began thinking if Ramón was supposed to be. I always had feelings for the guy and he apparently had them for me.
After making plans to go on a real date on the 3rd of December and moving to the other bar and ordering yet another drink I bumped into Jimmy Dupree. Picture a younger and much sexier Anthony Marantino I mean for the first time I saw and thought sexy instead of silly little fag. He was angry about something but would not tell me. We chatted a little introduced the guys we were with as just friends and began catching up a little. I also sang a little Karaoke.
The time came to leave and I walked Ramón to his car which was on the way to a very drunk Jason and Liz. I found Jason and the first thing out his mouth was, "Victor I'm done." For the first time that I ever hung out with Jason he was far more drunk than I.
We found Tia and Sam and I drove everyone home. But my night was not over I still had a private after party with MR. R.
29 November 2008
One Day Back
The first lace I went to was good ole Jason's. To my surprise, he had company. I had already found out that he and Clinton we no more while I was in New York. The reason he still will not tell me. So he was surprised that I made it home so soon, after a little chatting in true Jason form he sent me a text, politely kicking me out so he could finish what he started with John.
I got to my mother's house and found that the chain was on the door so I had no choice but to ring the ball and wake her. She came down and gave me a little speech about how I need to decide what I should do with my life and have a plan before I move again.
I grabbed some water and then went to sleep on the couch, only to be awakened around some ungodly hour by my mother who wanted to talk now that she was awake and about to start getting ready for work. It was all pleasant about her night and the little bit of things she had for gotten to tell me about her and her friends since the last time we talked. She had to have told me she was happy I was backing home a dozen times.
She then woke me again as she was leaving to ask me to run some errand to which I had no problem agreeing. I then got a call from Jason asking to go to KOP mall we agreed on 12 noon. When I got another call from my mother with a change in errands I woke up got showered and dressed in a quite depressing outfit and picked up Jason.
It was quit shocking seeing him with money buying clothes and paying for lunch and then giving me 230 so I could go with him to the pub-crawl in the gayborhood. I then got a text from Josh that he and Joe were on their way to the mall. It took me for a moment. Didn't Joe dump josh? I was to taken back to send a text asking about that can of worms.
Armani Exchange was having a sale and Jason was beside himself. I would have been too as the sale was unbelievable and the clothes were my style. After lunch, I felt better and realized how offal I looked, I really looked like I lost my best friend, and for the first time in my life, I had. I took Jason back to game stop to meet MR. M; I warned him that his looks were not all that and that he was going to see what I saw in him.
We arrived and I walked up and said hi and he gave me the same look he always does when I stop in the store. Jason began to laugh as we waited for the store to calm down and just when Jay was going to leave josh got free. I introduced the two and that was that I never had a chance to tell him jazz and I were done and that I was back for good. Jason and I just went to get his brothers tea.
It was quite a take trying t find what tea his brother wanted. It was an even bigger task of trying to get the tea home. For some strange reason Sean, Jason's brother wanted a certain tea and he wanted it made with hot water. So Jason had to carry around this cup of hot tea from store to store along with his bags. I never Sean some one curse a cup of teas so much. Needles to say the tea had the last laugh; when Jason got home, he found that the tea spilt on his new shirt that he bought for the pub-crawl.
We left and stopped by the grave of Jason's grandparents. It was on the way home. Then while I was on my way back to Delaware count I got a call from my mother-asking if I got her smoked turkey parts. I explained to her that I was on my way to the market to get them. Oddly enough, it was not a lie. She was unhappy with that response she also wanted berries from produce junction, which was now closed, and that part she explained as unimportant when talked on the phone the first time. One liquor store, and four markets later I was home and getting ready for the pub-crawl. I told my sister that I would take her to the mall Friday.
I ate dinner found an outfit that would go with the pink shirt I was going to borrow from Jason and it was off to his place.
I got to my mother's house and found that the chain was on the door so I had no choice but to ring the ball and wake her. She came down and gave me a little speech about how I need to decide what I should do with my life and have a plan before I move again.
I grabbed some water and then went to sleep on the couch, only to be awakened around some ungodly hour by my mother who wanted to talk now that she was awake and about to start getting ready for work. It was all pleasant about her night and the little bit of things she had for gotten to tell me about her and her friends since the last time we talked. She had to have told me she was happy I was backing home a dozen times.
She then woke me again as she was leaving to ask me to run some errand to which I had no problem agreeing. I then got a call from Jason asking to go to KOP mall we agreed on 12 noon. When I got another call from my mother with a change in errands I woke up got showered and dressed in a quite depressing outfit and picked up Jason.
It was quit shocking seeing him with money buying clothes and paying for lunch and then giving me 230 so I could go with him to the pub-crawl in the gayborhood. I then got a text from Josh that he and Joe were on their way to the mall. It took me for a moment. Didn't Joe dump josh? I was to taken back to send a text asking about that can of worms.
Armani Exchange was having a sale and Jason was beside himself. I would have been too as the sale was unbelievable and the clothes were my style. After lunch, I felt better and realized how offal I looked, I really looked like I lost my best friend, and for the first time in my life, I had. I took Jason back to game stop to meet MR. M; I warned him that his looks were not all that and that he was going to see what I saw in him.
We arrived and I walked up and said hi and he gave me the same look he always does when I stop in the store. Jason began to laugh as we waited for the store to calm down and just when Jay was going to leave josh got free. I introduced the two and that was that I never had a chance to tell him jazz and I were done and that I was back for good. Jason and I just went to get his brothers tea.
It was quite a take trying t find what tea his brother wanted. It was an even bigger task of trying to get the tea home. For some strange reason Sean, Jason's brother wanted a certain tea and he wanted it made with hot water. So Jason had to carry around this cup of hot tea from store to store along with his bags. I never Sean some one curse a cup of teas so much. Needles to say the tea had the last laugh; when Jason got home, he found that the tea spilt on his new shirt that he bought for the pub-crawl.
We left and stopped by the grave of Jason's grandparents. It was on the way home. Then while I was on my way back to Delaware count I got a call from my mother-asking if I got her smoked turkey parts. I explained to her that I was on my way to the market to get them. Oddly enough, it was not a lie. She was unhappy with that response she also wanted berries from produce junction, which was now closed, and that part she explained as unimportant when talked on the phone the first time. One liquor store, and four markets later I was home and getting ready for the pub-crawl. I told my sister that I would take her to the mall Friday.
I ate dinner found an outfit that would go with the pink shirt I was going to borrow from Jason and it was off to his place.
28 November 2008
An Even Bigger night
I slept only half the day due to my hang over and decided to spend the day and night inside. The craving for brownies and chocolate cake finally got the best of me, I had been craving brownies ever since I watched the episode of sex and the city where Miranda gave up sex and inadvertently replaced it with chocolate.
I got dressed, went to a little no named market on Rockaway Boulevard, and bought two boxes of brownie mix and two boxes of chocolate cake mix. This craving was bad strong.
I made dinner while the brownies were in the over and realized there was a problem. While my craving for them was strong, it was not going to be strong enough to conquer my bad toothache. The night before I had bit my tong but blamed it on being drunk. However, the day after proved that, my new wisdom tooth was coming in and there was no room. The pain was so agonizing that it sent my dinner to the fridge and my brownies looked like I was a mouse sneaking little nibbles out of them.
I decided to call KK the guy I met yesterday. I left him a voice mail and went back to watching a movie. To my surprise, he called back from a different number. It was a 212 and normally I don’t answer but I did. We talked and he was heading out of town for the holiday. It was a short conversation but long enough for the two of us to make it clear enough we both were interested.
Jazz came home soon followed by her boyfriend. She asked me to take her to the Laundromat. It latter became an argument of her simply not paying attention. This began to escalate into how I should act in the apartment. Was I her roommate or a guy renting some space in her apartment? She decided to make it a financial 50/50. I being wise and seeing where this friendship was going called my friends and mother for advice. They all wanted me back home and I wanted to go back home as well.
I filled my car with as much as I could fill it and went home.
I got dressed, went to a little no named market on Rockaway Boulevard, and bought two boxes of brownie mix and two boxes of chocolate cake mix. This craving was bad strong.
I made dinner while the brownies were in the over and realized there was a problem. While my craving for them was strong, it was not going to be strong enough to conquer my bad toothache. The night before I had bit my tong but blamed it on being drunk. However, the day after proved that, my new wisdom tooth was coming in and there was no room. The pain was so agonizing that it sent my dinner to the fridge and my brownies looked like I was a mouse sneaking little nibbles out of them.
I decided to call KK the guy I met yesterday. I left him a voice mail and went back to watching a movie. To my surprise, he called back from a different number. It was a 212 and normally I don’t answer but I did. We talked and he was heading out of town for the holiday. It was a short conversation but long enough for the two of us to make it clear enough we both were interested.
Jazz came home soon followed by her boyfriend. She asked me to take her to the Laundromat. It latter became an argument of her simply not paying attention. This began to escalate into how I should act in the apartment. Was I her roommate or a guy renting some space in her apartment? She decided to make it a financial 50/50. I being wise and seeing where this friendship was going called my friends and mother for advice. They all wanted me back home and I wanted to go back home as well.
I filled my car with as much as I could fill it and went home.
22 November 2008
Intensive Care?
You all ways hear in life you never know how much you need something, or love something, or simply want something until it is gone or you are awaken by some event when you have to imagine life with out something or some one. This can be a car accident, cancer, a recent encounter with death or simply just be taken away by someone.
Most recently I have had to think about this everyday. As I have said before I moved to New York. And although the transition has seamed easy it has been one of the hardest of my life. The person that I have considered my best friend to the point of family is showing me a side that I simply cannot stomach, self centered, narcissistic, bratty behavior of an only or extremely younger child. She in fact has such a gap between her and her older brother that while still in grad school she practically became an only child.
I however refuse to allow this to be a handicap or an excuse. It makes no since to me how someone can be so judgmental, self absorbed and stubborn, to the point that the closes of the close friends don’t last. I will admit in the beginning we used each other I had a car and needed a friend that would be at my beck and call so to speak. And she needed some one to hang out with. However what started out as a summer of tit for tat turned into what I thought would be an everlasting friendship.
In the beginning we fought over who was good enough to hang out with us. We felt so secure with each other that we gave up our other two friends and became a duo. We fought like brothers and sister, had the inside jokes and called each other’s mom, mom. Then I lost the car and got an apartment. The tit for tat continued unintentionally. She would crash at my place when she came home from school and didn’t want to be trapped in the house with her parents. And she would clean but I would cook. Then my fortune flipped again and I had a car and just sort of bounced until I ended up in Chester.
I would say it was the acquisition of the new car that threw things off balance. I drove us everywhere and never really asked for gas. I would pick her up from the buss stop and drop her off. She would get pissed when I was late or didn’t drop her off at all. We had had one big fight when she had sex in my apartment while my little sister was sleeping in the same room, and from the way she reacted to my anger I should have known then that although she is mature for her age, she was quite the spoiled brat. It was I who was the bigger person and made up. She was the one who violated my home and had sex in it when I asked her not to and made the conditions uncomfortable to normal people.
Now I tend to bit my tong a lot with all my friends, I tend to attract people with issues that cause them to see them selves superior to most people. Funny how it is no real contest when it comes to looks and personality from what I have been told, but they are the ones that must always be in the spot light.
At the moment my best friend and I are living together. I will admit taking someone into your home is a big deal. But this is something that was discussed in detail, the good, the bad, and the dirty. I try to manage my little 10 X 4 foot area. I think we could have rearranged the place to fit things in better and make the place more live able but she insist on having things her way. So I let it be. But she complains about how I pile my clothes on my futon. I have no place to put them. She complains about me taking my time to do the dishes. I cook for the two of us one would think she offer to do the dishes. I am not staying her for free I do pay rent. We fought over light bulbs because she was mad he gave me the silent treatment for 3 days. We when food shopping and I made it clear days before how much money I had. I even made a point to keep a running total of how much we put in the cart and just kept adding. We get to the register and she looks at me when the total was $101. I paid my $43 in cash and told he that all I have like I said. She in a huff and pissed had no choice but to pay for the rest with debit. Mind you I got dressed to take her to get a pony tail and I still drive us both around when we go out and never ask for gas.
I asked her for $15 in gas money to help pay so we could both get to Philly, after paying she ask “When am I going to see it again?” I paid all the tolls and was paying for the gas to get back, in short the trip cost me about $30.
Then I read her blog and she is talking about how much she hates living with me. I know two people living in a studio basement is cramped but I try hard to make the best of it. While she mumbles under breath, ask truly stupid questions, maintains a sarcastic attitude towards the world 80% of the time and talks incessantly about herself, how she spends her days and her views on people, “Why can’t the world be like me? Women are all the same that’s why I can’t be friends with one. So and so treats me bad because everyone treats him bad, He will never amount to anything, she is so depressed, why am I friends with him, her, you are a smart ass, dumb ass, I hate you, he is ugly, I don’t like this dish you made.” This is 90% of what she talks about which over laps with the other 10% making her like every other woman, ex boy friends.
There was a time when I played along yet she fails to notice that I never take her side initially. I can’t help but cheer for her opponent that something will clique in her closed fist of a brain and see, that stereotypes are false and unreliable and that her opinion is not the only one that matters.
What brought me to write this today was what happened when I got home? There is no key for the top lock it locks from the inside with a knob. She is well aware that I get home by 8:30 am yet the top lock was locked. So I had to bang on the door one to wake her and two to get her to realize that I needed to get in. For the second time I came home to place that reeked of sex a man that I barley know and my friend naked. This time it was different however. The temperature was 2 degrees above hell. Her crappy land lord has yet to turn the heat on and to get around the cold and having to deal with the bitch. My friend turns the oven on and opens it until the place warms up. I could tell that her and her friend we quite hot while sleeping because both were sweaty and both barely used the covers to cover up.
I went to the kitchen to turn off the oven which was wide open and clearly had been on all night while the two did what ever then slept. It was so hot I had to run and move quickly. Everything in the kitchen was hot to the touch. And then I saw it. Every day I check my plants to see how they are doing. I barley have a green thumb, so I have cacti. An Aloe Vera, a spiky yet non prickly cactus and then a snake plant which is not a cactus but it quite easy to take care of. All had been baked my aloe gained big brown spots. All the tips on the other plant shriveled up and my snake plat which normally has thick strong hard leaves were hanging down. I knew I got a little joy from my plants and I liked the fact that theses plants were only a month younger than my car. I had did it but a stupid act but someone who rarely thinks about her actions may cost me the one simple pleasure that I have had for almost two years. They are in intensive care. I never imagined my life with out theses plants I have another one at my moms that planned on getting when I go down for thanks giving. I was shocked at how hurt was at the prospect of maybe loosing my plants. I came quit close to crying, but anger stopped me.
When I think about what dose she and I have in common aside from grade school? I am the funny one. I am the cook. I am the one with the car. How has having her enriched my life over the most recent years together? Her chance to make it all even and I come home to place when she has flat out said she wish I wasn’t only to find that I could have all been burnt down. My plants took a huge blow and so is our friendship. I have a hue feeling that if I walk away she will pretend not to care and rationalize it to the point that it was my entire fault.
If my plants do die I have a feeling our relationship will to. How to you explain to someone that there couplet disregard for feeling is going to cost them their longest friendship. I know some people grow apart and like branches on tree people brake off from your life, either due to a bad storm or under the stress of something else. I cannot afford to remain friends with people who are not helping me in life because they want to. I stayed friends with her only to have my immediate needs met and now that I am big enough to satisfy my self and look for healthy relationships this one is draining me. Real friends let you be who you are never judging you just advising and supporting you. A real friend never tries to make you into something your not. Your best friend should be the one behind you when the world is agents you telling you to be strong but reminds you when you fucked up and will tell you how bad you did.
I had that once but now she’s different.
Most recently I have had to think about this everyday. As I have said before I moved to New York. And although the transition has seamed easy it has been one of the hardest of my life. The person that I have considered my best friend to the point of family is showing me a side that I simply cannot stomach, self centered, narcissistic, bratty behavior of an only or extremely younger child. She in fact has such a gap between her and her older brother that while still in grad school she practically became an only child.
I however refuse to allow this to be a handicap or an excuse. It makes no since to me how someone can be so judgmental, self absorbed and stubborn, to the point that the closes of the close friends don’t last. I will admit in the beginning we used each other I had a car and needed a friend that would be at my beck and call so to speak. And she needed some one to hang out with. However what started out as a summer of tit for tat turned into what I thought would be an everlasting friendship.
In the beginning we fought over who was good enough to hang out with us. We felt so secure with each other that we gave up our other two friends and became a duo. We fought like brothers and sister, had the inside jokes and called each other’s mom, mom. Then I lost the car and got an apartment. The tit for tat continued unintentionally. She would crash at my place when she came home from school and didn’t want to be trapped in the house with her parents. And she would clean but I would cook. Then my fortune flipped again and I had a car and just sort of bounced until I ended up in Chester.
I would say it was the acquisition of the new car that threw things off balance. I drove us everywhere and never really asked for gas. I would pick her up from the buss stop and drop her off. She would get pissed when I was late or didn’t drop her off at all. We had had one big fight when she had sex in my apartment while my little sister was sleeping in the same room, and from the way she reacted to my anger I should have known then that although she is mature for her age, she was quite the spoiled brat. It was I who was the bigger person and made up. She was the one who violated my home and had sex in it when I asked her not to and made the conditions uncomfortable to normal people.
Now I tend to bit my tong a lot with all my friends, I tend to attract people with issues that cause them to see them selves superior to most people. Funny how it is no real contest when it comes to looks and personality from what I have been told, but they are the ones that must always be in the spot light.
At the moment my best friend and I are living together. I will admit taking someone into your home is a big deal. But this is something that was discussed in detail, the good, the bad, and the dirty. I try to manage my little 10 X 4 foot area. I think we could have rearranged the place to fit things in better and make the place more live able but she insist on having things her way. So I let it be. But she complains about how I pile my clothes on my futon. I have no place to put them. She complains about me taking my time to do the dishes. I cook for the two of us one would think she offer to do the dishes. I am not staying her for free I do pay rent. We fought over light bulbs because she was mad he gave me the silent treatment for 3 days. We when food shopping and I made it clear days before how much money I had. I even made a point to keep a running total of how much we put in the cart and just kept adding. We get to the register and she looks at me when the total was $101. I paid my $43 in cash and told he that all I have like I said. She in a huff and pissed had no choice but to pay for the rest with debit. Mind you I got dressed to take her to get a pony tail and I still drive us both around when we go out and never ask for gas.
I asked her for $15 in gas money to help pay so we could both get to Philly, after paying she ask “When am I going to see it again?” I paid all the tolls and was paying for the gas to get back, in short the trip cost me about $30.
Then I read her blog and she is talking about how much she hates living with me. I know two people living in a studio basement is cramped but I try hard to make the best of it. While she mumbles under breath, ask truly stupid questions, maintains a sarcastic attitude towards the world 80% of the time and talks incessantly about herself, how she spends her days and her views on people, “Why can’t the world be like me? Women are all the same that’s why I can’t be friends with one. So and so treats me bad because everyone treats him bad, He will never amount to anything, she is so depressed, why am I friends with him, her, you are a smart ass, dumb ass, I hate you, he is ugly, I don’t like this dish you made.” This is 90% of what she talks about which over laps with the other 10% making her like every other woman, ex boy friends.
There was a time when I played along yet she fails to notice that I never take her side initially. I can’t help but cheer for her opponent that something will clique in her closed fist of a brain and see, that stereotypes are false and unreliable and that her opinion is not the only one that matters.
What brought me to write this today was what happened when I got home? There is no key for the top lock it locks from the inside with a knob. She is well aware that I get home by 8:30 am yet the top lock was locked. So I had to bang on the door one to wake her and two to get her to realize that I needed to get in. For the second time I came home to place that reeked of sex a man that I barley know and my friend naked. This time it was different however. The temperature was 2 degrees above hell. Her crappy land lord has yet to turn the heat on and to get around the cold and having to deal with the bitch. My friend turns the oven on and opens it until the place warms up. I could tell that her and her friend we quite hot while sleeping because both were sweaty and both barely used the covers to cover up.
I went to the kitchen to turn off the oven which was wide open and clearly had been on all night while the two did what ever then slept. It was so hot I had to run and move quickly. Everything in the kitchen was hot to the touch. And then I saw it. Every day I check my plants to see how they are doing. I barley have a green thumb, so I have cacti. An Aloe Vera, a spiky yet non prickly cactus and then a snake plant which is not a cactus but it quite easy to take care of. All had been baked my aloe gained big brown spots. All the tips on the other plant shriveled up and my snake plat which normally has thick strong hard leaves were hanging down. I knew I got a little joy from my plants and I liked the fact that theses plants were only a month younger than my car. I had did it but a stupid act but someone who rarely thinks about her actions may cost me the one simple pleasure that I have had for almost two years. They are in intensive care. I never imagined my life with out theses plants I have another one at my moms that planned on getting when I go down for thanks giving. I was shocked at how hurt was at the prospect of maybe loosing my plants. I came quit close to crying, but anger stopped me.
When I think about what dose she and I have in common aside from grade school? I am the funny one. I am the cook. I am the one with the car. How has having her enriched my life over the most recent years together? Her chance to make it all even and I come home to place when she has flat out said she wish I wasn’t only to find that I could have all been burnt down. My plants took a huge blow and so is our friendship. I have a hue feeling that if I walk away she will pretend not to care and rationalize it to the point that it was my entire fault.
If my plants do die I have a feeling our relationship will to. How to you explain to someone that there couplet disregard for feeling is going to cost them their longest friendship. I know some people grow apart and like branches on tree people brake off from your life, either due to a bad storm or under the stress of something else. I cannot afford to remain friends with people who are not helping me in life because they want to. I stayed friends with her only to have my immediate needs met and now that I am big enough to satisfy my self and look for healthy relationships this one is draining me. Real friends let you be who you are never judging you just advising and supporting you. A real friend never tries to make you into something your not. Your best friend should be the one behind you when the world is agents you telling you to be strong but reminds you when you fucked up and will tell you how bad you did.
I had that once but now she’s different.
18 November 2008
Sex in the City
The next day Jazz and I spent the entire time rearranging setting up and adding my stuff to hers. When the work was done we were happy with the result. Jazz’s apartment is abasement studio. The ceiling has a clearance of 6’4 I am 6’2. The bath room is small with no tub just a shower stall ad the kitchen is a joke. Just looking around one could come up with a dozen ways to improve the place by using different light fixtures, moving the water closet and even the carpet that was used.
I am proud of Jazz she found an apartment near her school that is affordable and not a hole in the ground but her landlord clearly did not plan the layout effectively. The lad lord has also gone the entire summer with out cutting the grass ad when work is needed to be done pulling teeth is a under statement. In short Jazz is ready to move.
The Sunday after moving in, after arranging everything, we needed to do laundry. The hut for a Laundromat in Jamaica was a joke it was only 8 o’clock and all but one was closed. The one was crowded but we managed. I had Monday morning to my self after dropping Jazz off at school. I spent the time on a4a. MySpace. My yearbook and aim. When jazz got home I wet to the market and picked up the makings for spaghetti. I dint know I should have also bought knives, pots ad a can opener. We jokingly argued why she should have had these things and I tolled her to get out the kitchen.
It ended up being a tomato stir-fry over pasta; I had no way to open the can of tomato sauce.
We then went to rite aid to get the last parts of my costume and gas ex for her, along with junk food.
Tuesday was my interview and another rainy day. It literally rained every other day since I been in NYC. I had to call to alert them I was running late because the highway I had to take from Queens to Brooklyn was flooded on one half. Then I had the wrong address. I made it and I was cold and damp. The whole thing was just going wrong I even forgot a pen. However I was hired on the spot and was to start the next day.
Three days I the big apple and I had two of the five things I needed to get, a place to live and a job. Now all I needed was a boyfriend, a New York ID and a cheep fun place to hang out. I was up and coming.
O my way home from the interview I noticed a shopping center with a target. So I went in for a can opener I also picked up some spoons and the second season of Dexter, something to keep me home and from spending money.
By the end of week one I was back to my old hobbits I had been stood up once and then found myself in a pool in the Bronx. Although it was a new setting with new things to do, they were all a variation of something else I have done already.
His Name was Ray and a busy student among other things he liked to sped his free time around his apartment building. He managed it so he had 24hr access to all the Simi cool places like the pool which was your typical above ground pool that they set up in the basement ad he had filled with hot water. Several beers later I was disappointed I was o where ear drunk. I could feel his boner so I took control of the conversation. I brought up the topic of skinny dipping which he had brought up earlier while o the phone.
Dating was out of the question, he was 30 years old and still in the closet. Log story short anyone who knows him knows. But I wanted to fool around so off came the boxers and there we were I a candle lit basement naked I a warm pool. The conversation switched to how it the basement was haunted but he held me close the whole time. He the started talking about poppers and I opened my self up to making out. He took to my lips like a fish to bate. He was good. He then suggested going to get the poppers. He did ad I tried it. Before it hit we started making out and grinding. I could not contain my self it was so euphoric and wore off just as I came.
I was covered I both his ad mine it was just sticking to me I tried to wash it off but it became like underwater glue. That gummy stuff that they use to keep packages I place.
A little more conversation and I realized it was about 5. We both were tired so we called it a night. I was shocked the man came and he still wanted to make out with me. So a kiss good night and I was back in my car crossing the Whitestone Bridge.
I had received several invitations from a man named Kevin that wanted me to come over ad smoke pot. His pics were cute so we exchanged numbers and Friday came and I was at his place. He was about 50 pounds bigger than his picks and had to be almost 40 and not 34 like he said. He had a dog who loved me I hate dogs. The dog who Kev said was fixed jumped up ad started humping my leg. I was almost intoxicated from the rum and OJ. I then took a look through his DVD’s ad they were all fag movies (another blog). I sat on the bed and we began smoking he started kissing my neck ad I went to look at the movies again.
He followed me ad I kissed him o the lips to shoe him away ad it worked. I was I the mod to fool around but I needed to get high ad drunk if it was going to be him. Before I had a chance to feel the pot he was all over me. He was a good kisser so I let him continue and before I knew it he was naked while I was only half there. My question to dog owners is, do you all fuck with your dog in the room?
He rimmed me he sucked me and the he humped me. I came and was loud but not like I used to be. I forget how he got off put I cleaned up and put most of my clothes back on. He then whispered in my ear ever so gently I have to go to work tomorrow. He gets off at 10 it was midnight, REALLTY? I had decided to finish watching sex ad the city but he was coaxing me to get dressed. So the fat old ma lost all cool points.
The next day I stayed home being lazy jazz wet out then came home only to go out again she asked if I wanted to go but I said no. after she left I better thought of it and decided I would go out. I found a sexy out fit put on sex ad the city the showered dressed put on makeup and the jazz walked in the door. We decided to go to a lounge so I could get a drink I wanted to check out the gayborhood aka the village. The one lounge I knew of I could not fid so we walked around looking for a different gay bar that we both could get into. No luck so she suggested I got to the one we walked passed earlier ad meet up later it was almost 2 in the morning this would never happen in Philly at this time of night. So I go in order a kamikaze and the bartender says 5 dollars ad its 2 for one until 3. I texted jazz to say I was going to be drunk but o service. The guys next to me started talking to me and I started laughing. They were really gay. The this guy sat next to me who reminded me of a ex but cuter and more masculine I asked him of other places to hag out and he named a place called chi chi’s 21 ad older, gave me the run down and I ordered my second drink. I was already buzzed we talked ad flirted and after hearing last call check text ad jazz was home so I ordered water and wet home with Jermaine to go get high.
Jermaine is what I call a poser he looks thug and rough, but is nothing more than a fag. The closer we got to his place the more sugar I saw and the uglier he got. I should have known a sexy 37 year old is never what he seams. His penis was like a childes crayon the jumbo kind that you get when your 3. It was light by the time I went to sleep and at 12 I got the hell out.
He lived in Harlem and had cheep rent, although I was having crappie sex all over Manhattan I was finding the affordable places to live.
I am proud of Jazz she found an apartment near her school that is affordable and not a hole in the ground but her landlord clearly did not plan the layout effectively. The lad lord has also gone the entire summer with out cutting the grass ad when work is needed to be done pulling teeth is a under statement. In short Jazz is ready to move.
The Sunday after moving in, after arranging everything, we needed to do laundry. The hut for a Laundromat in Jamaica was a joke it was only 8 o’clock and all but one was closed. The one was crowded but we managed. I had Monday morning to my self after dropping Jazz off at school. I spent the time on a4a. MySpace. My yearbook and aim. When jazz got home I wet to the market and picked up the makings for spaghetti. I dint know I should have also bought knives, pots ad a can opener. We jokingly argued why she should have had these things and I tolled her to get out the kitchen.
It ended up being a tomato stir-fry over pasta; I had no way to open the can of tomato sauce.
We then went to rite aid to get the last parts of my costume and gas ex for her, along with junk food.
Tuesday was my interview and another rainy day. It literally rained every other day since I been in NYC. I had to call to alert them I was running late because the highway I had to take from Queens to Brooklyn was flooded on one half. Then I had the wrong address. I made it and I was cold and damp. The whole thing was just going wrong I even forgot a pen. However I was hired on the spot and was to start the next day.
Three days I the big apple and I had two of the five things I needed to get, a place to live and a job. Now all I needed was a boyfriend, a New York ID and a cheep fun place to hang out. I was up and coming.
O my way home from the interview I noticed a shopping center with a target. So I went in for a can opener I also picked up some spoons and the second season of Dexter, something to keep me home and from spending money.
By the end of week one I was back to my old hobbits I had been stood up once and then found myself in a pool in the Bronx. Although it was a new setting with new things to do, they were all a variation of something else I have done already.
His Name was Ray and a busy student among other things he liked to sped his free time around his apartment building. He managed it so he had 24hr access to all the Simi cool places like the pool which was your typical above ground pool that they set up in the basement ad he had filled with hot water. Several beers later I was disappointed I was o where ear drunk. I could feel his boner so I took control of the conversation. I brought up the topic of skinny dipping which he had brought up earlier while o the phone.
Dating was out of the question, he was 30 years old and still in the closet. Log story short anyone who knows him knows. But I wanted to fool around so off came the boxers and there we were I a candle lit basement naked I a warm pool. The conversation switched to how it the basement was haunted but he held me close the whole time. He the started talking about poppers and I opened my self up to making out. He took to my lips like a fish to bate. He was good. He then suggested going to get the poppers. He did ad I tried it. Before it hit we started making out and grinding. I could not contain my self it was so euphoric and wore off just as I came.
I was covered I both his ad mine it was just sticking to me I tried to wash it off but it became like underwater glue. That gummy stuff that they use to keep packages I place.
A little more conversation and I realized it was about 5. We both were tired so we called it a night. I was shocked the man came and he still wanted to make out with me. So a kiss good night and I was back in my car crossing the Whitestone Bridge.
I had received several invitations from a man named Kevin that wanted me to come over ad smoke pot. His pics were cute so we exchanged numbers and Friday came and I was at his place. He was about 50 pounds bigger than his picks and had to be almost 40 and not 34 like he said. He had a dog who loved me I hate dogs. The dog who Kev said was fixed jumped up ad started humping my leg. I was almost intoxicated from the rum and OJ. I then took a look through his DVD’s ad they were all fag movies (another blog). I sat on the bed and we began smoking he started kissing my neck ad I went to look at the movies again.
He followed me ad I kissed him o the lips to shoe him away ad it worked. I was I the mod to fool around but I needed to get high ad drunk if it was going to be him. Before I had a chance to feel the pot he was all over me. He was a good kisser so I let him continue and before I knew it he was naked while I was only half there. My question to dog owners is, do you all fuck with your dog in the room?
He rimmed me he sucked me and the he humped me. I came and was loud but not like I used to be. I forget how he got off put I cleaned up and put most of my clothes back on. He then whispered in my ear ever so gently I have to go to work tomorrow. He gets off at 10 it was midnight, REALLTY? I had decided to finish watching sex ad the city but he was coaxing me to get dressed. So the fat old ma lost all cool points.
The next day I stayed home being lazy jazz wet out then came home only to go out again she asked if I wanted to go but I said no. after she left I better thought of it and decided I would go out. I found a sexy out fit put on sex ad the city the showered dressed put on makeup and the jazz walked in the door. We decided to go to a lounge so I could get a drink I wanted to check out the gayborhood aka the village. The one lounge I knew of I could not fid so we walked around looking for a different gay bar that we both could get into. No luck so she suggested I got to the one we walked passed earlier ad meet up later it was almost 2 in the morning this would never happen in Philly at this time of night. So I go in order a kamikaze and the bartender says 5 dollars ad its 2 for one until 3. I texted jazz to say I was going to be drunk but o service. The guys next to me started talking to me and I started laughing. They were really gay. The this guy sat next to me who reminded me of a ex but cuter and more masculine I asked him of other places to hag out and he named a place called chi chi’s 21 ad older, gave me the run down and I ordered my second drink. I was already buzzed we talked ad flirted and after hearing last call check text ad jazz was home so I ordered water and wet home with Jermaine to go get high.
Jermaine is what I call a poser he looks thug and rough, but is nothing more than a fag. The closer we got to his place the more sugar I saw and the uglier he got. I should have known a sexy 37 year old is never what he seams. His penis was like a childes crayon the jumbo kind that you get when your 3. It was light by the time I went to sleep and at 12 I got the hell out.
He lived in Harlem and had cheep rent, although I was having crappie sex all over Manhattan I was finding the affordable places to live.
17 November 2008
NYC Update 1
October 1st I decided to move to NYC. It was a quick decision I was already in the process of finding a new place to live in Delaware county, I even had a new roommate lined up. My current roommate was debating to either sell her house or rent the whole thing out completely. I could barley afford to pay the rent I was, yet alone what she was thinking of renting it for. I told her I would be out by the 15th and it looked like things were going as planed until I felt that having my ex as a roommate was a bad idea. I was uncomfortable with the way he managed money and the fact we had sex twice since we decided to move in together.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
11 November 2008
Hello Big Apple
October 1st I decided to move to NYC. It was a quick decision I was already in the process of finding a new place to live in Delaware county, I even had a new roommate lined up. My current roommate was debating to either sell her house or rent the whole thing out completely. I could barley afford to pay the rent I was, yet alone what she was thinking of renting it for. I told her I would be out by the 15th and it looked like things were going as planed until I felt that having my ex as a roommate was a bad idea. I was uncomfortable with the way he managed money and the fact we had sex twice since we decided to move in together.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
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