I am currently taking a developmental math class. It is remedial math for those of us who just don’t get it that well. So today I got back my first math test. I have been working hard to get an A on everything. I figure if I get 100% then it will make my GPA great.
Today I got my test back and I had a 98. Not bad, it’s actually damn great. I have a 100 on all my quizzes so I am right where I want to be. As it turns out someone asked if anyone got a 100 and the Professor said the highest score was a 98. “OMG” I thought that’s me and I got to peak at a few others and some scored around 50. I was proud.
I know some are thinking, “You’re the smartest of the dumb kids.” While that may be true I am also learning a lot of stuff that I just did not get before like fractions and I can now do a lot of math equations in my head that I needed a calculator for in the past. I have come up in the math world. Leaving class I had the strangest erg to call my mother and tell her.
I had to do a double think, “Call your mother, Where the hell did that come from?” I can’t stand the woman and would rather here think I am dead than alive and doing well. It really shook me to the core. Could it be that I miss her and still desire her approval after all this time of being such a huge disappointment? It could not be, it just can’t be. And to add insult to injury there was no one else I really wanted to tell, not MeTo or my sister.
So here I am trying to deal with the idea of what my heart wants. I would love nothing more than to be friends with my mom and live happily ever after but she is a homophobic Christian and I am a Homosexual Theist with an open interpretation to that belief and its meanings. It would never work.
It all boils down to me being proud of myself and the person I could always count on to be proud along with me simply is not anymore.
