What is wrong with being single? Anyone alive can name more
than a few people who are unhappily attached. There are those who are in
relationship but hardly see one another, they just like having the title. There
are those who are in a relationship but they are always fighting, breaking up
means having to look for someone new. Then there are those who are always
dating for the fear of being alone or the ones who keep retrying things with their
exes. The truth in it all is if you are unhappy in your relationship, the
problem is you.
Choosing to be single teaches a person a major valuable
lesson, “I control my own happiness.” The advice that I have given to all my
friends is, the moment you begin enjoying life with just you, someone will come
along to try and ruin it. I say it in
jest but the truth is the moment you stop looking for love is the moment it
finds you. Every major relationship I had, Mister M, Doctor MeTo, Mister Cocky
all began when I decided to willfully reject a relationship, but my hormones
got the best of me and I allowed myself into some bad situations. But I digress.
The point all in all is that being single allows one the opportunity
that is essential for living happily. It allows you to figure out you, to
figure out what you want in a partner, to figure out how to enjoy you and
eventually figure out how you enjoy others.
Dating yourself, it may seem crazy but how can you ask
someone to spend the rest of their live with you if you can’t spend time with
just you. Is there anything wrong with going to the movies by yourself, or out
to dinner, or to go to a bar and have a drink? I have done it and once you get
past, “OMG others are judging me,” you begin to have a great time.
After you get used to spending time alone in public you can
start to weed through your friends. Friends who judge more than they support or
encourage are absolutely USELESS. Get rid of them even if it means you end up
having to make all new friends. Once you find a friend or two who are willing
to be supportive, fun and ask only for the same in return, you have learned how
to pick useful people. Sure you will find people who are fun and that you enjoy
spending a night out with but recognize them for who they are don’t try to make
them what they are not. The time will come when you will stop seeing them or
they piss you off and you will just shrug them away, easy come easy go if they
are meant to be in your life then it will work out so that they stay.
This may all seem like a lot of work and it is and it takes
time but once you start to enjoy yourself on the solo the rest will come
naturally. You will naturally protect yourself. You will start to see people approaching
and notice that they have something in there life that you do not want in yours
and will walk away.
It took me awhile but I would have to say I finally got to
the point where I was done with letting any and everybody in my life right
around Thanksgiving. Having just broken up with Mister Cocky, MeTo and I were
giving friendship and honest try. Things were going well until I noticed it was
a week since he responded to my last text and then when I would try to call he
would reject it. I had a question for him and it hurt that without warning he
was ignoring me again. So I gave up on him. I was doing fine with it all until one
night while talking to my mother I got a reminder on my phone about our anniversary,
It would had been 5 years and I tried to text and call and he still refused to
respond. So I wrote about it and went to bed.
Since then I have found better outlets for dealing with reoccurring
past hurts than reaching out to those who are only looking out for themselves.
My friends have not changed much Niki, Dave, Dan, Jaiye, Jay,
GiGi and most recently a guy I met at work who is the white straight version of
myself. My exes are just that exes, X-ed out of my day to day life with little
reason to talk about them.
I have way too much family and a strong cast of friends to spend
any real serious time on finding a boyfriend. When it is meant to happen it
will happen. But I do however take pleasure in the fact that all my exes are unhappily
single where I am ecstatic and enjoying every little bit of life, including the
fact that I do not have a man . . . yet.
