I thought long and hard, hard and long, and even discussed it with my closest of close friends before I decided to end things with Dr. MeTo. Even now I go over to make sure I made the right decision. Every time I rehash it I always come to the same answer, “For Now.” my heart and my brain battles it out and they both agree, yes this is good, “For Now.” I wonder dose that mean he and I are destined or is it to mean that I need to just except the fact there is only one way to find out. I am quite confident that it means I am to just take this time and deal with all that is happening and grow.
I thought a lot of myself when I was 20, I had my own apartment, a full time job and I was putting myself through school. I had no help from my mother at all, she refused to help me. I secretly dated other men and it was all the same, they had nothing or were going no where. Rick who had a job but lived with his aunt and clearly was not about to change that, Chris who had no job, no car and lived with his mother there were a few others and they didn't last as long as the others. So many men all wanted me and I knew with each break up karma was not pleased.
Then the time came for my heart to be broken, guys stood me up for dates and Mr M strung me along. Then MeTo cam and he loved me but I was spiraling down. My mother rejected me more and more each day but his parents were quick to show me the love I was missing. I lost my job, car and was living with MeTo while he paid for everything. I felt helpless. The one lesson my mother taught me that I tried to be mindful of was that pride goes before the fall. I didn't know it but I had gotten quite prideful in my early 20s. And G-d took it all away. Leaving me to rediscover Victor.
I had to learn how to accept help and be dependent on someone else all the while trying to regain what I lost. I thought MeTo was the one until I started evaluating the situation.
They say people come in and out of your life fore all kinds of reasons. Some may stay forever and other stay for less than a day but they all bring something. Some teach you, some you teach, some offer you a hand and others allow you to help them.
MeTo was so much for me, he showed me things that I used to hope I could see, Miami, Fishing, campfires, smores, Jewish holidays, loving & supportive parents. Country living, what real love feels like. He has raised the bar for every man in my future.
But while he showed me many things and taught me how to be humble again I think there are lessons I need to learn while single that I simply cant learn while in a relationship, what they are I have no clue. One may be how to let go of something you love even when you don't want to. I don't want to let MeTo go but I feel the need that I have to. One of the lessons I learned in life, if you love something set it free, if you are meant to have it it will come back to you, if you are not meant to have it, it will be replaced by something better.
To be honest with you while writing this I think that is the lesson I am supposed to learn this year. I have always known that but I have never practiced that. I hold on to everything clothing, furniture, friends, trinkets. All my life I had to scratch and claw for everything to the point that I began settling. I want a lot out of life and sometimes you have to loose it all in oder to replace it. Everyone thought Job had it all, then he lost it, then it was replaced with better.
I am far from Job but I have lost a lot and I think its time I stop fighting and enjoy the ride for a little while. Its gonna be hard but it has to be done.
