12 September 2014

Bars and Blow Jobs

Everybody needs a helpful gay friend. It just seems to be a modern fact. Gay men are stereotyped as being outspoken, great dressers, good listeners, good lovers, intelligent and well informed, witty and a warehouse of great advice from money management, career choices and even sex.

To be honest no one disputes the fact that the best users of the equipment are those born with it. Ergo a man can give the best Fellatio while a woman gives the best cutalingus.

The other day while out with a few of my friends at the bar the conversation turned to sex and my young female friend could not keep up and it was soon made clear that she needed some tips on how to give a proper blow job.

The sad thing about blow jobs is that even for a man it’s all about trial and error. No two men are the same and no two penises are the same, so what works to get one man off may not work for another. In such there is no real error proof blow job method, just tips on how to get started and keep the good times cuming.

For starters there is a little problem when a man of a certain size wants head. Almost never can a penis be fully inserted into ones mouth without activating the gag reflex. I am the first to admit that for years I could not find a way around this and so I being equipped with the internet and using trial and error finally found a way to work with my body’s natural reflexes to give great head.

This tip while simple feels like the Holy Grail once discovered. Simply remember when you feel like you are going to gag, force yourself to swallow. This not only stops gaging but it facilitates your ability to now deep throat. I could have danced the moment I found that this actually worked. I shared the tip along with how great it felt to find that it honestly worked.

The next tip naturally was to mix it up and listen. There is a difference between an actual blow job and sucking a guy off. She looked confused and even one of my straight friends who was listening prooved that even a man knows all the different way to receive pleasure.

Blowing a guy involves actually blowing a guy, like you are trying to inflate his penis like a balloon. The only contact being your lips and occasionally your tong. As odd as it may seem I actually dated a guy who had a preference for this method. Ok you don’t actually blow but if anyone was to see you performing an actual “Blow Job,” it would look like you were trying to inflate your man.

Sucking a guy off is just that using your entire mouth and suck like it’s a lollypop, this is the most popular and most preferred method.

Next tip was to inform her that most guys find the use of hands to be cheating, sure the goal is to get the guy off but it’s also to make him remember that you have good oral skills. 

Lastly mix it up and listen, use a mixture of sucking and blowing, head motions and ball play and pay attention to the different sounds and reactions he makes. Some guys like the shaft so focus on the shaft and others like more attention on the tip or head so listen to see if the tip is where your focus should be.

Needless to say once the session was over I received high fives from straight guys. I pretty much just told a bar full of people what every guy wants to tell a girl about giving head but never know just how to say it without fear that she might just say, “fuck it.” And yes skull fucking is a thing but that is another blog post.