11 January 2014

Should Have Been 5

Today would have marked the 5 year anniversary of Doctor Meto and me. I should feel nothing but I do in fact feel something. I would love nothing more than to say while Meto and I did not work out that we were still friends who realize while we are not meant for one another we do have respect and love to the point that were are in some capacity still friends.

For weeks I have been going over it in my head, why the sudden distance, why the ignored phone calls and text? I get angry that for the past two years he would confess his love and pull me in only to push me away and break my heart over and over. I would pray and hope each time would be different, that at some point he would just come to me and say, “It’s time that we just be friends,” or “Let’s stop playing around and meet on this day at this time to discuss us.” But no such conversation ever came.

I try to blame it all on him or blame it on some defect, I try to vilify him and it is difficult because if I make him out to be a villain then what does that make me? I would be the man who dated a villain, I would be a fool who saw a devil as an angel. 

I came out of 2013 stronger and healthier than I went in but the whole time my heart was broken. Meto said he cared and all I wanted was to reach out and feel that he was there but each time I was met with distance.

I do not hate Meto and I do not wish him ill, I would love for us to be friend’s distant friends as it would be but still friends, we used to live together and we were engaged to be married, we made many happy memories with his family and our friends. My question to anyone reading is, “Does it matter, should I let it all go as just one big misstate?”

My Question to Meto, “Did you ever really love me, did you mean what you said, and do you respect me as a person?”