09 January 2016

This is it

With the fast approach to 30 it is time that I shift my focus. The Indigo Life has been my outlet for many years. Here I have been able to express my feelings and how my feelings have changed on many a subject. My entire time as a gay man in his twenties are here for the world to read.  

My last year in my 20s was quite the roller coaster. It started out with dating Irving things started out so well between the two of us. Every single one of my friends liked him and all of his liked me it seemed so destined until things got a little crazy. Soon we were fighting weekly and I was losing interest. Our sex life was lacking and never reached that great point. Was it him or was it me? To be honest it was both of us two bottoms trying to make it work sexually left me frustrated and bored. As I have said before, “tell about the sex and I’ll tell you about your relationship.” Soon his fear of losing me got the best of him and it finally pushed me away. And his attempts a suicide made all my friends scream, RUN!

In April I turned 29 and the stress of Irving made me turn back to smoking. I did end the month with a new car. A 2006 Honda Accord. I was happy and all my friends loved it but my plans for a happy summer came to a screeching halt.  

My mother’s health took a turn and she had to start a new chemo therapy the side effects of the prior one caused he to go into the hospital with fluid around her heart. I continued to go with her every Wednesday for chemo and to almost every doctor appointment. In April AX let go a lot of their part time associates and I was among the ones who got let go. It was great I was able to focus on getting my promotion at Eddie Bauer.

Soon it started to look like everything was on the up and up. I was happy being single, I had time to spend with my friends, I had an interesting dating life and before I knew it I got my promotion.  

Two of my best friends decided it they were going to split after months and months of drama and things only got worse from there, my mother and I had a huge fight that left me looking for a place to live. I asked Mister M if I could crash with him for a week and I didn’t last a night. We went out with his new boy and once we were all drunk his dark side came out and we were soon arguing about the last time we had sex. I decided that after 8 years of this back and forth I was cutting my losses. I packed my car and left. Feeling completely sober but failing to judge the time I decided to drive to my best friend’s house on the way I fell asleep behind the wheel and woke up to the sound of my bumping into a guard rail. I immediately got off the road and took a 2 hour power nap. Then I met Jaiye at his house and caught him up on what had been happening.

Soon I was staying with my grandmother and that is when I started dating Miles. It was also around the time I began working on my new blog, Gayand 30. I found a place to live in Delaware with an ex who had become a great friend over the years and life just kind of paused.

My depression got bad and all I could do was work and be at home, money was extremely tight and soon I fell behind in everything. Eventually they found my car and took it. With the help of Irving, my Uncle and My mother I got my car back.

My grandfather died in October and I all I could feel was shock. I took my bereavement time to get my head together from what was going on at work and with my family.  Soon things got worse my aunt went into the hospital and I had a car accident. I had no choice but to go back to living with my mother.

So here it is the start of 2016 the year in which I turn 30. I have a boyfriend, no car, I am living with my mother, I have a ton of debt and I feel stuck.

Turning 30 can be a big deal in a good way if you give it proper prospective. I am looking at it as the next great adventure. My 20s were my indigo years me trying to figure out what it means to be gay and what kind of gay man I want to be and now that I have a good grasp on what that is it is time to put that away and define what it now means to be Gay and 30, for me that is.

Irving and I are no longer speaking he has decided he does not want anything to do with me.
Jaiye and his boyfriend are back together and working on their next chapter.

Are Jay and Adam are living down in Orlando. Bombshell is now single and living with her first Gay Taylor in south Philly.

My friends who broke up one is still my Bestie and the other has chosen to stop talking to me.

MeTo is still living in Brooklyn and we have chosen to cut all ties, I am still trying to forgive him for the past.

Mister M and I are keeping distance although we did with each other Happy New Year after not talking for 4 months.

My mother is doing much better on her new chemo and we are actually getting along, for now.

My current Boyfriend and I are working the kinks out in our relationship but it looks really promising. And I am climbing the corporate ladder at work, and I have to come up with a new realistic plan for my life. Being Gay and 30 is going to be complicated yet fun!