It was a night unlike any other. Much like the night I went to my first gay bar. The air smelled of new air, what ever that means. The city just felt different.
I made a few phone calls and sent a few text messages and ended creating a potentially entertaining night on the town. Alex, Mr. M, Louise and myself. The plan was that we all would make guest appearances in each others evening. Louise and I was to meet Alex and his friends at Bump. Then part ways when Alex and his friends went to shampoo. Lou and I planned to play it by ear but meet Mr. M somewhere for a drink.
Alex never showed. While at Bump we met this guy who over herd me talking about sex. He was a bottom as well and talked about his family and told cool stories about how his bing gay created memorable incidences. He told us about his job and his soon new to be job and why he was in the city that night. I then realized that he was just a guy looking for some people to talk to while he waited to meet his friends someplace else.
After our new friend left Lou and I walked around trying to find Lascala's the restaurant Mr. M always hangs at. He wasn't responding to my text messages. After walking in circles we decided to fore go Mr. M. And went to gay pizza on the we met one of Lou's friends and his entourage.
Then gay pizza we chatted with the employees for a brief while then went to Woody's.
I felt good the door man flirted with me which never happens. Then we went inside chilled at the bar and Lou could not wait to get up stairs to the dance floor. He paid for the both of us and much to our surprise, the crowd was not young. I could not hid the horror on my face. We walked to the far bar and just watched. Then we realized that it was square dancing. I asked the sexy body that was mixing drinks about the nights venue and he told me at 11 it goes normal. But little time went by before I started enjoying myself.
Then I saw him a cute guy in his late 20's maybe early 30's. He then lifted up his shirt for some reason and we saw his rock hard six pack. I felt mosey. Lou told me to go ask for a dance but I was nervous. Lou then played wing man and told him I was interested . Lou came back and said I was going to dance with him next song. He never did come over though. He did walk past us as he left the room and made a playful punching motion to Lou.
The lights changed and then so did the music. The dance floor went nuts and got younger by the second. Then we noticed the sexy strippers. One was the guy I told Lou I liked he waved but I suck at keeping it cool. I just danced and kept in site.
Mr. M then sent a text saying he was back in KOP. I danced on and I danced from 11 to 2 with only one 10 min break. I never did get a chance to talk to the hot guy I wanted but I figured I would see him again or just wasn't meant to be.
On the way home Mr. M started texting me. Right when I was dropping Lou of I got one that said” why you always gotta be a bitch” shocking as we were having a friendly conversation. I let M get away with a lot and figured it was time I called him on something.
I called him and asked what he to explain how I was being a bitch. The text before in response to his “I'm awake now” was “Never mind I'll talk too you tomorrow” it started a fight and he brought up things from months ago that bothered him and I told him to stop waiting so long to tell me what bothers him. I also explain what I wanted. I even forced him to give me closure on our past relationship.
I told him that were either to be good friend or go separate ways. Now I have closure but I know Josh never wants to get back together. I am disappointed but I have my closure.
In a year it probably wont matter he will have moved to Las Vegas and I will have found the man of my dreams but as for now it feels like Josh and I just broke up all over.
Vixc B
23 August 2008
22 August 2008
The Sex Game
So many men tell you they want a guy or girl who wont play games, but the moment that emotions start going and your honest they start toying with you. Calling when they want making it seam like your just as booty call and then they just fade out with no closure and you both know you were dating exclusively.
Why is it when we stop the games that we get hurt and treated like shit? The truth of the matter is games were not invented to get others to do what we want but to protect ourselves and now the are so ingrained that men have no respect for someone who doesn't play games.
Playing hard to get is a game no man can resist. The ugliest person can get a man by playing this game. But take a guy like me that can get almost anyone, I hate playing games and so fail to realize that by not doing so I come off as a slut, and easy.
So what can the people like me who believe in karma, and honesty do. We don't want to remain single and want someone who holds the same values that we do. Are we doomed to the “if you you cant beat them” mantra of the 20th and 21st centuries?
For once in my life I cant help but say we need games. Men don't know how to operate without them.
Take K or Mr. R for example, two guys both romantic and both well liked by me. I made the mistake of just going with the flow and both times resulted in being with out a boyfriend.
Mr. R was obsessed with after the facts. “I'm not 29” or “I'm not looking for anything serious” how ever on the first date made it seam like he was telling my his entire life sorry. So I slept with him. After awhile I saw we were nothing more than fuck buddies and I swore off 30 year olds.
There was also jerry. Who I told flat out what I wanted. He made it seam like he was going to deliver but never did even after I reminded him. The sex was great so he says but there was no intimacy in site. SO I called it off and in my true form was completely honest about what I thought of him.
Finally there is K. I told my self that I was going to have a relationship free summer. One filled with lots of sex, dancing and drinking. But before I knew it I was dating Lou and trying to figure out how to get out. Then I met K and realized I wanted him and if I was going to be in a relationship it had to be him. So I brook it off with Lou and began predating K. he talked a good game but it ended with heartache.
He had no time for me after his smooth talk took off my clothes. There was no sex but we did both cum. I even went to his play and it looked like fate was bringing us together but he decided to tell me after moving back to NYC that he did not like me as much as I liked him. So I fucked someone else that night.
I have decided to start playing the games. No sex on the first date, and playing hard to get, and to top it all off making it seam like I am busy and have very little time for a relationship and sex. I got this advice from all my exes, little do they know. I think once I master them all I will not be single much longer.
In the mean time . . . “Let the games begin!”
Why is it when we stop the games that we get hurt and treated like shit? The truth of the matter is games were not invented to get others to do what we want but to protect ourselves and now the are so ingrained that men have no respect for someone who doesn't play games.
Playing hard to get is a game no man can resist. The ugliest person can get a man by playing this game. But take a guy like me that can get almost anyone, I hate playing games and so fail to realize that by not doing so I come off as a slut, and easy.
So what can the people like me who believe in karma, and honesty do. We don't want to remain single and want someone who holds the same values that we do. Are we doomed to the “if you you cant beat them” mantra of the 20th and 21st centuries?
For once in my life I cant help but say we need games. Men don't know how to operate without them.
Take K or Mr. R for example, two guys both romantic and both well liked by me. I made the mistake of just going with the flow and both times resulted in being with out a boyfriend.
Mr. R was obsessed with after the facts. “I'm not 29” or “I'm not looking for anything serious” how ever on the first date made it seam like he was telling my his entire life sorry. So I slept with him. After awhile I saw we were nothing more than fuck buddies and I swore off 30 year olds.
There was also jerry. Who I told flat out what I wanted. He made it seam like he was going to deliver but never did even after I reminded him. The sex was great so he says but there was no intimacy in site. SO I called it off and in my true form was completely honest about what I thought of him.
Finally there is K. I told my self that I was going to have a relationship free summer. One filled with lots of sex, dancing and drinking. But before I knew it I was dating Lou and trying to figure out how to get out. Then I met K and realized I wanted him and if I was going to be in a relationship it had to be him. So I brook it off with Lou and began predating K. he talked a good game but it ended with heartache.
He had no time for me after his smooth talk took off my clothes. There was no sex but we did both cum. I even went to his play and it looked like fate was bringing us together but he decided to tell me after moving back to NYC that he did not like me as much as I liked him. So I fucked someone else that night.
I have decided to start playing the games. No sex on the first date, and playing hard to get, and to top it all off making it seam like I am busy and have very little time for a relationship and sex. I got this advice from all my exes, little do they know. I think once I master them all I will not be single much longer.
In the mean time . . . “Let the games begin!”
18 August 2008
Last time at Woody's
After deciding to go to Woody's I went home to shower and dress. It took me longer than I would have liked to find an outfit but I eventual did. It was OK but not a “hey guys I'm back” type. I even wore a gray wife beater instead of my typical black or white. I did where my life guard shirt. I felt I looked like I didn't care which typical means some one would try to pick me up.
I got in my car and called my job to call out I did just an OK performance of sounding like I had a sour throat. It was good enough though and now I was in the clear. I proceeded to Jason's to pick him up and like always he was not ready.
Before I knew it I was literal fighting with his kitten. This ill creature was jumping on me, bitting, scratching me and attacking my by surprise. He was fun at first but the ill thing started to piss me off and I started to hit for real which only made him fight harder.
I and Jason then went to Louise's house to make an appearance at the baby shower than whisk him away with us to the club. A few laughs and after making a new friend or two we were ready.
Little did I know it was Jason and Clinton's 2mo anniversary. So we dropped Jason off to spend a ill time while we retrieved Tia. That was an adventure as I managed to slightly damage my car's right fender.
After I managed to all in the car it was your normal ride down chestnut street to our normal parking spot. Although it had been almost two month's since I've driven this rout it felt like I had just done it yesterday.
We parked I changed my shoes and we walked to the club only for me to realize my ID was not in my pocket like I thought. I went back to the car, looked inside outside and all around it. Jason and all ended up coming back to help me find it. It turned out to be in the driver seat.
My lavender bad didn't feel any more special than all the other colors I had collected over my trips to Woody's. I walked in looking and felling like I didn't care half waiting on K and my other half still open to the idea that their still may be something better.
Once on the dance floor, nothing I was board. If I had money for a drink it would have been slightly better but sober I remained, sober was all I could afford. I found gorge to say happy birthday and returned to my friends. I spent most of the night dancing with Louise.
Much to my surprise Jerry was not only at the club tonight he was dancing. With some 19year old that was friends with Jason. I was angry and jealous. Jerry had never danced with me, and what did this 19 year old kid know about my 37 year old fling and old crush. No matter how hard I tried to get jerry alone that ill 19 year old was right there. OK he was really more like 21 22 my age or even older because he was able to follow us to the bar but still. Why could I never get jerry to dance with me or even cling to me the was he was clinging to this guy who clearly was not looking for a relationship?
Then it hit me once again like it always dose. Men want what they cant have, and jerry could have me so he didn't want me. I no longer wanted jerry at 37 and still playing games and fooling around with younger guys is not a man who can potentially comment.
I danced the rest of the night away only to stop and have servers older men stare at me. I feared being hit on so I looked angry and stuck up.
The ride how was far more fun than than the club. We joked and laughed and turned getting gas into quite a comedy routine. We paid mostly with change found in my back seat.
When dropping Tia off I announced that I quit smoking when she offered me a Newport 100. Jason said “again” and I assured him I already had quit it was a done deal unlike the times before when I said I was going to .
I got in my car and called my job to call out I did just an OK performance of sounding like I had a sour throat. It was good enough though and now I was in the clear. I proceeded to Jason's to pick him up and like always he was not ready.
Before I knew it I was literal fighting with his kitten. This ill creature was jumping on me, bitting, scratching me and attacking my by surprise. He was fun at first but the ill thing started to piss me off and I started to hit for real which only made him fight harder.
I and Jason then went to Louise's house to make an appearance at the baby shower than whisk him away with us to the club. A few laughs and after making a new friend or two we were ready.
Little did I know it was Jason and Clinton's 2mo anniversary. So we dropped Jason off to spend a ill time while we retrieved Tia. That was an adventure as I managed to slightly damage my car's right fender.
After I managed to all in the car it was your normal ride down chestnut street to our normal parking spot. Although it had been almost two month's since I've driven this rout it felt like I had just done it yesterday.
We parked I changed my shoes and we walked to the club only for me to realize my ID was not in my pocket like I thought. I went back to the car, looked inside outside and all around it. Jason and all ended up coming back to help me find it. It turned out to be in the driver seat.
My lavender bad didn't feel any more special than all the other colors I had collected over my trips to Woody's. I walked in looking and felling like I didn't care half waiting on K and my other half still open to the idea that their still may be something better.
Once on the dance floor, nothing I was board. If I had money for a drink it would have been slightly better but sober I remained, sober was all I could afford. I found gorge to say happy birthday and returned to my friends. I spent most of the night dancing with Louise.
Much to my surprise Jerry was not only at the club tonight he was dancing. With some 19year old that was friends with Jason. I was angry and jealous. Jerry had never danced with me, and what did this 19 year old kid know about my 37 year old fling and old crush. No matter how hard I tried to get jerry alone that ill 19 year old was right there. OK he was really more like 21 22 my age or even older because he was able to follow us to the bar but still. Why could I never get jerry to dance with me or even cling to me the was he was clinging to this guy who clearly was not looking for a relationship?
Then it hit me once again like it always dose. Men want what they cant have, and jerry could have me so he didn't want me. I no longer wanted jerry at 37 and still playing games and fooling around with younger guys is not a man who can potentially comment.
I danced the rest of the night away only to stop and have servers older men stare at me. I feared being hit on so I looked angry and stuck up.
The ride how was far more fun than than the club. We joked and laughed and turned getting gas into quite a comedy routine. We paid mostly with change found in my back seat.
When dropping Tia off I announced that I quit smoking when she offered me a Newport 100. Jason said “again” and I assured him I already had quit it was a done deal unlike the times before when I said I was going to .
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