You Aint My Daddy!!!

It would appear that some people after a large amount or time spent with me don’t seem to get it. The one thing that pisses me off the most, is trying to change me. I am who I am, I am stubborn, emotional, I don’t hide my emotions, I have a nasty temper which I try to keep in check, I need space, I need love, I need me time, I don’t ask for much, I am a fighter and I enjoy a good fight. I have little patience with those who refuse to take a hint. I am a gay male with issues just like every other male since the beginning of time.

Today MeTo decided to run off at the mouth. I was already in a bad mood. The night before I lost my wallet and I had to go to the school that I wanted to go to and I needed to have my id on me. I lost it at a night club. I was checking out a job opportunity.  I texted my friend and told him I thought I left it there and sure enough he did. I knew MeTo was not in the mood to drive back there and get it. I had already explained to MeTo what was going on in detail. He then asked why I was not panicking. I saw no need to panic my wallet was found and was in good hands. I was trying to find out if I could pick up from my friend before I went to the school. He told me it was ok. No need to panic.

Today MeTo ended up driving me to the school after I picked up my wallet; he was again in a bad mood. He dropped me off and decided to wait in the car. I stood in one line, then another and then another. Progress was made except my financial aid was not ready yet, which meant that I had to make a deposit in order to hold my classes. MeTo got upset and I then went to financial aid just to be sure, and it was confirmed.

Apparently there had been some glitch in the system which put a hold on allowing me to register and declare a major all of these things needed to be done before I got my aid. It was fixed but last minute. Now what I get for aid is greater than my tuition meaning I am going to get a kick back. But MeTo and I are having financial issues so it was not good news. I was ready to just wait till the fall but MeTo told me he would dig into savings and I would pay him back.

In the car ride home he preceded to lecture my about my laissez-faire attitude and how I am wasting time getting my life together. He made it clear that it was my fault my application went in late. At the time I applied I was not working and the account that I had money in was a prepaid MasterCard that expired and I requested a new one which took forever to arrive. Mean while I was still paying our cable bill and cell phone bill. I told MeTo the situation and he would respond, “Well make sure you get that in ASAP.” “I would respond as soon as I get my application fee.”

MeTo’s little chat lasted the entire ride back home. I felt insulted that he was saying I was basically sitting on my ass and not grabbing the bull by the horns. Meanwhile I was looking for a second job and had to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to get a full time job or go to school. It was MeTo who told me to make school my number one priority. I was getting no hours at Barns and noble and so what was I to do? He complained when I told him I was going to get a job at a night club.

This whiney brat hated when I yelled and cursed, he wanted me to give him a fucking play by play for every move I made and thinks arguments are supposed to go according to how he wants it to go, calm no yelling, no cursing, no throwing things.

I simply stayed quiet packed some boxes and before I knew he left without telling me. Some loud music, a lot of drinking and a dozen broken bottles latter the cops showed up. I got them to leave and I let MeTo have it, His ring along with a new ass hole.

So Fucking Sue Me!

I have said it a thousand times, “Gays love drama.” It is not so much that we go out and seek it, it kind of just finds us. Most gay men handle drama fairly well. It is the ones that like to drag everyone else, such as friends and family, in that most people have an issue with. A little dram in a relationship is fine, cursing and screaming at each other is healthy in any relationship gay or straight it does not matter. It typically leads to great makeup sex.

Recently MeTo and I had a huge fight. I will talk at about the actual fight later. A typical fight is extremely boring. In MeTo’s perfect world there is no fighting just discussing. He talks then I talk then we come to an understanding. Where is the fun in that?

I have a temper, I have learned to control it and see no reason for me to seek counseling to handle my temper, it is under control unless you push me too far. Everyone that is important know the warning signs. The most important one, if I become unresponsive to you, go away. This typically happens because something the other person said makes me want to do one or more of the following. Jump up and hit them, throw something at them, break something that belongs to them, or cures them out in such a manner it would make an army sergeant blush. 

It is not easy to get me to this point, the comments are usually comparing me negatively to someone who I am honestly nothing like, making assumptions, ill advised accusations and repeats of prior conversations indicating the person was not listening and did not get the point that I spelled out so eloquently for them.

This rarely happens and it never happens with friends and colleagues just MeTo you can understand my frustration. Now imagine if you will all this has been explained more than once, I am verbally attacked and I stop taking. The other person continues to drone on and on about something and it is now clear that I have stopped listening. I am tapping my foot, rapping my fingers, giving the look of death and they continue on and then ask why I am not saying anything. So I walk away.

This continues several times, I get heated and we discuss what he needs to do when this happens and better yet how not to let it happen. Mind you everyone else gets it. Finally he pisses me off and I decide to handle it my way. I start yelling and then I am told not to yell. So I lower my tone and start cursing I am furious and my words are the only thing keeping me from killing him.

He becomes angry and doesn’t want to talk so I let him have it all. All the pent up anger is served to him on a silver platter. I tried negotiating with him and he does not want to meet me half way. So I do it my way. The result he is hurt and demands of an apology.

No if you are told not to poke the bear because the bear will attack you, and you go and poke the bear anyway, and the bear attacks you and hurts you badly, do you have a right to sue the bear keeper and the zoo?

We all say no so if you’re told to back off or have you head handed to you more than once and you choose not to heed the warning then sue me.

Two Years

What can be said once you are in a two year relationship moving onto the third? From the time I started my blog I talked about my relationships and my hunt for gay love. Then, without warning I found true love with the perfect family, then a year later I was given a ring if I promised to do one thing, spend the rest of my life with the same one person for the rest of my life. What does a city socialite turned Suburban house husband  talk about on his blog?

My blog is all about me and in some instances, my group of friends. I struggled to get my online presence out there but it was difficult to maintain my blog. I wanted it to go one way but my life was going another. I had to be honest with myself and evaluate what I honestly wanted for me and my life without considering the collateral damage.

For starters I want to get a degree in something and have a career. I thought maybe a writer of some kind or advertising or a combination of the two but my life did not work out the way I wanted. I was not given the opportunities as far as education financing goes to get the necessary degrees. So advertising was out but writing was still in. I soon learned that I liked the night life and everything about it, correction, I like the gay night life, I also thought about modeling but to get started it required to much financial investing I was also getting a little too old to be just starting. I looked younger than I really was which was working to my advantage but with the clock ticking it was a no go.

Then I realized that I could throw a hell of a party no matter what the budget was. All my friends complimented the food and asked for me to take note of important dates. Then I got into baking, then it was crocheting, then sewing, I was becoming Mr. Tommy Homemaker. I enjoyed leaning the dyeing Arts and having my friends admire me for my domestic skills, but a house husband I was not.

At the six month mark, MeTo and I moved in together and I soon lost my job. The loss of my job led to the loss of my car which meant I was stuck in Jersey unless I took the train and with no job it was quite expensive. My Gayborhood life was slowly dyeing and I was less recognized as I came far less often than I did in the past.

I had no choice but to be a house husband and work on my domestic skills. I threw the occasional party but my friends were a great distance away and only one of us had a car. Soon my food was more elaborate and my baked goods were enjoyed by everyone even myself. I was then told I should do something with the baking. I sat at my computer and started to write my own recipes.

One summer while vacationing with MeTo’s family, four of us decided to cook, MeTo, his brother, his brother’s boyfriend, and myself. Someone jokingly sad we could do a show called, “Four Gay Guys.” Which latter turned into us writing a book. I was put in charge as I had the most free time but I was the only one writing recipes, then MeTo started making contributions but the project ended there. But I figured I would not let what work had been done to go to waste and so I continued advancing my skills and working on my own cookbook.

It proved difficult when I realized cooking for the sake of cooking was expensive the project went on hold when I got a job working at Hollister and Panera. I soon learned that Retail was not for me and I quit Hollister. Panera was an odd schedule and it left me with little free time. Before I knew it however MeTo threw down an idea, Bethéa Pâtisserie. He wanted me to start my own baking business and I thought the idea was perfect. I figured it could grow from a home business to an actually bakery and then a Bakery Café. I had always wanted my mother to have her own bakery café but she seemed to lack the motivation.

I soon realized that New Jersey sucked on a whole other level, unlike my beloved Pennsylvania or even New York, New Jersey does not allow Cottage business, the production and selling of food made in a private residence.

I quit my job at Panra and tried to do things under the table but it was a no go. So I got a job at Barnes and Noble and decided I was going to go to school for Culinary arts. I had taken all the Wilton Decorating classes at Michael’s over the summer and could not find the money to go to The French Culinary Institute for Pastry arts so I figured I would start at the bottom and work my way up in such a way that after a certain point my career, I would take off like wild fire.

Things are in place for me to go to school this spring and there are parts of my life I need to address before I take any drastic measures. As it stands now I am engaged and living in Jersey and preparing to go to community college for Culinary arts management. I have a job at Barnes and Noble but I have not gotten hours for the past three weeks. I have been in my current relationship for two years.

With all of this said I have to evaluate where I have been, where I am going and where I would like to go. The most attractive part of my current situation is that I am experiencing things that I would not if things were different.

In an ideal situation I would have my driver license back and a car with a job that would allow me to afford, gas, insurance, rent, and some money to have fun with every now and then. I would also go to school for my dream job. I have decided that a Career in Pastry arts is in fact what I want. However my career is something that I don’t want to share, meaning I do not want to start a family business. I know that it sounds selfish but think about it, most people go to work and their work life is shared with only coworkers the people at home are part of a different world and I find this separation to be important on a productive level it allows me to feel that home and work are separate and there is no way that the two could become one even by accident.

Bethéa Pâtisserie is my future without a doubt but how am I going to get there? Where will Bethéa Pâtisserie be located? Those are questions that I have to keep in mind with every step towards my goal. Now I do want to eventually get married and I want more than anything to marry MeTo ergo, we are currently engaged.

MeTo is a country boy and I am a City Kid we are both hardcore and hate the suburbs. Its almost like he Is a fish and I am a bird. In order to be happy he needs the country, and I need the city.

I still dream of climbing the social ladder and think that the Gayborhood would be the perfect place to open Bethéa Pâtisserie. This however is an issue. How could I run a business in Philadelphia and have a life with my husband in upstate New York? The answerer of course is I can’t, not happily anyways. 

So do I compromise and run a business in the country and live in the country? When am I supposed to be happy I mean my husband has what he wants and needs. His plan is to work in the suburbs and live in the country. 

I like to play in the city and would be happy to live in the city. I like walking to the market or corner store, I like taking the buss to Center City to go shopping in order to save on parking, I even like sometimes taking the buss and train to work so I can read on the way. But in the country I have to drive everywhere I go. Now the fact that my Driver license is suspended is only a temporary hurdle as I will have it back soon enough.

Now I do enjoy driving but to be in a world where I have to drive is not my ideal situation. I also like to go to a club at the last minute, call my friends and meet one, two or more of them for a drink without having to make sleeping arrangements. City life and country life are way to different with a huge line in the middle called suburbs. What am I to do, I want to work and play in the city that is what I want, I don’t mind living in the country.

One solution to this is to have more than one house, this is what my in-laws, MeTo’s parents did. They both hated the city and my father in-law loved the country and so they bought a vacation home in the country, latter they moved out the city and into the suburbs and still had their house in the country. Now they all fell in love with the country and hated the suburbs and the city.

So MeTo and I decided that we would definitely have a country home, wherever MeTo wants that home to be is fine with me. Now our everyday home is another story and is still in discussion.

My dream home is huge with a large formal dining room a kitchen for a chef to be proud of, a closet that will house a large wardrobe, a bathroom with a tub large enough where a man of six foot two can soak comfortably, a large family room with high ceilings and a living room with white furniture and cherry wood tables. The basement will house an extravagant entertaining area complete with bar and pool table along with sitting area so guess can come over and enjoy movies, video games, and the Super Bowl, the other end will hose his train layout. Lastly my hubby and I need offices, my office will be large enough and equipped with the necessary accouterments for my crafts.

When I think about MeTo and my dream home it would be great to have it in the country but then what about the jobs that are paying for all this?

 For the first time in my life I am learning that you cannot plan every detail of your future, something’s have to remain open ended. To be 100% honest I want that dream house with MeTo and two kids more than my career, so I guess I need to focus on the following.

I need to get my driver license, a car, my degree, a decent job and where ever I end up living I will simply have to adjust. Besides there are ways of becoming well known and being a big shot in the city. There is that cookbook I am working on and I could also write a book for men who like fashion crafts such as, sewing, knitting, crocheting, and I could even merge the two and become like Martha Stewart, I just won’t sell out to Kmart and Sears.

So this writing assignment has served its purpose I know what I want out of life more than anything. It has been two interesting years with more good times than bad and more exciting and happy memories than I could have wished for and I want more of the same. I would imagine that my struggle with Old me and New me is over. We have figured out what we want and are willing to sacrifice to get it there is a plan to become happy and maybe get a little fame along the way. My Goal, get the dream house but how am I going to do that?

So here it is, I am Vixc-B and I enjoy, B&W Photography, Baking, Cooking, Crocheting, Sewing, Writing, Reading, Listening to music, Dancing, Clubbing, hosting Parties, and taking care of my Fiancé,