Happy Monthaversery

To the man who has filled my life with six months of Joy. I love you always you’re the best, my all, the love of my life, my other self, My Mr. MeTo (Robby P).
Thank You For the best 6 months of my life and here is to a lifetime full of many more happy days, weeks, months and years.

Love Always

Vixc B in NB.

So I said . . .

Dear Josh
I don’t really know what to say now. I have no choice but to respect the way you responded. I wrote to you using quite a harsh tone and even went as far as name calling. It took a lot to get the courage to write to you and I put it off for so long that it built up to the point that I almost exploded.

I don’t understand how someone could shut someone out of their life simply because someone new tells them to do so. It really hurts when I think about how much drama you went through in November and December and I still encouraged you to do what was best for you. I wanted and still want you and Joe to live happily ever after.

When you told me the story, I was shocked and when you told me the two of you were getting back together I held my tong not for fear of saying something I may regret or of losing your friendship but because despite all the bad you mentioned I knew that there must be a good reason to give a person like him another attempt. It sucks that Joe cannot see that I have no desire to get back with you and it is as your friend; I hope that you are happy.

It also sucks that you and I never had the time to just be happy being friends. We both are at a point where we should have let the past be water under the bridge and made memories as friends. I cannot deny that we had some cool times together and I honestly thought you and I would be more than exes. I am an extremely forgiving person and if you feel you have a reason to be sorry and meant that you are sorry than I forgive you.

Rob says sometimes I am too forgiving and that is something that I do not regret having in my character because the people closest to me know where it stems from and see they have nothing to worry about.

I have also noticed many things in your character that some see as flaws but are far from it. You value friends and it hurt me when it seemed that at your request I offered you mine and it was not honored.

I trust Joe is a good guy and good to you and if you keep in touch with me I hope that he someday realizes that all I ever want from you is friendship, real friendship. If anyone can truly relate to a lot of the struggles I have faced over the past two years and many that I have had to deal with before I came out, it’s you.

Regardless of whom I came out for I will regret the reason I came out, it did it to have a relationship and not simply so I could be more comfortable with myself. I should have come out for me and me alone and that’s really what I regret. I apologize for calling you a fagot that was off color and unnecessary. I know you have problems and I also know you have the ability to deal and overcome them without alcohol and drugs of any nature. You’re a strong person Joshua M Mariano, and it dose pain me to see you use drugs occasionally and alcohol to deal with life only because I see more with in you. (Not that I see you as a druggie or ever did.)
I am sorry to hear about your sister and I will pray for her. I am also sorry to hear about your job I was really hopping you could leave that place on a high note. I am happy to hear you are in Vegas near family and I pray things go well.

In closing I know that life is hard and I hope you always use your struggles to help you grow and become stronger. As for me I am living in NJ with my Hubby Rob and from the looks of things it’s only a matter of time before we start planning for marriage. I still have all my friends in Philly and I still hang out at all my old spots. The plus side to living where I am is I am only 55min outside Manhattan by train and it’s a cheap train ride. Jazz and I are working out our differences and are friends again.

If you chose to be friends then it would be nice to catch up for real, if not then I hope your life in Vegas is better than you planned.

Here’s to you Kid


Vixc B of Philly

Then he said . . .

I am going to reply to this. My words are never really spoken wisely
or ever really come out correctly. You can say or think what you
want. I honestly have thought about you a lot. I stopped talking to
you for all the wrong reasons. Well, for one wrong reason. Because
it upset Joe. I have not changed my number. I texted you today
because my phone is now turned back on. Never got a text back but
checked my email now before bed and got this so I feel I should reply.
I am sorry for how you feel. You put up with a lot from me. I will
never deny that. I am sorry. I am sorry for everything. Don't worry
karma is a bitch, it always catches up with me. Always has. I should
have never stopped talking to you. However the whole moving to vegas
thing happened in like three weeks after I got fired. There was a
whole lot that went on and I didn't have time to say bye to a lot of
people I wanted to. You can think whatever you like about me. If I'm
a queen and/or a fag in ever sense (p.s. you typed 'since') of the
word then who cares. I don't. I know I'm not. I am who I am. I
have issues and problems. I don't ever recall trying to say
otherwise. I have no problem now trying to keep in contact with you
since I am unemployed I do have some free time on my hands and my
phone is back on. Don't take it personally though. I didn't know my
sister was taken to the hospital in an ambulance the other day because
my phone wuz shut off. Whatever, now I'm rambling. But lemme know
what number you are using now cuz there for a while there were two and
sometimes you would never get a txt or call so my number is still the
same and my computer isn't hooked up so I don't check my email and
stuff too often. Hope you are doing well and honestly, maybe you did
deserve someone else to come out for. I don't know what you want from
me. The person I came out to and was best friends with and became
straight but I don't hold it against him. I care about you and hope
to hear from you soon.

fuck him

Dear Josh aka Mr. M
I hope this reaches you in good health and high spirits. I was hoping to either hear from you or see you before you wet to Vegas but once again you proved hoping anything from you is pointless.
I have been thinking about you a lot lastly and I don’t know why. I think it may have to do with my whole coming out experience and how I did it for the wrong reasons.
I have no choice but to remember you as you were involved in a major part of my life and I wish to god it was someone else. I tried to be a great boyfriend to you and got hurt, bad. Then at your request I tried to be friends with you and got hurt even worse. I doubt you even check this email as you apparently changed your number without telling me.
When you told me the whole story about Joe I refused to judge and simply supported you. You made accusations and pre distinctions before I even gave my opinion. I mad attempts to make your birthday special and even rearranged my schedule to be there for you.
But what can I say your simply not worth it you were never worth it, I wish to god someone had told me you were such the drama queen that you are. You simply suck as a friend and are a worse boyfriend you want the fairytale yet you chose the wrong elements.
You played with my heart and never apologized. You said hurtful things about me to my face and behind my back then denied them you proved to me that of all the mistakes in my life you were the biggest and the worse. If I could take back coming out I would.
I sit here in my three bedroom condo with my hubby and watch as he has to deal with the damage you caused just as I had to deal with the damage your exes caused you. I know this may seem like it is coming out of left field but I tried being friends with you and encouraged you to read my blog but you refused to support me in the smallest way. You took and took from me and now I wish I never met you and that I never came out.
If you chose to respond to thing I suggest you chose your words carefully. If you chose not to then all the better. You’re an alcoholic a drug addict and I am not talking pot. You’re a queen and a fag in every since of the word. If what you told me about Joe is true than you deserve him, May the good people of the world be free from you. Decent people know the good and the bad they do and always try to right their wrongs.
To be remembered greatly

Vixc B of Philly