25 December 2008

It Just Came Late, I Think.

As any of my friends can tell you and almost all of my family, this year was not a merry season. I did not want to yet could I afford to buy gifts. I did not feel like decorating and wished that this holiday would soon pass. I had planned to sleep most of it away and then fast forward through the rest; it however did not work out that way.

I was awakened from a not so pleasant dream by my mother who wanted me to clean the tub. I was pissed, as after I permed my hair I made sure I returned it to the state it was before I used it. Not having cleanser, I used some purple cleaner that she handed me and happened to work better. I returned to bed and had difficulty falling back to sleep as the sun had already risen.

Tossing and turning I received a text message wishing me a merry Christmas from Zach, to which I replied, "To early." An hour or two later my mother started to scream for my sister and I. With her not saying what needed to be done after each yell I figured I stay half asleep. She stopped yelling and I then felt bad, as I knew, she wanted to open gifts and I probably hurt her feeling by not making a big deal or even pretending for her sake.

I half listened as gifts were opened and she guessed what hers was without even touching the box. I knew she had gotten me a gift card, and I was satisfied with the idea, no need to rush to open it. I awoke finally and started to get ready. I was excited to wear the present I bought myself, a chain with a Whinny the Pooh charm. It was going to go great with my black shirt that has silver and white lines running through it.

I showered, shaved, dressed, and talked to my sister who told me what I was to get from my stepfather for Christmas, 60 dollars. I told everyone I needed money and why. I know why I got the gift card from my mother and I am completely satisfied, to be quite honest from her money would not have meant as much. In the middle of getting dressed, she gave me a big kiss on the cheek and ensured that I had an imprint of red lips on my face.

Once I dressed completely and put on makeup to hide my puffy face, from a lack of sleep the past few days, I joined the rest of my family and drank a cup of tea. It was not long before we left to continue with family tradition. We went to my grandmother's house as it has been done since the birth of the first grandchild 24 years ago. We waited for the entire family to arrive, which includes my grandmother, her three daughters, her one son, my stepfather, my aunt's husband, 8 blood grand children, and one adopted. The eldest of us had to work, thank god.

We had breakfast, which any black family can tell you a truly good meal for any family event consist of fried chicken and waffles. I think that has been a tradition for the past maybe 8 or 10 years. Then the gifts my grandmother bought for all while uncle john bought for the little ones and his favorite, my sister. My aunt Shunie bought for the little ones, and thank god, she did. My youngest aunt has absolutely no fashion since; her daughter is dressed like a boy and her son an old man. To rectify this, my aunt bought my cousin clothes to make her look like a little girl. My cousin after trying them all on decided to keep an outfit on.

I was cynical and was quick to make snappy comments and jokes about what annoyed me. My cousins and sister joined in because they felt the same way.

After the gift opining, this was done in size order according to gifts and I going third having gotten a wallet, had bid farewell and headed to my next stop. I called Brenda who has become part of my Christmas tradition, only to find out I missed her, so I grabbed my cards and to my Grandma Betty's.

It was perfect timing, as I was sitting in my car filling out the cards my aunt pulled aside me and had my cousin in the car with her. I hadn't seen him since we worked together. We chatted and I went in the house.

It was just how it is every year. Eating and merry making, Card reading and joke telling, it was how Christmas with the family should be. I was quite shocked as I left my grandmother's house. I had to admit I had a really nice Christmas. I got a decent amount of money, and had a good time with the people I loved.

Was it because I lowered my expectations, or was it because the spirit just came late? Whatever it was I hope the feeling comes sooner next year so that I don’t risk hurting any feelings or feeling bad at the end of the day. So while I still feel warm in heart I wish merry Christmas to all and to all the happiest New Year.

22 December 2008

Never Over

Why is it when you decide to cut someone out of your life something kind of major happens to remind you of him or her, the good times, and why you allowed him or her to stay in your life for so long. I cannot look at a picture that was artistically taken without thinking of Neal Curly, I look at some of the clothes I bought to where to a party and I think about how jazz was with me to pick them out and what a good time we had. Almost everywhere, I go in the city of Philadelphia I See my friends from high school and ex boyfriends.

The new job has taken me to a town I never thought I would go to again, a town I had decided would have a great memory and that its. It was July second and I had lead my boy friend at the time to the wrong extension of the Penn Turnpike. I was supposed to get him to the turnpike then follow him back to his place, but we never made it. We found a motor lodge to spend the night and after taking showers, we were intimate for the first time. The town is called Lansdale a little town north of Philadelphia that has no real significance.

My now ex and I had spent the morning of July fourth in what seemed to be a dead town before parting ways.

My new job has me working indirectly for Verizon FiOs, going door to door to get current landline and DSL customers to make the switch to the much better FiOs. The place I have to do this is Lansdale. I started the Thursday after Mr. M's birthday hangout, where I decided that not talking to him for a while would be a great idea. I was ever so shocked to find myself driving ever closer to the spot where I felt I truly fell for him.

After two days of having to go door to door learning the greatness that is VZ FiOs I saw that this town did not deserve to be remembered as that place but rather the place where I may one day move only because the cost of living seemed to be cheaper with all the apartments.

Once again, I received divine enlightenment one night while talking to Mr. MeTo it was explained how why so many people hold onto bad relationships. I had not asked for understanding nor had I told him about how I was feeling about Mr. M, the topic of relationships came up and wanted to share a lesson he learned and it helped me to see and understand Mr. M. a little better.

I have decided that I will continue with this break but when the New Year comes and he and I are friends again I will be all the better a friend because Mr. MeTo is really proving to be the half that I've been looking for.

21 December 2008

The Pink Life

I like to refer to gay life as the Pink Life. It sounds better and doesn't hit as hard. There is this belief that being gay means spending late nights out in the clubs drunk and having wild crazy sex. There are many different types of gay people who lead lives as different as there are different shades of pink.

Some gays chose to be conservative, while others are just out there, and then the rest fall somewhere in between. With all the persecution of what is debated as a choice or luck of the draw. Many men choose refuge with those who are the same and the best place to find other men who are like them are the clubs that pepper many major cities. There are online communities that cater to gentlemen who are longing to keep how they feel a secret but want to escape from a life of lies and deception for only a moment.

We live in a world where sex sells and many have forgotten what sex is. Not just Pink clubs but all clubs promote sex. The whole nightlife scene whether it be straight or gay is riddled with glamorous over use of Alcohol, provocative dance and dress, trying to score, illegal drug use, and all under the cover of night.

The modern Pink Life man is making a point to change. You see the LGBT organizations hosting events that are more wholesome. Showcasing the things that gays have been known to be good at for years, the arts. From film and stage to building and painting, the pink life is more than just sex.

Modern gay are now trying to prove that we are in fact the same as heterosexuals. We are just as good at raising children and taking care of families, we can manage money, work in any field not just the arts, we are different in only one way and that is the people we date are of the same sex and that is all.

Sure I talk about sex freely and my relationships, I talk about going to the clubs and the men in my life, But I also talk about my family, friends work and what I want in my future. To be quite honest I talk about the same things everyone else does, it's just in blog form.

This is my blog, it is about my life and my life is Pink.