Decisions

In the midst of adjusting to my dating life and trying not to balance it with my already crazy social schedule there were two things I was doing a poor job of letting go, ignoring or just explaining myself to. The two people who some would call my great loves or better known as Dr. MeTo and Mr. M.

Mr. M and I had made a half serious pack that if we are both still single when I turn 29 we would get married. It was all based on the fact that we both want to have kids and want to do it with a partner. It may seem strange but we are both sure that if given proper effort that feelings we have towards each other could bloom into the kind of love that creates the perfect environment to raise children.

While Dr. MeTo has no knowledge of said pack, he is still willing to do all in his power to prevent it from ever coming to fruition. I had been receiving text and Facebook message from him declaring his love and how much he misses me. They soon started coming at the most inopportune times like while I was in class or on a date. I had had it it was the same pattern he would send me text and I would begin to think about giving him a second chance and he would disappear from life again.

He then sent me a message on Facebook and we went back and forth until it just stopped. I then found out that I was out of a job, Jar Bar was closing the doors to the main location. This was bad news after not working for a whole week and I needed money badly.

I reached my stress limit and began dealing with each problem with no regard to how anyone else was going to feel. For MeTo I used “Spicy Revenge,” and “I Used Pepper to Take It Back,” to demonstrate how I felt and hoped that in it all he would see the big picture. As for work I called my mother to get some leads because Cups and Chairs was not an option.

I then went out with Patrick. I had met Patrick back in august and it was an odd date. We met at Tabu had dinner and he then joined my friends and I for drinks and dancing and I made the mistake of going home with him. He was a former bottom, he gave poor head and when he pulled out dildos I quickly sobered up. He was over 40 and wore Aeropostale the fact that he lived far away was the final straw but I could not bring myself to tell him I was far from interested, considering I sort of slept with the guy.

So I figured I would tell him the next time I saw him and sure enough he did his best to get me drunk and with me only pretending to be in a good mood the drinks melted my façade and when he asked me back to his hotel room I was quick to come up with an excuse. We parted ways and I spent the rest of the

night with my friends. I later sent him a text saying I could not date him due to my feelings for my ex, I was happy that it was the truth.

I walked home thinking about all my exes and somehow posted to Facebook that I had a shitty day.  

Mr. M was there for me and said all the right things, almost three thousand miles away and he somehow managed to always make time for me when I needed advice or just someone to listen. Then I was shocked when Ramon called to see how I was doing and he too did his best to get me out of my bad case of the reds.  

The next day I began writing and decided to take a break from dating. When I sat to write I realized I had a lot to write about. It is funny after almost a year of not writing I had more than enough.

When MeTo read my blog post he became angry and told me he was done with me and i tried calling and he refused to pick up his phone. I then went to my comp and spent the rest of the day writing. My friend David then decided taking me out to dinner would be good for me and so out I went.

I wasted no time in making myself look my best, my rule is you can feel like shit so long as you look Fabulous. Skinny Jeans and my favorite necklace and it was out for sushi, then gelato and drinks at Tabu.

Emotionally I should have went home when my friend did but I then met up with Andre and we drank at Bike Stop and that is where I met Tom. Tom was an older business owner and while he wanted my friend I knew he had no chance so I allowed him to buy me drink and we went outside a few time to smoke and I was feeling great so I allowed him to take me back to his place. It was over before I knew it and I was soon back home in my own bed alone.

The next Day Icon took me to Woody’s where I got drunk again and someone stole my scarf. MeTo called me and I ran outside to take the call. He sounded neither angry nor hurt. It was a brief conversation that left me hoping he would forgive me and that someday we could talk and express all the hurt that was now between us.

The next day I stayed home pondering a complicated question, “What do you do when you are in love with two people?

Do I . . .

• a)      Patch things up with Dr. MeTo and hope he takes me back
• b)      Try my luck at trying to get back with Mr. M
• c)       Continue dating and see where life takes me.

I think we know which one makes the most since. 

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New Bed, Old Habits

The time came when I was finally able to afford a real bed. With excitement I went and purchased a mattress set and the bed I was eying at Ikea. A week later my room was all set up with curtains, bed set, and finally Verizon FiOS.

I had noticed that I was repeating some old habits, mainly sleeping on my old one third of the bed and the same side that I slept on when I was with Dr. MeTo. Recently I decided that there was no need to keep to old sleeping habits. Even my subconscious begged me to change my habits. I would wake to find my head on the other side of the bed and my legs here they were when I feel asleep.

Finally the day came when I changed sides of the bed all together. I slept on the other side of the bed but my subconscious remained unsatisfied and I woke in the middle of the bed. Was my subconscious trying to tell me something other than the fact I needed to stop ACTING like I am in a relationship?

 I had to make the conscience admission to myself that I want to sleep on one side because at some point I would be back in a relationship. In the reality of it all I needed to enjoy the word of dating and not focus on the end result.

Last nigh I just hopped in the bed tried to spread from corner to corner and fell asleep. When I woke up, no bad dreams and I awoke in the same position. 

Life of Pi

I met JJ the way that I meet most of my guys and it took only two messages before numbers were exchanged and we were communicating via phone. Then Saturday came around and I was invited to the movies. As odd as it was, I allowed him to pic the movie and the theater. He chose Life of Pi at some theater in NJ and I went along.

We talked and I was not physically to attracted to him but the more he talked and the more I learned about him the more I was fascinated and knew I wanted a second date.

As for the movie I was pleasantly surprised. I kept thinking that I was going to be bored much like I thought about my date but like my date the movie was awesome. So I have added JJ to the guys worth dating list. 

To Be, or Not To Be?

Before I made the decision to date there was one guy who seemed he wanted to spend a lot of time with me. He worked at Woody’s when we finally met in person and after our initial meeting we would bump into each other in the Gayborhood and make out sessions would commence.

I thought it was a younger guy thing. I had always dated older guys up to this point and every man I dated would wait till we were secluded before going in for a kiss. I felt like I was in High School again, except this time I was making out with a guy. Soon he quit his job and his fallback fell through and we saw less of each other.  

Each meeting was the same until one night he actually came home with me and I was disappointed. He went from being this masculine tall guy with a mini af fro that I had made out with before to having micros which did not suite him. The sex was boring, it was no fun and felt like it was just going to go all night so I went to sleep.

I latter contacted him about hanging out and he told me he now had a boyfriend. I found it odd that this guy had a boyfriend. We had talked and he was not looking for anything serious and he was not going out because he did not have a job and he still had no job but now he was serious about someone else. He gave me the whole I hope we can be friends thing. I thought about it, to be friends or not to be. Here is a guy who has little time for anyone, no job, and suddenly a boyfriend.

The old me would have tried to maintain a relationship the new me, decided to write him off.  

A Second Date?

So the really cute younger guy Bachelor #1 who shall be known as Johnny, finally had time for me. We mad plans to go to his place and hang out. It was interesting as we kept in touch but for some reason our talk of sex had dwindled down to just an occasional text about each other’s days and occasionally we asked about seeing each other again. Thanksgiving had put a cramp on our schedules and made coordinating a block of time difficult but we managed and thus decided to take advantage.

I met him on the trolley and we hung out at his place and I was shocked to realize that I had talked myself up in the sex department more than I normally do. It made me fear that I had left no surprises. But when he kissed me I knew I was in trouble. He was quite the kisser and reminded me of a certain someone.  Things were quickly taken to the bedroom and before I knew it I was naked. With having talked myself up I had to live up to the hype and I had to put in more work than I normally do but it was worth it.

Afterwards he got a text that his roommate was coming home so we put on our clothes and headed to the living room where I helped him get reception for his television and we resumed watching football. He found the game boring so he went to make dinner.

After offering me something to drink he then told me I could keep him company in the kitchen, if I was bored. After having dealt with someone similar I knew what it meant and so I wasted no time going to the kitchen where we talked and get to know one another better.  

Dinner was tasty and we learned a lot about one another and I was pleased to find that I only found him more attractive and easier to get along with than initially thought.

When I left I was unsure to kiss him or what, it had been a long time since I dated. I thought I would leave it up to him and so there was no kiss and no hug but I still feel it was my fault.

When I first started this dating thing I remember hoping to find some guy that would sweep me off my feet or make me fall in love. I knew I didn’t want to rush anything with anyone but I still wanted only one guy who I spent a good chunk of time with. 

Damn Grindr

I have to admit Icon was right, Grindr is a useless app. I met Bachelor #2 via Grindr. His age should have been a red flag but being the masochist that I am, I went along for the ride.

Dick hit me up and he seemed like a nice guy so I gave him my number and on the phone he sounded like he could be good looking. He wanted to meet the next day and I told him I would get back to him. When the next day arrived I was a bit of a mess.

I woke up horny and potential FB#2 hit me up. He came over and his looks and mannerisms were a disappointment, overgrown nails, baggy clothes and ashy heels. I had to offer him a tissue before he wiped his nose. There was no kissing but when I saw his dick I was willing to take this one for a test drive.  He requested doggie and I was happy to oblige. We went for a good while changing between doggie and me on my stomach but when I asked to get on my back he told me these were the only two positions he could do it in. I was now annoyed and wanted him to hurry the heck up.

At one point the condom came off and he tried to fuck me raw, I of course stopped him and offered him a new one. I made sounds and motions to speed things up and when I told him I wanted him to cum he said, “I can’t nut with this condom on, can I take it off and get a few pumps?” I responded, “Safe only!”

He continued but I don’t know what for, I was completely fucking annoyed and it was not long before he could not keep an erection, but like a dumbass he kept trying to  put it in. Soon he gave up. I cleaned up and he left. I was pissed he begged me to fuck him and when I finally gave in, he sucked.  I then put on my favorite porn and using my pink friend I finished the job that FB#2 failed to complete.

An hour later I was back on A4A just browsing and potential FB#1 was on. He hit me up and asked for my number. We talked it up and made plans to meet but there was an issue, he wanted to go raw and when I told him I only play safe he tried to pressure me so I said I’ll think about it. I do not know about these black guys, they all want to go raw with a guy they do not know, ergo they are at the top of my, Do Not Trust, list.

I then get a call from Dick asking if we could meet, I made up a cock and bull story about going to see a friend perform. I never did see FB#1 and it was for the best.

Reset P2 Dating

To be one hundred percent honest, this whole dating thing happened by accident. I was honestly looking for a good fuck buddy. I wanted a guy that I could count on for a GOOD roll in the hay, and to my surprise it was a lot harder to find, than one might think.

I went from guys with little dicks that did nothing in bed but lay there to guys who were well endowed but were not one timers or only wanted to go raw. Sorry but fuck buddies are only buddies if we are playing safe and for me I am not a size queen lack of a big ship can be compensated by the ways that it makes. So for a hot min I gave it all up until there was that itch and A4A, came back into play.

So this time last year I was a rules guy and I had a good number of dates err, make that pre dates but all of them were lack luster so this year I threw caution to the wind and said, “just do what feels good.”

I won’t say I rewrote the book on dating but I definitely did write my own, borring slightly from our friends in Sex and the City. Here are my rules. .  .

1. 1.       Keep the back and forth emails and text to a minimum meet ASAP, if he is hesitant cut him off all together.
2. 2.       If I want to have sex with them I do, just be prepared to be only fuck buddies or to never see them again.
3. 3.       If I like there personality, analyze. Do I like them as a friend or is it that they are turning me on sexually.
4. 4.       Keep game play to a minimal, use only to test initial interest. Use for no other reason.
5. 5.       Don’t come off as needy or desperate.
6. 6.       Be casual and make sure they know you are cool with just being friends
7. 7.       Last but not least, if he is hot and you both only want to be friends revert back to the tried and true rules of dating, chances are you both will find each other boyfriend material.

It was following these rules that I met Bachelor #1. I thought we were only going to be friends but fait had other plans.

I met him like I meet most guys, via A4A and we swapped phone numbers and began what I thought was the beginning to a cool friendship. We were into texting and had some lengthy conversations via text.

My mother had upgraded her phone and after work I went to activate it on my line and while waiting for the trolley I fiddled with trying to learn the device. When I got home I got a text asking if I took the trolley. Naturally I responded with a simple yes and just like that what was going to be a simple friendship became a, “let’s see where this can go.”  He apparently liked how I looked in person and thus struck a nerve.

We made plans to bump into one another on purpose and I too liked what I saw. A Friday night at my favorite spot, Tabu and by accident he met most of my friends and we spent the night chatting away. He got major kudos and I had to admit I was slightly smitten. 

It Is Part Of a Process!

So there are these two other guys both cute smart and opinionated. Guy number one I met online when I first moved back to Philadelphia. We flirted via text a lot but I soon got bored with an electronic relationship and dropped him by the way side. Then there is Guy number 2 who I met recently and he talked a big game via text about me sitting on his face a various other sexual acts but when we met in person at his place to do said acts we ended up watching a movie, talking and throwing playful shade.

I have made it a rule that I will never make the first move when it comes to meeting for just sex and it has been a rule that has worked well for me. It this encounter with guy number two I found him not only physically attractive but I found myself extremely attracted to him for almost everything about  him. He had a dry since of humor and his likes and dislikes were unique and fascinating. We had a time window and before I knew it the window closed and it was time for me to go.

After I left I sent him a text to ask why he did not make a move and I was told it was because he was shy, another thing I found attractive. I told him my rule and why I had such a rule and he respected it. We continue to talk and I definitely would live to have more than just a physical encounter with him, but we will see what happens.

As for guy number one he is a bit too demanding and one of those, “Let’s play by MY rules,” type of guys. For starters this is the third time we have been on this path. And there have already been three incidents.

Incident number one, he asked for nude pictures of me.  I have a rule where I do not send nude pictures to men I have yet to meet. Too often guys will take your number and you will send nude pictures back and forth only to never meet and eventually to never hear from them again. If you want to see me naked then come see me naked other than that, deal with what everyone else gets to see. I mean why should I give you a preview? If we had met in a bar you would have had two options, take me home and get me naked or not.

When he realized I was not sending him nude shots I explained why and he became offended that he was being treated like every other guy and not made to feel special. Sorry but I feel if you want to be treated special then treat special. If I have known you via text for over a year and we never meet in person then I have no reason to treat you like I will.

Incident number two, he told me he does not go out at night yet I was at Tabu one evening and there he was. I had chosen to send him a text indicating I saw him and could not to deny it. We sent a few text back and forth and when I told him he could come over and say hi nothing so I asked if he left and a Yes ended the nights communications.

Incident number three, we made plans to meet. He had to work and I had the day off, and I had already learned from prior experiences not to put much stock in this guy and so I got laid about mid-day by my a new fuck buddy. I then decided I needed to shower and wash my hair  I got a text around 6:30 asking what I was doing and I was almost done my hair so I told him, doing my hair. He told me that he would be home around 7 and so I figured that gave me a little time. Once I was done my hair and dressed I sent him a text stating I was on my way and I needed his address. He then responded angrily asking why I waited two hours to respond. I looked at my watch and it was not even 8 yet. I decided to apologize for not giving him an ETA and made other plans for my evening.

This guy is an odd one and you may ask, “Why do you keep talking to him?” Well I find him to be cute and most times his text make me laugh or he says really nice things and so before I write him off all together like most gay men do after one MINOR incident I figure I will meet him in person first and then decide. 

Stayed tuned for more about them later.