A Friendly Evolution

The cool thing about many gays is that we always want to belong to a group. Not so much an exclusive group just a group that we can say we belong to. A group full of people that get along and enjoy many of the same things. I guess you can all it a Clique minus that petty high school bull shit.

The coolest thing in my life I would have to say is my group of friends. Many of which I have written about in the past. The thing about groups of friends is that they evolve and sometimes change. As you grow you will notice this to be a sometimes sad truth.

They say if you can count more than one good friend you are truly blessed and I must admit that I am highly blessed. I still have my friends Jaiye, Phil, and RJ but for the past six months there have been some new major players in my life. There are two people that keep my grounded and encourage personal growth and development in ways that I thought only Jaiye would ever do.

I met Icon and Ivan while working at Starbucks. They were a dynamic duo and invited me to hang out one night and the rest was history. Ivan and I would argue and disagree to such a degree one would think fist would be thrown but instead we would look at each other and decide to just drop it and move onto laughing. Icon was impressed and loved the fact that he had two totally different friends who enjoyed each other's differences.

Icon is the sweetheart, one of the sweetest people anyone could ever meet. He keeps the peace without trying and has a style that is so unique that people cant help but to notice him and tell him how great he looks. To be honest he is 6'5 and if you got something negative to say you most likely will just keep it to yourself. I like to call Icon Mama. He carries a hug bag with all the stuff he needs and has the demeanor of someone's grandmother, loving yet stern.

Ivan is from the Lehigh Valley and is extremely different from Icon and I. If you had to pick a category for each of our style Icon would be 90's R&B, Ivan very new millennium Frat boy, and I would be 80's rock. Ivan has very strict rules for himself and does a great job of balancing that with not being to judgmental of others.

While Icon is hopeful of finding love, Ivan doesn't want to even think about falling until he is at least 30 and I am simply looking for a good time while I waiting for the right guy to come along in the right circumstance.

Then of course there is Jaiye who is settled down with his boyfriend in south Philly. Phil continues to work his ass off at school and work and remains unseen. RJ is still RJ and going to school for cosmetology.

The others are now just after thoughts and have become not so important. But having five friends who I consider best friends is more than amazing and I have made so many memories some of which you will read in the near future.   

J.R and The Winner

Some men I just don't get, big talkers and gamers are the worse. During my stint with J.R. I ended up leaving my Favorite Belt, a pair of shorts, and an earing over his house, we even had a spare set of keys made so that if I got locked out my apartment I would just go to his job or call him so I could get into my apartment.

Well right after I decided to leave him a lone for awhile I got got text one day telling me he lost his job. Being the good person that I am I tried calling and texting him. He would never pick up and he rarely responded to text. This was new and odd considering before he would answer on the first ring or text me right back if did not answer.

Then the day came when I was locked out and as planned I called him for my keys. It was important because I had to work the morning shift the next day. He would not answer his phone. I decided that I would go to his apartment and bang on his door. I had to call a dozen times in the process. I then went to his favorite spots to see if anyone had seen him. No one saw him all night. When I went back to his apartment I noticed that all the lights were now off with the exception of one.

I could tell the dogs herd the bell because every time I rang it they would go crazy with barking. Obviously he was home when I first stopped by and this time he was not, so I continued to call. He finally called me back and told me he was in bed and had an interview the next day. I explained the situation and he told me that in the process of getting fired and cleaning out his desk he left my keys. I asked why and he stopped himself when began to say he didn't care, Ouch. I went to Ivan's house, I sent text to all my supervisors explaining the situation and crashed there.

Latter the next day I got a text from J.R. Saying he looked all over his apartment and could not find the keys, when I asked about the interview I got no response.

The Saturday before the aids walk I was still locked out and my roommates being who they are chose not to help me. So I went to the Belgum Cafe for my favorite fries and vegan wings. There I bumped into a few of J.R.'s friends and when he walked in I could tell he was avoiding me, he kept his back to me and went to the bathroom. I got my food and left.

I got to Phil's and sent J.R. a text. He responded saying he cared and all that bull shit, then he told me he started seeing someone else. I wanted to see him in person to talk but he then told me he was on his way to the new guys house to have sex because he needed sex.

I bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked three. The next week it was hell, I could hardly eat, and threw most of that up. I smoked unlike ever before and soon I was drinking heavily to top it all off.

As time passed I felt better and tried the whole friend thing and J.R, but 99% of the time he just ignored me as best he could. You would think he would offer closure or the shit that he was holding hostage at his apartment. Its one thing to fuck with a gay man's heart and totally different thing to fuck with his wardrobe.

The funny thing was JR was about to have his 30^th birthday and I had agreed to do his cake and as the event approached I herd nothing but I did get an invite. The day of his actual birthday I had to stop by Ivan's to pick something up which meant I had to pass Belgum Cafe, so I stopped in to say Happy Birthday. He was all aglow and honestly looked happy to see me I told him I was unsure if I was going to the party.

After hanging out with the new thug in my life we made plans to go dressed to the nines.

The day of the party I went shopping got a new outfit and did my hair. I then got a message that my thug was not coming and I had already responded yes to the invite. At the party I got no hi or anything even when I tried to say happy birthday. So I spent time with his friends who told how he acts more like a princess now and I just felt great about me. Considering the outfit I was wearing I still looked like a boy and I was hot. He was wearing an outfit I seen several times before.

I met up with Icon and got drunker. The bartender at the party kept giving me doubles for the price of a single so I was already quite tipsy. I went to my new apartment around 1 and passed out.

A few days latter I began getting word that, “I won.” I asked Ivan what he meant and he told me that I had a social life, a job I liked, friends who liked me, and I was dating and having fun. Then I asked the girl who used to be my BFF and she said the same thing plus I was way better looking and she added how his friends all still liked me.

The news put me on cloud nine, however there is just one major issue, my shorts and belt. Everyone liked those shorts and the belt has memories and JR lives around the corner from Ivan. I still get his foursquare and I text him once in a blue moon and he doesn't respond but he is a looser and I am a winner.  

Is It Just Sex?

In advertising sex sells, in humor sex jokes get the biggest laughs and in magazines sex articles are the most read. People like sex; we like to do it, read about it, watch it, laugh at it, and talk about it. Just think about it, how many times a day is something said that makes you think about sex? More often than not they are juvenile thoughts and major stretches you make to make something that has nothing to do with sex sound like it dose.

Recently I have taken it upon myself to do a little research into the world of sex facts and it is no surprise that the list is extensive. From facts about men, semen and their sex drive, women, sex organs, all the way to medieval stories about sex that have been recently changed into more appropriate Disney movies.

Some of the most interesting facts that I have found people to be more interested in are the ones not so much about sex organs but sexual fluids, semen to be more specific. There has been a long sexual debate about what to do with the stuff when performing Fellatio. I was shocked to find that the most common response is to swallow; this is by both guys and girls. (Source) I searched high and low to see if I could find a message board or poll that had the opposite view and all of them said the best thing to do is to swallow it. Many people even went on to describe it as simply warm liquid and that it should not be so difficult to do. I found it simply fascinating. I then decided to take a poll of my own and was shocked that almost all of my friends agree that swallow is done by an extremely high percentage of my friends.

A few more interesting semen facts, most men can shoot an easy ten feet, but one guy broke the record by shooting 18 feet he holds all the records as of now with greatest height, velocity and I would imagine amount. I could only imagine that to get hit with something like that at close range would hurt, so he has no choice but to pull out.  The oldest dad was 90 at the time, giving hope to us youngsters that you can still have a sex life well into our geriatric years because at age 73 most men are still potent and thanks to Viagra and Calis testing this theory is all the easier. 

To find sex facts are quite easy and they typically are the same from one web site to the next. Like when I was looking for the nutritional information for seamen. This is a fun one for everyone. While we know it is high in protein it also contains fructose a type of sugar, Water, Ascorbic acid (a.k.a., vitamin C), Citric acid, Enzymes, Protein, Phosphate and bicarbonate buffers, Zinc, and is a low calorie food at only about 6 calories per teaspoon. So you have even more reason to swallow.

Another group of attention-grabbing sex facts are pertaining to male endowments. Everyone wants to know what is the biggest, what is the smallest, and why is the average so small? I am happy to say I can answer them all. The smallest recorded was 1cm erect. Now how that counts I am not sure but it does and who did this recording is up in the air but this seems to be the confirmed smallest. I can tell you that the reason for this was a medical condition.  There are two that exist; there is micropenis where most of the penis resides inside the body and congenital hypoplasia, where the glands better known as the head, is attached directly to the pubis.

The largest penis ever recorded measured 13.5 inches long. This has happened twice in modern history once in the early 20^th century and again at the end. Many of you might have herd of Private Dicks, an HBO special, that’s where this giant wonder hit the little screen back in 1999. I have not seen this special but it is all over the internet. The owner is unemployed and refuses to do porn; he has self respect, go figure. I have also not been able to find any pictures of it either so that’s the big and small of it.

Did you know that of all the primates Men have the largest penises? One would think the largest primate would have the largest penis but that’s not so. And while we are speaking of records you will be shocked to know that the largest baby ever born was done naturally without an epidural, the baby weighed in at 26 pounds with a head diameter of 6 inches or 15 cm meaning mom had the largest vagina and at 7 foot 8 it makes since. Most women are lucky if they dilate the full 10cm but this woman did it and went on to do an extra five. The baby however did not survive, 15cm was still a little small and it took work at both ends to get him out.

As far as records goes in regards to sex the list goes on and on. There is the, largest orgy, the most orgasms, or a quite interesting one, the longest some guy took to take care of himself (masturbated). Yeah believe it or not there is a contest for this, the one who holds out the longest is the winner and this guy held out for 9 hours and 58 minutes, one would think with that control he could have held out a little longer to make it an even 10 but I guess he is saving himself for the next go around. 

While people love to hear, talk, and joke about sex, they enjoy the act just as much and the most partners for a man in one hour was 52, he was supposed to have 101 but he got around to the rest two weeks later.  While men are known for wanting sex 24/7 based upon how often they get erections, on average 11 while awake and 9 at night, women are capable of having more partners in one day. One woman had 919 guys in one day. When we check out the most orgasms in an hour a woman had 134 and the man only 19. And you know the longer you go the longer it takes.

Men however prove to be more willing to go to great lengths for sex than women. 56% of men admit to have had sex at work; men are most likely to be the ones tied up during sex, and men are less shameful in their sexual endeavors. 60% percent of men admit to masturbation and while only 1 out of a 1000 men can perform Fellatio on themselves many more have tried.

So know that you know a lot more about sex and men than many of your friends here is a few tips to make your sex lives a little better. Men are easily aroused so if a simple kiss or genital rub is not enough to get things going try one of the following. The sent of lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, and pumpkin pie all increase blood flow to the penis. Apple pie causes arousal. Men are territorial and most modern men still enjoy marking territory, they do this by having sex so change the scene.

Remember that this is in fact a gay blog and most sex records involve Heterosexual acts. So if you know of some gay records let me know so I can write Gay Sex Facts.

Go For It! Always?

Men come into your life constantly with promises of sweeping you off your feet and putting you on a pedestal but do noting to show you how much your worth. But the moment you seem disinterested, or interested in another they find the need to declare their love for you or how much they want you.

When you love a person or are interested in a person its simple, don't tell them show them. The other day someone proved to me that they knew when I was excited about something, they had saw me excited one time and was able to tell me how I acted and sounded. If was not sitting down already I would have fallen to the floor. I was shocked that they noticed. Why is it that someone who was not trying to sweep me off my feet or trying to get me to be theirs would remember something about me with such great detail, while the men who claim they want me could not?

All my life I feel I have always tried to chase after the men who supposedly were chasing after me, but in reality I was just wasting my time. Why do we do that? Why do we fall for the words without seeing it put into action first? If a guy says he is interested but only treats you as a friend then we should take it for face value. I had a teacher who always reminded my class that, actions speak louder than words. Maya Angelou said that if a person shows you who they are, or tells you, then we should believe them. Much to often we think we can change a person or that “love” will bring out the best in them and make them change.

The heart is an amazing organ capable of feeling things that not even our brains can comprehend. We allow it so often to operate on its own only to look back and see that we should have been protecting it when the wrong person was trying to steal it. We then go into over protection mode when someone who is genuine is trying to give us theirs. More often than not we fail to see the signs until its to late.

All our life we hear people telling us that life is to short, live it up, “carpe diem,” but how often do we honestly take such wisdom to heart. It would really seem that when it comes to matters of the heart that we are a little backwards. We listen when we should watch, listen when we should feel. It almost always happens that after we have a broken heart we tell ourselves, “I should have saw this coming,” or “i should have known when he said. . .”

With the parade of men that I have spoken about in the past there are a select few who have more in common than any others. All the ones who I should have steered clear of? Sure they showed me a good time and then told me how much they liked me, how different I was, how sexy, smart, and how much they wanted me. In the end it always came down to the same thing, they were not ready for a relationship, life was to crazy to get involved, afraid they were going to hurt me. I simply do not get it, why give a speech declaring how much you want someone if you are not going to peruse it? Why take someone on a date, have fun only to turn around and say, “You are what I have been searching for, but I am not ready.” that’s like going on a gold hunt, finding gold and leaving it behind because you're not ready to be a millionaire.

Why go on a search for something only to leave it behind?

New Gay Socialite

I have a goal to become friends with 1000 people on Facebook and not just random people, Gays. I want to expand my network to include at least 500 gay men in the greater Philadelphia area. By doing such I will promote myself and rise up in the gay scene and become know as a classy fun down to earth gay male. I want to be a role model. The point to all of this is simple I am a social person and I would like to be one of the who’s who and then I will start with New York.

Unlike many other gays I will not use whatever “power” I have to make myself feel better but in turn try to bring others up as well if they so wish. How cool would that be to be able to send someone a message and they try to help you become a socialite as well.

So I know it’s a long shot but think about it. There are too many rich gays out there that are simply selfish, why would anyone aspire to that? Yes I want to be rich, sexy, well known, but I also want people to love me, NOT fear me. I want to have parties and invite everyone; I want to be invited to every party because I am fun and not a fan of the drama. Ah VixcB the peace keeper, that is me.

So to all my readers hit me up and tell your friends to read this blog. Soon I will be back on youtube.com

It's Just Cheating

Cheating, it is a touchy subject that every relationship has to deal with in one of many ways. Gays tend to have the odds against them and have tried to deal with it as best we can. There are open relationships, forgiven constant infidelity, or rules set in place so that if someone is unfaithful there is a realm in which forgiveness must be granted.

Infidelity is typically discussed at some point in any relationship to let both parties know that they have gotten to the point of exclusivity. What defines cheating is how we define being exclusive. Some think of sex as a non essential in a relationship, some will say, “define the sex and you define the relationship” while others say it is all about how you look at sex. There is also the cop out of saying, you make love to your partner and have sex with everyone else.

I am not here to tell you what is or is not cheating just to tell you that cheating is not always about sex. And you would be shocked at how people can cheat.

Cheating, as the majority sees it, occurs when ever a person who is involved with another person emotionally and physically and has agreed that they share an exclusive bond. Then that person goes to another person for something that is supposed to be filled exclusively by that exclusive bond. I know how Webster of me.

According to this definition flirting, kissing, dirty dancing, romantic gifts, sex in all forms, and deep emotional conversations can be construed as cheating if they are part of you exclusive bond. However the only two people that can determine which are exclusive and which are not are the parties involved.

Sometimes a relationship is strictly emotional and the act of having sex with other partners does not infringe upon that, if said sex remains emotionless and animalistic. Typically cheating hits home on almost all levels weather you are gay or straight, when emotions are involved.  Sex is just sex, a kiss is just a kiss, and dancing is just dancing. How do you know when it is more, the unfortunate part is the only person who ever really knows is the person doing the cheating and sometimes the person they are cheating with.

Emotional cheating is the reality of knowing it was honestly a onetime thing, but in your heart and mind you allow it to repeat with the hope that it could happen again. Your heart races when you think about their touch and you smile when you think about how the act made you feel. Not to say if this defines cheating but when things get emotional that is when they typically get dangerous.

As odd as it may seem, at some point your partner and you need to talk this all out so that there are no surprises. And even still while sex may be the hard defined line of cheating in most relationships and others may be included, those that are not defined as line crossing may fall into a grey area and that is when you have to define what is unacceptable for you to do.

Cheating can also happen on a personal level, many of us set boundaries for ourselves. We make personal promises and swear we will never do such and such in hopes that it will prevent an unpleasant situation.  I think this is the best way to prevent cheating. If you cheat in a relationship and things end, the blame can be interpreted in many ways, but if you go out of the personal boundaries you set for yourself then you have no one to blame except you. So think about you and the man of your dreams. What would you say is ok for him to do, then apply that to yourself? Think about it, if you prepare yourself to treat him as you want to be treated then the ground rules are already set and cheating will really be cheating. No grey area to be interpreted.

Heteronormatives - It Boils Down.

When it comes to men cohabitating I think it’s simple, wait. Moving in right away is almost never good for any relationship. Make sure you know and understand your partners rhythm before you move in. discuss how you clean and keep things. Discuss the importance in time apart and morning and evening habits. It’s great if you can spend random weeknights and weekends together this will help. But note if you fight about how the other treats your stuff and keeps his place, fix it before you move in. also it’s a good idea to make sure you are equally invested in your home and that you BOTH think of it as home. If one is constantly trying to make it a home and the other just sees it a place there will be issues. If one owns and the other is just there, there might be resentment.

I am talking from experience and having talked to friends who have dealt with all the included issues mentioned in this series I know that men can live together if the proper precautions are taken.

I like my space, my independence, I make no exceptions to my rules, and my clothes are mine and mine alone I do not share. My computer is mine it contains my life and that is sacred. My cooking instruments and cookbooks are just as sacred. These things are mine and I do not share them they are what make me happy and if am asked to share and I say no everyone should understand and if they don’t like it, you can deal with it or not deal with me.

It is important to have separate identities in a relationship, when one attaches to the other and EVERYTHING is shared then the sex dwindles, cheating occurs, and the relationship collapses.

I am no expert in inner working of all gay relationships I learn via trial and error, surveying friends, and even a little research via the web and books. So takes this advice knowing that there are exceptions to every rule because all people are different and a relationships dynamic can change at any moment.