I know I am not the fashion police but there are certain things that people just should not wear. It is almost comical when the wrong top, shoes, belt or socks pulls down an entire ensemble.
There are the classic leave it to the pros colors that you just may not mix, such as pink and orange, blue and green, black and blue, and my favorite, roygbiv. I find it unfortunate when someone steps out their house and honestly feels that they look like a cover model wearing every possible color they could.
Sometimes mornings, are rough and things don't go as planned, so it is always safe to go with an outfit almost the same color or something that you think is boring. You can never go wrong with something such as a black or white top with black or khaki pants as long as you must remember to were black socks with black shoes or it is ruined.
The classic outfit bring down is none other than, the white sock, (shivers). White socks should never be worn unless you absolutely cannot avoid it or you are wearing sneakers. I have seen this one way to many times. It is very disappointing to catch gentlemen wherein a suite, nice tie, well-pressed shirt and (Oh No!) white socks. You can ask any corporate professional or even a lady and they will all tell you the same thing “It's an eye sore.”
Then of course, there are accessories or furnishings for men. These little accent pieces can become the focal point of any bad outfit. Many times these are the first things people notice so that they can negate a good outfit. This is why the experts say, “A belt, bracelet, watch, necklace, or set of earrings can make or break any outfit.” If corporate woman is caught wearing all black with those sexy black stilettos, a delicate pearl necklace and one of those $1.99 star wars talking watches from Burger King she immediately becomes the talk of the office in the second worst way possible. But let's say my fun loving boss who wears kakis and button down shirts with the different company logos came in one day wherein Hawaiian gear, no one would think ill of him. He is having fun that is, as long as he is not wherein black socks and sandals.
Many people think they can dress like the stars but have you seen a lot of the junk the Black Eyed Peas where or that white puffy thing Aretha Franklin wore to an awards show three years ago. Stick to the basics and you cannot go wrong, you just might even get a compliment.
Vixc B
20 December 2008
18 December 2008
17 December 2008
Happy Fucking Birthday
So December 16th is Mr. M's 26th Birthday. To celebrate we went out the night before. There was no agenda just an odd guest list. Mr. M, his roommate, our friend Catherine, the ex before me that we will refer to as Alpha, alpha's three friends, Catherin's boy friend, Matt and myself.
I borrowed money from my stepfather for gas and cell phone minutes and then went to the dollar tree to pick up a B-day card and maybe a little gift of humor. To my surprise, the second card I picked up was perfect and as I turned, there was a box filled with teddy bears of all different colors. I found a blue one, which is Mr. M's favorite color and checked out. I called to get the run down and with no agenda; I decided to just meet them there.
On my way, I had an interesting conversation with Mr. New York, the man who I was planning to date before Mr. MeTo. Mr. New York still seamed appealing but I knew Mr. MeTo was the one for me. We talked about his Friday plans, as he had to go back to NYC for a doctor appointment and holiday parties. I suggested I be his date. The parties were all work related and I figured it would be a good way to have myself seen, discus my photo shot, and to tie up some loose ends in Queens.
I decided I would call him back Wednesday after my second interview and would let him know if I could go. As I got onto King of Prussia road, I decided it would be a good idea to get off my cell phone. I arrived, filled out the card and just as I was getting out the car, I received a text message and a call asking where I was from the birthday boy.
Mr. M, his roommate, Matt and I all drove down to meet the others on South Street. A stop at one place to say hi to Catherin and pick a place and we were off to Fat Tuesdays. Anyone who is anyone knows about Philadelphia's South Street. It is the true melting point of the city. It is where LGBT meets republicans, black meets white, Drag queens mix with hookers and people who earn honest livings, and it is where everybody gets along with everybody. The street teams with people and cars to form an elongated miniature times square. That is on nights that aren't Mondays.
If it had not been for the Eagles game South Street would have been just like any other part of the city. I was poor so two-dollar bud lights were good enough for me, especially because I didn't want to get drunk. The night progressed well. Alpha and his friends showed up and everyone got along with everyone.
There were comments about Matt being a ribbed sex toy due to his sweater, Catherine played with Mr. M's nipples and Alpha's Bff said I reminded him of Noah, from Noah's ARC. I had heard it before, no surprise, but I was quick to point out I was taller, and lighter.
Before I knew it Alpha and I were playfully going at it, I have to admit I love a good banter, and banter we did while Catherine and her boyfriend really quarreled. Stories of drunken nights, puking and a trip to the hospital and I was all caught up on what I missed on this half while I was in NYC.
We moved to another bar and in the process, Mr. MeTo called me. I was so surprised, having thought he had gone to bed by the time I called. We chatted and I delighted in every word he said to me. I hadn’t felt the way I felt in quite awhile. Of course, I was out with friends and Alpha had an objection. So to shut him up and free my hands for payback I told Mr. MeTo I would talk to him later. I then put alpha in a chokehold, we ended up on the ground, and I got a hurt elbow. I realized we were on the ground like kids and immediately got up, both laughing.
Bar two was closing so on to bar three, which was quite a different crowd, straight and predominantly black ghetto folk. Alpha was pulled away by the birthday boy. Everyone saw it as an opportunity to ask what the deal was between the two of us. I was confused; did it appear to be something? I asked quite shocked what everyone meant.
Catherine responded by saying "the lovers' quarrel" it was odd coming from her as she and her boyfriend were fighting most of the night. I explained that we were just having a good time getting on each other's nerves. But I then thought, did I like him, I did think he was cute and he made a few references to taking off his shirt. I thought about the possibilities and then thought about Mr. MeTo and it was a no brainer.
Everyone returned to the table and it was evident that Mr. M was drunk. While Alpha and I quarreled for the hundredth time about shutting up Mr. M made the comment that if Alpha stopped talking I would follow. Mr. M then said, "He just likes to talk, that’s what I was trying to tell you in the bathroom." So apparently a normally quite me who is normally asked if I am ok when meeting new people for a lack of talking, and I who is almost never tells a story in full because Mr. M cuts me off likes to talk.
So I stopped talking and the rest of the party apparently did not enjoy it. It was typical drunk Mr. M behavior. I was around and he felt it a prime time to treat me like shit. All thoughts of ever getting back with him were gone. I had a flood of memories of how I would call to catch up and a drunk him would have nothing but negative things to say, when we dated he would critique some of the most petty things and the night he decided to have a heart to heart with my best friend he made a point to point out all the things he did not like about me.
I realized that this alcoholic had beef with me. A tall and good looking me then began to play his game I made it look like I was interested the rest of the night mixing my banter and "lovers' quarrel" with kind words and signs of interest towards the person that was described as Mr. M's Mr. Big. I had a strong feeling that he was not happy as he did not talk to me for the rest of the night and kept giving his look of disproval. I had seen it before and he only got away with it this time because it was his birthday.
Alpha's best friend made a point to drill me on the topic of why I was not interested in Alpha, to be honest I kind of was but I liked someone else more.
When we got back to the apartment, I could see that the games had begun. Why I participated, I have no idea but nonetheless I did. I hated seeing Mr. M getting along with his ex and further more Mr. M was supposed to be back with his most recent ex. It was made quite clear that Mr. M did not want there to be any way of his two exes hooking up. He let Alpha go far but not too far, far enough to keep his hands off me but not to the point of getting together.
Everyone went out for food and Alpha decided to pay. I went to the hall to explain the situation to Jason via phone and I was told to leave like a grown up and stop playing games. Mr. M won despite the fact I stayed. Or it would appear that way.
The roommate may have been trying to hint at the fact that the birthday boy and alpha we going to have sex and I may not want to be around to hear it. He told me about an ice storm that was coming in the early morning. He then decided who slept where and I who always slept with Mr. M was now sleeping on the floor of the living room.
I pretended to sleep while Mr. M and Alpha discussed relationships and the past. I knowing Mr. M so well knew the two were going to have sex. The moment I heard the bedroom door close my heart started pounding. I was not ready to hear such a thing take place. I don’t know why but I snuck out and ran down the hall to the elevator. I made up in my mind it was time to just cut Mr. M out of my life.
Someone who drinks to feel better than puts me down, Someone who says they value my friendship but never acts like it, someone who knows how I feel yet shows now respect for that and has taken advantage of it. Despite all my efforts and hopes for the best Mr. M has not changed. I learned he was one of those fags that likes drama and will always be surrounded by it. And when he does not have enough in his life, he dates those who do.
To Mr. M, I know you, I got you pegged and at 26, you are not changing but happy fucking birthday you lost a friend and one of the few guys who treated you like a human.
I borrowed money from my stepfather for gas and cell phone minutes and then went to the dollar tree to pick up a B-day card and maybe a little gift of humor. To my surprise, the second card I picked up was perfect and as I turned, there was a box filled with teddy bears of all different colors. I found a blue one, which is Mr. M's favorite color and checked out. I called to get the run down and with no agenda; I decided to just meet them there.
On my way, I had an interesting conversation with Mr. New York, the man who I was planning to date before Mr. MeTo. Mr. New York still seamed appealing but I knew Mr. MeTo was the one for me. We talked about his Friday plans, as he had to go back to NYC for a doctor appointment and holiday parties. I suggested I be his date. The parties were all work related and I figured it would be a good way to have myself seen, discus my photo shot, and to tie up some loose ends in Queens.
I decided I would call him back Wednesday after my second interview and would let him know if I could go. As I got onto King of Prussia road, I decided it would be a good idea to get off my cell phone. I arrived, filled out the card and just as I was getting out the car, I received a text message and a call asking where I was from the birthday boy.
Mr. M, his roommate, Matt and I all drove down to meet the others on South Street. A stop at one place to say hi to Catherin and pick a place and we were off to Fat Tuesdays. Anyone who is anyone knows about Philadelphia's South Street. It is the true melting point of the city. It is where LGBT meets republicans, black meets white, Drag queens mix with hookers and people who earn honest livings, and it is where everybody gets along with everybody. The street teams with people and cars to form an elongated miniature times square. That is on nights that aren't Mondays.
If it had not been for the Eagles game South Street would have been just like any other part of the city. I was poor so two-dollar bud lights were good enough for me, especially because I didn't want to get drunk. The night progressed well. Alpha and his friends showed up and everyone got along with everyone.
There were comments about Matt being a ribbed sex toy due to his sweater, Catherine played with Mr. M's nipples and Alpha's Bff said I reminded him of Noah, from Noah's ARC. I had heard it before, no surprise, but I was quick to point out I was taller, and lighter.
Before I knew it Alpha and I were playfully going at it, I have to admit I love a good banter, and banter we did while Catherine and her boyfriend really quarreled. Stories of drunken nights, puking and a trip to the hospital and I was all caught up on what I missed on this half while I was in NYC.
We moved to another bar and in the process, Mr. MeTo called me. I was so surprised, having thought he had gone to bed by the time I called. We chatted and I delighted in every word he said to me. I hadn’t felt the way I felt in quite awhile. Of course, I was out with friends and Alpha had an objection. So to shut him up and free my hands for payback I told Mr. MeTo I would talk to him later. I then put alpha in a chokehold, we ended up on the ground, and I got a hurt elbow. I realized we were on the ground like kids and immediately got up, both laughing.
Bar two was closing so on to bar three, which was quite a different crowd, straight and predominantly black ghetto folk. Alpha was pulled away by the birthday boy. Everyone saw it as an opportunity to ask what the deal was between the two of us. I was confused; did it appear to be something? I asked quite shocked what everyone meant.
Catherine responded by saying "the lovers' quarrel" it was odd coming from her as she and her boyfriend were fighting most of the night. I explained that we were just having a good time getting on each other's nerves. But I then thought, did I like him, I did think he was cute and he made a few references to taking off his shirt. I thought about the possibilities and then thought about Mr. MeTo and it was a no brainer.
Everyone returned to the table and it was evident that Mr. M was drunk. While Alpha and I quarreled for the hundredth time about shutting up Mr. M made the comment that if Alpha stopped talking I would follow. Mr. M then said, "He just likes to talk, that’s what I was trying to tell you in the bathroom." So apparently a normally quite me who is normally asked if I am ok when meeting new people for a lack of talking, and I who is almost never tells a story in full because Mr. M cuts me off likes to talk.
So I stopped talking and the rest of the party apparently did not enjoy it. It was typical drunk Mr. M behavior. I was around and he felt it a prime time to treat me like shit. All thoughts of ever getting back with him were gone. I had a flood of memories of how I would call to catch up and a drunk him would have nothing but negative things to say, when we dated he would critique some of the most petty things and the night he decided to have a heart to heart with my best friend he made a point to point out all the things he did not like about me.
I realized that this alcoholic had beef with me. A tall and good looking me then began to play his game I made it look like I was interested the rest of the night mixing my banter and "lovers' quarrel" with kind words and signs of interest towards the person that was described as Mr. M's Mr. Big. I had a strong feeling that he was not happy as he did not talk to me for the rest of the night and kept giving his look of disproval. I had seen it before and he only got away with it this time because it was his birthday.
Alpha's best friend made a point to drill me on the topic of why I was not interested in Alpha, to be honest I kind of was but I liked someone else more.
When we got back to the apartment, I could see that the games had begun. Why I participated, I have no idea but nonetheless I did. I hated seeing Mr. M getting along with his ex and further more Mr. M was supposed to be back with his most recent ex. It was made quite clear that Mr. M did not want there to be any way of his two exes hooking up. He let Alpha go far but not too far, far enough to keep his hands off me but not to the point of getting together.
Everyone went out for food and Alpha decided to pay. I went to the hall to explain the situation to Jason via phone and I was told to leave like a grown up and stop playing games. Mr. M won despite the fact I stayed. Or it would appear that way.
The roommate may have been trying to hint at the fact that the birthday boy and alpha we going to have sex and I may not want to be around to hear it. He told me about an ice storm that was coming in the early morning. He then decided who slept where and I who always slept with Mr. M was now sleeping on the floor of the living room.
I pretended to sleep while Mr. M and Alpha discussed relationships and the past. I knowing Mr. M so well knew the two were going to have sex. The moment I heard the bedroom door close my heart started pounding. I was not ready to hear such a thing take place. I don’t know why but I snuck out and ran down the hall to the elevator. I made up in my mind it was time to just cut Mr. M out of my life.
Someone who drinks to feel better than puts me down, Someone who says they value my friendship but never acts like it, someone who knows how I feel yet shows now respect for that and has taken advantage of it. Despite all my efforts and hopes for the best Mr. M has not changed. I learned he was one of those fags that likes drama and will always be surrounded by it. And when he does not have enough in his life, he dates those who do.
To Mr. M, I know you, I got you pegged and at 26, you are not changing but happy fucking birthday you lost a friend and one of the few guys who treated you like a human.
16 December 2008
For Granted
We as middle class Americans take for granted many things. The fact that we are allowed to express our selves is one that we cannot imagine living without. We see ads for those charities that help children in developing countries and because we cannot relate, we change the channel. Sure, it's sad but we think, "What can we honestly do?" We think about how much trouble the world is in and the fact that in order to rectify the problems, it has to be a united front not just one or two here and there for a small period of time.
We take almost everything and everyone in our lives for granted. It is what we do. Our friends come and go, and in so become disposable like trash bags. Our family will always be our family so we treat them as to how we see fit or how we were raised without second-guessing if it is truly the right thing to do. You can walk from one end of your house to the other and not imagine what it would be like if we didn’t own certain modern convinces. Such as trashcans and trash pickup, toilets, sinks and indoor plumbing. A kitchen with several appliances to cook and prepare food. We turn on the stove and it works, when it does not we replace it or write a check to pay the gas or electric bill. The fact that we have a place to live is a concept that we are asked to reflect upon but no one truly dose and if we do it is only for a fleeting moment.
So many things I can mention, clothing, entertainment devices, the computer you use to read this blog and all the connections that make it work, are all things that we don’t bother imagining life without.
But why is it so easy to take the things in our life for granted. Why is it that we can almost look at those without as if they made a choice to live such a way? It has gotten so bad that many people push the limits and destroy what they have so that they have an excuse to get more. People typical will push others away in order to get new friends, or a new lover. Tear down buildings so they can build bigger and better ones. Some even persistently sell and trade their cars in to have the newest and greatest.
It all has to start and end some place. We live in a world of certainty. We may not know the day, hour, month or even year but we know that all that has a beginning has an end, what goes up must come down, and where there is light, there will be shadow.
Certainty tends to be translated differently in the brain of us humans. Because we see the sunrise and set in the same fashion for several years, we simply assume that it will do the same for the rest of our lives. We know one day we will die but live life like it is infinite, assured that because I woke up this morning when I go to sleep tonight the same will happen. It is not until tragedy strikes and shakes our core that we stop to truly reflect.
Pearl Harbor, September 11th, a best friend dies; we are in a car accident, our house burns down, earthquake, tornado, drought, or the loss of employment. We imagine with modern convinces such as unemployment and insurance we will be ok through most of these. Then the lawyers come and say only half was covered or acts of god don’t count, we see that nothing brings back our best friend from the dead, we almost died in that car, the people that went to work that day and had plans for after work never got to do them, dry cleaning never got picked up, and many people never got to see their loved ones again. Do we deserve the tragedies that come upon us and remind us of what we take for granted? Do we have a right to be angry with god or some higher being that we have to suffer a loss?
No, we don’t deserve tragedy, and no, we should not be angry at a higher being or fate. From the moment that we can comprehend, we learn that almost anything can take away almost anything. Your favorite toy was broken or stolen by another kid at day care or on the playground and we learned that the things we love need protecting. If you value your life, protect and cherish it. Don’t waste it and don’t make the lives of others worse for your own gain. When tragedy strikes, it's to remind of how infinity exists only in the heavens. The earth moves and changes just like all that inhabit it. The tide comes and goes, the moon has many different phases, and while it may all look like each day is the same as the last it is not.
Just like people, each day only graces the earth once. We can make it a good day or a bad day. The first of many days that help to improve the lives of other or the first of many days to kill life early. With every action there is a reaction and the only things we can control is how we act react. When you sit and reflect on life without many of the things you fail to appreciate daily you will see just how easy it is to take everything for granted. You will see how it can snow ball to the point that we are only pretending to care about other s because it is what we were taught to do.
The moment comes in our lives when we stop and start to value life, things and people not as we have been taught but as we are meant to do. Some will never have that moment while others will be so moved by the revelation they will strive not only to undo their own damage but as much damage as they can. Some will just do small things and others will simply adjust the way they live in ever a slight way but enough to make a difference. We will once have thought, "One person can't make a difference." But we will see the error and realize "That it was that one last straw which broke the camel's back."
We take almost everything and everyone in our lives for granted. It is what we do. Our friends come and go, and in so become disposable like trash bags. Our family will always be our family so we treat them as to how we see fit or how we were raised without second-guessing if it is truly the right thing to do. You can walk from one end of your house to the other and not imagine what it would be like if we didn’t own certain modern convinces. Such as trashcans and trash pickup, toilets, sinks and indoor plumbing. A kitchen with several appliances to cook and prepare food. We turn on the stove and it works, when it does not we replace it or write a check to pay the gas or electric bill. The fact that we have a place to live is a concept that we are asked to reflect upon but no one truly dose and if we do it is only for a fleeting moment.
So many things I can mention, clothing, entertainment devices, the computer you use to read this blog and all the connections that make it work, are all things that we don’t bother imagining life without.
But why is it so easy to take the things in our life for granted. Why is it that we can almost look at those without as if they made a choice to live such a way? It has gotten so bad that many people push the limits and destroy what they have so that they have an excuse to get more. People typical will push others away in order to get new friends, or a new lover. Tear down buildings so they can build bigger and better ones. Some even persistently sell and trade their cars in to have the newest and greatest.
It all has to start and end some place. We live in a world of certainty. We may not know the day, hour, month or even year but we know that all that has a beginning has an end, what goes up must come down, and where there is light, there will be shadow.
Certainty tends to be translated differently in the brain of us humans. Because we see the sunrise and set in the same fashion for several years, we simply assume that it will do the same for the rest of our lives. We know one day we will die but live life like it is infinite, assured that because I woke up this morning when I go to sleep tonight the same will happen. It is not until tragedy strikes and shakes our core that we stop to truly reflect.
Pearl Harbor, September 11th, a best friend dies; we are in a car accident, our house burns down, earthquake, tornado, drought, or the loss of employment. We imagine with modern convinces such as unemployment and insurance we will be ok through most of these. Then the lawyers come and say only half was covered or acts of god don’t count, we see that nothing brings back our best friend from the dead, we almost died in that car, the people that went to work that day and had plans for after work never got to do them, dry cleaning never got picked up, and many people never got to see their loved ones again. Do we deserve the tragedies that come upon us and remind us of what we take for granted? Do we have a right to be angry with god or some higher being that we have to suffer a loss?
No, we don’t deserve tragedy, and no, we should not be angry at a higher being or fate. From the moment that we can comprehend, we learn that almost anything can take away almost anything. Your favorite toy was broken or stolen by another kid at day care or on the playground and we learned that the things we love need protecting. If you value your life, protect and cherish it. Don’t waste it and don’t make the lives of others worse for your own gain. When tragedy strikes, it's to remind of how infinity exists only in the heavens. The earth moves and changes just like all that inhabit it. The tide comes and goes, the moon has many different phases, and while it may all look like each day is the same as the last it is not.
Just like people, each day only graces the earth once. We can make it a good day or a bad day. The first of many days that help to improve the lives of other or the first of many days to kill life early. With every action there is a reaction and the only things we can control is how we act react. When you sit and reflect on life without many of the things you fail to appreciate daily you will see just how easy it is to take everything for granted. You will see how it can snow ball to the point that we are only pretending to care about other s because it is what we were taught to do.
The moment comes in our lives when we stop and start to value life, things and people not as we have been taught but as we are meant to do. Some will never have that moment while others will be so moved by the revelation they will strive not only to undo their own damage but as much damage as they can. Some will just do small things and others will simply adjust the way they live in ever a slight way but enough to make a difference. We will once have thought, "One person can't make a difference." But we will see the error and realize "That it was that one last straw which broke the camel's back."
14 December 2008
A Summery Thus Far.
Lately I have been feeling like my time for the single life is coming to a close. I had given up on the search for a boyfriend and began enjoying being single and free. I was truly a unicorn. I was uncatchable and did not want to be caught.
Then I started to be in Mr.M's life again and after watching Sex and the city season six, I became scared. I watched as Carrie took care of Big and Big began to suggest growing old with her. After having wanted to be with Mr. M for so long, having one bad discussion after the other, and listening to how bad things went in his last relationship, I had decided we were only truly ever going to be friends. He didn’t see me how I wanted him to see me and I was starting to see him not as I once did.
We were on the path to friendship and even that was not leaving me where I wanted. I had made up in my mind that I wanted to be one of his best buddies and I was feeling that, that was not something he really wanted either, so friends at a distance. But this one episode started making me think and thinking about a future with Mr. M was not good so I dressed and ran out.
Talking to my friend Sarah who I had not seen in months, I realized that I needed not to force this thing with Ramón. I never mentioned Ramón or what was going on with him to her. But I received clarity through some advice she gave that helped me to see how pointless and bad having a relationship with someone my friends did not like would be.
So I was back at square one but happy to still be free. A night at shampoo was nothing more than a rerun of my past. Most of the leading men showed up and I saw how stupid I was at times and how desperate I was at others. It was a musical with dance numbers and surprise guest. I remember the pride I felt walking off the dance floor sweaty but glistening in the right ways and receiving looks from men who clearly wanted a dance.
A week went by and there were hot guys and hot nights and it hit Me, I was getting tired and wanted no more of this wild life. It was time for this unicorn to be caught. No sooner had I thought the words than did I receive an email from Mr. New York.
Mr. New York turned out to be what I needed he worked in fashion and I was trying to get in as a model. A disappointing conversation left me thinking that I may not be able to be a model. But after emailing my pictures and stats, he confirmed that I could in fact go far in the industry.
We talked every night, about me modeling, his work in the industry, Miami, NYC, hopes and dreams, and how we were compatible. In my mind it went from him being a hot sugar daddy, to the break I was looking for, to, he could be the one. There was one issue though, his age.
Not that I have ever let age determine a relationship as long as he was older by at least a few days, with the exception of Reed, that’s another story. But this man at the age of almost 50 was looking to settle for life. He had a few goals left to achieve then he would be done and would want to travel the world with his sweet heart. Ok I can do that but I also had goals of my own. Do they or can they tie into together. I called on fate and decided if it were meant to be it would be.
I continued to talk on A4A incase the perfect guy was looking for me. I stayed open to finding whatever where ever. I browsed social net working sites for nothing in particular but to stay connected with my friends but as fate would have it, Mr. MeTo showed up.
He sent me a very kind and promising note through A4A. I replied and the conversation commenced. He was not physically my type but then no guy I have fallen for, ever was. We kept it online but the next day by some odd kind of magic; he suggested calling to hear my voice. It was odd only because I was about to type the same thing. In a 2 hour, conversation we had what some would equate to 3 dates. We talked about everything except sex. There was not much we didn’t talk about we touched on every topic we could imagine and the amount of things we had in common was spellbinding.
We related how two people should and differed in the same way. Our ideas of a lasting relationship were the same. I remember getting off the phone thinking that a guy like this is never interested in me. I figured I would see that flaw that made him a total looser soon enough.
The next day I was on a mission to find his unforgiveable flaw or have him find mine. No luck, it was another perfect day spent online and on the phone. We talked about sex this time and he gave me chills. Just the basics such as stats and a few likes and dislikes. We were compatible there as well. It even looked like we may be compatible in the kitchen. Too good to be true.
Then finally the non-compatible issues came up and all were small things. So in fact, we could find things to fight about and reasons to make up. I opened up to Mr. MeTo unlike ever before I trusted a guy I have yet to meet face to face. I told him things that I wait for a long time before I reveal to people and he did the same to me.
My heart is still guarded Mr. M has taught me that you can never rush into a happy ever after. And with my life goals being what they are I must proceed with caution, I am still a unicorn. My heart is the heart of a man who so wants to fall in love and get his fairy tale ending. I imagine my perfect guy with his flaws and things that amaze me. I measure every guy I conceder to him. MR. MeTo measures up thus far which is to say a lot.
All there is now is trying to see if a relationship between us works and if it does how will being in a relationship effect my plans for becoming a model? Will my new relationship goals effect things with Mr. New York? Have I learned what it takes to find a decent relationship?
I don’t know what is going to come next but I can say with confidence I am looking forward to it. I hope that 2009 will be filled with what I am hoping for and that I can write 2008 a happy ending.
Stay tuned.
Then I started to be in Mr.M's life again and after watching Sex and the city season six, I became scared. I watched as Carrie took care of Big and Big began to suggest growing old with her. After having wanted to be with Mr. M for so long, having one bad discussion after the other, and listening to how bad things went in his last relationship, I had decided we were only truly ever going to be friends. He didn’t see me how I wanted him to see me and I was starting to see him not as I once did.
We were on the path to friendship and even that was not leaving me where I wanted. I had made up in my mind that I wanted to be one of his best buddies and I was feeling that, that was not something he really wanted either, so friends at a distance. But this one episode started making me think and thinking about a future with Mr. M was not good so I dressed and ran out.
Talking to my friend Sarah who I had not seen in months, I realized that I needed not to force this thing with Ramón. I never mentioned Ramón or what was going on with him to her. But I received clarity through some advice she gave that helped me to see how pointless and bad having a relationship with someone my friends did not like would be.
So I was back at square one but happy to still be free. A night at shampoo was nothing more than a rerun of my past. Most of the leading men showed up and I saw how stupid I was at times and how desperate I was at others. It was a musical with dance numbers and surprise guest. I remember the pride I felt walking off the dance floor sweaty but glistening in the right ways and receiving looks from men who clearly wanted a dance.
A week went by and there were hot guys and hot nights and it hit Me, I was getting tired and wanted no more of this wild life. It was time for this unicorn to be caught. No sooner had I thought the words than did I receive an email from Mr. New York.
Mr. New York turned out to be what I needed he worked in fashion and I was trying to get in as a model. A disappointing conversation left me thinking that I may not be able to be a model. But after emailing my pictures and stats, he confirmed that I could in fact go far in the industry.
We talked every night, about me modeling, his work in the industry, Miami, NYC, hopes and dreams, and how we were compatible. In my mind it went from him being a hot sugar daddy, to the break I was looking for, to, he could be the one. There was one issue though, his age.
Not that I have ever let age determine a relationship as long as he was older by at least a few days, with the exception of Reed, that’s another story. But this man at the age of almost 50 was looking to settle for life. He had a few goals left to achieve then he would be done and would want to travel the world with his sweet heart. Ok I can do that but I also had goals of my own. Do they or can they tie into together. I called on fate and decided if it were meant to be it would be.
I continued to talk on A4A incase the perfect guy was looking for me. I stayed open to finding whatever where ever. I browsed social net working sites for nothing in particular but to stay connected with my friends but as fate would have it, Mr. MeTo showed up.
He sent me a very kind and promising note through A4A. I replied and the conversation commenced. He was not physically my type but then no guy I have fallen for, ever was. We kept it online but the next day by some odd kind of magic; he suggested calling to hear my voice. It was odd only because I was about to type the same thing. In a 2 hour, conversation we had what some would equate to 3 dates. We talked about everything except sex. There was not much we didn’t talk about we touched on every topic we could imagine and the amount of things we had in common was spellbinding.
We related how two people should and differed in the same way. Our ideas of a lasting relationship were the same. I remember getting off the phone thinking that a guy like this is never interested in me. I figured I would see that flaw that made him a total looser soon enough.
The next day I was on a mission to find his unforgiveable flaw or have him find mine. No luck, it was another perfect day spent online and on the phone. We talked about sex this time and he gave me chills. Just the basics such as stats and a few likes and dislikes. We were compatible there as well. It even looked like we may be compatible in the kitchen. Too good to be true.
Then finally the non-compatible issues came up and all were small things. So in fact, we could find things to fight about and reasons to make up. I opened up to Mr. MeTo unlike ever before I trusted a guy I have yet to meet face to face. I told him things that I wait for a long time before I reveal to people and he did the same to me.
My heart is still guarded Mr. M has taught me that you can never rush into a happy ever after. And with my life goals being what they are I must proceed with caution, I am still a unicorn. My heart is the heart of a man who so wants to fall in love and get his fairy tale ending. I imagine my perfect guy with his flaws and things that amaze me. I measure every guy I conceder to him. MR. MeTo measures up thus far which is to say a lot.
All there is now is trying to see if a relationship between us works and if it does how will being in a relationship effect my plans for becoming a model? Will my new relationship goals effect things with Mr. New York? Have I learned what it takes to find a decent relationship?
I don’t know what is going to come next but I can say with confidence I am looking forward to it. I hope that 2009 will be filled with what I am hoping for and that I can write 2008 a happy ending.
Stay tuned.
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