Lets Answer this Riddle. . .

Three things that everyone wants and lots of them are Sex, Money and love. Its funny how money can buy sex and love can bring sex but love won’t get you money and money can’t get you love. So we work hard in hopes that our career will bring us happiness and lots of money and while the money won’t give us love it will make finding it a whole lot easier.

What do you do when you have found love but you long for money? Or what do you do when you have found love you have money but the sex is just not where it should be even after you have worked on it?

Life throws you a bone once in a while but how do you know which you should jerk and keep and which you should just let go soft?

Some Roommates

(I wrote this back when i was engaged and living in Jersey. There was a huge fight and things got akward for a lil bit. I think what ever anyone can pull from this is still valid.)

It is no secret that I am spoiled in many aspects. My first Fulltime job, my relationship with my sister, my first roommate and the first love of my life, all have been above exceptional. I never understood how some people hated their roommates. That is until I did a recent evaluation of a bad roommate. There are certain instances where certain people should not be mixed, like having your best friend move in with you and your boyfriend.

Recently I have learned that when you’re in a relationship things spill out and onto others, this is something I have always figured with my friends but never experienced. There are times when a couple has a fight and the good friend tries to be just that and gets some of the spill over. Normally this is understood and the “Good Friend” knows that so long as he remains neutral and slightly pushes for the relationship then he will remain in good light. This was me always encouraging my friends to remain happy first but being the hopeless romantic, any friend who does less is not a friend.

This all becomes even more difficult if said friend lives with you and is seen more as a child and dependant than a friend or roommate.

In the event that a friend chooses sides and is not seen as someone who is on the side of a peaceful reconciliation then, well what can both parties do if they get back together? The other is an outsider who is “that guy” the one who doesn’t want things to work he is an enemy to the relationship.

Now if you add the fact that they live together, that “that Guy” is seen as someone who needs to be taken care of in the since of, told when to do things, reminded when to pay bills, cleaned up after he now becomes, “That Guy” minus respect. What does one do when you live with an immature ex-friend who is agents your relationship? Do  apologize for the spillover, do you give him a piece of you mind, or do you allow him to walk around like a big baby, intentionally not acknowledging your presence or giving you the money he owes you.  Do you have your boyfriend get involved or do you pull a Vixc-B?

 One could say that you cut him off much like you would do a child. Stop cleaning up after him, cut him off from the things you purchased to make the house run efficiently. Or you could just get even. The simplest form would be to apologize so everything would go back to normal but where is the fun in that? You become the one buying his toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, he will still use your microwave and leave it a mess, use your pots and pans leaving them a mess, borrowing your tools,  using your phones, and pretending you never clean. He will still continue to buy whatever is cheaper when you do ask him to buy house supplies, the brands that last a few days and don’t get anything clean, you know the products that are on the shelves as filler and have dust on them.

So I am at a cross roads. It is clear this person doesn’t like me which is fine and good, it is clear he is not fond of the fact I am engaged to his other roommate, it is clear that he wants an apology, but I am stubborn and I don’t respect him. I find him to be a shady character that I have not been able to trust for almost a year. My thoughts could go on and on. So I have decided even after my fiancé has asked me to apologize that I will not. When he starts acting like an adult then I can attempt to be his friends but until then as it stands now. After the lease is up he is getting cut off.

Recently in Indigo

My life has been one rapid moving roller coaster ever since I quit my job at Starbucks. It was an odd night when a supervisor decided to constantly push my buttons. At one point he picked an argument and I told him not in front of customers. He continued and I took o my hat and quit. It was the first time I walked off of a job but I was told I did the right thing.

While things at Serafina were slow I was offered the opportunity to train and become the second night baker. So things started picking up and before I knew it my life was totally different.

Novemebr 15 I moved into my new place which although temporary is shitter than the last. I found a way to make it work. The time soon came when I was ready to start dating and with my social life, dating, work and school I was catching sleep where I could.

Soon it was December and each week brought more work hours than the week before. MeTo would call me everyday on his way from work and we would catch up. I found it odd how we would talk everyday but most days it felt like he was pushing me away or didn't care about how sad I was because I could not decorate for the holidays.

Then the day of three dates came about. I met first with an Ausie who was about to leave town, then MeTo and then Matthew. The Ausie was older looking in person and a total turn off. MeTo and I tried to keep things friendly over dinner and Matthew and I tagged teamed showing each other a night on the town. After Matthew met my Friends Icon and Kwame I knew he was a keeper although temporary.

I went on to have predates with two other guys which led to two actual dates. Devin a PhD student who on paper reminded me so much of MeTo it was scary and Ty a DJ who I found not so physically attractive but our conversations were stellar.

Soon after my two real dates I told Matthew how I really felt and we decided to hang out and it was a fun night, friends and drinking and a thong that was not supposed to be seen. We then went on to dirty text and the possibility of showing each other a “different” side.

Soon an old coworker came back to town and a night on the town was held in his honor. I got a chance to dance hard like I did before I was in a serious relationship living in Jersey. Thar Sunday Icon and I decided to go to 90's night at Woody's and I danced harder and longer. It felt so great to work mucels that I had not worked in what felt like ages.

Soon it was finals week and studying replaced parting and late nights drinking. The week looked grim and I woke up Tuesday with a cold. While finals went well work got a little crazy and a conversation with MeTo left me wondering, No matter what, my temper was that of, and would always be, a Bitch. 

A Homo-normal is a Hetero-Normative

I was talking to my friend Phil a while back and he coined the term, Hetero-normative. It came up in a discussion about how in many gay relationships one plays the role of the “Girl” and the other plays the role of the “Guy.” In many male gay relationships there is a bottom and a top and when it comes to hetero-normative the bottom is the “girl.”  

Why is the bottom the girl? Well like in a heterosexual relationship the girl is the one who takes the dick, the girl is the one who says sex is or is not happening. She is predominantly the one, who is left cooking, cleaning, nagging, and being nurturing.

I know for a fact that almost no gay relationship is that cut and dry and that one must take into consideration, versatile relationships. I also am aware that no heterosexual relationship is that stereotypical. Many men will be left holding the cleaning bag or are the cook or nag for the girl to pull her share but hetero-normative go off of stereotypes and are fairly accurate when it comes to gay relationships where there is a bottom and top. 

Needles to say Phil and I are both bottoms. Phil is a rules guy, he goes on dates and normally doesn’t pay and reserves sex for when things are official, condoms are required until after 6 months of dating and STD test has been taken by both parties. Phil is a smart guy and he is a force to be reckoned with considering most men who are tops feel all things are 50/50 until it comes to the bed room, then there is a well-defined taker and giver.

However it is quite interesting how a relationship’s dynamic will change once sex is involved. Once sex is involved the top is at the whim of the bottom unless he decides he wants to move on. All men want sex and it is interesting to what lengths one will go to get it. The top is the head and the bottom the neck and he turns the top anyway he wants. A top that pisses off his bottom will quickly make things right because it will mean that he will not be having sex until the bottom wants to.

As time in a hetero-normative relationship progresses the bottom quickly realizes that sex alone is not enough to keep things going. There is a shift like in a heterosexual relationship. The top begins to demand more of his bottom and if the bottom fails to deliver it becomes quickly known that the top can get sex someplace else.

So many times the bottom will pick one or more of the classic, “Women” chores. Such as cleaning or cooking. When love comes into the picture there is another shift and thus is typically the last shift in power. The bottom is now cooking and or cleaning and dictating when they have sex, the top has someone to love and his bottom and likes that fact that he pretty much gets what he wants when he wants it, the bottom makes it so because he wants to keep his top. The bottom gets what he wants because the top likes having sex whenever he wants.

At some point the question of living together or marriage come into place It is a tough one, once the question has been asked its either move forward or stay awkward.

Once living together new problems arise it becomes simply easier to deal with things the same way heterosexual couples would deal with them. The bottom ends up being the voice of a woman and the top ends up being the man and things go on like this until the end of the relationship or in the rare case till one dies.

We grow up in a world where there are lines and definitions. When something new comes into the mix we simply make translations. Before the time when gay relationships were acceptable you had man and woman and woman stayed home to birth babies and tend house. You have to admit the world has changed greatly.

Happy Chanukah

To all My fellow Jews 

Tabu Lounge & The Waiter

My two new friends and I got really busy doing our own things, Ivan was dealing with his stuff, Icon was planning events and I was dealing with my trifecta, Work, School, Men.

Soon my work schedule stabilized and Icon, Ivan and I were hanging out more, our favorite spot became Tabu Sports Lounge.

One night when hanging out with Icon he showed the Bartender his ID and the price dropped from 4.50 for his City Wide to 3 something. That is when he explained the Industry discount and ever since I got my sticker it has been or default.

Tabu had been one of my spots ever since I found out I dated the manager Adam. During my stent living in Jersey whenever I came to Philly I would stop buy and if he was not working he would by me a drink and we would catch up. I got to know a lot of the people that worked there. Adam then moved away and I had no real reason to stop by until one of the guys from Pita Pit started working as a bar back. To support him I would stop by from time to time and have a drink.

Then Ivan saw the place and fell for it, and before I knew it, it was the preferred spot in the Gayborhood over Woody’s. Lots of memories were made in Tabu, some involving, Raymone and a few others.  

There was a night when I was hanging with the guys and I pointed a few people out to them, there was my favorite bar back, the new bar back my friend, the bartender who I could not help but flirt with, and a waiter whom I had heard things about from Adam when he worked there.

That same night the waiter walked over to us and over herd me talking about how I used to be a house wife. He smiled and shot me a look of interest. Hard to believe there are some gay men out there who want that 50’s life but with a man. I was kind of flatted when he asked, “What’s wrong with that?” I always thought he was cute.

A few nights later he came over and started talking to Icon about his upcoming reggae night. Icon told him about some of his parties, the most recent being Dassit, the electro soul funk party where he performed. The two exchanged numbers and I pretended to be angry, we just laughed.

As we frequented Tabu more and more we bumped into him more and one night I decided to take his number from icon and put an end to the madness.  The thing was he came off as totally straight and I was attracted to him, and in cases such as these they always turn out to be straight.

I sent him a polite text saying hi and the conversation ensued.  I eventually did ask what his deal was and he asked why. I figured what is the worst that could happen. I told him that I thought he was hot but didn’t want to mess up what could be a friendship if he was not into me like that. He never did answer my question but it was insinuated he might go for guys.

Later there was a comment about a white horse and a few other things that sent me into a state of confusion. I had walked away from the first conversation thinking he was not into me, and the second conversation left me thinking he liked white guys, but there was a white horse in the room and the other comments are just to Taboo to mention.   

Dating 101

I think enough time has passed since the break up. To prepare myself for the big world of dating again I decided I would take an almost scientific approach. One day while browsing through books in my second favorite bookstore, I saw a book that was on my list, Boyfriend 101.

I had just read Sex and the City, and decided that I was in fact a lot like Carrie and MeTo was such a Mr. Big. I needed to fix that. So I decided to take what I would learn in the book and apply it to my dating life. The book, although a little dated, was full of useful advice. The best pieces of advice were the sections on predating and how to act on the first few dates.

I am a bit of an open book, so I tend to just let conversations flow without filtering the information that might scare some people off.  It was kind of funny that in a matter of a week I went from the spastic book version of Carrie to the TV version of Charlotte, I was a rules boy.

Ivan was afraid that if I started dating I would have less time for friends and I assured him that would not be the case. To be honest I would need my friends more than ever now. I would need feedback and advice on whether or not certain guys were worth pursuing.  

One night over drinks I explained some of my new rules for dating based on the book and while at first they laughed they soon realized it made since. So I decided to test it.

I went to a4a and tweaked my profile and got a few guys in line to predate. One of which was Matthew.

Matthew and I met for coffee at my old Starbucks and I immediately noticed his smile. A heavy set guy but it was evident he took good care of himself. After I grabbed my triple, 5 pump, soy, peppermint mocha, we went for a walk and talk.  It would seem that a walk and talk is the best kind of predate.

We ended up in same branch of my second favorite book store where I bought the book, and stood in a random section and talked about what made us, us. He was going to leave the country for two years in March to help a third world country. So I thought this was perfect, this guy would be experiment guy, I would use him to tweak my dating skills.

The good thing about the experiment guy and the fact you never tell them you read a book on dating is that they don’t know you made a dating Faux Pas. For example: one should never discuss the issues they have with their parents, one should avoid talking about exes and predates should remain short and sweet.

Remember how I said I am an open book and I just let the conversation flow? Well before I knew it I mentioned MeTo, how I don’t talk to my mother which then required an explanation and we spent maybe 2 hours in that store.  But he was sweet and cute, every time he smiled my toes wanted to curl, his personality was so attractive I could not help myself.

Soon it was time for him to go and we walked out together and promised we would hangout again, “Hangout?” I did not want a buddy to hang out with, I wanted a guy that I could date and eventually have sex with. But I like they say there are plenty of fish in the sea and I had another predate already scheduled with a guy named Don.

How Lucky Was It?

On a rainy day I went to school, it was a typically day and during class Ivan sent me a text to tell me he just found out the Femme Fatale tour dvd was out at Target. Ivan being the hardcore Britney fan that he is was disappointed that he did not put the event on his calendar. I sent him a text back saying I would go with him if he waited until I got out of class. He picked me up from school and we went to Target.

On the ride over he told me he also had to stop at a Coin Star to turn his loose change into cash. Lucky for him the Super Fresh across the street from Target had a machine. It was a typical Vixc B and Ivan outing. We made jokes and Laughed at the dumbest things. We argued only to realize we were arguing the same point.

After going to target we deposited my check and then we hit up the coin star and when all was said and done Ivan was on his way to customer service to get 8 dollars and 88 cents. He was extremely thrilled at the number. He acclaimed it was a sigh something lucky was going to happen. We went back to his place and he could not wait to watch Britney. I was just about to head out after a few songs because I needed to find a second job. My hours at Serafina were not enough to pay my new rent and I refused to ask for my job back at Starbucks.

Just after I explained to Ivan what I had planned for the rest of my day, my phone rang. It was one of the managers at my job asking when I was going to come in for training. I was training to be the second night baker there was only one meaning he had to work every night and he was going to be off Saturday night. So I scheduled two nights of training and that was that. Then I got a text that one of the barista's quit and they were not hiring a replacement. I now no longer needed a second job. I turn to Ivan and told him what happened. I the exclaimed, “It's 888.” he laughed and pointed out that it was his 888 and my new fortune had nothing to do with him.

We decided to watch some more of the concert before Ivan had to go to work. I decided to go along for the ride. The plan was to tag along while Ivan went tanning then we would walk to Starbucks together and part ways after I got a drink.

It was pouring and the gas station was crowded so Ivan decided to just go to the gas station near the tanning salon. While waiting for the light at 20^th and Arch street Ivan's car mad a strange sound, then it gave a shutter and then nothing, out of gas. He looked at me, “Oh my gaud, what do I do?” I suggested calling AAA but he didn't have it. So we decided to just walk to the gas station, get a gas can and enough gas to fill the can then get gas at the gas station.

Now mind you it is poring out and Ivan is about to be late for work. We decided he would stay with his car and I took his card to get the gas, this way if a cop came to the care he would be able to give all the proper information. Poor kid started freaking out when all the cars started beeping, after all it was the middle of rush hour in the rain.

The guys at the gas station moved slower than molasses in February, but I got the can and gas and got back to Ivan. At this point I am soaked and the can way more complicated than we both thought it would be. The spout had three different pieces and it had been years since I even looked at a gas can yet alone used one but we did our best, two gay guys who's idea of performing maintenance is calling dad or a professional.

We eventually got enough gas in the car for it to start, we have no idea how much got waisted. Ivan decided to still go tanning before work after we got gas. A good hand washing later and a few pages in my book he was done and we headed to Starbucks.

On the way I mentioned 888 and he shot me a look of death and asked how he was lucky and I simply said, “You could have had to deal with it on your own.”