And Now . . .

With life now being so different it is hard trying to determine what my new normal is. I want to get back with MeTo but we have some obstacles to overcome, it is hard to date because its feels like cheating. I live back in South Philly but it is in a much better area. I have the space to cook, bake, sew and crochet. School is beginning to take all my free time and work consumes the rest. My cash flow has gone down due to fewer hours at work and I have no computer as my laptop has died completely.

So what is one to do I have to use the comp lab at school to write my post and with little money I have to focus on bill management before anything else. I am not complaining I am quite happy with life for one major reason. While things may seem tough, they are only tough because things are moving along every day I get closer to my real friends and the people I need to leave alone are revealed. My understanding on my relationship with G-d deepens, MeTo and I are beginning to understand each other better, Mr. M and I are actual friends, I can see how to steer my present into the future I want.

My In-laws always told me to get what you want in the future you have to figure out what part of your present you are willing to sacrifice. And here I am sacrificing going out now so that I can do well in school, get a better job and be able to go out and have a better time when I am older.

I quit smoking for 2012 not because it is Bad or because I was worried about my health but because G-d has been so good to me I need to show him in all aspects that I appreciate it, by how I treat my body, my belongings and the people that he has placed in my life. It’s not easy doing the right thing, trying to please G-d but when you are doing your best you see it everywhere.

I am not overly religious and I make mistakes and I truly trying to make this year a good one.

A New Year For Ivan

Ivan told everyone that he had a big announcement for 2012 and none of us could guess what it was. It just so happened that it was such big news that when I was down he used it to take my mind off things. Ivan was leaving Starbucks. It may not seem like such a big deal at first but it goes to show that no one wants to stay at the 16^th walnut store. 

Ivan made it clear that it was because he wanted to focus on his studies this semester and we could not be anything but supportive. 

Ivan then got me into watching the show, The Walking Dead. I was never into zombies and according to him he never was either but low and behold here we were watching a show about zombies, obsessively. He then told me I should give Entourage another shot and nights of drinking and smoking were accompanied by us drooling over Ari Gold. 

Before I knew it school was starting back up and in true form dynamics were changing.

Icon Finds A Man

Smack dab in the middle of the holiday season my friend Icon went on a date. This date was to be a proper date following all the rules of good boys except for one; the date was at the guy’s house. Ivan and I were excited that Icon had a real date and gave him advice that only made him more at ease and excited to go on the date, advice such as, resist temptation to have sex and take things slow if you really like him. 

It would turn out that the guy Icon was going to see loved to cook and wanted to make Icon a romantic dinner. Icon later told us he played the night flawlessly except there was one little thing that he could not help but to do, he asked to see the man’s dick. 

Ivan and I were shocked that innocent Icon was so bold and that the guy had no qualms in obliging him. Icon was quite impressed and while it was tempting he did not have sex that evening.  

I Moved

Jaiye had invited me to have dinner at his new place in South Philly and I was impressed not only with the new digs but also how he managed house. Jaiye had really grown and I realized that I could live with him. 

Jaiye offered me to come live with him for a while, it was several fold. Jaiye hated seeing me living in uncomfortable situations and knew by me living with him I could be happy in a real home for a little while. Jaiye also wanted me to save a little money, by living with him and his boyfriend I would pay less rent than I was at the hell hole I was in. Finally they would have help paying rent until things picked back up in the summer. 

I discussed it with my most trusted advisor, Aunt LAB, and she agreed it was a good idea. In fact everyone I talked to thought It a great idea. So mid-January came about and I moved in.

Its funny I have made plans to throw things away and by making room in my life with less stuff, the stuff I need has been flowing in.

That Friend

The lucky ones of us know that lining up potentials is quite exhilarating. Your single and it is time to start dating. You have a plethora of men who are interested and you are on cloud nine going on dates, having long get to know you phone conversations and before you know it some guys are now just friends others you are not returning your calls and one lucky guy is talking about where things are going and before you know it you have a boyfriend. 

In the gay world there is no happily ever after, in fact in life period there is no happily ever after. There are always stipulations and little nuances that come and shake things up. Like the guy you were going to date and came close but decided friends were better.

Ah friends, in the indigo world friend is a term used loosely, we have to add so many adjectives to denote what kind of friend we are talking about. There are friends we slept with, friends we still sleep with, friends we go shopping with, friends that we only talk to online or on the phone, there are friends who we dated but never slept with and friends we didn’t sleep with until after we broke up with them. The list can go on and on and each one has different obligations, based on the circumstances in which we became friends. 

The thing about the friend we almost dated if we never sleep with them there remains that sexual tension. This tension we try to relieve with inappropriate jokes but it never helps. We find that although we are happy in our relationship we still want to have sex with this “friend.” We then start to think of them as our personal reserve. We keep them interested just enough that they won’t lose interest so when the moment our current relationship fails we can relieve that tension and possibly attempt for a happy ever after.

So Long “Fake” Friend

I had this friend I considered to be really close with but he seemed to get worse with age and not better. Many conversations were peppered with him regaling me with tales that shocked the hell out of me and caused me to worry. Being as he is gay, it mostly had to do with sex. 

He had decided to stop being friends with Jaiye after a 2 week living situation and before I knew it I felt as though I was being pushed away. 

My friend had plenty of time to go on dates and hang with other friends but when it came to me, someone he labeled “Best Friend.” No time weeks would go by and not so much as a text message and it took him forever to respond to voice mails and text. He would say he was busy with school but the moment I could catch him on the phone he was going out with “So and So.”

One day his ex and I were chatting via Facebook, it was an odd occurrence but it happened. We got to talking about my friend and I told him how things were going, my friend had told me he and his ex talked about everything and had become close friends so I figured he knew about his brushes with almost getting burned.  I told his ex how his behavior was affecting our relationship and the next day I got a text.

It is funny how no one has time for you until you give them a negative reason. All in all he made some accusations that made me throw up my hands and say, “Fuck It!” I decided to write him off.