HIV p2

HIV,Clubbing,gay,Karaoke,Vixc B,Victor Bethea

After Jayson’s parents arrived we went into the living room and began to chat which was more like a listen to Jayson. What can be said when you have received the news we did. It was silent for awhile until Jay asked everyone to talk and when he got to his mom she apparently said the wrong thing, when she mentioned that the first thing to enter her mind was that he could get the help he needs. Jay was disappointed that he did not get the mother response and his anger rose and was forced to remove himself from the situation.

Once outside I followed him and he vented knowing he needed time to compose himself before he went back.  When we did go back and the conversation turned into trying to get the family back together as it should be.

It was only a matte of time before I was brought in as a mediator. Progress was being made but when you have two people who are exactly alike and nether is hearing the other and refuses to see that. I felt there was progress being made but jay however did not and felt it was pointless so he asked for a ride home and I said no keep at this. He announced he had 2 dollars and would take the bus.

I stayed and tried to allow his mother to vent and try to gain a better understanding of her for my self and to my surprise she was as much the type of person that I figured her to be in my mind. She also admitted to the fact the she saw a lot of herself in Jayson. Progress was being made and jay needed to see it. But we came to a point where we all were at an understanding but in order for anything to work jay would have to be willing and accepting of the fact that it would take time for everyone to understand one another.   

Jay’s parents had to run an errand and I was told to stay. I and Jay’s brother went to play Wii and just as we set things up jay came back in and asked for a ride. So I said good bye and good luck to his quite attractive brother and took him home.

When jay fell asleep from all the stress I went to visit my grand mother and my mother. I told my grandmother and aunt about the news I had gotten but left that out when I went to visit my mother. I arranged for a few of us to take Jay out to take his mind off things and it turned into quite the night.

 

Taking his mind off things.

After making my rounds I went back to jays and told him to be dressed and ready by 8, we were going out. It took some convincing but we decided to go out for dinner at Pizza Hut and then Karaoke at 12th Air, which meant no Phil 12th Air, was 21 and older tonight. We had so much fun just the three of us RJ, Jay and myself. We were ubber  gay then drove to KFC/Taco Bell to wait for Jenn and another friend.

Once at 12th Air we commenced drinking and watched the performances and I realized even more how much I loved and missed hanging out with Jay. He sang two songs and by then I was loose and ready to sing. The DJ came back and said he could not find my song and suggested our whole group sing Proud Mary, so jay and I did. We were more entertaining with our dancing then our singing but the crowed loved us and we loved the attention.

When it’s raining men came one jay and I were back on stage to be backup dancers.  We all then figured we call it a night as most of us had work in the morning.

Once in the car Jay announced that he was meeting Aaron to go to Tom Jones and that I should just spend the night. We met Aaron and caught up just the three of us it was quite the shocker to see the place dead. It used to be such the place to hang out, but due to the smoking ban it was much like every other dinner.

After TJ’s we went to Aaron’s to check out a old computer for Jay so he could get back to writing. When I got back to Jay’s it was almost 4 in the morning and I passed out as soon as I laid down on his couch.

I got up and received poor directions to where we had parked my car the night before and it turned into an hour walk in several circles. I found my car and I got gas, when I gat back in my car I found that my check engine light was no longer lit. the day was going to be average.

I was running on only three hours of sleep but gave it my best. It was Thursday and I had to look forward to my weekend, my and MeTo’s house warming.

Constricting or Liberating

After finding out my best friend was positive it put a lot to deal with in my life, and going out that Wednesday gave me a lot to think about and made me realize how much my life had changed both in good and bad ways. From the outside it looked great. I had an extremely attractive man who loved me and was easy to love, amazing in-laws, and cool apartment with all the basic luxuries a car and a job that was not overly stressful. I had the gay dream, except one thing I was not in the gay scene anymore and I missed it.

I live an hour and a half away from the Philadelphia gay scene which I have become accustomed to and much to my surprise I realized that after two long islands I was not intimidated by anyone and had fun at karaoke. I miss Philadelphia and being so close to my friends.

Thinking about all of this made me realize how much I was also getting tired of New Jersey and many of the things in it. My life consisted of food shopping, going to the gym, a local dinner, monopoly, and half priced appetizers at Appleby’s, all with my hubby or alone. Occasionally or friend Christian would join us but for the most part most activities were just the two of us.

I am not saying that I dislike my life but it has changed drastically over the past 8 months and it was not really gradual. I just miss when life was simple and the only thing that could hold me back from a crazy time at Woody’s or some other crazy spot was work.

All this had built up on top of my best friend’s bad news and I was to distracted to have sex and MeTo noticed and with minor twisting I popped.

I began laying down how I felt and why, what I was and was not getting from him and other parts of my life. I could not hold back if he insisted on knowing. My popping turned into discussing and we both pointed out my extreme independence and the fact that this is not only my most serious relationship but my longest. He then told me that relationships should be liberating yet are a lot of work. Which made me think, do I see being with MeTo as liberating?

After our conversation I realized he needed some space and I took my glass of wine to the balcony. I saw a man practicing his golf swing. I don’t know if it is just me but in the month of July golf is everywhere to the point even the blind and deaf notice. I got to thinking how they always tell you practice makes perfect. You practice sports, music, art, writing, everything from driving to eating, yet we are never told much about love or the practice that it may or may not involve.

In this practice makes perfect world we become firm believers in the more sex a man has the better he becomes, with a little guidance of course, but do we ever stop to think that maybe they need to stop and practice being in a relationship before they get into the big one? Dose love at first site really exist along with happily ever afters, or is it with contingencies and prerequisite.

Dose the perfect relationship require both parties involved to have experience or can two people who have never done the serious thing before truly make it. There have been successful arranged marriages so one would figure it is quite possible. You hear real life stories of love at first sight and een happily ever after. My example would be my in-laws. So if this is all possible then to find true love the one you should be with is in fact liberating the joy in knowing you have found the one your other half. But to honestly answer the question of if you’re in a liberating relationship is a three-parter. Are you truly the relationship type, are you ready and finally if already in a relationship?

These not being totally simple questions require serious thought and my final answer could alter my life quite a bit. I am left with some thinking to do.