A Summery Thus Far.

Lately I have been feeling like my time for the single life is coming to a close. I had given up on the search for a boyfriend and began enjoying being single and free. I was truly a unicorn. I was uncatchable and did not want to be caught.

Then I started to be in Mr.M's life again and after watching Sex and the city season six, I became scared. I watched as Carrie took care of Big and Big began to suggest growing old with her. After having wanted to be with Mr. M for so long, having one bad discussion after the other, and listening to how bad things went in his last relationship, I had decided we were only truly ever going to be friends. He didn’t see me how I wanted him to see me and I was starting to see him not as I once did.

We were on the path to friendship and even that was not leaving me where I wanted. I had made up in my mind that I wanted to be one of his best buddies and I was feeling that, that was not something he really wanted either, so friends at a distance. But this one episode started making me think and thinking about a future with Mr. M was not good so I dressed and ran out.
Talking to my friend Sarah who I had not seen in months, I realized that I needed not to force this thing with Ramón. I never mentioned Ramón or what was going on with him to her. But I received clarity through some advice she gave that helped me to see how pointless and bad having a relationship with someone my friends did not like would be.

So I was back at square one but happy to still be free. A night at shampoo was nothing more than a rerun of my past. Most of the leading men showed up and I saw how stupid I was at times and how desperate I was at others. It was a musical with dance numbers and surprise guest. I remember the pride I felt walking off the dance floor sweaty but glistening in the right ways and receiving looks from men who clearly wanted a dance.

A week went by and there were hot guys and hot nights and it hit Me, I was getting tired and wanted no more of this wild life. It was time for this unicorn to be caught. No sooner had I thought the words than did I receive an email from Mr. New York.
Mr. New York turned out to be what I needed he worked in fashion and I was trying to get in as a model. A disappointing conversation left me thinking that I may not be able to be a model. But after emailing my pictures and stats, he confirmed that I could in fact go far in the industry.

We talked every night, about me modeling, his work in the industry, Miami, NYC, hopes and dreams, and how we were compatible. In my mind it went from him being a hot sugar daddy, to the break I was looking for, to, he could be the one. There was one issue though, his age.

Not that I have ever let age determine a relationship as long as he was older by at least a few days, with the exception of Reed, that’s another story. But this man at the age of almost 50 was looking to settle for life. He had a few goals left to achieve then he would be done and would want to travel the world with his sweet heart. Ok I can do that but I also had goals of my own. Do they or can they tie into together. I called on fate and decided if it were meant to be it would be.

I continued to talk on A4A incase the perfect guy was looking for me. I stayed open to finding whatever where ever. I browsed social net working sites for nothing in particular but to stay connected with my friends but as fate would have it, Mr. MeTo showed up.

He sent me a very kind and promising note through A4A. I replied and the conversation commenced. He was not physically my type but then no guy I have fallen for, ever was. We kept it online but the next day by some odd kind of magic; he suggested calling to hear my voice. It was odd only because I was about to type the same thing. In a 2 hour, conversation we had what some would equate to 3 dates. We talked about everything except sex. There was not much we didn’t talk about we touched on every topic we could imagine and the amount of things we had in common was spellbinding.

We related how two people should and differed in the same way. Our ideas of a lasting relationship were the same. I remember getting off the phone thinking that a guy like this is never interested in me. I figured I would see that flaw that made him a total looser soon enough.

The next day I was on a mission to find his unforgiveable flaw or have him find mine. No luck, it was another perfect day spent online and on the phone. We talked about sex this time and he gave me chills. Just the basics such as stats and a few likes and dislikes. We were compatible there as well. It even looked like we may be compatible in the kitchen. Too good to be true.
Then finally the non-compatible issues came up and all were small things. So in fact, we could find things to fight about and reasons to make up. I opened up to Mr. MeTo unlike ever before I trusted a guy I have yet to meet face to face. I told him things that I wait for a long time before I reveal to people and he did the same to me.

My heart is still guarded Mr. M has taught me that you can never rush into a happy ever after. And with my life goals being what they are I must proceed with caution, I am still a unicorn. My heart is the heart of a man who so wants to fall in love and get his fairy tale ending. I imagine my perfect guy with his flaws and things that amaze me. I measure every guy I conceder to him. MR. MeTo measures up thus far which is to say a lot.

All there is now is trying to see if a relationship between us works and if it does how will being in a relationship effect my plans for becoming a model? Will my new relationship goals effect things with Mr. New York? Have I learned what it takes to find a decent relationship?

I don’t know what is going to come next but I can say with confidence I am looking forward to it. I hope that 2009 will be filled with what I am hoping for and that I can write 2008 a happy ending.

Stay tuned.