There comes a time when one must examine their life and make
changes. Welcoming in a new year seams the perfect time to do such evaluations.
For so long I wrote about MeTo and how I hoped he and I would either become
friends or get back together the same with Mister M but as it stands my future
is not in my past. MeTo for whatever reason could not find a way to move
forward without repeating the past and so I had to cut my losses which are
great and let him go.
The headrest part in cutting him out of my life completely
is that all the things that I had attached value to because of memories or the
fact that they had once belonged to my father are now gone never to be seen by
me again because I trusted a very selfish person.
Giving up on what one could call the greatest love of my
life, thus far, makes me reevaluate many of the friendships that I am currently
holding on to. Many of the people who came to my rescue at my darkest time have
moved on with life. Not that they have abandoned me but life moved us forward
in different directions and we all just moved along taking different paths when
presented with a fork in the road.
I have had a great life and met so many wonderfully
interesting people but the lessons learned are so great in number. I look back
at that 21 year old boy just coming out of the closet and trying to find his
way. The way that I used to dress and my dreams for my future. The gay man that
I wanted to become. I look in the mirror and I am happy with whom I see. He is
different, unimaginable, loveable, well liked and truly blessed although scared
and scorned he is a happy person full of love.
I was young and I knew absolutely nothing but thought I knew
enough, then the day came and I realized I knew nothing because I had learned
so much. Am I a man now? I am not quick to remake bad mistakes in hopes that
because a few variables have changed the result will change. I avoid the temptation
to recreate the past. I lived it once and made my memories, no need to try and
create them over. I no longer miss lovers past or friends who I have lost touch
with, if it was meant to be it would be, because I did try.
I have such great memories and I am still so young. This is
what drives me forward it is my goal to create a full life that only I can
create, I know not what my future holds but I do know the fun part is creating
it. So I welcome 2015 and my resolution is to continually let go of the past
and not let it hold me back. Let the good times roll.
