Pissed !!!

(Please be aware that the following contains strong language and profanity. this post is a result of some repressed anger. if you are sensitive to terms that represent extreme hate, words that demean women and or you have thoughts or suicide, please do not read this post. Also be aware that the grammar of this post remains unedited for artistic reasons)

There are times when we are just angry with the world. Every now and then when we are is such a state it is for good reasons. I for have had to suffer not just my adult life but even as a kid. Trying to gain attention from my parents and the love of my stepfather. I to this day cannot give you a valid reason as to why my family insist on not helping me even as half as much as they help my younger sister.

I am repeatedly lied to by my mother and given poor excuses from my step father as to why I am forced to live a live that I live. So I am a gay 22 year old who didn’t get to walk in my high school graduation. I have made many mistakes like having to repeat the 4th grad, doing so poorly in high school that I flunked out of St. Joe's prep, and then did not get to walk down the sale senior year because I had to go to summer school for math.

I had a temper that I unleashed on whom ever I felt deserved it, but when I went to counseling was told I was quite normal for any kid. I have suffered loosing a parent I so desperately wanted to be there for me. My father did my senior year of high school after suffering many years with the effect of brain surgery and diabetes. He did and because i was so angry I hadn't talked to him for 4 months and 4 days. He died probably missing me. He didn’t know I was angry with him but I know.
My mother makes excuses for every one that hurts me. My father step father my ex best friend and even my grandfather. Telling me t just let it go. I have had so much taken from me I am honestly at the point of giving up.

I never used substances to make me feel better I am a law abiding citizen yet the state of Pennsylvania looks at me as if I am a speed daemon. The more I look at my life as a whole the more I hate it and myself. I never hurt anyone, but those that are the closet think that it is ok for others to hurt me. Am I a door mat for the world. Why is it that someone that everyone says has a lot of potential and love has to suffer the way I do? The Christians say that is why Christ did so that people like myself don’t have to carry such a burden.

What do I have to do to get what I deserve. Men use me for sex, fake friends use me for rides and entertainment. I know only three people who have ever loved me the way a person should be loved Britteney Simmons , Brenda Sharpe, Jason Bailey and Lisa Bethea. They see me hurt and get angry, I cry it brakes their hearts. It is tough enough that my finances are not where they should that I have NO financial support from my parents yet along support for the things in my life that matter. Yet if today I was to leave this world mother would weep for fear I was burning in hell for the "choices" I made. My step father because he knows he was not the parent to me he should have been. And Britt and Jay would cry because they lost a person they truly loved.

Who else and why, would anyone else cry for me. My friends in high school abandoned me at one of the worst times in my life. Jal'za decided not to be friends after 13years for reasons that she can't even put reason behind. People like me and say they like me but no one want to love me, why?

I am passed over in the date world for ass hole who break hearts. Betrayed by friends for people that are only merry weather friends. Most of family looks at me with jealousy, contempt, anger, I now say fuck them all. You think your loyal then fucking act it I am not giving of myself to anymore ass hole who don’t deserve my time or kindness.
I will get what I want out of life no matter whom I have to kill, cheat on, borrow from, and lie to or anything else. You all pissed me off you know who you are and I hate you.