The week started as most of my typical weeks do except I found myself a little more worried about Jay than normal. I many times surprised me to hear him call me his best friend when people with many close friends say it typically is but I was to find out this week why out of all his friends he always called me his best.
I got home and from there the week was no longer a normal week, I changed to go meet my personal trainer at the gym for my fist session. For one hour I was at the mercy of an quite attractive Asian man with quite the body. I was forced to do some exercises that I had been holding off on. I used a bike to warm up and then did some different stretches and on to lifting weights, “LIFTING WEIGHTS?” I was shocked that he was starting me off so hardcore and it was not light stuff. To my surprise I took everything he dished out not in the best way but he certainly knew what he was doing. We focused mainly on my chest and did a fair amount of bench pressing. I left feeling fine but when I got ready to drive found my wheel not to easy to turn.
I was left feeling week on Tuesday but not as bad as Monday evening. I then decided that on Thursday I would visit my family in Philly on Thursday and get ready for my modeling session on Wednesday and this way look my best so before I knew it my whole week was planned.
I came home Tuesday to texturize my hair and I would get a shape up Wednesday after work and do the cooking for the housewarming on Friday and the party on Saturday. MeTo suggested going to Appleby's for half priced appetizers and Christian conveniently stopped by to use the net and visit, so I didn’t have to drive.
Towards the end of eating I got a text from jay telling me he needed his friends and was pulling the best friend card still concerned and knowing he never ever pulls the card I called. He wanted to go out and be surrounded by people to take his mind off of the bad in his life which he was quite focused on. It was extremely unlike jay to feel depressed for more than a day or two and here it had been almost 6 days. I informed him after he told me not to come that if he needed me I would drive to come be with him and he still said it was not necessary to drive the 2 hours of be late for work the next day as it was 11 at night already. So I let it go. I paid for the three of us and we went home.
Shortly after I feel fast asleep I was awaken by my phone and the number although unfamiliar I recognized the area code as a non solicitor call. It was Lou and I informed him that I would call him the next day.
I was running late for my Wednesday meeting as usual but made it in the nick of time and to my surprise my coworker actually bought me coffee which was great as I didn’t have time to buy my caramel iced latté like I typically do on Wednesdays. It was another semi-pointless meeting but this one had more substance. I was have a fairly good Wednesday with a fair amount of work to do and a decent mood despite my weak feeling was turning into a sore one. Because my check engine light came on I figured it was time to finally change my oil and set out to do so on my lunch break, but after I cashed my paycheck and got to pep boys I only had 30min and needed 45. So I drove back to work.
Before I got out the car I checked my phone and I had a text message saying “call me I really need to talk” and a missed call both from Jay. I clocked back in and something told me to call jay now. So I did and Jay still sounded depressed. I asked what was up not thinking he could have bad news and he calmly told me he was positive, It was then followed by how he felt he could deal with it but really needed someone, his best friend which was followed by crying and a victor I need you.
I was shocked and speechless and with all the things my best friend had to deal with I was only praying things would get better and this was far from it. My coworkers had to have herd me say “I’m coming jay. I’ll be there.” I began shaking and packed and sent my boss who was out to lunch an email explaining why I was not there when he got back.
Before I knew it I was feeling helpless and called MeTo who had never seen or heard me cry. I need some tiny bit of strength to deal with this and he was the first and only person I thought of. I began to run to my car when I saw some of the people I work with outside and tears began to come. I said it once but the tears drowned me out so I was forced to repeat it. I put on my Christian playlist and before I knew it I was driving towards the Philadelphia skyline and MeTo was telling me to be with my friend.
So many thoughts rushed through my head once I got off the phone. I always knew I had love for Jay but at this moment my heart was broken and I did not fully understand why. I thought about how complicated it would be for him to get into the perfect relationship and some of the issues that would arise when he did. I thought about how he had more to worry about now, I thought about how much more I should have prayed for his safety. I knew it was not my fault and I knew it was not a death sentence but I also knew it meant the end of a completely worry free health.
I got a call from Jay telling me to go to his mother’s house and I found him on the porch with his brother and I went to him and he gave me a big hug and said he was sorry and began to cry. He held me so tight and it was all I could do, we both were helpless. My friend was hurting and what caused the hurt would be there there rest of his life and I could do nothing but say, “It’s going to be ok.” He grabbed his brother and continually said he was sorry he knew he felt he was not the best brother he could be or the best friend. We both told him to stop with the sorrys they were not necessary. His mother drove up with a man I had never seen before Jay continued to hug and cry and apologize and it was hard to watch as my best friend had to do one of the hardest things a gay man could do, return home to tell his family he was HIV positive.
(To Be Continued)
