19 March 2013

I Lost A Friend Today.


Today I lost a friend. Someone whom I thought was dear to me; a person who I thought would always value me being in their life tossed me aside without any just explanation. I cannot help but feel hurt today. I know that I should count my blessings and move on but I am finding it difficult.  

I never understood how some people just toss people to the side so unceremoniously. After years of knowing one another did I mean nothing to you? After all the wrongs that we have done to one another and the forgiveness that was given did you want to just toss it away? Four years I have known this person and given of myself to them and listened to how great they thought I was, yet not great enough to get a phone call but a text late at night. No emotion no real explanation just that things are over and I should move on.

I feel like Carrie did when Burger broke up with her via Post It. What is wrong with people that they start a relationship with such gusto and end things without any emotion? I could see if I did something wrong recently or said the wrong thing but to go from, “I love having you in my life,” to not hearing from you, to a text calling things off, hurts. It feels like everything this person ever said to me was a lie that that never thought I was great or that I was even worth the time they spent with me.

I just don’t get it, how can I ever trust anyone ever again who says they love me and are not family? How can I allow a man to look me in the eyes and hear him say the most wonderful thing and not think, “Bull shit?” I never broke up with anyone via text, it is just improper and most importantly it is hurtful. It would have hurt a lot less if i got word today that they died. 

How can I now not hate this person? I have no choice but to move and never speak to them again. In the mean time I have to deal with a hurt that is unlike any other. The hurt of trusting someone who for years said great things and in less than a minute took it all away because it was convenient not to be a man about it. 

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