The Indigo Life: Decisions

08 December 2012

Decisions

In the midst of adjusting to my dating life and trying not to balance it with my already crazy social schedule there were two things I was doing a poor job of letting go, ignoring or just explaining myself to. The two people who some would call my great loves or better known as Dr. MeTo and Mr. M.

Mr. M and I had made a half serious pack that if we are both still single when I turn 29 we would get married. It was all based on the fact that we both want to have kids and want to do it with a partner. It may seem strange but we are both sure that if given proper effort that feelings we have towards each other could bloom into the kind of love that creates the perfect environment to raise children.

While Dr. MeTo has no knowledge of said pack, he is still willing to do all in his power to prevent it from ever coming to fruition. I had been receiving text and Facebook message from him declaring his love and how much he misses me. They soon started coming at the most inopportune times like while I was in class or on a date. I had had it it was the same pattern he would send me text and I would begin to think about giving him a second chance and he would disappear from life again.

He then sent me a message on Facebook and we went back and forth until it just stopped. I then found out that I was out of a job, Jar Bar was closing the doors to the main location. This was bad news after not working for a whole week and I needed money badly.

I reached my stress limit and began dealing with each problem with no regard to how anyone else was going to feel. For MeTo I used “Spicy Revenge,” and “I Used Pepper to Take It Back,” to demonstrate how I felt and hoped that in it all he would see the big picture. As for work I called my mother to get some leads because Cups and Chairs was not an option.

I then went out with Patrick. I had met Patrick back in august and it was an odd date. We met at Tabu had dinner and he then joined my friends and I for drinks and dancing and I made the mistake of going home with him. He was a former bottom, he gave poor head and when he pulled out dildos I quickly sobered up. He was over 40 and wore Aeropostale the fact that he lived far away was the final straw but I could not bring myself to tell him I was far from interested, considering I sort of slept with the guy.

So I figured I would tell him the next time I saw him and sure enough he did his best to get me drunk and with me only pretending to be in a good mood the drinks melted my façade and when he asked me back to his hotel room I was quick to come up with an excuse. We parted ways and I spent the rest of the

night with my friends. I later sent him a text saying I could not date him due to my feelings for my ex, I was happy that it was the truth.

I walked home thinking about all my exes and somehow posted to Facebook that I had a shitty day.

Mr. M was there for me and said all the right things, almost three thousand miles away and he somehow managed to always make time for me when I needed advice or just someone to listen. Then I was shocked when Ramon called to see how I was doing and he too did his best to get me out of my bad case of the reds.

The next day I began writing and decided to take a break from dating. When I sat to write I realized I had a lot to write about. It is funny after almost a year of not writing I had more than enough.

When MeTo read my blog post he became angry and told me he was done with me and i tried calling and he refused to pick up his phone. I then went to my comp and spent the rest of the day writing. My friend David then decided taking me out to dinner would be good for me and so out I went.

I wasted no time in making myself look my best, my rule is you can feel like shit so long as you look Fabulous. Skinny Jeans and my favorite necklace and it was out for sushi, then gelato and drinks at Tabu.

Emotionally I should have went home when my friend did but I then met up with Andre and we drank at Bike Stop and that is where I met Tom. Tom was an older business owner and while he wanted my friend I knew he had no chance so I allowed him to buy me drink and we went outside a few time to smoke and I was feeling great so I allowed him to take me back to his place. It was over before I knew it and I was soon back home in my own bed alone.

The next Day Icon took me to Woody’s where I got drunk again and someone stole my scarf. MeTo called me and I ran outside to take the call. He sounded neither angry nor hurt. It was a brief conversation that left me hoping he would forgive me and that someday we could talk and express all the hurt that was now between us.

The next day I stayed home pondering a complicated question, “What do you do when you are in love with two people?

Do I . . .