A Homo-normal is a Hetero-Normative

I was talking to my friend Phil a while back and he coined the term, Hetero-normative. It came up in a discussion about how in many gay relationships one plays the role of the “Girl” and the other plays the role of the “Guy.” In many male gay relationships there is a bottom and a top and when it comes to hetero-normative the bottom is the “girl.”  

Why is the bottom the girl? Well like in a heterosexual relationship the girl is the one who takes the dick, the girl is the one who says sex is or is not happening. She is predominantly the one, who is left cooking, cleaning, nagging, and being nurturing.

I know for a fact that almost no gay relationship is that cut and dry and that one must take into consideration, versatile relationships. I also am aware that no heterosexual relationship is that stereotypical. Many men will be left holding the cleaning bag or are the cook or nag for the girl to pull her share but hetero-normative go off of stereotypes and are fairly accurate when it comes to gay relationships where there is a bottom and top. 

Needles to say Phil and I are both bottoms. Phil is a rules guy, he goes on dates and normally doesn’t pay and reserves sex for when things are official, condoms are required until after 6 months of dating and STD test has been taken by both parties. Phil is a smart guy and he is a force to be reckoned with considering most men who are tops feel all things are 50/50 until it comes to the bed room, then there is a well-defined taker and giver.

However it is quite interesting how a relationship’s dynamic will change once sex is involved. Once sex is involved the top is at the whim of the bottom unless he decides he wants to move on. All men want sex and it is interesting to what lengths one will go to get it. The top is the head and the bottom the neck and he turns the top anyway he wants. A top that pisses off his bottom will quickly make things right because it will mean that he will not be having sex until the bottom wants to.

As time in a hetero-normative relationship progresses the bottom quickly realizes that sex alone is not enough to keep things going. There is a shift like in a heterosexual relationship. The top begins to demand more of his bottom and if the bottom fails to deliver it becomes quickly known that the top can get sex someplace else.

So many times the bottom will pick one or more of the classic, “Women” chores. Such as cleaning or cooking. When love comes into the picture there is another shift and thus is typically the last shift in power. The bottom is now cooking and or cleaning and dictating when they have sex, the top has someone to love and his bottom and likes that fact that he pretty much gets what he wants when he wants it, the bottom makes it so because he wants to keep his top. The bottom gets what he wants because the top likes having sex whenever he wants.

At some point the question of living together or marriage come into place It is a tough one, once the question has been asked its either move forward or stay awkward.

Once living together new problems arise it becomes simply easier to deal with things the same way heterosexual couples would deal with them. The bottom ends up being the voice of a woman and the top ends up being the man and things go on like this until the end of the relationship or in the rare case till one dies.

We grow up in a world where there are lines and definitions. When something new comes into the mix we simply make translations. Before the time when gay relationships were acceptable you had man and woman and woman stayed home to birth babies and tend house. You have to admit the world has changed greatly.