I Was A Bitch

It was one of those days Yesterday. I woke up and it all was just not feeling right. What started out as running a few simple errands turned out to be a bitchy morning then day. It was simple I wanted to put air in my tires and fill out an application at the ACME I used to work at. My mom added an even simpler task of dropping something off at the post office.

I got to the gas station that has the free air pump and some lady was pumping a pool, so I went inside and grabbed my favorite, a 1.5 ltr bottle of water, only to come out and find an old couple waiting to use the pump as well. So I left and went to ACME and asked if the guy I needed to give a heads up was in, he wasn’t. I then dropped off my mom’s piece of mail and headed back to the gas station and the same woman and old couple were there, so I left.

While driving out I saw him, this handsome guy with black shades in a nice silver car. I could not help but notice he was staring at me and I soon realized he would figure out that I was staring back. Not knowing what to do I made it clear that I was looking away then I looked back. Being a guy who always wears shades, I mastered how to make people aware I am staring. He drove in and I drove out. I then lit my cigarette.

I then went to the gas station around the corner that cost 75 cents by then my tires were warmed and I found out that my tire gauge needed new batteries and I was missing a valve cap. Pissed, I drove pass the other gas station to check the status and to see if the guy in the silver car was around. It was all bad so I went home, A wasted morning.

I was still feeling bitchy and it lasted a good while. I ran and got mother and I lunch from the king. I really did forget how good the chicken sandwiches are there.

After lunch I figured I would pound the cyber pavement for a job. it held my attention for a good while and I applied for a few positions. Then my mother’s aunt, cousin and great aunt made a visit. I love my Aunti-Re a real southern lady. I chatted with them for a while and went back to work. Then my sister came home and of course, her boyfriend was with her I hid in the kitchen with them for a little while and ate and drank, I had been eating like a horse all day. He could tell I still didn’t like him and I wasn’t trying to hide it.

Then my grandmother came over and brought my baby cousin Nicolas. The women went crazy but soon had to leave. I then had Nicolas to myself kind of. He is truly a cute baby boy, happy too. I was distracted from trying to figure out why I was feeling bitchy. I spent the rest of daylight with family. Nicolas’ mom and sister then came to pick him up but spent some time with us all. Lauren his sister and my favorite cousin told me how much she loved me and I told her the same and talked about school and all the things she learned.

When I got back to the comp Jaz had hit me on AIM. We chatted about Josh and Ralph. She wanted me to stay away from Josh and give Ralph time. She still thinks I have feeling for Josh and I don’t.

Ralph and I have had two dates and known each other for two weeks. I really like him and can see myself falling for him. However I don’t think I am ready. I am ready to fall in love with a guy who is in love with me but I cannot have another Joshua situation. I had told some other guy I was willing to go on a date Wednesday.

I texted the entire three in hopes to get advice. Jaz was not helpful, I chickened out of trying to tell Josh after talking to Jaz. She said don’t tell him give it a month to be quite honest I don’t think she knew what the hell she was saying. Then Jason put it all in perspective. Why waste time going on a date with some other guy if Ralph and I are, well, hot and heavy. My fear is that we are not solid and the relationship is new and we can still end up like josh and I did after five weeks.

Any way I had just finished watching Sex and the City on MyPHL 17 and this advertisement came on TV for Interactive Male. I had seen the print ads before but this was the first commercial. While putting the number in my phone and trying to figure out when I was going to use it, it hit me.

Here I am this attractive guy. I have nice features, a decent brain and everyone agrees I am an all around attractive guy. Why am I looking for love online and phone lines. I simply need to build up my confidence. Every time that I think, I am close to dating again its because I have my 5. Yes, 5 guys I call my current potentials. I never got a boyfriend out of it but I always felt good when I had my five. This time it’s really only one and I am close. I have figured out when it’s just one it usually means a relationship, and I cant help but compare the beginnings of this one to that of the last one. It is all almost the same. The butter flies, the blushing, the touching its all there except this time in the form I want it and without the emotional baggage.

I have paid my dues to karma and I have confidence that this is a good thing and I may just get my fairytale ending.