The Holidays 2011 part-1

Traditions are the foundation of all the major holidays such as Christmas and Chanukah. The past two years I spent the holidays with MeTo and his family and in the frame work of what we were used o we created our own traditions a little from column A some from column B and a whole lot from column B.

This year I spent Christmas with a broken heart and wishing that the holiday would just past. I had announced that I was officially converting to Judaism but with all the Christmas and Chanukah decorations in the Jersey storage unit I could not decorate and I had no menorah. So I just ignored Christmas until I had no choice on Christmas Eve.

The night before Christmas eve MeTo and I were feuding. Back in November I told him I wanted him back and he was constantly giving me hope that it was a possibility until he told me that things with his new guy were going to be official soon and that they were having sex. I was angry that not only had he been giving me false hope but he in reality when he was say he had no time to come to Philly do to work and family things it was really because he was spending more and more time in New York with the new guy.

So after a drunken chat via Facebook and I sobered up I decided to do a grand gesture of love. I got dressed and went to NJ. By the second train he called me and we talked and once again I was given hope. With flowers in had I got in a cab and told him to look out his window. It was not to well received. We chatted and he told me he was unsure if things between us could work. He lived and worked in NJ and I lived and worked in PA. Being the hopeless romantic that I am could not see how that would be an issue. I loved him and always had. Even when I decided to try and date other people after I worked on me I knew that my heart could never let me love anyone else.

Heartbroken and clinging to a shred of hope from a promise that he would come down to visit I got into a cab doing my best to hold back the tears.

At the train station I found that it was 2am and the next train to Philadelphia was not till 7. So I had time to think and read. On the way up to Jersey I sent out text to all my friends in the area to see if they could give me a ride so I could win back the love of my life. Everyone was busy and all of our mutual friends knew about the new guy and referred to him as his new boyfriend and that he was very happy. Hope was shot down yet again.

I called my aunt and told her what happened and she told me to wait it all out and see what would happen. We talk for a good while until I realized I had not eaten since the day before. I immediately became fearful of my weight. I got off the phone and went to the only place that was open but even my shallow fear could not get me to eat so I pumped myself full of coffee and did some reading, created a new play list on my phone and did a lot of thinking about the old me, the new me, the old MeTo the new MeTo and many of my past relationships.

All my friends in Philly told me I was to good for him and I took it because they did not know all the things he did for me. They only saw the hurt and what was behind it.

I decided that when I got to Philly I would go to my grandmother's house and see what she needed help with. I figured I would help her take a nap then go to work. I help my grandmother with the little she needed help with but I was not tired, she offered me something to eat and after one bite I was not feeling hungry I tried to force myself to eat but it was not going down.

I took some time to relax and then got cleaned up and went to work. Everyone saw the hurt on my face despite how hard I tried to hide it. Here I was working on Christmas eve. The same time last year I was just getting off of work and running home to celebrate the holiday with MeTo's family and his grandmother's birthday. I beamed as everyone had fun, his grandmother loved the cake I created just for her and everybody was in stitches as we built the gingerbread house. There was so much activity and fun that the party was not over until well into Christmas morning.

This year I was going to work then get drunk afterwards. Tips were decent and my grandmother gave me a little cash so to Tabu then bike stop. On the way I had an idea, if MeTo was going to come down for a visit during his off week it had to be Tuesday.

A few drinks later it was only a little after midnight but with no food I was drunk and my stomach was a little irritated. On the way to the trolley via the underground I saw a man getting a blow job from another man, and a third man was keeping watch. There was only one person I could think of that would appreciate what I just witnessed.

I called Ivan and told him what I saw then we talked about the night before and then New Years. Then I realized I still needed to buy my Christmas cards. So I found some appropriate for my mothers family and some that I think are the cutest cards ever.

Once I got home I felt like eating so I got some Chinese food and passed out. I woke up trying to figure out what the hell I was watching on my computer and then the Merry Christmas text messages started. Some from people that I didn't expect to hear from. A guy who I honestly wanted to date but lost touch with and a guy I told I never wanted to hear from again.

Since I was up I sent Mr. M a text and he responded. I was shocked, he should be asleep but he responded then he called. We had a good long chat about my situation, then about the new me, then the new him and then we talked about dating experiences, and all the normal bull shit that friends talk about.

Mr. M and I have quite a unique friendship that works for us and a few other gays that I know. It like this boyfriend with out the title. We talk dirty, send dirty pictures, and say inappropriate things but we have no desire for a relationship. When we started talking about guy and he was telling me the guys he has dated and had sex with I thought my stomach was gonna drop like it did in the past but there was nothing, In fact I was a little happy to hear he was dating.

When he first called I was in the mood to be inappropriate, call it morning wood if you wish, but we began talking like old friends which killed that mood, yet some how through a little encouraging on his part there was the mutual watching of porn with then led to phone sex. It was a revisit to the night of my 22^nd Birthday party.

It was ironic about the same time last year MeTo convinced me to let him Shtup me and this year I was having phone sex, and it was Mr M's first time.