So I said . . .

Dear Josh
I don’t really know what to say now. I have no choice but to respect the way you responded. I wrote to you using quite a harsh tone and even went as far as name calling. It took a lot to get the courage to write to you and I put it off for so long that it built up to the point that I almost exploded.

I don’t understand how someone could shut someone out of their life simply because someone new tells them to do so. It really hurts when I think about how much drama you went through in November and December and I still encouraged you to do what was best for you. I wanted and still want you and Joe to live happily ever after.

When you told me the story, I was shocked and when you told me the two of you were getting back together I held my tong not for fear of saying something I may regret or of losing your friendship but because despite all the bad you mentioned I knew that there must be a good reason to give a person like him another attempt. It sucks that Joe cannot see that I have no desire to get back with you and it is as your friend; I hope that you are happy.

It also sucks that you and I never had the time to just be happy being friends. We both are at a point where we should have let the past be water under the bridge and made memories as friends. I cannot deny that we had some cool times together and I honestly thought you and I would be more than exes. I am an extremely forgiving person and if you feel you have a reason to be sorry and meant that you are sorry than I forgive you.

Rob says sometimes I am too forgiving and that is something that I do not regret having in my character because the people closest to me know where it stems from and see they have nothing to worry about.

I have also noticed many things in your character that some see as flaws but are far from it. You value friends and it hurt me when it seemed that at your request I offered you mine and it was not honored.

I trust Joe is a good guy and good to you and if you keep in touch with me I hope that he someday realizes that all I ever want from you is friendship, real friendship. If anyone can truly relate to a lot of the struggles I have faced over the past two years and many that I have had to deal with before I came out, it’s you.

Regardless of whom I came out for I will regret the reason I came out, it did it to have a relationship and not simply so I could be more comfortable with myself. I should have come out for me and me alone and that’s really what I regret. I apologize for calling you a fagot that was off color and unnecessary. I know you have problems and I also know you have the ability to deal and overcome them without alcohol and drugs of any nature. You’re a strong person Joshua M Mariano, and it dose pain me to see you use drugs occasionally and alcohol to deal with life only because I see more with in you. (Not that I see you as a druggie or ever did.)
I am sorry to hear about your sister and I will pray for her. I am also sorry to hear about your job I was really hopping you could leave that place on a high note. I am happy to hear you are in Vegas near family and I pray things go well.

In closing I know that life is hard and I hope you always use your struggles to help you grow and become stronger. As for me I am living in NJ with my Hubby Rob and from the looks of things it’s only a matter of time before we start planning for marriage. I still have all my friends in Philly and I still hang out at all my old spots. The plus side to living where I am is I am only 55min outside Manhattan by train and it’s a cheap train ride. Jazz and I are working out our differences and are friends again.

If you chose to be friends then it would be nice to catch up for real, if not then I hope your life in Vegas is better than you planned.

Here’s to you Kid


Vixc B of Philly