Green With Envy

Everything in my life is going well. I have great friends, I am having good times, my mother and I are getting along like old times and I have an amazing boyfriend. I am missing a job and a place of my own which is coming soon. Things, aside from the two missing, could not be better.

I continue to feel the need to make, one phone call and cannot wrap my head around a good reason why. Do I want to flash my amazingly happy life before them? Do I want them to compare and realize that my life is better? Or is it a classic case of wanting to make them feel bad by knowing they could have been a part but stupidly chose not to?

It is never enough to be happy, we always need someone who missed out to see and turn green with envy. Why is that? Everyone who knows Vixc B knows that his happiness dose not come from anywhere else but within. So why do I feel that making someone else feel bad will make me feel better?

I think it could very well have to do with the two things that are missing from my life, a decent job with cash flow and my own place. It would seem that when I had a place of my own I searched high and low to find a man to enjoy it all with so much so I was willing to settle for the wrong man. Now that I have a great guy, I want more to share with him.

To really be honest I used to think I was to good for most guys, I had a lot going for me at the age of 20. I had my own place, a full time job, I was going to school and I was quite the looker. I had no social life outside of work, no one to really hang out with other than who I was dating at the time, and I was taking the bus. But I still thought I was hot stuff.

I had asked myself the other day what had I done to karma and now it is clear. I had only half and acted like I was a bad ass, now I lost that but gained the other half and I feel like I can and should do better, if karma only wanted to teach me a lesson, lesson learned.

When you think you have it all you may only have half. You should always act like you could have more but enjoy what you have at the moment. One should never look to have more, more, more, but know and except the fact that things are good and with diligence and time more shale come. Life is short with lesson after lesson to learn, place after place to see, moment after moment to experience.

One may ask when dose a person just live and enjoy, to which we must remember the best of times were always spent while learning, seeing, hearing, or tasting something new. We relish the moment that we triumphantly made it through a hard time and look up with glee and are grateful we are alive. To live happily is not to spring boarding off others, it is not measuring your life next to someone else’s and trying to ensure you always have more than your enemies.

To live is to take every moment and enjoy. Enjoy the new and the old, enjoy growing to a better person and if you have someone to share it with then you are truly blessed. To truly measure a man’s wealth is not to measure his bank account, but buy the friends he keeps.
I may have lost what I had but what I gained is far grater. The half I had was sacrificed so that I could get the half that was more important. Now with baby steps I will start my mission of getting it all. Knowing the importance and value of what I have I will not sacrifice it for something materialistic.

As for that person I wanted to call, there is no need, I am happy because I am me and I have what I have and I know how much its worth. That is the key.