My life has been anything but boring for the past year. To
be quite honest while it has been eventful I have felt totally uninspired to
write. As the months past I felt that I should write the typical catch up of my
life post that I have done so many times before but whenever I sat to write, I
found my words boring and lacking inspiration. It all came off to me as writing
for the sake of writing and not to tell a story or give advice, the things that
my friends enjoy the most about my blog.
So here I am with only a month left in 2012 and finally I am
inspired to write, what has inspired me, one may ask and I cannot help but say,
“The thing that started my blog to begin with. . . Dating.”
I was once told that, “a horse does not turn around to eat
grass that it has already passed.” Advice I was given about a certain someone
who had hurt me quite deeply, the greatest love of my life thus far, Dr. MeTo.
December of last year I proclaimed to MeTo that I wanted him
back and even performed the grand jester of surprising him in NJ with flowers
via cab and train so that we could talk about the possibility f getting back
together. In the movies it seems to always work or at least there is this
strong emotional reaction. In reality it was not so well received one could say
it was flat. While I was latter given a
second chance I was forced to do penance for walking away the first time. I had
to prove how I felt and at times it even got to the point where I was forced to
put up with injustice to win back the man of my dreams.
There was an instance
where I realized I could not trust him, but still allowed him opportunity to
win it back. There was an attempted break up on his end because he did not like
how I reacted to his trying to discuss our relationship with Facebook
chat. And when depression set in for him
I did everything in my power to get him help and be there for him. And finally
the time came when he decided to change careers and become a teacher in
Brooklyn and instead of ensure that thing were solid before moving he just went
on with his life and expected for me to just deal. I grew tired of unanswered
phone calls and text and hearing from him only to complain about his life and questioned
about what I was doing and who I was hanging out with when I was the one who
still had reason not to trust him. After confronting him several times about
how I felt and how things were in our relationship and getting empty promises
that things would change I gave him an ultimatum.
I had not seem my Boyfriend for three months, by his own
design I could not go visit him he could only visit me and in order for him to put in any kind of
effort I had to rearrange my entire life. He made a promise and broke it so I
broke off the relationship. He took it as a shock despite my every warning and
pleas for HELP in making things work. I was heartbroken and he failed to ACT
like he cared I got only empty promises.
It was months and his actions still failed to line up with
his words I kept promises and he did things to hurt me and before I knew it, I
hated him. While I have gotten over the anger and I try to be cordial a part of
me still hates him and I think that part always will. How do forgive someone who
has wronged you and they make no effort to make things right? I admit I refuse
to let that little piece of me that hates him rule my life, I try to remember
that he lost out big but it hurts that while he says he cares his actions say
the opposite.
So I am moving on with my life, five months later I have
reopened my heart and begun dating for real. There are New rules, new friends,
New home, same blog but a whole new attitude. I am older, wiser, sexy and fun
and will always be Vixc-B.
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