Its funnie how at the very moment you think you are over something or that is it is simply behind you, you do something stupid to bring it back. Today I did something that people only do in movies and TV shows.
I was alone and not feeling like myself emotionally. I wanted someone to talk to and he was the first person to cross my mind. So to avoid doing something stupid I called Jason, who was at work and could not talk. So after sitting for a moment I did it. I called Mr. M. he never answers when I call, I had planned on simply hanging up after I herd the intro to his voice mail, but he answered and I hung up.
I should not be calling this guy but I did. I know what some of you are thinking, I should have called Mr. MeTo but I don’t have a cell phone and my mother’s house dose not have long distance. So with him on my mind I called and hung up. I know the song “why did I ever like you” by Pink has made its way to my number one’s list for the moment and every time I hear it I think of the guy who has no clue on how to treat me.
Why cant I just drop this whole thing? Some say it takes half the time you were dating to get over someone, if that were true I should have been over him over a year ago. But who is to say when our romantic relationship ended and our friendship began.
It was complicated we went from a serious relationship to friends to friends who have sex to fuck buddies who were thinking about dating to what ever the hell we are now. He is more than fine telling me about his relationships and his life but when it comes to me I am just a guy who swings from guy to guy and I like to hear myself speak.
Is it that I want to convince him to see me for the person I am? My friends love me for several reasons and while they are mostly good they also love the side that acts like a bitch. Mr. M says I fake my bitchiness that I continue to try and show a fake me, he points out the worse things about me when we are with people but when its just the two of us he says the nicest things. Why cant I just say, “Fuck You,” and walk away?
When it comes to friends, boyfriends, and family, why cant I just let go and let God? I put myself through torture I get my heart broken and still give them all a second chance. I have no reason to be desperate for any friends I have the best of the best. I continue to think that there is good in everyone and that at some point I will benefit from that good but I am really starting to realize that some people make an active choice to never give there good to certain people.
I choose to be a happy person who lives to have happy times and lean on myself to get through the tough times, I accept help when offered but I never look for it.
To be perfectly honest that ass hole hurt me and refuses to see it, I want an honest hear felt apology, the chance to get more than even or to sit back and watch him get hell and be there to say “Karma is a Bitch.”
I want his heart broken, I want to see him cry. I have hatred for him but at the same time I keep allowing him to get to me.
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