Constricting or Liberating

After finding out my best friend was positive it put a lot to deal with in my life, and going out that Wednesday gave me a lot to think about and made me realize how much my life had changed both in good and bad ways. From the outside it looked great. I had an extremely attractive man who loved me and was easy to love, amazing in-laws, and cool apartment with all the basic luxuries a car and a job that was not overly stressful. I had the gay dream, except one thing I was not in the gay scene anymore and I missed it.

I live an hour and a half away from the Philadelphia gay scene which I have become accustomed to and much to my surprise I realized that after two long islands I was not intimidated by anyone and had fun at karaoke. I miss Philadelphia and being so close to my friends.

Thinking about all of this made me realize how much I was also getting tired of New Jersey and many of the things in it. My life consisted of food shopping, going to the gym, a local dinner, monopoly, and half priced appetizers at Appleby’s, all with my hubby or alone. Occasionally or friend Christian would join us but for the most part most activities were just the two of us.

I am not saying that I dislike my life but it has changed drastically over the past 8 months and it was not really gradual. I just miss when life was simple and the only thing that could hold me back from a crazy time at Woody’s or some other crazy spot was work.

All this had built up on top of my best friend’s bad news and I was to distracted to have sex and MeTo noticed and with minor twisting I popped.

I began laying down how I felt and why, what I was and was not getting from him and other parts of my life. I could not hold back if he insisted on knowing. My popping turned into discussing and we both pointed out my extreme independence and the fact that this is not only my most serious relationship but my longest. He then told me that relationships should be liberating yet are a lot of work. Which made me think, do I see being with MeTo as liberating?

After our conversation I realized he needed some space and I took my glass of wine to the balcony. I saw a man practicing his golf swing. I don’t know if it is just me but in the month of July golf is everywhere to the point even the blind and deaf notice. I got to thinking how they always tell you practice makes perfect. You practice sports, music, art, writing, everything from driving to eating, yet we are never told much about love or the practice that it may or may not involve.

In this practice makes perfect world we become firm believers in the more sex a man has the better he becomes, with a little guidance of course, but do we ever stop to think that maybe they need to stop and practice being in a relationship before they get into the big one? Dose love at first site really exist along with happily ever afters, or is it with contingencies and prerequisite.

Dose the perfect relationship require both parties involved to have experience or can two people who have never done the serious thing before truly make it. There have been successful arranged marriages so one would figure it is quite possible. You hear real life stories of love at first sight and een happily ever after. My example would be my in-laws. So if this is all possible then to find true love the one you should be with is in fact liberating the joy in knowing you have found the one your other half. But to honestly answer the question of if you’re in a liberating relationship is a three-parter. Are you truly the relationship type, are you ready and finally if already in a relationship?

These not being totally simple questions require serious thought and my final answer could alter my life quite a bit. I am left with some thinking to do.