So long Hollister, Hello Panera

The following Post is Rated PG13 for adult theme. Reader discretion advised.

It was towards the middle of March I had had it with Hollister.  I went to work and they gave me a list and told me to get it done.  It was all cleaning task.  I looked at the list and could not recall them telling me cleaning was in my job description.  I hated the job and the training process.  If it had not been for me having an interview down stairs I would have quit on the spot.

Right after my interview with Hollister, I had one with Express and Panera offered me a job followed by Hollister.  I really wanted the job at Panera; I wanted the discount from Hollister.

Hollister’s discount became useless as I did not like their clothes and with the discount, clothing was still expensive, and they did everything in their power to force me to buy their clothes due to their dress code.  I had planned to quit the day after the cleaning incident but I was way too sick to call out.  I figured for 7.25 they would get the gist after I didn’t show up after two days. I ended up being sick for 5 days and they were still calling me to see if I was coming back.

Panera offered me more money right off the back and it was a happy place to work not to mention the discounts and free food. So I told Panera I was totally free and before I knew it I was working decent hours and loving it not for the pay but to be working in a happy place.

Here comes the dry spell

After I started getting better MeTo got sick I woke up to the sound of him throwing up in the bathroom. I was worried but knew to keep calm and wait till he got back to bed. It was not a long wait and I could tell he was not doing well. I asked what was wrong and to be honest it was graphic to the point that without details I will say he was really sick.

When I was sick I was taking alkalselter  and Tylenol, I gave him pepto and Imodium. It looked as if he had a touch of the flu and not what I had. Three days later he was good to go almost and I was almost at 100% myself but my sex drive was just gone. To be quite honest I had been with him in our apartment for over a week. Yeah we got out a few times but we were with each other for almost the entire time.

I was not in the mode to get even closer to him. It was not long before this became a problem. It got to the point that we had a little spat and it was not until I forced myself to have a little distance and got pumped up that we had sex and even then it was not that great. The next morning we had it out which relived the tension.

We began counting and our average was 1 to 2 times a week, our normal goal is three or four. On top of us not “coloring” I was also on a strange sleep cycle. Many nights I just could not sleep. I would go to bed toss and turn get up then return to bed around 4 or 5 leaving me to tired to get it on.

I had decided to talk to my friends about this and I came to the conclusion that my body was trying to reset itself. I mean I had a birthday around the corner and my life was somewhat hectic. MeTo just settled for the once a week and began trying to get things together. But once my sleep schedule got on track the “coloring” did as well.

The Party on March 6th

Well, things have been so hectic that I have not blogged for well over a month now.  Yeah there were posts containing a video here and there but not the typical stuff, you my loyal readers come to read.  So what has been happening with me?  I am unsure where to start so I will do my best.

Therefore, the last real post I mentioned that my mother and I were not talking, well not much has changed on that front.  I am still unsure how to talk to here and I sure as hell do not need to hear that, if I do not change I am doomed for hell. 

MeTo and I had a blast planning the party and the excitement by everyone built up so quickly that I knew I had to show off.  I focused more on the menu and decorations than I did my outfit.  It is good that I have a decent wardrobe with things that I can choose from at the last minute and still look my best.

There was lots of shopping and plenty of people asked what to bring, my in-laws tried their hardest to keep the stress levels down.  They took us shopping and got most of the cheese and chicken wings.  With my mind preoccupied on the party I failed to realize how big a misstate I made taking a job at Hollister.

I will admit I gave it some thought and while the discount sounded great and I loved the fact I was getting out of the house the job was not up to par for Vixc-B.  A word of advice, if you take a job at a place that plays loud music, dim lighting and has issues such as excessive stealing, it is not a place you want to work.

The Hollister I worked at lost 230 items a week and, tried everything but lowering the music and using brighter lights.  It was hard to see and hear and it made working there and shopping there more work than necessary.

Before I knew it, it was the day of the party and the text were flying in, this was a big deal and I was extremely excited that ALL the “Real Gays of Philadelphia” were attending.  I was working on cupcakes, turkey balls and bread among many other things.  I had mentioned to MeTo that we should try the carpet powder I saw on TV.  We were so happy to see that it really helped to get the carpet clean.

It was not long before I lost track of time, it was party time, and the decorations still were not up so I began to delegate task and as guest arrived, I disappeared to shower and get dressed.  When I was done, it was good timing as the guest really started pouring in.

My friend john was the first one there so I put him in charge of putting up the last of the decorations.  At the end of my shower, everything was perfect and John had presents for me.  A silk tie with matching cufflinks and pocket square, a set of chopsticks and a bottle of wine, he also brought homemade baklava, it pays to have Greek friends, especially ones who just got back from vacation. 

As the guests arrived, so did the alcohol, I was shocked to see that some people brought two bottles.  My martini party had become just a party.  When my BFFs arrived, it was really a party.  Jay brought a huge bag full of liquor and started to make drinks.  It was such a happy night, a crowded, love filled, excited night.  Everyone got along and all was merry.

MeTo and I even got presents, cards, and gift cards, translation Time to go shopping. One of the best things about having a gay party is the clean up.  Someone always ensures there is nothing to clean by the end of the party.

As the party went on, we noticed that someone was MIA.  Louis had drunk far too much and pissed the RGOP off.  We did not let it ruin the night we took a picture that is sure to be famous and could not help but talk about relationships, sex, and of course, how MeTo proposed.  It was a night to remember and Jay and I were so happy to attend a party for grownups.

Comming Soon . . .

Out I have been working on catching up with the blogging, over the next couple of days.  Be prepared to see post talking about things from March 6 and bring you up to date with me, Vixc-B and introducing “The Real Gays of Philadelphia.

As you will soon see life has been quite hectic with parties, birthdays, moving, fights, make-ups and cheaters.  My live is entertaining and I hope you are prepared to read.

I love Butters, No Homo.

THIS ROCKS!!!

So Honest !!! LOLz

What do you think?

Like Really. LOLz

All Backd Up, A Big One

I know you, my readers have been wondering where the hell I have been and what I have been up to.  I know that it is not like me to just stop blogging without some kind of heads up.  I know that the juicy details of my life are quite entertaining and that some of my posts have even been inspirational.  Well I have to tell yah that you have not seen anything yet.

The life of Vixc B has been anything but boring these past few weeks. I have had two jobs, a party, and a fight with MeTo.  There were several cab rides and met many new people.  Just when I thought, I got a grip on my life and was settling down to enjoy a little autopilot.  Trips were planned and I was reminded that in less than a week I am turning 24.  Heard to believe that my 24th birthday is right in the middle of so much happening in my life that I am not planning anything big, but when you hear about all that I have been up to and all that is, coming you won’t blame me.  I just hope I have time to keep my loyal reader abreast.

Life Now

So it would seem the closer that I get to the engagement party the worse things are getting between my mother and I. most recently I received a voice mail calling me a jerk for putting my sister in the middle of what she would deem a feud.

After listening to the voice mail I called my sister to see if she was behaving any differently because I was not talking to our mother. She told me that things were as they should be and nothing had changed. I then explained the voice mail and my sister told me if anyone was putting her in the middle it was my mother.

The next morning I get a text from my sister saying that my mother was up at my sister’s school. After a few texts back and forth my sister told me that my mother did not want her to come and visit me at all. I was quick to explain to my sister that I loved her and to call me when she got a chance.

For the past week it has been nothing but my mother. I was struggling with how to handle the situation. My in-laws gave me great input and just as I am digesting and tying to come to some solution, this happens.

After talking to Jay who has been dealing with a similar situation he gave me some good advice. No I just have to get the courage to do it.

Mother

For an odd reason I was not feeling to productive.  I sat every day at my computer to write and it was like trying to squeeze that last bit of toothpaste from the tube. I got some things down but nothing met my new standards.  I wrote the book review and even tried to write an inspirational blog entry.  The result was nothing new.

So I thought that I would try to figure out why this new lack of inspiration. To be quite honest I could attribute a lot of this to my mother.  She is without a doubt reason to blame for many of the things that went wrong in my life.  I would not be so inclined to pass the blame on here if it were not for the fact that I asked her for help in certain areas that I needed and while she refused to help me, she forced her help on my sister.

Two weekends ago, I was talking with MeTo, we were listening to Beethoven and I mentioned that I could have been a violin prodigy.  When I was in 6th grade, my aunt lent me her violin and I taught myself all the basics and could play a few child songs.  At the point when I could not teach myself anything else, I went to my music teacher who was quite impressed.  He then told me I knew all he could teach me, he gave me a tape and I went over it a few times but as it was mostly what I had already learned, which he told me was the case I was still where I started.  I finally broke down and explained my situation to Mother, she was not very sympathetic and told me to go to the church, when I came back and told her how much they charged for a lesson that was the end of that.

I had always wanted to play the saxophone, alto.  When it comes to instruments there are few that impress me, saxophone, guitar, if played a certain way, and the violin. I desperately wanted to play the sax but as you need, an instrument to learn on that was a no go and my aunt lent me her violin.  I was not too broken about no learning the violin; after all, it was not the instrument I wanted to play.

In high school, I was friends with many kids who were in the band; to be honest this was the first time in my life I was able to socialize with people who were not ghetto.  I learned not only that there was a band and a club but also music classes and private lessons.  I felt renewed except there was one issue; I had to buy a sax.  I was in school and my mother hated the idea of me working.  Therefore, for Christmas I begged, pleaded, and swore all I wanted was an alto sax.  She sent me to the net and I found on, a silver alto sax that they were selling on eBay and I sent her the link.

 

I was excited but the closer we got to Christmas the more she implied that my dream was not going to happen.  Before I knew it, she told me it was just not going to happen and I needed to make a proper Christmas list.  It hurt but it hurt more when my sister asked for a guitar almost two years later after never showing any interest in music and got one.  There are few things that cripple me and that was one.  I do not blame my sister but my parents definitely never saw how that electric guitar set ruined high school. 

After awhile I just figured, my parents did not care so I did whatever I could to take my mind off my home life.  To this day if you ask anyone from SJP class of 2005, they will tell you I was known as angry black man.  I did my best to keep why I felt the way I did a secret, it was not the violin or sax but because my home life was just one sax and violin incident after the other. My stepfather did not like me and mother did little to correct the situation.

Later in the week, I was talking to my sister and my homophobic Mother came up in conversation.  I guess my sister figured she would make this call about bad news. She had gotten a nose piercing in addition to her tong ring and navel ring and her third and final tattoos, so she told me.  I hate tattoos, on other people its fine but on my sister, they just look cheap and tacky.

The conversation continued and she told that my mother knew I was getting married. My Mother and she had argued previously but my sister finally told me it started over my engagement.

After I assured my sister of my undying love for her, we proceeded to talk about other things that make us happy.  Mostly what campus life was like?   

After getting off the phone, I went and decided to clean the bookcase.  I found many of my college notebooks and three journals.  One may find it hard to believe but I was never good with keeping a journal. Each journal only had about two or three entries.  One journal only had one entry and that is because my mother bought it for me around the time we stopped talking for an extended period.  The first page was instructions for me to keep track of all my prayers so I could see how G-d was working in my life.  She gave me the journal in addition to a book by T.D. Jakes; I believe it is called, so you think you are a Man?  I started reading the book and the one prayer I had was not to be gay any more.

The other journal, which was my first journal, had entries about how I wished to be a better person and that my father was not sick any more. I talked in a few entries how much I hated life and my family.

The last journal has some folded pages, which turned out to be confessions about my sexuality and some things that I admitted to on here in “No More.” I was also stunned to see how badly my self-esteem was back then. It became apparent to me that I was really good at hiding my emotions when I was younger. It was something I did out of necessity.  My mother and father tended to punish me If I disagreed with their methods even if I was simply explaining how I was feeling.

With this trip down memory lane It gave me lots to think about. At present I have shut off all communication to my mother. She refuses to except me for who I am despite the suffering I did to figure out if this life was for me. if I want to communicate with my mother I cannot talk about anything or one in my life who approves of anything gay. This is hard to do when you are marring a man who everyone but your mother likes.

This week I talked to my future father-in-law who went through a similar situation when he and his wife decided to marry outside their religions. There were two outcomes, one for either side and while I hope for my mother to come around I have a feeling that she rather never see me again then to accept the fact I am married to a man who makes me happy in ways the she could only wish my step father would do for her. 

Swish

book,review,swish,gay,reading

As you, all know I chose the book Swish, by Joel Derfner, to read for the month of January.  I chose the book because of the title and from what I read of the synopses.  I figured what a great way to start this new segment of my blog.  A book about how a fellow gay man tried to become the gayest person ever.

I began reading the book and right away, there was humor, there was a moment I had to put the book down because I was laughing so hard.  The rest of the book, when considering the synopsis, was a disappointment. It was hard to find much of what Derfner tried to put off as humor funny.  The book is about and insecure homosexual male who is trying to find ways to deal with his, insecurities and mental afflictions.

The synopsis implies that Derfner wanted to be the gayest gay ever.  To most of the world, the gay community included, we take this to mean that he tried to be a shining example of a gay stereotype.  Promiscuous sex, clubbing, catty attitude, flashy attire, feminine tendencies.  If this is not what he meant by becoming the gayest person ever then he failed to explain what he thought becoming the gayest person ever meant to him.

While the book failed to deliver on it promises of humor and implied venture, it was still an awesome read.  Joel suffers from a few mental aliments, which all seem to take turns controlling aspects of his life.  The way in which he goes about dealing with them is typical of gay males.  He uses sex at one point to deal with life and when he finds that things have gotten out of hand, he moves onto the next venture.

Joel never dose the total gay thing, we later find out that he is not a fan of gay bars or clubs, which I feel helped to make him an even better gay by the end of the book. While he thinks himself to be better than most and is constantly raising standards for finding true love we see that he comes to the realization that you cannot really predict or decide who you will fall in love with.

The books layout is setup in such a way that he uses one point of his life to explain a few others, but as the book is about someone’s life, at times it seems like your reading a poorly laid out sex and the city episode.  Each chapter can stand on its own almost independently but as a whole, you are forced to remember the last in order to have a good grip of his chronology.

Towards the end of the book it becomes painfully evident that the book is in fact about the author, we see that this huge chunk of the book was written about his life while trying to write the book.  I find that these chapters are amazingly well written and extremely easy to read.  It is in these chapters that almost any gay can easily relate.

The book closes by touching, in great detail, on a delicate subject in the gay community, ex-gays.  It is in this chapter that we truly see who Derfner is.  I feel that if I were to give any more detail about this chapter it would be pointless to read.

In short I am pleased that I bought this book and feel it is worth reading for all gays and their friends. Thanks to the style and setup of this book, it is a quick read. All of Derfner’s points and commentaries will stay with you long after you put it on the shelf to start collecting dust or pass on to a friend..

Love the Muppets

I think Kermit has a cold.

Joel Derfner Ladies and Gents

Synopsis

A hilarious and deeply moving account of one man’s journey from stereotype to truth.

Joel Derfner is a knitter, an aerobics instructor, a cheerleader, a go-go dancer, and a musical theater composer, but when he realizes one day that he’s a walking gay cliché he embarks on a quest for deeper meaning. A very, very funny quest for deeper meaning. And whether he’s confronting the demons of his past at a GLBT summer camp, using the Internet to “meet” men–many, many men–or going undercover to a conference of ex-gays, he discovers that what he’s looking for–and sometimes even finds, hidden underneath the surface of everyday life–is his own identity. In the tradition of David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, yet with its own particular flair, Swish is a story told with not just wit but humor; not just candor but honesty; and not just compassion but humanity.

(By, www.BN.com) 

Coming Soon.

Just want everyone to know that I have finished reading Swish.  I feel as though it was a good book and you can expect a full report by the end of the week.  The past few days have been quite interesting and there will be good reads all week. 

A Productive Saturday

As it would turn out last Saturday was quite productive.  My day started with MeTo waking me early so we could go to Torah study at temple. The night before, at Shul, the rabbi encouraged us once again to come on Saturday morning.  This time we had no excuse to get out of it.  I admittedly wanted to go but it was at 9:30 in the morning.  Now we all know that 9:30 is not very early on a normal day, but on a Saturday, my traditional day of rest, it was ungodly.  Much to my surprise however when MeTo woke me I was ready to go.  I donned some clothes and we were on our way fashionably late. I did not feel too bad as I was told many people show up late.

We got there and it did not take long before there were introductions and I was of course the only black person.  On top of it I did not have time to do my hair so I threw on a headband, which made me look gay, for 9:30 on a Saturday morning nevertheless I did not care what anyone thought, I was there.

Soon the rabbi asked me to read and I shocked myself at how well I did, no mistakes and it was clear there was not a hint of nervousness in my voice.  After I was done, we picked up with the discussions which felt great, it was simply a group of people disusing the whys and why not-s of the bible. The rabbi was there, gave good feedback, and not once made anyone feel small about an extremely interesting or odd interpretation.  It was also great not to hear Satan given as an excuse for everything that went wrong.

One of the most refreshing things about the Jewish faith is the fact that Satan is not really, present.  Discussions are about how G-d acts in our lives and how we allow or refuse his assistance.  The burden to be good is placed completely on the individual and you never hear a Jew say, “The devil made me do it,” or “The devil came and tempted me.”  

There was a bagel promise as “incentive” for people to come; our friend told us that after torah study there are bagels and coffee.  So afterwards, we went to the media room where all the Saturday classes met to have bagels and socialize.  We met a few people had some good discussions and then was on our way.

 

After several attempts to stop, the error messages from showing on my laptop, which was running Vista, I finally decided that it was time to upgrade to Windows 7.  I was not happy with windows and to be honest I really wanted something else.  However, all the programs I have are windows based and I am not sure if I could find good enough equivalents to run on Linux.  Therefore, I backed up my favorite files and began what I was shocked into believing was a simple upgrade and not install 7 as a new OS like MeTo and our roommate had to do.

Little had I known that the update would take all day!  Once it started, I sat by my desk and read my book, Swish.  I was quite impressed with myself.  I really thought I would not make my deadline but by the end of the day, I finished all but one chapter, which I should finish today.

I decided that the perfect thing to fix that tart apple pie, I made earlier that week, would be some Carmel sauce, which was so amazing I am going to include it in my cookbook.  I also got my desk reorganized and did my best to force myself to remain productive, success.

My book for February came in the mail as well my Amish pie cookbook.  I then did some dishes and wrote out the grocery list.  Once the update was finished around 10:30 at night I began moving and deleting files things.  I installed the last program that I was working on and much to my delight there were only a few kinks that needed to be worked out.  I set my computer to defrag and shut down when done and I went to bed at two in the morning.

For the month of February, this is what you can expect on top of your typical Vixc B reading.  I have decided to add to the monthly book review a biweekly Gay movie review, no pun intended, so I will watch at least two gay movies a month and report back to you weather it is worth watching and why or why not.  Each week you can also expect a recipe that I have created myself.  I think this will make all the other reading more interesting in conjuncture as you will get to hear about my struggles and frustrations throughout the week to perfect a recipe and then benefit from the fruits of my labor at the end of the week.

Therefore, until next time this is Vixc B reminding you, being gay is not so simple.

Work, Life, and Mess

You ever notice how when you are at work and things get hectic, that you seem to just let your surroundings reflect it.  Then the moment comes when you just cannot take it and using your break time you clean and organize everything in your entire office, cubical, or desk so that you not only know where everything is but it looks great.  Then after all is said and done you sit and realize you not only have a good amount of work but also a good amount of time to get it done, but all you do is sit and admire your work space and nothing gets accomplished.

I can only imagine why this happens to some of us.  It could be some subconscious fear that we have learned.  We equate working hard with working in mess, and so when things are clean and neat we are reluctant to resume where we left off.

Sometimes this happens in relationships.  We take a break from the whole dating scene and get our lives and friendships together and then before we know it we are happy with life and we find ourselves being pulled back into the messy world of dating.

We resume looking on our old dating sites and checking out the people at the clubs and bars, and we even began talking to our casual sex partners but in it all we refuse to start actually going out on dates sleeping with people or talking to the hottie at the end of the bar.  It would all make since if it were not for one thing, we feel as though something or someone is missing from our life.  We want to go to bed cuddled up with someone who is happy to be there, and some nights we get so horny that we just want some hot person to screw our brains out.

We think we are proceeding with caution when in fact we simply are not moving. We tell our selves we have our friends and that is enough until we decide to sleep with that old fuckbuddy.  Now we have our friends and sex without the whole mess of a relationship.  We remain unfulfilled and before we know it, we are looking for Mr. Right and our lives are once again a mess like it was when we last stopped and took out some time to clean our desk.

The definition of insanity is, repeating the same steps and hoping for different results. A productive worker learns from his mistakes and searches for more efficient ways to perform tasks, which makes it easier to swing right into the next one with ease and little mess.  True sometimes taking the time out while in the swing of things to make sure that everything is in the right place seems like it is making life move slow, but think about it, if your breaks are spent cleaning?  What is the more efficient worker’s breaks spent doing?

Recently I got a new printer and to celebrate I cleaned my desk and organized things.  I sat and thought of several things I could and should be doing but I sat and did nothing.  My drive to be productive was precluded and so I sat then started browsing the web.

I got to thinking about how this is the pattern my life has faced. Things get crazy, I spend time fixing things and then I just sit, stare, and do nothing, and subconsciously I fear that the mess will come back just as fast as I start living.

I have learned however that if I do not like the mess my life produces to examine what parts produce the mess and then change how I live in order to be happy with the results and spend less time fixing stuff I should not have to fix.

Another part of this whole mess thing I realized is that we learn how to deal with many things when we are children, a time when we have extremely limited resources.  As adults, we have more resources like desk organizers and in matter of life therapist.

No matter what you may be facing in life may it be repeat ex boyfriend,  casual sex, or work issues like a messy desk, sit back and think how you handled it before and force yourself to try something new. I guarantee you will feel a little less like life is trying to make you crazy.

Peeing With the Door Open

I have been living with people for so long that I have forgotten one of the small joys that one gets from living alone, peeing with the bathroom door open. I do not know what inspired me recently but I went to the bathroom and left the door open. I found it odd and halfway through relieving myself I felt a small bit of familiar joy. I was taken back to when I lived alone and I could do whatever wanted such as use the bathroom with the door wide open, knowing no one would see and say something,

To be completely honest this was something that first indulged in when living with my mother. When I knew I had the house to myself for a while, I would use the bathroom with the door wide open. It was to signify that I was home alone and had a small bit of freedom.  Now I must admit I would never go number two with the door open, smells and what not.

 

While reading my book I realized that my blog has not focused on grammar all too much.  The author of Swish uses many words that are not used in ever day vernacular,  some of which I have had the urge to go and look up. So I think from now on I am going to get better acquainted with an old friend of mine, Mr. Thesaurus. I loved him back during my school days, so I think his advice may be what I need to spruce up “The Indigo Life.”

 

Lastly I attempted an apple pie the other day.  Needles to say I consulted several recipes as to create my own.  I do not think many people understand the different sizes of apples.  Most recipes called for 6 to seven apples.  I had about five medium to large apples and was only making a nine-inch pie, like every recipe said it was for. I had excessively much filling and my crust fell apart so I placed it on in pieces, which made it look like a giant brain, I called it Abby Normal.  I placed the pie in the oven following the instructions of one of the recipes and my pie was first under done then over done and the crust was great but my filling had turned to mush. When we cut into it the taste was too tart and I think it needed more cinnamon.

I was pissed from middle to end. But I know what needs to be done the next time. To prepare for my next pie I ordered an Amish pie cookbook, of all people I figure they should have a good recipe for a newcomer to the pie world.

So, Its a Big Deal.

Last Friday MeTo and I went to Philadelphia to celebrate our one-year anniversary.  We had a lovely evening planned.  We would go to the Franklin institute have dinner at the Brazilian steak house and then wonder around the city until it was time to part ways.
I had to stay behind because my sister was leaving for college on Sunday and I promised her I would drive with her up there. MeTo had to meet his mother back at our place, the two of them were then going to go upstate to help dad close the house for the rest of winter.
The day did not start as planned we got to the city a little latter then we should have, mostly my fault, and that left us with only two hours to spend in the museum before it closed.  We made the most of it and it turned out two hours was more than enough.
After the museum, we went to a restaurant called Chime, a Brazilian steak house.  MeTo thought he was going to pay for the entire day, but as I felt that was improper and unfair I took care of the museum and allowed him to pay for dinner in short we paid for the parts of the night we picked.
We ended up being a half hour early for the restaurant and took some time to simply take in the city.  We walked past the Comcast tower and went to a 7 eleven to grab me a candy bar.  When the time came, we were excited to eat and I had a blast with the exception of one minor detail.  My head began to hurt and before I knew I had a migraine all before, I realized I had aspirin in my bag.
After dinner, the night was young and we decided to go to a quiet spot.  Q lounge, which was formally bump, was the first thing to pop in my mind.  I knew at that time of day it would be perfect to just sit, talk, and have a good time without all the rowdiness that could be the gayborhood.
I offered to buy him a drink and he passed by saying, “Not right now.”  I was unsure what he was waiting for but we sat and talked for a brief while and before I knew it I was being thanked for all the help I gave during his proposal but he informed me that his PhD proposal defense was not the one he was worried about. After trying to pull what he was talking about out of him, he pulled a red box out of his pocket.  One final question from he and me then asked, “Will you marry me.”
I was stunned and gave it a quick thought and said, “Yes.” I was completely taken off guard and felt like I needed time to think and digest what happened alone.  It was not long before the waiter figured what happened and informed us that he had just taken his ring off a few months ago. I was shocked at the ring not what I expected and yet I was wearing it. My stomach was in knots and my head was throbbing while the aspirin did nothing.  I so wanted to just run to my mom’s and talk to my sister but I did all that a new fiancé is supposed to do.  I showed the ring to all those who asked to see it and had our picture taken in the bar.  He was relieved that I said yes and I was simply in shock.
When the night finally ended, we both went to Market East train station and waited for our separate trains.  He had to meek his mom to go upstate and I had to go with my parents to take my sister to college.
I got home and I told my sister what happened she was in awe, I still was in shock.  We talked about her life and a few things in my life and my head and stomach was just getting worse.  She joked and told me to take the ring off; I was having a Carrie moment. I drank some water and went to sleep.
The first thing I did when I woke was put the ring on and got started with my day.  My sister and I then went to KOP Mall in hopes that shopping would clear my head. I called jay and told him what happened who then patched Tia in and they were thrilled, I still in shock told them how it happened and then we talked about my shock.  A whole day of shopping with my sister and a new outfit and still was not where I should have been.  MeTo called me, I received congratulations from my future in-laws, and we chatted about how our days went.
I made plans to tell my other friends when we went out that night.  On the way I called my cousin Tiffany, she was excited, and I was no longer in shock.  I became more excited at the idea of getting married.  The whole day was filled with ideas of being the first to get married went through my head and tell my mother and planning a wedding and finally my head stopped and my heart took over.
I made a stop at my grandmother’s and told her and my aunt and while my aunt was excited, my grandmother tried to hide her disappointment.  I then met my friends, Dan and Lou were on time and I could not wait to tell them they were excited like everyone else and I told them how I was in shock for a good while and then I just now fell in love with my ring.
Phil showed and he was excited as well and I showed my ring to everyone that asked.  Two hours later Jay joined us at Q and I regaled my friends with the story one last time and we drank almost 40 dollars and were merry, it was a night to remember.
The next day I called MeTo and told him about the night and he was happy for me.  I have no idea why I went through what I went through but I am happy to say I am talking plans for the day when I marry the Sexiest, sweeties, loving man in the entire world.  I got my fairytale.

Searching for that Damn Book!

Book,Shopping,Shoes,Gay,Life

Today turned out to be a productive day for me.  I got up earlier that normal which is a huge plus.  MeTo had a presentation at work and I could not sleep after he left, I offered to cook breakfast and no matter how much I insisted he refused.

After I got up I got on my computer and checked my email, much to my surprise dsw.com was have a 50% off sale on all clearance items. I found two perfect pairs of shoes after what felt like two hours of searching.  Placed my order and then cooked myself breakfast. I ate while watching the view and decided that I needed to get out of the house. I began thinking about when I was going to go and what I would do when I got there. Therefore, while waiting for my soaps to come on I did some more browsing and decided that I would go to Barns & Noble.

I have been on the search for a good gay book to read.  I did not want one that was smutty of dramatic or simply by a gay author I wanted something I could relate too.  I looked all over on line and found only one title that interested me before I just decided to give up.  The book was called Naked and did not seem to be about anything gay so reserved a copy to be picked up from the store.

After my soaps, I got dressed as fast as possible and called a cab.  I did my makeup fully for the first time all 2010.  I was feeling good new hair, cool outfit, and makeup.  All I needed was a pedicure and a manicure and I would be unstoppable.

At the bookstore, I got a frappachino and decided to brows.  I looked at everything from music and movies to the bargain rack.  I finally found the gay and lesbian section and to my surprise, I found the perfect book, Swish.  I have not read it yet but by the end of the month expect a full review of it.

My new year’s resolution is to read at least one book a month and write a review on it.  I already have several brand new books on my shelf but I wanted my first to be on a gay book.  So expect that I guess in about 15 days.

Lastly, I also found a magazine that every gay man should read, Winq.  It is cheaper to buy in the store than to subscribe but it is totally awesome and full of international gay stuff.  Cannot really go into detail as each issue covers different stuff but for 8 bucks it is so worth it.

My plan for the evening is to do my nails, read my magazine then start on my book. Somewhere in there, I hope to go out, do some food shopping, and then break in my new tart pans.  Until next time, keep life interesting.

A Few Thoughts for January

househusband,January,Birthday,Resturant

Therefore, it has been one official year with MeTo and my life has changed a lot.  Sometimes I stop and wonder how things might be different if I had never met the man of my dreams so early in my gay life. It amazes me how a single moment can change your life forever.  I could have ignored that message that I got and then would have never known what I was missing and continued with my life in Philly.  I would have still probably got that job at Traction and maybe moved to Bensalem, but all the while still out looking for Mr. Right not knowing that I passed him up.

Today I spoke with my BFF Jay; it is amazing how talking to him puts me in an even better mood no matter what.  The other day when I went to see him and gave him Christmas present, a scarf that I crocheted, he was thrilled and I was so happy that he not only liked it but also appreciated it.  We talk and sometimes it seems that we are losing friends left and right but no matter how far we seem to get away from each other a phone call brings us not only back to where we should be but closer.

Last Friday was my mother’s birthday and I am happy to say that she said it was one of the best birthday’s ever.  I came from NJ to take her out to lunch with my sister.  We ended up going to her friend’s cafe where friends and good food surrounded her.  There was no check but all had a good time.  My mother loved the calendar I brought her and the mugs.

The next day I gave my stepfather his present that I forgot to bring down on Christmas and he loved it, it was a Chinese peasant clock and being a clock collector, he was thrilled.

This past Saturday MeTo and I met his brother boyfriend’s parents at a restaurant in Manhattan.  The restaurant was Rolfs and I was told that to sit in it was like sitting in a Christmas tree.  With exception of the company and decorations, the place was far from worth what we paid to eat there.  The wait staff and management were rude and the food was dry and left a lot to be desired.  I had similar food in a restaurant in Philadelphia where to my surprise the staff dressed in German garb and were extremely nice and the food was amazing.  I expected to have similar food here and was disappointed. It is safe to say that this was the first and last time that I travel to Manhattan just to go out to dinner.

I am finding that my January is quite busy.  The Saturday after going out to dinner I thought that I was going to spend that Sunday taking down the Christmas decorations but I went to MeTo’s aunt’s house where she did her very best not only to make me feel welcome but to ensure that all her guest had a good time.  This was only the second time that I seen the woman and she has proven that she not only has a huge heart but also is a fun loving individual.  Every urn I make it looks like I just fall deeper and deeper in love with not only MeTo but also his entire family including their dog, which I do not think is really a dog, but a completely new breed of awesome animal.

So Monday was MeTo and my one year anniversary, no more monthaversarys here on out.  We are celebrating in Philadelphia this Friday and it looks like it will be a good time. I have decided to stay in the city to hang out with friends on Saturday and then go with my family to drop my sister off to college on Sunday. I mean it when I say this is the last trip to Philly for the rest of the month, its hitting my pockets heard.

In the mean time I am looking for a job, I need to get out of the house on a regular basis and another reason to get up in the morning aside from cooking MeTo breakfast or to watch the view.  Being a househusband is great but only for a little while.  I now truly understand Susan B Anthony, it was not because she hated her husband that she started the fight that she did, she was bored as hell.

Happy Healthy New Yeear

New Year,Holiday,Love,Friends,Recap,2009

It has been one whole year and things although not I would want them to be, are great. It has been over a year since I met MeTo and that whole incident with Mr. New York.  The blog as well as my life has had its difficulties this year as well as all my friends.

Around the new year Jay and I kind of fell out because I my shift in where and who I was devoting my time in. Phil was still being Phil and Louise was having fun with his new boy toy, which actually looked more like a girl.

After I stopped working for Vincent It was not long before I found a job that promised to let me use my creativity. MeTo and I became official January 11th and my January ended great. The rest of the year chugged on and before I knew it, it was my birthday.  Jay and I had made up and we even closer than before.  Things were going great I knew who my really friends were and I had a man in my life that cared about me so much that he threw me a surprise birthday party.  The Lady GaGa concert that was supposed to take place on my birthday moved to a whole month later.

The job that promised to allow me to be creative proved to be a waste of my time and their money but I decided to stick with it. But it was not long before I spent a lot of free time looking for a new one. MeTo and I were quite hot and heavy I spent most weekends with him and I was not only in love with him but I began to fall for his entire family including their dog, and I do not even like dogs.

When June rolled around it proved to be the beginning to quite a trying summer.  MeTo and I moved in together and with bed buying box moving and living in clutter we had our first big fight. We made up and got things under control.

Jay was having a hard time with life in general and I could tell it was quite bad but what remained a mystery to all of us until one day while at work I got a call from him and he told that he was HIV positive. I left work and ran to be with him during his time of need I was shocked that I could not think of that pep talk you all ways hear about of people getting. I called MeTo and he gave me the talk. It was the first time he heard me cry.

A few weeks I lost my job with no explanation.  Then I was denied unemployment and before I knew it my finical past came to bite me in the ass I lost my car and had to tell MeTo the extent of debt I was in.  it was a poor summer for me and before I knew it I was smoking again. The stress built and built until one night I just broke down and shared all my secrets on the web.

August came and the highlight was the surprise I and another friend threw for Jay. It brightened his year. The surprise party went great with only a few snares. MeTo was not feeling all too well so we went home right after.

Shortly after that, I lost my car due to lack of income things seemed to just get worse at each turn. It started to take a toll on my relationship but before I knew it MeTo parents gave him some advice for the both of us. It showed me that they really liked me as a person and thought I was a good fit for MeTo.

Soon it was September and we began celebrating the high holy holidays of Judaism. I began learning a lot about what it meant to be a Jew and even how to make a few more dishes that are Jewish.  And MeTo’s family was beginning to feel like my family.

I eventually had my hearing for my unemployment and won, It was great and by the close of the month I had my own income again.

October came and I am not sure if it was the changing seasons of me not working but MeTo and my relationship took quite a drastic turn. I ended up going to Philly for a week by my self to clear my head whiles he, our roommate and his girlfriend were here doing their own thing. Despite the fact I wanted to hang more with my roommate’s girlfriend I needed time along to get my head in order.

By the Friday of that week MeTo played me a visit and we discussed what steps needed to be taken to repair the problems in our relationship which turned into an all nighter of club hopping in what appeared to be a dead gayborhood. We then crashed at my friend Kim’s house.

When he went home the next afternoon I was still not feeling 100% but a phone call later and the recitation of an old love letter I wrote quickly reminded me that although I was stressed and acting funny my feeling for him were just as strong if not stronger. I could not wait to get back to him.

The rest of the year chugged on and the best part of thanks giving was his family, it was so great that we spent the whole week between Christmas and New Year upstate all of us together. It was the happiest new year I have ever had.

MeTo and I have known each other for well over a year and have made far to memories to recap in one post. I have found what it is like to be truly unconditionally loved. It gives me great joy to say, “I can’t wait to see what 2010, will bring.”

Heads Up and Happy Holidays

There have been practically no post for the month of December. This was sort of done on purpose. I have been writing but taking my time doing so to provide better thought out post with clear grammar and no spelling errs.

Lots has happened this month from celebrating Hanukkah for the first time to the long prep for Christmas. I have loved every bit of December and there is a lot to write about.  I have finally started receiving my GQ and Details magazines and the cookbook is getting many new recopies added to it.

I have not spoken to my mother as much as she would like and I have a feeling that soon I will have to tell her that my life is too connected to MeTo’s for me to continue acting like my Indigo Life does not Exist.

Nevertheless, check back soon for my review of 2009 where I will summarize not just my life but, Jay’s, Phil’s, RJ’s, Lou’s and all the people that cross our paths and keep us connected.

To all my devoted readers I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

We’re in Love

Recently I have noticed that there are few post explaining the love that I have for MeTo, well this will be more like a post about the love we have fore each other, because it is hard to understand how the relationship works from only one side.

The night before I thanksgiving MeTo and I went to Philly for the Pink Pub Crawl. The first stop was my grandmother’s; we both enjoyed spending time with her and my aunt.  She was so happy to see him that she made it quite clear that when I came to visit he was welcomed as well. Later we went to the pub-crawl, which you will have to read about latter.

The night of thanksgiving I went back to my grandmother’s to pick up the stuff that I left the night of the pub-crawl.  When I got there, I was so anxious to get back to MeTo that I ran to the bus and then called to see if I was going to make my train, and much to chagrin I was not.  Therefore, I went back to my grandmother’s and spent the night.  In the morning, my aunt decided she was going, to give me a ride to 30th Street train station and I was surprised at what she had to tell me.

She looked at me and told me that it was evident that MeTo and I loved each other. I was shocked and hearing that, not because it was in accurate jut that I thought I was doing a good job of not being all lovie dovey around her and my grandmother.  I asked how she knew and she told me it was in the way we looked at each other and talked to each other.  I was still surprised that she saw all she saw.

I thought about this part of our chat for awhile and just recently realized that no matter how hard I try there are just some things you cannot hide from certain people.  MeTo and I have had our fair share of bad times but our good times are far more often and far bigger than our bad ones.  We have made so many great memories going upstate to be with his family, going to the movies, out to dinner, cooking together, talking about our future, decorating and all the many other happy things that couples do. 

So many times, we have done things like cleaning together and realized that with anyone else, it would have been a real chore, but together it was a fun task that we look forward to doing again together.

Our only really fight is about who loves whom more, and who is more attractive.  I always say he is cutter and I love him more and he thinks the opposite.  However, like all of our argument we respectfully agree to disagree and go on to loving each other.

My point to tall of this is one thing, my relationship with MeTo may be broadcast on here as having lots of troubles and uncertainties but all in all I am head over heels for the man I am in love with. He makes me happy and he makes a point to tell me that he loves the little things like me cooking him dinner, baking him a desert, cleaning the house, or listening to him talk about the good the bad and ugly of his day.  All of which are thing I enjoy to do for him and are no burden to me but the mean a lot to him. In addition, all the little things he does for me among some huge ones such as being there when I lost my job and holding down the fort until my unemployment kicked in.

To know if you truly love someone, examine your relationship and when the small things mean far more than the big things that is when you know for sure.  To see him breathing and smiling is far better than him buying me a gift and I know if to see him smile is all I get from him for the rest of my life than I will live I heaven for the rest of my earthly days.

AWESOME ! ! !

It Takes a Love Letter (Missing Week Pt.2)

MeTo and I had dinner Friday night to talk about the necessary steps we were going to take in order to save our relationship. It was not that we were in danger of breaking up but we had got to a point where we both realized things had to change for both our sanities’ sake.

We met on South Street and had a nice dinner at a German restaurant; it was the first time I went to a restaurant of that type.  The food was great but the conversation was not filled with cool hot topics.  We talked about every aspect of our relationship and what we could do to repair it. The conversation lasted the entire dinner.

I have to admit I did meet him with a little contempt I was not happy that he insisted on dealing with this now.  But the end of our conversation I did feel we were on the road to progress.  He got to know me a little better and I found out how he felt about me a little better.

We latter decided to grab a drink from Q lounge, I was dying to see what the new placed looked like.  It was clear that he was feeling better about the situation but I was still not in the mood to be all lovey dovey.  As the night progressed so did the time and b4 we knew it was too late for him to get back home safely.

I called Kim to see if we could crash at her place and I got her voice mail, so I sent her a text.  To my surprise, she called me while we were in 12 Air and I explained to her what was going on and she was in the city and decided to come pick us up.

Kim and MeTo hit it off and I was happy that they seemed to get along really well.  We chatted for a little bit once we got to her house then I just passed out. In the morning, she and her new roommate had to go to a meeting.  While they were out MeTo and I relaxed and got a little touchy, feely I was not in the mood but I pretended to be for his sake.

He later wanted to go out to eat so I texted Kim and asked if she and her roommate wanted to go to Denny’s she told me that we would all go to this other one that she liked a lot.  The dinner was cool and the food was excellent.  I was shocked to see that all she ordered was oatmeal. She then dropped us off at the Chester transportation center where MeTo and I took the R2.  I got off at my stop and he continued to center city so he could go back home.

I was somewhat happy to see him go.  I needed time to digest what we talked about and for him to show me he meant what he said.

I got to my mom’s and watched a movie with her and my step dad.  The rest of the day just went slow and I packed to go to my grandmother’s.  The next day I was going with them to my father’s grace to pay respects for his birthday.  I thought it stupid but I went to make my grandmother happy.

I got to my grandmother’s just as my aunt was leaving for work and we all chatted for a brief stent. I then went to watch TV.  While I was watching MeTo called and decided to read me a love letter that I had written him, it was the one I wrote after he threw me the surprise party.  When he finished reading I remembered the feelings I had when I wrote it and was reminded how much he still means to me, more today than yesterday.  I finally started to miss him as I was supposed to be.  After watching two and a half movies, I called it a night and went to bed.  I hated the fact that he was not there for me to cuddle with.  It took a while but I went to sleep.

The next morning I was dressed and left with my family for the long drive to my father’s cemetery.  Immediately after getting back, I had my aunt take me to the EL and I was on my way back to MeTo a day early. On the first of November.  

The Missing Week

Many blogs got started the week that I took off but few were finished.  After having finished a huge redesign of TIL I decided to take a break from blogging, it just so happened to coincide with my relationship issues.

From my last real post, it is safe for one deduce that I had a lot of thinking to do, mostly about what I wanted currently in my life. 

MeTo walked me to the train, we chatted while waiting, and once on, I was surprised at how much I missed him.  The idea of not seeing him whenever I wanted made my heart sink.  I had told MeTo to just let me be and not to call me until I called him.  He was being extremely patient and understanding, he even gave me money to spend while I was hanging out with my friends.  He set the rules by saying this, “You can look but don’t touch, you can flirt but don’t go home, and if you get them to buy you a drink I want to hear about it because you’re saving me money.”  I laughed and agreed.

My first stop once getting into Philadelphia was my mother’s job. I figured I would put my stuff in her car and then figure out where I would go next. Much to my surprise, we spent a lot of time talking about end of the world type stuff and religion.  We did not argue or debate but shared views and used each other to gain a better understanding of current events and scriptures.  We talked about other stuff as well and it was nice to, just talk to my mother like back in the day.

After leaving my mom, I decided to; just go to my mom’s house, once I was from underground on the El I called my aunt to see what she was up to and if she was up for a visit.  Needles to say she was and I spent most of my Friday chatting it up with my grandmother and aunt.

A lot of the conversation with my aunt was spent talking about Mr. MeTo and how I was feeling about him and our relationship.  I was surprised that I figured out that not only did I know where my life was going but also it was going where I wanted it to go.

When I got home that night, I talked to my mother about her night and hoped she would tell me about how she made new connections. It was a short conversation that ended with her telling me how she had fun and that was about it.  As soon as I was alone in the middle room, I called MeTo.  He was shocked to hear from me and I explained to him that I missed him as soon as the train started taking off.  It was a brief conversation, as I had to get ready for my hearing the next day and he had stuff to do in the lab.

The next day I got up and hurried to my hearing for unemployment. It was a stressful long ride and it happened to be raining.  I was dressed nice and as luck would have it missed the train that would have gotten me there on time.  I called and I was told that word would be passed but no guaranties.

A train ride bottle of coke a phone conversation with Jay and a bus ride later, I made it to be only 20 min late.  I walked inside and much to my surprise when I walked into the room; there was no one from traction.  I was slightly pissed.  This was just a mean way of them trying to save a buck.  To add insult to injury they even had a nerve to had submitted crappy evidence.  I won my case hands down.

On the way out, I chatted with the referee who was nice and she told me she was ruling in my favor and would try to get things to move quickly.

MeTo called as I was waiting for my bus and I told him I won but had bad reception and would call him latter.  A bus ride, a long wait, a train ride, a conversation with Jay, an el ride and two soft pretzels I was finally back in Delco and in a car with Jay.

It was the first night of the World Series and we were headed to our friend Sam’s.  On the way, I get to see Erica, the same one that introduced me to jay and I had not seen since.  Once at Sam’s, we watched harry potter, drank ginger ale and passed one Dutch for each point the Philly’s got.  Needles to say it was the highest I had ever gotten.  First chance I got I went home and slept it off.

The rest of the week was boring with a few sad attempts at trying to write. I decided to go see my aunt and grandmother again and on my way, I forced to deal with the one thing I had been trying to deal with on my own and in my own way, my relationship with MeTo.

He sent me a text telling me something along the lines of how we would be fine, it read dramatic and the situation needed us not to be so dramatic.

The first thing I said to my aunt when I got to her house was, “I might have to breakup with ‘MeTo’.” Her reaction was don’t and then she asked why.  I gave her the rundown of what we were dealing with, how I felt about it, how I wanted to deal with it and how he was dealing with it.  We talked in detail over the night and she gave me some sound advice and of course like everyone that has met MeTo told me to stay with him.

To be honest while I entertained the thought and may have made my mouth move to speak the words, breaking up was never an option in my mind or heart. Just as I, my aunt went up stairs for a moment my phone rang.  It was MeTo and he told me he was coming to Philly so we could discuss things.  I had just made y mind that I would be coming home Sunday and as soon as I got back I would discuss everything with him.  However, as he was telling me and not really asking I just went along.

I remember feeling slightly angry, how dare he come down and put a halt to my me time.  I needed this week to get my head together.  Yet I still allowed it.  I made up some excuse as to why I had to get off the phone and told m aunt what had just happened.  She thought to be a good idea and asked what I thought I had to admit she was right, I have to hand it to aunt LAB she has a way of making me see the light.

I went home, laid out my outfit for Friday, and chatted with my mother.  I got on my laptop and began to try and writ again but the week proved that it was pointless.  I would either be interrupted when my phone would ring or my emotions get the best of me and I would slip into LaLa land.  So ended up surfing the net until the early morning when I just fell asleep.

I spent most of Friday chatting with my sister and reminiscing about the times when it was nice to shut out the world and just be not only her big brother but also her best friend.  I went to get ready and just as I was about to head out the door my mother got home from work and she noticed I had on makeup.  I tried to half lie but she refused to let me out the house.  It was all in fun but it was still a little annoying.

I got of the El in CC at 6:30 but MeTo had been waiting for almost a half hour as he got to Philly earlier than he thought.  We decided on a German restaurant and while the food was great, the conversation was a little strong for my taste.  We did come to a better understanding of each other and all issues were dealt with.

(To Be Continued. . . )

Rate Your Friends Looks !!!

It goes by what grade you'r in because of ur looks
kindergarten- OMG put a bag over your head
1st-borrow the kindergarteners bag but u can put a hole for your eyes
2nd-you get a bag on the head, with holes for the eyes and the mouth
3rd- no bag for u, just stay on the other side of the room
4th-go where you please... just don't talk to me
5th-ok you can say hi..thats it
6th-whats your name...ok bye
7th-hi im josh
8th-what you doin 2nite??
9th- how about the movies
10th-dinner and a movie??
11th-walk on the beach
12th-my place?? leave b4 i wake up
college-my place,,, and u can stay for breakfast
masters degree-lets do it right here right now!!!!

Sweet

A Phone Call

phone call,relationship,MeTo,Vixc b,Philly,aunt LAB

So, MeTo called me and wanted to discuss our relationship, rather to tell me that he was coming down the next day so we could go out and talk about us.  I was shocked to see that he was the one calling me.  To be very honest I did not want to talk to him, especially after what happened earlier.

While I was on the trolley to go see my aunt, MeTo called me.  I was shocked to see it was he and answered, he told me he wanted to talk.  When I asked about what he was very vague and said, “Stuff.”  I tried to get him to be more specific.  He began talking about our relationship.  I thought to myself, “I thought we both agreed, this week was about me.”

I could never understand why he could not just let me be, leave our relationship alone until I got back from dealing with me.  When I got to my aunt, I told her about what was going on.  She was very understanding much to my surprise and she was able to see things from both perspectives.  She enforced what I was thinking about MeTo and, she helped me to see what I was feeling.

Her suggestion was to talk about everything with him and get on the same page.  I must admit everyone I talk to dose not want the two of us to break up.  I was considering calling it quits but she told me not to just yet and no matter how bad I make the situation seem everyone tells me to hang in there.

So tomorrow me to and I will have dinner to hash things out.  I had wanted the entire week to be a me week.  One where I could gain perspective on the situation, how I was feeling and what I wanted.

I did figure out that I am smarter when it comes to relationships than I thought and I do have a greater plane for my life than I had imagined.  I realized all of this while talking to my aunt.  She learned from me and me her despite the serious age difference.  However, that goes to show you that you are never too old and never too young to teach and to learn.

Interesting.

Hot Song Creepy Video.

Kandi : Fly Above Lyrics

Verse 1
I’m so comfortable in the skin I’m in, I’m secure about who I am, so you go ahead and talk all you wanna, I built up a shell and it’s hard and it’s armored. It seems like every step I take up, drama comes along with the bread I cake up. But you aint doing nothin if you don’t have haters, so I welcome you to do what’s in your nature.
Hook
I’m like a jet airplane, way too high to hear you throwing salt on my name. I know I’m not the only one if people love to hate you go and throw your hands up go ahead and spread your wings cuz you gotta fly above.
Chorus
I fly above all the drama, I I fly above, I I fly above, I I fly above, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me. So I fly above all the haters, I I fly above, I I fly above, I I fly above, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me
Verse 2
If everybody hatin’ cuz you fly-i-i, then gon throw yo hands in the sky-i-i, if people jealous cuz you live yo li-i-ife, then gon throw yo hands in the sky-i-i, see I aint even worried bout you and your insecurities, the only thing that matters is my family and G.O.D. I’m a shooting star but my feet still on the ground and when you flying high people wanna shoot you down
Hook
I’m like a jet airplane, I’m way too high to hear you throwing salt on my name. I know I’m not the only one if people love to hate you go and throw your hands up go ahead and spread your wings cuz you gotta fly above.
Chorus
I fly above all the drama, I I fly above, I I fly above, I I fly above, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me. So I fly above all the haters, I I fly above, I I fly above, I I fly above, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me
Bridge
All you haters (haters), you’re the wind beneath my wings (wind beneath my wings), you just make me fly higher (higher), higher (higher), higher, ooh you just make me fly higher, make me fly higher, make me fly higher
Hook
I’m like a jet airplane, way too high to hear you throwing salt on my name. I know I’m not the only one if people love to hate you gon and throw your hands up go ahead and spread your wings cuz you gotta fly above.
Chorus
I fly above all the drama, I I fly above, I I fly above, I I fly above, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me. So I fly above all the haters, I I fly above, I I fly above, I I fly above, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me, it’s beneath me

I am about to hey my hair twisted.
-Vixc B-

New (Gross) Study: Most Men Don't Wash Hands After Bathroom - BY L. K. REGAN

PUBLISHED OCT 30, 2009

Here's some news that will make you think twice about the casual handshake: British researchers have found that less than a third of men wash their hands after using the toilet. In these days of swine flu pandemic, that's a pretty scary statistic. Worse yet, the researchers found there are few ways to persuade guys to clean up their act.

The British study, published in the American Journal of Public Health, depended on a devilishly simple design: place sensors in bathrooms at service stations on British highways. These sensors were set to survey the water-and-soap behavior of the quarter of a million or so people who came through in the course of 32 days of observation. The researchers were hoping to find that people dutifully scrub their hands with soap after each visit—since, as the study authors write, "Hand-washing with soap has been ranked the most cost-effective intervention for the worldwide control of disease." In fact, if people would wash regularly with soap and water, over a million deaths from diarrheal diseases per year might be prevented. And that's not to mention that the CDC recommends hand washing as one of the most effective ways of slowing the spread of the swine flu pandemic.

Sadly, the study's results were not particularly auspicious. Less than a third of the men and two-thirds of the women who passed through the bathrooms during the study washed their hands with soap and water after using the toilet. So, researchers tried presenting bathroom users with a variety of messages to try to impact those statistics, and find out what motivates people to wash up. Electronic message boards at the bathroom entrances flashed a variety of hand-washing warnings, allowing the researchers to see which messages impacted behavior within the bathroom.

The messages showed a full range of approaches to hand-washing. Some were gentle reminders of the facts of hygiene; for instance, "Water doesn't kill germs, soap does." Others were more, well, explicit—for example, "Don't take the loo with you—wash with soap." Men and women differed in their behavioral responses to the messages. Women reacted best to the basic reminders that they ought to wash. Men, however, responded best to the gross-out effect, with messages like, "Soap it off or eat it later."

Not surprisingly, the most effective message overall involved shame and peer pressure. "Is the person next to you washing with soap?", when flashed on the board, got 12 percent more hand washing out of men and 11 percent more from the women. So the next time you're in the bathroom, wash your hands with soap and warm water (rubbing the soap into your hands for long enough to sing the alphabet through twice—that's about 20 seconds). It's the best thing you can do today for your own health and that of everyone you encounter through the day. And if the guy next to you isn't using soap, make sure he sees you staring!

Don’t Cross Vixc B

Vixc b,ex,breakup,boyfriend,loss,anger,revenge,apology,past,sorry

Today I brought back to life an old project that I once wanted to work on a few years ago. I was shocked to find that the project required me to talk about my ex Mr. M. I am not sure but I have a strong feeling that he is still vaguely in my life for a reason.  Sure he is almost 3000 miles away and we hardly ever talk to each other. I read his blog every now and then because it makes me feel great to know that while my life is going in a positive direction he is having trouble finding a job just lost the man who he thought was the love of his life after he gave him hell and is sad to be miles away from all he knows.

I know it is not the Christian way but it’s the human condition. In the process of writing about my past I realized that I still don’t have an answer to an important question. When he broke up with me he could not leave it at just that he asked if we could still be friends. To be exact he said, “I would like it if we could still be friends.”

I to this day cannot make since of it. He and I had nothing in common. We lived 2 hours away from each other, I was a light drinker, light smoker and preferred to keep drugs out of my life.  He took pride in the fact he was a heavy drinker, he liked smoking and did pot, he took pills and liked to dress as a fairy every now and then. I used British slang and he hated it. He was the tit for tat type of guy and was the all is fare in love and war. He welcomed dram and I cut drama queens out my life. So why stay friend with me?

I picked up my phone and before I knew it I was on the second ring. I realized that this was a very bad Idea. Before he had made a trip to Philly we were talking frequently and decided to make a point to hang out. As the day neared I got no call and have not heard from him since. After the bad blog I wrote calling him ever negative gay name in the book. He wrote me a letter which stated between the lines that he only wanted to be friends when it was convent for him. It hurt to imagine that someone would imply that but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and his actions or lack thereof proved it.

I want to cut him out my life, but I feel some kind of attachment to him. I know he was my first official love and all but at some point a person should feel the need to let go. I just don’t understand and I guess I still want answers to questions that only he can answer.

I am a real friend and all my friends agree. If you ask me for advice I tell you what you need to hear, not want to hear. If you need me for something I am there, if I can help you out I will and there has not been a person I have ever called friend that I have not done that for.

Mr. M keeps me at a distance, no matter how much I let him in he refuses to be my real friend. I have done things for him and they remain unreturned, I have given him advice only to have him respond negatively when I came to him. To be honest I think I just may hate him and want to inflict my own damage upon him. No matter how bad things in his life get they are not as bad as I want them to be. Maybe if I ran him over in a car, or stabbed him, they seem like good ideas but that hurts him physically and I want to hurt him emotionally. When I found out what happened to him and Joe I felt it was not good enough.  I want him to either realize the effect of his actions on me and truly apologize or to suffer.

That’s just it, and I refuse to cut him out my life until justice is served. I want Karma or Vixc B to do its best and worse in his life and I want him to realize it to late.  

 

Where is My Life Going?

life,relationships,sex,gay,happiness,Philadelphia,Vixc B

If you were to ask me a week ago my plan for my life I would have been more than happy to tell you. I would have confidently opened my mouth and gave you a nice little run down of my plans and what I was doing in the present to accomplish them. Now I am in a state of I don’t know. This has happened before but that was always when something didn’t work out, like moving, or losing a friend or getting my heart broken. But nothing has changed, I have all my friends, my boyfriend, my family and I am still living in the same apartment.

So what is new, what has changed? For the past few days I have not wanted to have sex with Mr. MeTo. At first I thought it was a dream I had about having sex with a woman. I will not lie I enjoyed it in the dream and it did excite me. I thought maybe I was going through a bisexual moment that would pass but when I went to check my A4A account and saw the ads for gay porn I knew that was not the case.

I do not want to cheat on Mr. MeTo I just want some time that is sex free. No pressure to have sex, him not asking me for sex I just want my body to have a break.

I recently talked to jay and he is convinced that the illuminati is bringing about the end of the world and that Obama is the anti Christ. While I do believe in the anti Christ and the end of days my beliefs are based on one thing and that is the bible and my faith in G-d. His is based on conspiracy videos and the fact that many of them link up with different religions claims to the end of the world.

I did my research and while I do believe that the events for the end of day have been set in motion, I cannot get in a twist and start shouting, “The end of the world is coming.” What good would that cause? That’s like being told you’re going to die and there is nothing you can do about it. Now I do feel that a warning is necessary if evil rises up in such a way that it is seen as good then people will need to know in order to save their souls.

Now it may seem that I am avoiding him but I really just need him to calm down and get back to the point of talking about what he knows and believes and not shouting it as if its fact. The videos offer a little fact to support its existence and then leave the viewer to come to his or her own conclusion.

My emotional life is not where I would like it to be. I should find myself excited to be in a serious relationship but I continue to find things that make me want to walk away. How do you really know when you have found the one? To many times I have been called the one and each time there was doubt in my mind. You only get one, “The One.”

I have my best friend worried about the end of the world, my boyfriend worried about trying to have sex with me and his job, my mother is worried about her church being corrupt, losing her job, trying to start business and whether or not my sister and I are really Christians. I have no real faith in anything but G-d the fact my sister loves me and that I live on planet earth. The rest I have my doubts no matter how small they are still there.

So why should I not go through times when I am depressed and unhappy, why should I not have days when I don’t want to be bothered? I would think that if the man I claim to be the one would see when I am in a mode where he should not approach me for sex. Why is it I can get people down to a tea but even the closet to me can’t figure out that Vixc B needs space. I keep thinking that I should go to Philly for a week and not talk to MeTo. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, or it can help a person really figure out what they want.

Today I read my bible and found it comforting, I felt that connection to G-d that I have wanted to have for a while. I then got on my computer and read Mr. M’s blog, I wanted to text him but I had to pull myself back, when he came to Philly I was not called and he never text me unless I text him. I went on to read some of my old blog post. A few from the NYC era, I read about how I felt when I realized the type of person Jazz was, how it felt to lose her as a friend, how it felt to come back home and see that everything changed. I read about when Jay met Josh and Jay paying for me to go to the pub crawl.

I figured I needed a break from MeTo so I could figure out want I wanted in my life but how would I tell him.

Did You Miss ME?

Hey guys just want to let everyone know that I did not post last week but I did do writing. So starting soon a will be unleashing a plethora of back post.

Funnie As Hell?

A Little About Me

I am a gay male at the point in life where I am just living my life. I am happy to say that a lot of the important things that make a person who they are, are happening for me now up to and including the whole super style thing.

In my blog I write about my life and all the lessons that I am learning as a young gay male. One would be surprised at how much I have learned and still learning. From what type of people you can trust to how to spot a relationship that will last.
Yes I have had my faire share of heartache, from guys who showed up for only a brief moment in my life, like Damien and Ramon to the one who was there for a great while and really brook my heart Mr. M. These are all people I have mentioned in the past and still pop into my life every now and then.

There was a time I tried to run away from my problems, in October of 2008 I moved to New York City. I had just begun to get the swing of things when I saw a friends true colors and decided to move back home to Philadelphia. It was stupid I knew in my heart, I could not run and it took me only a month to come back to my real friends, Jay Taylor, Luis Lisojo, and Phil Greway.

It was a good thing I came back home. I had made up in my mind I would give up on the search for love and I would just swing from guy to guy and from good time to good time. I was truly totally happy for the first time in my gay life and that’s when it happened. I found the one.

It was not long before I moved in with him. And since then I have been learning how to maintain a healthy relationship and important friendships. He has been my support, when I found out Jay had HIV, when Lou moved to SC, when Phil seemed to had fallen from the face of the earth he has been my other self my, MR. MeTo.

Remote post test.
-Vixc B-

It Was Awesome

outfest,OutFest,gayborhood,phl,philadelphia,NJ,Vixc B,fun,Friends Singing,Jay,lou,NJ

I would love to say that OutFest was an eventful event but it truly was not. However I did learn a few things. 

So I went down the Saturday before so that I could get a replacement ID. I had lost my wallet and I am still not over that. When I got to the DMV it was 2:00, closed and I was pissed. I checked the web site before I left and it said open Saturday 8 something to 4:15. I read the sign on the door that was taped from the inside and looked like it was about to fall off and it said that the place would be closed Saturday and Monday for Columbus day. Like is Columbus day that serious you need to be closed TWO days.

I call MeTo vented, then I called Jay and vented. After I felt better I went and bought a coke and decided I would go see my best friend. I hung out there and then went to my mom’s and worked on my writing. When she asked why I was in town I simply told her that I had an event to go to on Sunday. She was to happy to see me to give any disproving looks.

When Sunday hit I sent a text to the crew telling them I would met them down there. It took a good while for me to get dressed most of my time was spent doing my makeup. It was MeTo’s and my 9 months and I felt it customary to put some on as he likes it, a lot.

While getting dressed a still groggy Jay called to ask what time I was leaving. After talking about what I was going to wear jay decided he would get up and get dressed. Then he wanted me to meet him at his place so we could go down together. To make a long story short jay took his time about getting dressed and before I knew it my plan to be in the hood by 12 turned into almost 2. But I will admit we made a dynamic duo. We got looks from every angle both male and female.

I was not a block away from the festivities before I heard my name called several times it was my friend Andrew, really tall really book smart but when I came to picking out decent guys dumb as a door knob but I guess that’s most gay men.  It was also the first time Jay met Andrew face to face. We continued on and I got a call from Luis and I told him where to meet us and we went to find MeTo and Ian.

When I bumped into my man I was surprised to see that he dresses really well, to the point Jason went into a loud scream and gave him a huge compliment. I was proud as the jeans and jacket he was wearing was picked out by me. We met with Lou and then my friend Dan and I had one big entourage. We walked all over the gayborhood and I caught up with my Friend Dan.

Dan and I chatted about our days at the prep who from school we kept in contact with and the ever favorite discussion, “Who’s gay.” Dan was about the 40th person to tell me that Neal was not only gay but a total ass hole who just cut all his old friends out his life. Dan also told about he special someone and what he has been up to now that he was done with college.

Ian was quiet and not feeling so well, a bit hung over from the night before. I did my best to include him and with him being the quite type I was worried he was going to get lost in the big gay crowd. It was like having a child I would be deep in conversation look around, not see him then yell, “Where is Ian?” only to have him say I’m right here and giggle.

As for Phil, Tia, and RJ they never showed. Phil had to work and failed to tell me until I was already down there. Tia was hanging with our friend Sam. RJ is dating a new guy and I guess they got lost in each other’s eyes or some romantic shit like that.

The day chugged on and I had one disappointment aside from no ID, I missed Jay’s performance. The first one I missed was my fault but I wanted to see the second and I did not hear him say he was going to go sing but Lou did and sunk off without making sure the group followed.

We all then went out to dinner at ruby Tuesday’s and it was good time until MeTo, Ian and Dan had to get back to NJ to catch the last river line. It was a good time and Jay and I walked around and danced in the street at TOC and then grabbed a drink with a guy that was into jay.

Your probably wondering how did I grab a drink with no ID. Well the place we met Jay’s friend did not card and Jay’s friend picked up the whole tab which I imagined to be huge as he paid with two 100 dollar bills.  Both Jay and I looked at each other and he asked, “Did you see that.” We were impressed. I know it sounds shallow but we’re gay and to have fun in the gayborhood you either have to have money or know people who have money.

So we took our tired ass’s home and parted way on the 113 bus. It was a good time and when I have both my man and my friends in one place I feel like I am on the top of the world. So OutFest was Awesome.

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