Vixc-B Turns 27, The Weekend

Friday I met friends for happy hour. I told them what went down the night before. One of them suggested I just have another slut spiral. I then made it clear that I was swearing off sex until a guy who treats me right comes along. They all told me to stop talking to wonderful and as for MeTo they could see how much I loved him and how hurt I was. They all just said give it time and I could see they just wanted to say what they said before, “it will all work out.”

From a bar called, Corner to several others the drinks flowed and after 2 weeks I finally had an appetite. I managed to eat something at every bar we went to and my friends paid for everything in honor of my birthday.

We eventually split and I went to Bike Stop for CutnPaste, Icon was hosting but it was still a waste of five bucks so I went back to Tabu. I drank some water and then went home. Once I got home I treated myself to some late night General Tos Chicken and watched a movie.

I was supposed to go to Rocco Yoga, but in the process of getting dressed I banged my knee on my foot board and could hardly walk. I decided to spend the day in. I chatted with a few people on A4A and Grindr and soon discovered it was time to delete both apps from my phone.

I woke up Sunday with my leg feeling better but my heart a mess, MeTo was still not answering his phone and Wonderful was asking that we remain friends maybe with benefits. I wanted the pain to stop and so I took a shower got dressed and went downstairs to clean something. I unloaded the dishwasher and loaded it again, made some coffee and sat to start blogging. My birthday week was amazing but my birthday weekend was only eh.

As things stand now, MeTo still cannot talk to me, Wonderful is trying to get back in my good graces and I am regretting breaking things off with Eddy. Evan is interested but I just got some news from him that complicate things just a bit. 

Vixc-B Turns 27 - Men and Fighting

Thursday was class in the morning and a date in the evening. The guy that I was making out with on my birthday wanted to see me again and so we decided to meet for coffee at old Starbucks. On the way I downloaded the Facebook chat app and saw MeTo online. I said hi not thinking he would respond, but he did. I thought maybe I would get closure but this conversation only broke my heart more, it is hard to hear someone who hurt you the way he did say he loves you and all the other things you expect to hear from a man who wants you. It did not make any since and as I walked into Starbucks the whole crew was there, Dom, Icon, the Angry Barista and Darr.  My face was a tragic mess and I was greeted with, “Oh my g-d what’s wrong.” I told them I needed a minute and I told MeTo I had to go because I was out.

I took a few seconds to compose myself then proceeded to explain what was going on. In my explanation I soon realized how much I give of myself to others and how well my friends know the key players in my love life. I was so hurt that no matter how hard I tried MeTo just would not give me closure. If you love someone let them go properly, don’t string them along.

I told my friends that I was meeting a date and that I am probably making a mistake. I then turned around to find my date sitting right behind me. I tried to pretend all was ok but it was not. We decided to go for drinks and I bid my friends a good night. I told Evan that I am going through a lot and that I would explain it all, once we got to Tabu. On the way I asked about him and he used humor and enthusiasm to describe himself and his life.

At Tabu I poured it all out, i told him about MeTo and Wonderful. He was able to relate and I felt 10 times better. Over drinks we got to know one another better and I began to honestly smile and laugh and for a few minutes here and there I forgot about my broken heart.

I walked him to the train and after a great kiss good night proceeded home. Upon boarding the trolley I got a text from Mr. Wonderful. Nothing was concise he was asking me questions about my whereabouts, who I was with, what I was doing. I asked him what was with all the questions and it was not until I was almost home that he told me he wanted to meet me a Tabu. I told him I was home already and things began to get weird.

He called me and asked what was going on, I told him I was confused and he hung up before I could explain. The last I checked he was thinking about giving me a second chance and had yet to make up his mind. When his text became less and less I decided to live my life and stop waiting. Now the very second I try to move on I was getting overwhelmed.

He accused me of sleeping with other people, told me to call someone else to sleep with and so on and so on. When I tried to call him no answer and when I sent him a text asking him to answer his phone he said no. I then got a call from Eddy, the 21 year old I dated from Delaware.

What the hell was going on? Here I am trying to live life without expectations and no matter how hard I try to move on and just enjoy me, other people get thrown into the mix. Eddy decided he was going to come up to visit and I allowed him. I was pissed with the world. I was pissed with MeTo for breaking my heart and still not having the decency to call and talk it out. I was pissed with Wonderful for making me out to be a whore and never telling me how he felt because I was supposed to figure it out and I was pissed with Eddy for being such a sweetheart. I called Mister Married for advice and there was no answer.

By the time Eddy arrived I was calm enough to think rationally and invited him in. I told him everything about everyone and he listened and gave me a hug. He then told me about his situation and I felt even better about myself. While I had a crap love life he was dealing with cancer among other things.

We spent hours just talking and sympathizing until he decided it was time to go. I knew I still had unfinished business with MeTo and wonderful and was not looking forward to going to my room and checking my phone. I decided to watch a movie and just when I was about to lay down wonderful sent me a text and the fight commenced yet again. I dismissed him and went to bed. 

Happy Earth Day!

Remember to ... 

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle and Do Things Green 

Happy . . .

I'm going to bake some cookies. ;-)

A Must Share LOLz

Problem On The Friendship Train

Life has a way of keeping your ass in check. The moment you begin to stray away from who you are and who you are meant to become shit begins to hit the fan. Having just figured this out and doing what I needed to do to get back on track I decided to start spending more time with my amazing group of friends.

This time with friends was also to be spent learning more about what other people think in regards to the lessons of life, and the most important lesson I recently learned is that most people hold the title of best friend with high regard and those who do not ever keep any friends for long.

Think of friendship like a modern day commuter train, you know like MTA or the SEPTA El. Each car is equipped with an engine, brakes, and the ability to be the head car. Friendship is just like that a bunch of train cars working together for a common goal. The goal is always to move forward and defective cars are removed while the others rotate positions.

I have said it before my friends are great but now we have noticed that there is a defective car and as I have been the leader car for a bit now I am beginning to doubt if keeping this car linked to the others is a good idea. All the other cars have complained about pulling this persons weight in regards to maintaining the friendly momentum that we have and as I am the oldest and I know this car better than the others all messages have come to me.

Now one would think that if your best friend comes to you and says, “hey the group feels you don’t take their friendship seriously and here is why,” that person would either explain themselves to the individuals who had a problem, or try to adjust the way he is projecting himself to others. Well after two serious conversations the problem persist and I was mad a promise that this friend would talk to the others to explain a misunderstanding. Weeks have past and no such conversation has taken place.

What does this mean? With this much time passing and tension building what can I “Big Sister” say to the others? There is not much. I love all my friends but this might be the time when my one friend will have to learn that when you try to be friends with everyone soon there will come a point when you realize you can depend on No One. 

Vixc B turns 27 - Part 1

My friends and I seem to always look forward to my birthday. For me it is my official New Year and for them it means a few nights of fun. This year with new roommates and new friends we all were wondering how things were going to go down.

My birthday landed on a Monday and so I decided to round up my friends and go to Tabu, it was karaoke night and my buddy was bartending. My roommate made me dinner and then it was off to Tabu. I arrived later than I planned on but all were happy to see me.

The plan was not to stay long because I was starting a new job in the morning. I ordered my first drink, Liquid Marijuana  and after taking my first sip the bartender looked at me and was unhappy with the presentation. It was quickly transferred to a larger cup that had blinking lights and he fixed it so the liquid level was equal to the rim of the glass. He then told me my first drink was on the house. Soon my roommate arrived with her boyfriend and without me knowing my next drink was paid for.  Icon signed us up to sing proud marry.

I was on my third drink when a charming man came up to me and began to flirt, before I knew it I was lip locked and when I turned to my right to get some air I was eye to eye with the Waiter. He wished me a happy birthday and smiled. I don’t know how my face registered but I know I was horrified. I had wanted to make out with him but someone beat him to the punch. I was tipsy and everything that I felt like doing was encouraged by everyone.

I went to go watch a few people sing and when I came back to the bar there were a ton of shots and the host told everyone to take a shot and sing happy birthday. I was floored, there were extras and so I had to take two. My roommates boyfriend, Mister Hawaii made it happen. I had no idea what time it was but I went to talk to the Waiter and I remember getting a kiss that knocked my socks off. Icon and I got up to sing Proud Marry and I knew I was drunk. I could not keep up and where I am normally the lead I was depending on Icon.

After proud marry I was ready to go home, we were supposed to move to woody’s but Tabu just kept escalating. I arrived home and went to bed only to awake still drunk. I called HR and told them I was extremely ill and my orientation was rescheduled.

I slept it off and later decided to go get some air. I was sure my class at temple started the 2^nd but after arriving I noticed that it was scheduled for the 9^th. I called Tammy and met him at his job. Then it was to Tabu with Icon and Phyllis for tacos. I called it an early night and went home to work on my blog.

I decided to go spend some time with my mother on Wednesday and we had a good time just hanging out. Then we went to see my aunt who was having here kitchen redone and that is where I met an old high school sweet heart of my mother’s. He was not as attractive as I thought he would be but he sure was charming and managed to hold my mother’s attention.

I talked briefly about converting with my cousin and I had to tell here I am not telling my mother due to the fact it would cause here to kill me. It just might be worse than when I told her I was gay.

 

At home my roommate had friends over and I joined in on the cheese and drinks. Before I knew it I was floating up to bed. 

Again With The Jew Thing?

Like most people, when tragedy strikes they turn to their religion. I had talked about the whole conversion thing and even started adopting certain practices but as far as attending Shabbat services or really trying to get involved in a synagogue, I was a bad Jew. 

Technically I am not Jewish, by definition I am a Christian man who can speak Yiddish and loves all things Jewish, up to and including the men.  I had been trying to communicate with G-d recently because I honestly felt I could hear him calling me. Yeah like in the stories of the bible when they really think they can hear someone calling their name.

I would find myself out and could clearly recognize someone calling my name. I would turn around and unable to recognize anyone I would go about my business. This kept happening almost everywhere I went, until finally one night on the trolley coming home I stopped and began to pray. My head and heart was so corrupt that I could not make out what G-d was trying to tell me. I knew what I had to do, I had to begin praying on the regular, I had to fast and had to do something to show G-d I was honestly sorry for the plethora of sins that had recently went down.

Then the whole drama started and I lost sight yet again. However I soon became desperate and turned to G-d. Unlike the last time when I found myself heartbroken, I was not asking G-d to take the pain away but to help me in preventing it from happening again.

I finally did it, I called Rodeph Shalom but I got no answer. I decided since Passover was about to commence I would take the day before it and fast no solid foods just coffee and water. It was at work that I knew I was making the right choice. Now that MeTo was not talking with me I had no one to celebrate Jewish holidays with and it hurt. The first two nights of Passover my job had a Passover menu and I watched as happy Jewish families, and couples, came in to dine on modern takes of traditional Pesach classics. I was now more determined than ever.

The next day I called and made an appointment to speak with a Rabbi about converting. With excitement I went to RS and sat with a rabbi and we talked about all the reasons for me converting and what it required. I came prepared having been reading books on Judaism and constantly praying I am quite sure it was written all over my face that I was serious.

I signed up for the first of two classes that I am going to take and I was sent on my way. I called Aunt C and told here the good news. It cut deep when she said she thought the good news was MeTo and I getting back together.

All through Passover the news spread and I was getting congratulated, even my Jewish boss found out and after a few jokes he welcomed me to the tribe. I desperately wanted to call MeTo and tell him the news but that was not a possibility.

I adhered as best I could to the dietary laws of Passover and even made my own matzo. My roommates loved it. I called my ex father in-law to wish him happy Passover and he wished my family and I happy Easter I wanted to tell him I was converting but figured I would wait till a better time. We caught up and I left out the bits about how his son broke my heart yet again.

Easter came and I got a text from MeTo wishing me happy Passover and Easter and that he needed more time. I simply said thanks and left it at that.

When the last of my friends heard that I was taking serious steps to convert and that I was dealing with drama with MeTo they all looked at me with hopeful eyes. They did not say it but I knew what they were thinking. So to ease the tension I did what Jews do best, I cracked a joke. 

April 8 is Yom HaShoah

Yom HaShoah is Holocaust Remembrance Day, when we honor these survivors who have suffered so much, we honor the families lost, and vow it can never happen again. I invite you to light a candle of remembrance to honor their memory,

Waiting For Him To Develop

The other day when my sister called me to wish me a Happy Birthday we got to talking about a certain guy she likes and whom clearly likes her. The thing is he is younger and she made a profound statement, “I am sure he is the one but I think I just have to wait for him to grow up.” It made me think, “Is that what we are required to do when we find the one, Wait?”

It is common knowledge that men mature slower than women and some men mature faster than others. I look at my mother and she also is waiting for a man to grow up. It seems no matter how old you are if there is a man involved there is a maturity curve that requires waiting out.

I look at my past relationships and it would seem a big flaw of mine is my inability to wait. I have the same notion that a lot of women have. I want to meet the right guy fall in love and get married. I want to know fro day one that we are on the same page and I want to see that things are moving in the right direction. The moment that it seems the relationship is not going to turn serious or that it looks like it will be years before the talk of marriage will come up I bale. Patience is a virtue. I look at the past few guys who I honestly thought could have been the one, the 21 year old, Mister M, Mister Wonderful and Doctor MeTo and they all required that I be patient.

I had to wait for the 21 Year old to mature, Mister M to make up his mind, Mister Wonderful to have more time, and MeTo to finish school. However in my mind the clock is ticking and after waiting years for many men in my life I continually convince myself that a guy who wants me will make it clear he wants me for life and show it even if we are not yet talking marriage. 

I guess the biggest question that must be asked is, “How do you know a man is worth waiting for?” if I knew the answer to that I would not be single. Yet still I would imagine it is all in how he makes you feel and have that conversation about what you and he wants out of life. If you want the same things and you can see yourself falling in love give him the time and take your time. Enjoy what time you spend together and remember there should be specific things that you are sure he is capable of that your reasons for waiting are. Waiting for a man to change is never a good idea but waiting for him to develop more into the man that you see before you can never be wrong. I wish to G-d someone gave me this advice 4 years ago. 

There is More To Passover!

I was reading about the Jewish holidays and I was shocked to learn that Passover is more than observing rituals it is about becoming self-aware and moving past things that have hindered you. All of Passover I was dealing with a broken heart and took the time to evaluate how I continually allow this to happen and have allowed my heart to hinder me from living the life that I should.

Well it is no secret of what I have learned and how I am trying to keep my heart from taking over my life. The leading men have all found ways to leave permanent marks on my heart and the most important thing that has happened, Mister M.

The other day I was sending a pic, that I recently took of myself, to some friends and was about to not send it to Mister M when I realized I was not looking for his approval or for him to call me sexy or attractive just for him, like all my other friends, to see the pic.

Mister M is now just a friend because I took the time to put my heart in check. No matter what emotion I am feeling I am able to stop and think now. Where I used to allow my heart to take action I can now breathe and think and act in ways that I will not latter regret.

While Passover is a wonderful time to spend eating with family and remembering what happened in Egypt so many years ago, the cool part is that there is still an applicable aspect to it for today. While I may always be in my head and trying to tweak myself here and there, Passover is a time when Jews are to look over their lives and examine what is holding them back, what are they being a slave too. This Passover I did just that. I am enjoying learning how to be a better Jew because in all honesty it is making me a better person. 

I So Needed To Read This, (A Letter From A Friend)

Dear Victor,

I understand that times are really hard for you. MeTo, Wonderful, Eddy, new prospects, finances, school, work, friends and trying to make it all work so that you may have a harmony that will not drive you into the nut house.

Your blog is full of wonderful advice and honesty it is evident that it come from your heart. I watch you now and see how hard you are struggling to be a good honest loving person. Every day you awake and think of G-d and wonder how he would like you to go about your day, you say that prayer asking him to bless, guide, protect and favor you. All of your friends come to love you more and more each day and you wonder why.

You have so much going for you and you are at the point in your life where you can see why you deserve the good in your life. Do not lose focus, it is time you realize that the bad of your past is in your past, if you continue to strive to be the person you are, ever evolving, ever loving,  and ever nurturing of those who you come in contact with, then you need not ever accept, heartache and ill will from anyone.

All of your life you were told over and over that you have so much love to give and that you should not just give it away easily. The love you have is strong and pure and once the flow begins it never stops. If the people who are in your life do not want to accept the love you continually try to give them then it is time you walk away and allow the flow to slow.

I look at you and I know you better than anyone, you have lost so much weight, you are not eating and you have not been yourself for over two weeks. You are allowing the men who should be trying t protect your heart to stomp on it. For your sake and your health you need to do better.

I wanted nothing more than to see you and MeTo get back together and you heard the excitement in everyone’s voice who heard that the two of you were going to give it another go. I know that sometimes we do not get the happy ending that we would like and it pains me to see that so many of us thought you had found the one, only to get hurt via text message.

I know how you feel about MeTo and do not blame you for being so deeply hurt. I see your face when people tell you it will work out and you two are meant to be. The confusion and hurt in your face is indescribable.

I know the situation with wonderful is not making anything easier but thank G-d that ended early before you got more than just a heartbreak.  Jealous guys are dangerous and he certainly is the possessive jealous type.

You have plenty of prospects and you are going about dating the right way this time, the old you of 21 has returned and everyone in your life looks at you and admires you. You are unique. The only men who pay you attention are men of substance not the ones who only want you for your looks. When you smile the room lights up and all those around you smile with you and for you.

I cannot tell you what the future holds but I know you have dreams and I am watching with amazement as you are doing everything to make them happen. From converting to Judaism, dating, school, working on your cookbook, blogging and demanding excellence in each post. I am honestly proud of you and I know without a doubt you need to hear it more.

I was always the friend who wanted to protect you and keep you from getting hurt, and now I just want to be more like you. I want to celebrate your successes and be there when you need a shoulder. You are now 27 and you look amazing, you sound amazing and you have an amazing personality. Do not let people from your past make you pause for a moment, continue forward and enjoy the ride like only you can do. I am here for you and I love you. Do you and change only how you see fit because you get more amazing with each tweet and change you do to yourself.  

Love Always

(Your Best Friend

Here Is Some Food For Thought On . . .

Dealing With Others . . . and You!

The best way to deal with any situation is to evaluate your own role in how things have turned out. I typically do this all the time. Sometimes before things get bad and many times after the preverbal shit has hit the fan. When I find myself experiencing emotions that involve the actions of another I get to a point where I can ask myself, “What did I do wrong?”

You always have a role in how things turn out. You must remember that pointing out how others have wronged you does nothing for the situation except exacerbate it. If you go to someone who has hurt you and you apologize that things have gone south and what part you took in it, you will feel a lot better. If the person responds in kind you have a relationship worth salvaging weather if it is becoming friends after a break up or giving an old friendship a second chance.

I have done a lot of thinking and have seen so many things that I have done wrong in the past that has affected my immediate future. I am happy to say that I have apologized to all involved parties. Now there is only one thing left to do. I must sit and contemplate what I allowed to influence my actions and take note not to allow it to happen again. I am well aware that I am not perfect and in so I must be diligent at keeping me in check and thinking hard before I take action.

I am hoping the sharing of my own self evaluations will aid others in not repeating the mistakes I have and or shed light into their past so that they can see, “It took more than one to, ‘fuck’ it up.”

Here Is Some Food For Thought On . . .

Loving Me

I would say, and know many people that would agree, that when given the chance it is easy to fall in love with me, but to stay in a relationship with me once you fall in love is far from easy. I am moody, stubborn, and I don’t express my emotions until it is too late. Typically everything comes pouring out once I do something stupid and convince myself I have nothing to lose.

I think that is why I am so focused on finding a man who can honestly handle me. Yeah I like to get rough in the bed but my heart is a constant battle ground. One day I can be the most trusting person in the world and the next the opposite. I can wake some days happy to be alive and others pissed that I was not in the bed alone. I am well aware of the difficulty that is me and ergo I like to spoil my special someone. It used to be control and now it is just gratitude.

I value a man who can see through my defenses, the one who will look at me yelling and wait to ask what is really bothering me, or brave enough to tell me to calm the hell down. It is a huge turn on when I say something and he does what he can to indicate he herd me.

I am a man as well and I enjoy having my ego stroked, having someone to listen to me and I love being pampered. And so I like to beat my man to the punch, pamper him, spoil him, and stroke his ego, a man who sees the value in all I do and I willing to respond in kind. I want a guy who knows that I will bend over backwards to keep him happy because he tries to make me, someone who is not easily pleased, happy.  

I once had a guy who took joy in the fact that he got me and then one day it stopped. So I guess now I am on the market and trying to find love again.

Here Is Some Food For Thought On . . .

Breakups 

They say the best way to get over an ex is to get under someone new, But having done the major break up thing more than once I have noticed that the best way to work through it is to remember the five stages of grief. To be cut off from someone really does feel like you are experiencing a death. Your heart aches and you will notice that you go through Denial, Anger, Bargaining and Acceptance.

I was really trying to deal with my emotions when I realized that in my grieving there were other things I over looked and by serendipity I found that there are 7 stages for a breakup and they include the five stages of grieving pulse shock and isolation. I was at the acceptance point. Initially I was shocked, in my blog post I made it clear I could not believe it was with a text message. The next few steps did not come in order, Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression. I was cycling through them all. I would feel angry then sad, and then back into denial. Several unanswered text and blog post later every part of me was trying to accept it. It feels more like a death because someone I love has completely cut me out and turned their back on me. There is no communication I am dealing with it on my own.

The major point in all of this is to stay aware of what to expect when dealing with the most emotional things in your life. When dealing with people loss is the hardest. Understanding your emotions and knowing what to expect from your heart sometimes make it a bit easier. It will not speed things up but it gives you an emotional goal and for me it helps. 

This Song Sums Up How The MeTo Situation Feels

Little Mix - "Case Closed"

Hits when I'm asleep right through

I'm cold when I wake cause I won't feel you

When I can't breathe I know it's you

Got a lump in my throat just thinking of you

Makes no difference you've been tried

(Makes no difference you've been tried)

Still sick inside, oh oh

It's meant to be over now

But I think we're going down (we're going down)

Got your fingerprints as evidence all on my body

Put your right hand on the book and you were found guilty

I can't wait forever but that's how it's gonna be

For me they'll never be

Case closed

No matter what the verdict say

Case closed

Too many questions in my head

Case closed

And I'm still waiting for a while

Why there can never be

Case closed

Behind these walls, so tall

I don't wanna climb, I'm afraid to fall

So we both do time and never have closure cause I still wanna hold ya

Makes no difference you've been tried

(Makes no difference you've been tried)

Still sick inside, oh oh

It's meant to be over now

But I think we're going down (we're going down)

Got your fingerprints as evidence all on my body

Put your right hand on the book and you were found guilty

I can't wait forever but that's how it's gonna be

For me they'll never be

Case closed

No matter what the verdict say

Case closed

Too many questions in my head

Case closed

And I'm still waiting for a while

Why there can never be

They can never, never be a

Never be a

Never, never be a

Case closed

They can never, never be a

Never, be a

Never, never be a

Case closed

Got your fingerprints as evidence all on my body

Put your right hand on the book and you were found guilty

I can't wait forever but that's how it's gonna be

For me they'll never be

Case closed

No matter what the verdict say

Case closed

Too many questions in my head

Case closed

And I'm still waiting for a while

Why there can never be

Case closed

4-1-1986 My Birthday

Being as it is my Birthday I think I\it would be a bit narcissistic to wish myself a Happy Birthday. In so I would like to wish all of you a Very Happy Un-Birthday.  

A New Year Officially Starts NOW!

Sex, Money, Style, Fashion, Friends, True Love, a great body, and most importantly the satisfaction in having it all, Gay men everywhere all want the same thing.

Life is ever evolving no matter who you are. The things and people in it that matter to you can change in an instant from Jazz, Jaiye and a life in Manhattan to Icon, Qhoiyn and a Gayborhood socialite. From Philly, to New York, to New Jersey and back I have been in the search of one thing, true love.

It was my hope to be like Carrie Bradshaw and write about my life and all the craziness that took place, to find my mister big and have a happy ending but several charter comparisons and self-adjustments later I have realized that I cannot be compared to anyone else. So I created my own persona.

My name is Vixc-B 27 years old and I am a blogger, a cookbook writer, a chef and a hopeless romantic. I am amazed at how I look back to see that there have been many amazing chapters in my life and while the largest and most emotional has recently closed I am looking forward to what is coming next.

Some will tell you that you cannot have it all, but look around you. In the Gayborhood on television, in newspapers there are people who are living it up in the now. Sure it may not seem that they have it all but are they happy and allowing themselves to live life? Of course they are, they get the most important thing, they know, “That life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.” To awake each morning and toast to life is having it all. And the day when love comes and you get that great job and you see that you had fun along the way you will agree as well that having it all is possible.

I have made and lost friends. I have had great lovers and mean lovers. My style has evolved. I have accepted my body type and take more pride in showing it off. I have had awesome jobs and sucky jobs. The thing that gets me through all the bad times is the joy that I get having lived when I could. Tomorrow is not promised although it may feel like it. Never say or do tomorrow what could be done today, tomorrow has its own problems and you can only deal with what is in front of you now.

So I am making a proclamation and promise for myself before all my readers, fans, friends and family. I will not allow the things that I want from life to alter who I am, I will no longer be willing to adjust me to make me fit into the box of what I or others hold up as the gay fantasy, or in hopes that it will make my dreams easier to obtain. I will take pride in who I am and the person I am on the road to becoming. I will achieve my goals for this year and live each day trying to make myself and G-d proud.  

In Short I will just be happy and Me!

Happy Easter

Wishing all of My Christian Readers a Joyous Resurrection Day!!!

-

Today is Good Friday

Focusing on the most bitter sweet day for Christians.