Again With The Jew Thing?

Like most people, when tragedy strikes they turn to their religion. I had talked about the whole conversion thing and even started adopting certain practices but as far as attending Shabbat services or really trying to get involved in a synagogue, I was a bad Jew. 

Technically I am not Jewish, by definition I am a Christian man who can speak Yiddish and loves all things Jewish, up to and including the men.  I had been trying to communicate with G-d recently because I honestly felt I could hear him calling me. Yeah like in the stories of the bible when they really think they can hear someone calling their name.

I would find myself out and could clearly recognize someone calling my name. I would turn around and unable to recognize anyone I would go about my business. This kept happening almost everywhere I went, until finally one night on the trolley coming home I stopped and began to pray. My head and heart was so corrupt that I could not make out what G-d was trying to tell me. I knew what I had to do, I had to begin praying on the regular, I had to fast and had to do something to show G-d I was honestly sorry for the plethora of sins that had recently went down.

Then the whole drama started and I lost sight yet again. However I soon became desperate and turned to G-d. Unlike the last time when I found myself heartbroken, I was not asking G-d to take the pain away but to help me in preventing it from happening again.

I finally did it, I called Rodeph Shalom but I got no answer. I decided since Passover was about to commence I would take the day before it and fast no solid foods just coffee and water. It was at work that I knew I was making the right choice. Now that MeTo was not talking with me I had no one to celebrate Jewish holidays with and it hurt. The first two nights of Passover my job had a Passover menu and I watched as happy Jewish families, and couples, came in to dine on modern takes of traditional Pesach classics. I was now more determined than ever.

The next day I called and made an appointment to speak with a Rabbi about converting. With excitement I went to RS and sat with a rabbi and we talked about all the reasons for me converting and what it required. I came prepared having been reading books on Judaism and constantly praying I am quite sure it was written all over my face that I was serious.

I signed up for the first of two classes that I am going to take and I was sent on my way. I called Aunt C and told here the good news. It cut deep when she said she thought the good news was MeTo and I getting back together.

All through Passover the news spread and I was getting congratulated, even my Jewish boss found out and after a few jokes he welcomed me to the tribe. I desperately wanted to call MeTo and tell him the news but that was not a possibility.

I adhered as best I could to the dietary laws of Passover and even made my own matzo. My roommates loved it. I called my ex father in-law to wish him happy Passover and he wished my family and I happy Easter I wanted to tell him I was converting but figured I would wait till a better time. We caught up and I left out the bits about how his son broke my heart yet again.

Easter came and I got a text from MeTo wishing me happy Passover and Easter and that he needed more time. I simply said thanks and left it at that.

When the last of my friends heard that I was taking serious steps to convert and that I was dealing with drama with MeTo they all looked at me with hopeful eyes. They did not say it but I knew what they were thinking. So to ease the tension I did what Jews do best, I cracked a joke.