Then he said . . .

I am going to reply to this. My words are never really spoken wisely
or ever really come out correctly. You can say or think what you
want. I honestly have thought about you a lot. I stopped talking to
you for all the wrong reasons. Well, for one wrong reason. Because
it upset Joe. I have not changed my number. I texted you today
because my phone is now turned back on. Never got a text back but
checked my email now before bed and got this so I feel I should reply.
I am sorry for how you feel. You put up with a lot from me. I will
never deny that. I am sorry. I am sorry for everything. Don't worry
karma is a bitch, it always catches up with me. Always has. I should
have never stopped talking to you. However the whole moving to vegas
thing happened in like three weeks after I got fired. There was a
whole lot that went on and I didn't have time to say bye to a lot of
people I wanted to. You can think whatever you like about me. If I'm
a queen and/or a fag in ever sense (p.s. you typed 'since') of the
word then who cares. I don't. I know I'm not. I am who I am. I
have issues and problems. I don't ever recall trying to say
otherwise. I have no problem now trying to keep in contact with you
since I am unemployed I do have some free time on my hands and my
phone is back on. Don't take it personally though. I didn't know my
sister was taken to the hospital in an ambulance the other day because
my phone wuz shut off. Whatever, now I'm rambling. But lemme know
what number you are using now cuz there for a while there were two and
sometimes you would never get a txt or call so my number is still the
same and my computer isn't hooked up so I don't check my email and
stuff too often. Hope you are doing well and honestly, maybe you did
deserve someone else to come out for. I don't know what you want from
me. The person I came out to and was best friends with and became
straight but I don't hold it against him. I care about you and hope
to hear from you soon.

fuck him

Dear Josh aka Mr. M
I hope this reaches you in good health and high spirits. I was hoping to either hear from you or see you before you wet to Vegas but once again you proved hoping anything from you is pointless.
I have been thinking about you a lot lastly and I don’t know why. I think it may have to do with my whole coming out experience and how I did it for the wrong reasons.
I have no choice but to remember you as you were involved in a major part of my life and I wish to god it was someone else. I tried to be a great boyfriend to you and got hurt, bad. Then at your request I tried to be friends with you and got hurt even worse. I doubt you even check this email as you apparently changed your number without telling me.
When you told me the whole story about Joe I refused to judge and simply supported you. You made accusations and pre distinctions before I even gave my opinion. I mad attempts to make your birthday special and even rearranged my schedule to be there for you.
But what can I say your simply not worth it you were never worth it, I wish to god someone had told me you were such the drama queen that you are. You simply suck as a friend and are a worse boyfriend you want the fairytale yet you chose the wrong elements.
You played with my heart and never apologized. You said hurtful things about me to my face and behind my back then denied them you proved to me that of all the mistakes in my life you were the biggest and the worse. If I could take back coming out I would.
I sit here in my three bedroom condo with my hubby and watch as he has to deal with the damage you caused just as I had to deal with the damage your exes caused you. I know this may seem like it is coming out of left field but I tried being friends with you and encouraged you to read my blog but you refused to support me in the smallest way. You took and took from me and now I wish I never met you and that I never came out.
If you chose to respond to thing I suggest you chose your words carefully. If you chose not to then all the better. You’re an alcoholic a drug addict and I am not talking pot. You’re a queen and a fag in every since of the word. If what you told me about Joe is true than you deserve him, May the good people of the world be free from you. Decent people know the good and the bad they do and always try to right their wrongs.
To be remembered greatly

Vixc B of Philly

Expectations

Life continues to throw us curve balls weather they are happy surprises or drama we can always count on them coming.

People are always setting themselves up for failure and sometimes success. We typically do this by setting our hopes to high or too low. For example MeTo and I have tried many different things to keep our love life happy and interesting, and due to the size of certain equipment we have had to take our time.

Most recently we tried something new that I thought would be one of the hottest experiences, to my surprise I was not thrilled and found myself trying not to ruin the moment, although his commentary proved he was in tuned with the whole situation. I think it was a case of having my hopes way to high to what it may taste like.

The Sunday before we went to our first Philly Pride and that was an example of the rewards we sometimes get for having extremely low expectations. I expected to see the side of the community that I typically do not associate with yet I found many people to look like the rest of the world, there were families and the entertainment was the same wholesome venue you can find on many public television channels. I was impressed and had a good time. Best of all I had my friends with me and I even made some new ones.

There was that typical awkward moment where I bumped into an ex but it was quite thrilling to be able to introduce them to MeTo. I do however think if Philly pride didn’t charge there would be a better turn out and a more interesting experience.

1st for June

Hello world it is official that I am in a new error in my life. I cannot believe how much things have changed over just the past few months, not just for me but everyone. My gang and extended friends have all had a 2009 that I predicted from the very beginning.

I told everyone that 2009 was going to be a year of new beginnings and it would make up for all the bad in 2008 and then some, and so far that is true.

Phil is still enjoying the dating scene and going to school dispute that it is the summer. What’s going on with him no one knows except that he keeps calling from places such as Virginia and east bumble Pennsylvania.

Louis and Phoenix are still living it up as best they can in South Carolina. I have not heard from him lately though with his lack of employment he lacks the funds to pay for a cell phone.

My second mother Brenda is getting ever so close to the big day and I can imagine the pressure is on but I know without a doubt she can handle it.

Last week I saw my aunt and her friend Dave who likes to hold heated debates and I of course welcomed the challenged. It was quite nice to see him again. Aunt LAB is doing well and all are encouraging her to get back to dating and it will only be matter of time before see dose as she herself is looking for her niche.

Jayson Taylor may not see it but things are getting better just like I said they would. We have the first tapping of the q view taking place shortly with a picnic for the air date. And speaking of dates he is currently dating Danny a cute and tall man who seems to be quite into him. There is only one thing left before he is well on his way to having it all.

As for my other friends life is chugging on and all are well from what I understand. I recently read a blog of Mr. M's and he is planning a major life change, he and Joe are moving to Las Vegas, I was surprised to find that once the move takes place he will be looking for a new job and quite possibly new friends. We chatted for a brief stint but no major questions were asked or answered.

As the summer approaches and the Q View become ever so near I am being called back into the social gay scene. I admittedly miss it but with the new life I have I can imagine that things are going to be a little more challenging than before. But as it is a desire of mine and not just my friends it’s going to be more fun than ever.

My sister is just about over Jim and just in time as many of the guys are getting antsy. She is quite the little catch with her new style and her new job to fund her stylish efforts, she is living it up like many college students do during the summer. And she is meeting many new "potentials".

Things in my new world in New Brunswick are great. Mr. MeTo and I had two big fights in one week. We were quick to make up which proves something major. Our love can overcome any obstetrical. The move took a whole week to complete with moving things from two separate storage spaces and his dorm room and room at his parents’ house.

His mother was an invaluable huge help as well as Christian. Getting the stuff to the apartment was the easy part compared to having to sort through was and throw away more than half my stuff. It seemed like money was just flying with gas, a new break light, bed frame, CD storage, cleaning supplies, truck rentals, and other storage for in the apartment. Needles to say the spending has stopped for now and things are 99% away in their proper place.

As for my sex life it seems new life has been brought into it and I can’t get enough of the man that I am sure I will spend the rest of my life with. Being in love the way that I am is new for me and being in love with the person I am in love with keeps things fresh on a daily bases.

I can’t help but look forward to this summer it’s going to be full of hot parties beach trips new experiences and club nights to remember. This is going to be the first official Indigo Summer.

Week in Review, Eh tell me what you think.

The past week brought a lot of revelation my way. With my friends and I reconnecting my mother and I disconnecting and seeing people in my life deal with all the things that come their way.

Monday came and I was still excited about the reconnection that I had with MeTo, not to mention it was or 4 monthaversery. I bought him a stuffed animal a boxer puppy which I thought was cute, something with four legs to celebrate four months. It was not received as expected but the thought was acknowledged. so I gave my core another kind of work out. Which left us both extremely happy.

On Sunday we went to the gym and I did core strengthening exercises. That Monday I ended up doing another type of exercise that uses the same muscle groups leaving me all the more sore on Tuesday.

Tuesday was spent with MeTo's friends at “The Olive Branch” cheap bear and cheap pizza perfect for college kids people with little money and Jews, the crowed was at least two of the three. After getting tipsy we went back to MeTo's place for a game of monopoly and more drinking and once the fun was over we intended to go bowling but that plan turned into all of us calling it a night.

I went to work Wednesday sore in the pelvic area and did my best to have a productive day with GPS Trackers emails to GPS companies and Excell spread sheets. I could not wait for the end of the day. My mother had called several times the night before to tell me that I had until Wednesday to get my stuff out of her house. She call around 11pm and I was tired. I tired to ignore the call but after five I picked up.

I reiterated to her that I had told her Saturday I was coming by to get it on Wednesday. So after work thats what I did. I went to her place and made sure she was not going to be their so I would not have to deal with her. I then with a loaded car went to visit my grandmother and aunt. It was good visit and no one I talk to can understand my mother despite how hard I try to show her in the best light.

When I got to MeTo he was still not feeling well so I had a quick dinner along with a not so quick choke on steak and after making him drink water he felt all the better. It was a night of cuddles and telling each other how much we loved each other. In short a perfect night.

The next day I was not feeling so hot a headache and still pelvic pain so I called out of work. I took some aspirin and by the time MeTo was up so was I. So we did what happy couples in love do and he proceeded to get his day started.

He had quite the day may I add after he went to the lab he came back to inform me that the problem he was facing he fixed and after my shower we went to drop off all the crap in my car and then lunch. We of course had a repeat of this morning and he went back to the lab with quite the smile on his face,

Friday I went back to work reluctantly and pretended to work I wrapped up all the projects I had to do and that left me with only one that was of no real importance. So once 4 hit I hit the door only to find that traffic was horrid. So I stopped in WalMart to buy clipper to cut my hair and texturizer so I could sport a new hair style.

The rest of Friday was just doing couple stuff with my hubby. We went to Target to get him some under clothes and we also found out that we had the same taste in furniture. We got back and I completed parts one and two of the new hair.

Saturday was errands food shopping, getting new glasses and his turn to vent about how I annoyed him and what not. That was followed by hot sex and watching a Media play. We then played monopoly with one of his friends and I called it a night.

As for the Q View Jay is taking it quite seriously and hopes that it will be the next big thing. His marketing is quite effective from what I have seen but I just cant wait to see where we are going to go with this.

A Recent Discovery

Most recently I have experienced how holding back ones negative feelings can jeopardize even the most solid of relationships. If your like me then you can relate to the fear of having a relationship define who you are or even have it appear that way. For MeTo and I it did start to appear that way and I kept my mouth shut. With that and the combination of all the other things that he dose to annoy me it began to manifest its self in our sex life. Yes things did go south when I had to deal with my UTI and the side effects of my medication but even after all was said and done I began to wonder why I did not want to have sex the way I once did.

After several conversations with friends and remedies to treat the problems and not the cause I decided to let sleeping dogs lie and that was the wrong thing to do.

I told MeTo what I thought the problem was and after a while I began to believe it until I decided to do a test.

Now that we have decided to move in together I needed to be sure I was ready. So the test I concocted was simple I would live with him in his dorm for two weeks. If I could handle living in his dorm then I could handle living in an apartment.

Needles to say it got cramped and after awhile I didn't want him touching me so much or leaving certain decisions up to me. I wrote a nasty blog about it (unpasted) and began to feel slightly better except the problems were still there and i felt like I was not a 100% sure of the cause. I thought a night of drinking would do the trick, I would get supper drunk want to have sex again and things would return to normal.

I drank and drank and he took me out for a walk and got me to open up. The things I said were the same as in my blog but it caused concern for the both of us so that morning we talked again and I figured out the real problem it was not his indecisiveness at times or the excessive cuddling it was the fact that I was not being myself and hanging out with my friends I was allowing the relationship to dictate who I was instead of allow the relationship to simply become a part of my life.

After that break through I became extremely aroused and we made love. Then I went to spend time with friends and family and he went to hang with his family.

Then when I got back to the man of my dreams he had a new hair cut and looked sexier then ever. Needles to say we cuddle and “color” more then we have ever did before.

Found This On theonion.com

Online Couple Never Chats Anymore

SEATTLE—Though only two months have passed since the start of their whirlwind Internet romance, Janice Baxter and Tim Siegal hardly ever sit down in front of their respective computers and chat the way that they used to, online sources reported Monday.

First introduced by a mutual Friendster in August, Baxter and Siegal hit it off almost immediately. What began as the virtual relationship of their dreams, however, has by all accounts completely waned in recent weeks.

"When Tim and I first started seeing each other on Instant Messenger, we used to type for literally hours on end," said Baxter, who lives approximately five miles from Siegal. "Nowadays, I'm lucky if I can even get a 'k' or 'u 2' from him."

"Whatever happened to the Siegalmeister432 I used to know?" she added.

According to extensive chat records, the online couple used to share everything with each other, from the latest YouTube links to the best available podcast downloads. Lately though, Baxter said that Siegal opens up more about himself in his blog than he does with her.

"Tim never used to be scared of showing his true feelings. Smiley faces, frowny faces, that one emoticon with the sunglasses—he was always emotionally available," Baxter said. "But then, suddenly, everything just changed. Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in his user profile."

As perfect as their relationship initially seemed, sources close to the online couple said that a number of warning signs had been evident. During their second chat, Siegal brought up a past Internet girlfriend, and there were times late at night when the avid Mac user would completely shut down. Yet it was not until Siegal stood Baxter up last Friday to go play Yahoo! Billiards with some friends that she finally realized something was wrong.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I can't remember the last I really 'LOLed' with Tim," Baxter said. "Even when he forwards me a giant list of dog jokes, it's just not the same."

Baxter, however, isn't the only one dissatisfied with the online relationship. Originally excited about the new romance, Siegal said he soon felt smothered by always having his Internet partner around, and began to resent her constant demands that he spend less time with his buddy list.

"It's gotten to the point where I can't log on to AOL without Janice asking me where I've been," Siegal said. "Often just the 'bloop' of another instant message popping up is enough to make me cringe."

"Honestly, there are times when I just want to leave the computer altogether," he added.

According to Siegal, what began as daily messages soon turned into daily e-mails, before becoming daily blog comments, daily e-greetings, and finally daily iChat requests. Sources say the breaking point came a few days ago when Baxter proposed the couple get a MySpace account together.

"It was fine when we were just having a good time, but I'm not sure I'm ready for something this serious," Siegal said. "After all, I'm only 34."

Dr. Margaret Hampton, a psychology professor at a prestigious online university in Phoenix, claimed that the couple's problems are not uncommon.

"Relationship issues are the same all over the World Wide Web," Hampton said. "While thrilling at first, opening up to someone online means opening up about your online friends, online interests, and most personal online aspirations. That can be difficult for anyone."

Said Hampton: "Just e-mail that jerk $teveWarn3r@gmail.com, if you want to know what I'm talking about."

As of press time, Baxter and Siegal reportedly had not decided whether they wanted to end their relationship, since doing so would likely require speaking on the phone.

So What About April

So like always when I go a month without posting a blog a lot has happened. I think the best way to bring you up to date is a little update on the Indigo Gang.

Jayson and I had a falling out over a misunderstanding. It lasted a month but things are as they should be or as close to it. In the short while that I and Jay were not talking he lost his job and found a place to live. Things are not the best right now but I am optimistic for him.

Phil has been studding his ass off and dating in his spare time. He has had quite a few potentials in the last month with no real sex but enjoying every moment of it.

In mid April I received a text from Lou telling me he was moving to South Carolina three days after the fact. He had a scare that his mom had cancer but that turned out to be a misunderstanding as well.

Britt is dealing with a breakup and I ended up bringing her up to new Brunswick to hang out with Mr. MeTo and our friends to take her mind off of things. It went well until a phone call from my mother early Sunday morning had the three of us driving back to Philadelphia to drop her off back home.

The Wedding of Brenda and Kevin is steadily underway so much so that I had to get all my stuff out her basement so she could have it redone as a wedding present.

My other friends such as Bri and Gena are all doing well and happy, nothing bad to report on that front.

As for me well were can I begin. To give the short yet detailed version I and MeTo went to the family house in upstate New York easter weekend with his brother and his brother's boyfriend it also ended up being the first moth-aversery that landed on a Saturday. Matzos ball soup, a chocolate cream pie, several trips to the supper Walmart, easter baskets and a UTI later our weekend was over and I was in the ER trying to figure out if it was in fact a UTI.

While in the ER I met Bonnie, who is she you may ask. Well shortly before going upstate for easter MeTo and his current roommate went to look at an apartment. To his surprise MeTo was impressed but figured the price would be better if there was one more person to share the cost of rent, me.

I had been thinking about moving in with Mr. MeTo and looked into a few places that were around the half way point. But this required moving to New Brunswick an hour commute to work each day. I said I would think about it and resolved in my head that when I saw the place I would know.

Needles to say I saw the place, had a good chat with bonnie and now come June, I will move to a place I thought I would never live, New Jersey. Thats the big news of the month.

We started telling everyone immediately and to my surprise all of our mutual friends were excited including his parents. We more recently told my friends and it was taken with a grain of salt.

A trip to NYC to hang out with someone I never thought I would see again proved entertaining and sickening. It was by far the hottest day yet this year and I got the worlds worse headache which caused me to vomit and come back home early to only spend the night throwing up.

Who did I see in NYC non other than Jal'za Wych and her new boy toy. It was almost like nothing happened but there are still a few things that need to be worked on.

I continue to adjust to the idea of being practically married. MeTo and I both got gym memberships to WOW and are seeing each other everyday and discussing our future. We share the cost of everything and there is no more I and you its all we. People say how cute we are together and say how great of a couple we are.

Its a blessing what I have, I know being in a relationship is not the end all be all, I know that you can lead a very happy and fulfilling life as a single person. Trust me I know how hard it is to do the relationship thing when your not ready or don't want to. I am happy with my choice and I know that my single life is gone and thats the choice I made and I am happy.

So now my focus in life is almost officially changed, nothing is set in stone until there is a ring on this finger though. My job now is to maintain my important friendships, focus on succeeding in my career including going back to school and being the best hubby I can be to my Mr. MeTo.

Recently in Indigo . . .

Things have been really moving along with my friends and I, Some big changes and some small changes. Of course back in February Zack turned 21 leaving only one person left to join the complete adult crowd, Phil. The party was paid for by Zack’s father and step mother and included an open bar which led to excessive alcohol consumption and several make out sessions by Zack and Jason. Shortly after the party Zack's attitude towards Jay changed and he admitted to Phil that he could never date a black guy and had never been attracted to one. We both know that was a lie.

Jay has now found himself no longer living with his mother and is looking for a place of his own. Jay is becoming totally independent. Tia is still waiting to for the day she is in the navy. Her enlistment date has been moved to October now. Phil is still fooling around with his Mr. K. they are still unofficial and Phil is happy with that, so happy that he is now talking to and dating other guys.

As for me, my new job is going well with project after project and Mr. MeTo and I are stronger than ever.

I have never been in love like this, ever. I have known I was in love with MeTo for quite awhile. I knew by the time of our one month and by our second month saying "I love you," was normal. We talk about everything form our past relationships to what our future together will be like. It was conversations such as these that helped us realize a future together was in fact possible. One night we were talking about his family and his last relationship and he said something that I had been thinking but did not want to mention. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and sad, "I know you’re the one." I was stunned I knew what made me know he was, but what made him think I was?

I looked at him and said, "I know you’re the one too." I had never been happier. We talked and assured each other of how certain we were and that was all she wrote.
We now spend every weekend together, from Friday night to Monday morning and talk about what living together and being married will be like. We go food shopping and I remember taking him to a dollar store and we discussed uni-taskers and birthday parties. I was so in love that all I could think about was what I would do for his birthday despite that mine was right around the corner. He asked if I was going to have a party and the answer was no.

Many people kept asking that question and with me living at home with mom I simply had no place to have it. Mother still insist on not knowing anything of my Indigo Life. MeTo kept asking what I wanted or if I wanted to do something and I could think of nothing better than just spending my day or weekend with him and doing whatever he saw fit. He keeps making a big deal out of buying me something so I sent him an email of all the things I liked. He knew well and continued to surprise me with how much he pays attention but I thought if he had it all in one place picking something out to buy me would be easier.

As luck would have it MeTo's brother's boyfriend’s birthday was exactly a week before mine. We went to dinner the Sunday before at his parent's house. It was the fourth time we all were together and I knew that these were some amazing people. We ate dinner, had some laughs and then dissert with chocolate covered fruit that his mother made.
I thought that that was all but the lights went out and mom walked in with two candles in a pan of brownies. It was such a gesture that even I was touched. It was the perfect day. It was bowling then dinner at the man of my dreams parents and a birthday. I thought how nice it was and how nice it would be for the same thing to be done for me but I put it out of my mind and told myself maybe next year.

We made plans to go to a wolf reserve in honor of the birthday boy the following weekend. As luck would also have it a talent agency wanted to see me that Saturday for modeling. I talked with MeTo and everything was set. Dinner with my sister and her boyfriend and some mutual friends Friday, A day in NYC Saturday and Saturday night spend some time with my friends at a random party then the wolf reserve on Sunday.
By the time the weekend came things changed, to just me and Mr. MeTo to going to dinner near his place, my sister failed at scheduling so we decided to go to a little place we had been putting off. He had deemed the weekend my birthday weekend and wanted to spoil me. We went to a Mexican restaurant called on the border that we decided we would never go to again.

Saturday he paid for my train ticket to Manhattan and was my moral support as I met with the agency. Afterwards we went to a diner for lunch and the metropolitan museum of art. I had never gone and I had so much fun. We took pictures and discussed the art and us, I was in heaven. We left the museum and were passing by the art stand that we passed going to the museum and the print he liked was still there so we bought it together for him. It was the least I could do.

On the ride back we talked about the party I was going to and I asked if he wanted to go, which led to a conversation about my friendship with Jay. He didn’t want to go, I barely wanted to go. A 2 hour ride later I was standing around with jay, Phil, Tia, and Zack. I was still mad at Zack and decided to chip at his self esteem.

Another two hour ride and I was eating chicken nuggets before bed. We cuddled and I fell asleep in his arms.

That morning after having some truly great sex, we got dressed for the wolves. I had got my red hiking boots out of storage just for the occasion and wore them with my black CK Jeans and a red shirt. MeTo was quite pleased. We also took his laundry to his parents so he could say a few dollars, how Jewish.

We got to the house and were greeted by the chocolate lab that changed my mind about dogs and his mom who gave me a big hug and kiss. It really feels good that his family likes me. I took the laundry to the laundry room and was shocked as I saw our friend JB and then everyone yelled surprised. Then rob said the bad new was that there were no wolves. I was stunned that he went through all this and got his family involved as well. Mom cooked dad grilled and there was red fruit, sangria, red table cloth and red cups. They went all out for me

Ice cream cake and egg creams and presents even MeTo's roommate Christian showed. We ate and laughed and I got a gift card to Best Buy and one to Barns and Noble and the movie Airplane Two proving that everyone not only liked me but listened to what I had to say. And from my baby he took his time to Photo-Shoppe several pics of us and framed them for me.

The day was perfect and everyone had fun. I was never in such bliss and so touched that Monday I was so overflowing with love that I had to write him a love letter and he wrote me a poem and another song. I am over whelmed with love and he continues to prove that he truly is the one, My Mr. MeTo and My Cuddles.

As It Stands Now

2008 brought many of the things that I was hoping it would within the first two months. It even brought me some things that I had not planned on getting. Yes I started the year out hoping for the same things like everyone else, that my family and friends would have a happy year, especially my mother, sister, Jayson and aunt LAB. Those people I was hoping that they would get whatever they needed to be happy.

It would appear all but two fell in love or regained a love they once had. I fell in love with Mr. MeTo. Britt fell for a guy named Jim at school and my mother and stepfather decided to really work things out and put the divorce on hold.

It is strange being in a house where everyone used to be sick of each other, but are now giddy with love, and is sharing it with each other. Anyone who knows what kind of child hood and coming out I have had understands.

A few weeks ago I explained to MeTo about my one time obsession with Sex and the City and why I moved to NYC. I then recently found the need to watch the rest of season six, and so I bought it, both parts. The past three days have been nothing but SATC and MeTo even downloaded the extended version of the movie for me. Needless to say, I have officially seen every episode and the complete movie.

I have to wonder what I do now I would watch SATC to escape from my own single life and now I have no escape. To be quite honest I have no single life, all my friends make fun and say that I am enjoying married life and that I have found the one. While this is something that I have longed for, ever since I came out of the closet I can't help but wonder, am I ready?

The say the moment you are in a relationship is when all the guys you were once interested in become interested in you, and then some. I have found this to be 100% true. It was not long before I got a call from demean and bumped into Ramón. Damian sounded quite happy that he got me on the phone and wanted to catch up like we once used to do, but I could tell there was an ulterior motive, becase soon into the conversation he asked about my love life, which he never asked about before. When I told him he lived in New Jersey, the same state as Damien, he became jealous and tried to cover it up with humor.

The conversation was over when I answered his question of "Are you happy?" with "yes, were in love." I have only hared from him once since then.

Then soon after my conversation with Damien I bumped into Ramón at Woody's. It was one of those moment that I was happy I had a nice outfit on despite my hair. Jay and I had just made up and he was having a bad day so he Tia and I went to Woody's for karaoke and a drink. By some kind of "fuck you" magic Ramón sent Jay a text and found out where we were. and soon after he arrived it was not long before I had to here about his boyfriend and then he began hitting on me like he normally dose. I reputedly gave sighs I was not interested but he, like always, took it for playing hard to get

It was not until I hit him seriously that he asked if I was seeing anyone, with pride I said yes. He wanted to know more so I told him all about him. How smart he was, and handsome and funny, and that I was head over heels. He quickly changed the subject.

Soon after it was Zack's 21st birthday party and the first time I had been to Wood's on a dance night, all year. MeTo was not having a good night so I went to dance with my friends. And before I knew it I was being grabbed and ground on by one ugly dude that would not realize I was not in the mood. The whole night I had guys waving to me and smiling. I even bumped into two guys the I slept with, Jim the therapist who helped me realize that I had at one time fallen in love with MR. M and Jerry who proved that guy who don’t offer what you want in the beginning, never will.

Aside from the two times that I went with Jay, I have not been in the gay scene like I once was. MeTo wanted to go out to a club this past Friday and so I went. We danced the night away and I found that having a boyfriend took away some of the power I once had at clubs. The few times that I was not with MeTo I realized how many people were staring at me. Some of the guys would stand less than a foot away and stare, I used to enjoy such attention and would smile at the cute guys and cringe at the not so cute ones. But now I just didn’t want to be bothered, or did I?

I love attention this is true. I love dancing with random guys and flirting, to do these things was my objective when I was single and out clubbing. I got bonus points if I got a guy to by me a drink or a phone number, which was not hard, if I really was in the mood. But now it's all different.

I not only have a boyfriend, I love my boyfriend. I can't flirt like I used to, its leads guys to believe I am not single, dancing with guys I don’t know is out of the question, and phone numbers and drinks is just wrong in everyone's eyes. So now I go out to enjoy only my friends or my boyfriend. And while the idea sounds great to actually execute it feels, not me.

I don’t want to be single again, I am happy with the man I have, but why is it I look at other guys and get the urge to flirt and for some have a fling. Compared to some I have been around the block while to others I am almost a virgin.

I think while I am happy to be where I am at its ok to miss where I used to be so long as I don’t act on it. My past is a part of who I am and who I will become. While deleting my a4a profile was hard, for fear of what might happen in the future, but after thinking I realized that is not how Vixc B lives.

It took me a lot of heartache to get to the place I am at, while I did have some fun being single none it compares to what I have now. While it's not easy, unlike being single, it is worth it.

Olive Juice?

Chocolates, roses or favorite flowers, cards, vacations, and nights on the town, it would seem when it comes to money we have no problem telling someone how we care. We do small gestures and grand gestures all to make our significant other see that we have feelings. But what happens the day that we realize what feelings we have exactly?


Its just three little words that while growing up are no big deal to say to mom, dad and other family members. As we get older we learn what they truly mean and find friends who really become special to the point that they feel like family and we find ourselves telling them the same words with the exact same meaning.


But the day comes when someone takes your heart in a way that has never happened before. You start to experience feeling that you have only herd about. Butterflies in your stomach, sporadic giddiness, random sighs and smiles when you hear their name or think about them, you even find yourself wanting to give of yourself in ways you never wanted to do for anyone.


As time goes buy and you find that these new feelings become developed and you find the other person appears to feel the same as you have a eureka moment. You love spending time, touching each other, and just trying to make each other happy. We natural find that although we are romantically involved with this person the common goals are the same that you share with your family and friends.


Do you tell them and then how do you tell them that you have grown past infatuation and lust. That giving of yourself for their happiness, makes you happy and you would be happy to do so for the rest of your life.


It suddenly seems like rocket science, you start to think if saying such a simple phrase will change things, will it ruin the way you interact? Will it make things better? You think about how serious you are willing to be with this person. You know that you are in it for the long haul. But you wonder, How will they take you saying such a serious phrase?


It then becomes a debate of “Should I, shouldn’t I.” To say or not to say, “I Love You”


You will find anniversaries and holidays could be a perfect time to say such a thing but you may back down. So you think you will let it just come naturally and each time your about to let it slip something in you pulls it back. You may think to just casually say it at the end of a phone conversation like you do with your mom. But that is not a good way to say it the first time. A card and candy may work but it may not be taken seriously because its on a card.


How and when do you say it, you cannot be ruled by fear. So I had finally decided to tell MR. MeTo how felt on our one week. But for some reason I Chickened out. I had told MeTo that I had a surprise for him but wanted to save it for Valentine’s Day.

The new plan was to make a romantic breakfast in bed and tell him then. To my surprise our pillow talk the night before turned to how we felt about each other. He, in a special sort of way, told me he loved me. I responded with an “I love you too.” We had both wanted me to say it first but he could no longer wait.

The moral of this story is that while you may be nervous to say it the other person may feel the exact same way you do. If you truly do love someone and you feel the urge just say it and leave the fear of being hurt aside. I knew MeTo loved me but I had in my mind all these different ways and scenarios of saying it when just coming out and doing it would have been the most effective.

And while using the old Olive Juice may seem like a good idea you will only regret it later.

Comming Soon . . .

gSo i bet your wonder what happened after the Obama party. What is Jason up too, whats with the new friends and what kind of plans do Indigo Foursome have planned? Is Phill and Mr. K official yet and What are me and Mr.MeTO up to in our bliss? Check back soon to find out what The Indigo Guys and all our friends have been up to. From My new job and new faces to Aunt LAP and Britt's possible new Beau.


Recently in Indigo.
02/20/2009

Living Life, Some Advice!

You can’t help but think about many of the things you do in life. Some things you do because they are easy while others you do because they give you a challenge. Then there are things like breathing that you just do out of basic necessity and unconsciously. Yes we eat, wash and use the bathroom because we have to. But what about the things that we can not help to do for some extreamly odd reson that require extreme analyzing and reflection for us to figure out what is we are doing, and moreover, why.

Many times we find gestures of the heart some of the oddest things we can ever try to understand. Why and when do we fall in love, why do we tell someone we care about yes to doing what they want to do even when we know they are perfectly fine doing what we want to do?

Could it be that love is biological and not physical? Or is it mental and not emotional? If that is the case shouldn’t we be able to analyze all emotions and categorize the whys, whens, and whats of each action?
Life is always throwing us questions and we constantly choose to seek out the answers or let the question go by ignored.

Why do we, work jobs, have friends, listen to music, watch TV, read the things we read, and eat the foods we eat? The whole point to adulthood is to have the ability to do what we please without the consequences we once had.

No matter how old we get and how much wisdom we obtain, every move we make is governed by something or someone. We don’t look at it as being controlled because no one person or thing has total influence or control over our lives.

What in our head says pizza every day is bad for you, why can’t we skip work when we want to? Sure we know the results but we already know that nothing is certain in life. You can do you job to the best of your ability and still get fired tomorrow. You can slack for years at the same stupid job and never get notice. There are people who smoke their entire lives and live to 80. For every thing that we have been told is bad for us we knew a story to contradict it.

Is it fear; are we just living on the side of caution just to be on the safe side? I don’t get It life is short no matter how you look at. It seems like all the people who drink and stay out late are having all the fun. Sure some die young and just as many of the opposites die at the same ages.

I say fuck it all. You’re going to die of something, better to live a happy life and die young than live a long life and die unhappy. So love yourself, you will only be happy if you see it as making YOU truly happy, work when and where you want to. Read things that make you happy and watch TV until your satisfied and when you are unhappy with the decisions that you have made then change your path to something new.

Life is a buffet of opportunities and while you will always have regrets its better that you are to blame for making them than someone else. It’s your damn life so live it.

Shadows

Sometimes in the healthiest of relationships, it could feel like you are living in a shadow, the shadow of the ex. I dated many guys and went into a few relationships knowing that I was walking into the shadow of the ex. It is not a pleasant feeling. You are told horror stories of things you know you could never do, and you hear about how good the good times were. You then get to see photos and shown many of the things that were bought during the relationship, many times pleasant memories attached.

No matter how much reassuring you receive from the shadow keeper, one bad experience can ruin it all. Now as you all know when I dated Mr. M I was heavily under a shadow and it ultimately was the end of our relationship, that being my one bad experience. Now while I trust Mr. MeTo, I can't help but feel that showdown every now and then. Nothing that he dose but sometimes the stories I hear and the photos I see really get me to wondering, am I just a replacement?

In this modern world of social networking sites, a lot of meaning is put on the placement of your top friends, your comments and the titles you give your photos. While MySpace had a good run, it really looks like Facebook is becoming the new MySpace in my circle. No one bats an eyelash at what was once considered social law and conduct on MySpace. Yet, through Facebook, social laws and conduct are once again changing with emphasis being put on status messages, profile pictures, wall comments and relationship status.

When the chill of the shadow is felt by the new person, we try hard to subtly mark territory by encouraging the changing and removal of many sighs that "the ex was here." Many times, there is a plethora of photos where they look truly happy and in some cases, sexy. But despite all the evidence that there were happy times, you hold fast to the stories that made it end and the word of your significant other that you two are doing great.

You do your best to remind yourself and him that you are great together. You try not to do anything directly related to your insecurity; for fear that, you may ruin things. But as time marches on and that shadow gets bigger you feel one of two things will happen. He will leave you because he still has strong feelings for his ex or you will become so consumed with the fear he may leave you that you ultimately do something so detrimental that everything goes south.

Now while you may think that holding fast will work and in many cases it dose, there will comes those times where you fell you need to speed things along. Here is my word of advice. Don’t invest touch to fast. I know this may seem like general advice for all kinds of relationships but let's look at this for just a moment.

In every scenario that you have gotten your heart broken or simply let down by the person you thought would be the one there is a common thread, we invested more than the other did. We put our hearts into it and we give of ourselves. We buy them gifts, we go to the places they want to go, we work around their schedules and constantly sacrifice without thinking, "am I getting a return on investment?" the result becomes an one sided relationship with one taking more than the other,

The solution is simple and will help you in not just relationships where there is a shadow of an ex but also all relationships. Set yourself standard and don’t adjust until you are sure the person you are with is willing to do the same for you. Only give as much as you receive and take as much as you give. This all seems like a complicated dance but if the person you are with is truly worth it, it will come easy. After you have seen that he is really about trying to make things work with you is the only time you can stop analyzing and start give yourself completely.

Even after you, start giving of yourself completely is sure not to allow yourself to get blinded by love or infatuation. Becoming blinded will keep you from seeing when things are going bad weather it is that your needs are not being met or that you are not meeting the needs of the other. It may seem like an odd thing but it happens. You think things are great but you don’t see how when you roll your eyes at his stupid jokes annoys the hell out of him, or the way you get all lovey dove in public turns him off.

But in the case of that darn shadow, you typical have nothing to worry about. There is one great thing to do to ease your mind about the great yet horrid ex. Get you guy to talk about it. If you find there was significant time to grieve, go through the emotion process then you know chances of getting back together are slim. If you then find that they are still friends and have see n each other several times since the break up then you know they are even slimmer. In the case that you find there was, no time to grieve and no contact since the break up proceed with caution.

Matters of the heart are not easy and living in someone else's shadow only makes them harder. The key to any happy relationship is to be happy with being yourself and loving the person your with because he is happy with the real you and showing you the real him.

The Break-Up

It has come to my attention quite recently that I have not written a clear post dedicated to one of the most dreaded things in both the indigo world but also the regular world. It is a topic that books have been written about, it’s a topic that has sold many magazines and it is the reason we hang on to so many of our friends. The topic is none other than, breaking up.

My sister brought it to my attention and as she and I are so close and have shared information concerning most if not all of our past break up I feel its time I finally write one to help her out. No she is not about to break up but simply talk about it for school.

For some breaking up can be easy while for others it is never easy. Some find a 50/50 split while other look at breaking up as playing roulette. To be honest, no matter how cold hearted you may act; there is no such thing as an easy break up.

When I first started to seriously date, the one thing I hated about breaking up was hurting the other person. Many of two week relationships and I decided to stop looking and take a break. Then I started finding men who I thought would make great boyfriends and maybe end up being the one. Only they never wanted anything serious.

Then it became a life of swinging form on type of relationship to the next and that was when I made the promise to myself. I promised that if I ever found a guy who lasted more than two weeks I would come out of the closet. Shortly after my 21st birthday I met Mr. M. I didn’t know it at the time but the worse and longest breakup that I would ever face was only around the corner.

The break up took only five weeks after the day we met, to come about. It was a quick phone call that ended like many of my other break ups, "let's stay friends."

Well we stayed friends and I was more attached than ever. I didn’t want to admit it but I had fallen in love, and I was also shocked because no one had ever broken up with me. You truly don’t know what it feels like to break up until you experience it from both sides.

I had dated but chose to never give my heart unless I knew that without a doubt they would not break it. I dated others but found that after Mr. M moved to the Philadelphia area I made myself readily available. To the point, I missed a friend's birthday party to help him move, then we ended up sleeping together on more than one occasion and it was almost never inishiated by me.

Many times after a major break up one can allow themselves to get so low that they actually become a door mate for the very person that hurt them. After several months I realized what I was doing, I was hurt and angry and turning my anger inward. When I stopped to truly analyze my feeling, is when it all stopped. I had to realize I was not Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. M was not my Mr. Big. I began to analyze my feelings to see how it was actually affecting me.

I had an unhealthy friendship with the man who broke my heart. I was angry that I allowed this to happen. I was angry with him because while I was honest with how I felt, he seemed to just take advantage. I eventually cut him off and began the true break up recovery process.

Some say it takes half the time you were dating to get over someone. In many cases, I have found that to be true. While many of my two-week relationships took only a week to get over there were a few that took a little more or a little less. By this rule, however I should have been over Mr. M in two weeks and a half. Had we just parted ways it probably would have. But adding friendship right away, can and did in many ways complicate things and sent mixed signals.

Just like in relationships, breakups have different emotions. There is no science as to which emotions you will go through. It will all depend on the people involved, the relationship, and how much you had invested. You will typically experience, anger, sadness, and indifference. I have found during any of these emotions is the wrong time to have contact with your ex.

During you time of anger you could say some hurtful things and ruin any chances at a friendship. Sadness can cause false sympathy and lead to getting into a dangerously unhealthy situation for both parties. You could end up having sex which is not good because that will send your head and heart into a whirlwind of bad emotions and thoughts, you can end up back together knowing that one is unhappy and doing it only to draw out what should have taken much less time.

Indifference can make you curious as to why you don’t have any feelings and can make you force yourself to feel things you really don’t feel towards that person. Many times your indifference is caused by a multitude of feelings and your heart and head are just not ready to settle down and deal with each one individually. Finally many times after you have dealt with all the emotions indifference comes about to simply let things settle. It is only after you have given your mind and heart proper time to adjust and recover from all the thoughts and emotions you have been going through that you can make an educated decision as to if friendship can honestly be an option.

You may think that the person who gets dumped is the only one who goes through such an emotional rollercoaster but the dumber also goes through one. The person who doses the dumping typically rides most of the rollercoaster before deciding it's over and walking away. It’s the same emotions and depending on the one felt last, determines the type of breakup you get.

I said break ups are never easy, and for the most part this is true. There are those rare occasions where both parties realize that the relationship is not working and you have already begun being friends, those are the only easy ones, other than that it's all emotions for both sides.

This is breaking up 101, you may wonder how you can spot one coming and that is another area in which I am well versed, but that is another blog post. until then Keep coming back to read whats new in My Indigo Life.

An Emotional Rollercoaster of Heart

I have always had a hard time hiding my feeling from those that love me and it is next to imposable to hide what I am feeling when I don’t know what I am feeling or why I am feeling it.

Wednesday proved to be a day in which MeTo and I came quite physically close. I don’t think I have ever gotten close to someone like that who was not just a friend or family member. It kind of scared me, it kind of made me happy, it kind of left me limbo.

I have always been a guy so in touch with my feelings that I know when a guy is wasting my time, I always could tell if the possibility to fall in love was there after week one. And while at times I have seen that I could fall more times than not then chose not to, didn’t want to, or simply wanted something not serious with me. I had a long string of men who just broke my heart, wasted my time or chipped a small part of my self esteem away.

Thanks to my friends, things were always repaired and thanks to Jay I learned many of my lessons faster because I hade some one to say “I told you so.”

But what is going on in my heart, why do I feel all kinds of emotions, and not have anyone or anything to direct them towards. The people in my life that matter are all doing much better now then they were a year ago. Jay, aunt LAB, my mother, Louise, even my sister who is trying to come into her own is doing it responsibly. Sure things could be better for me that will come with time.

People like me, and people open up to me, I have 3 people in my life that I can go to, to talk about anything and get advice. I have all the seeds for a happy life, I am happy.

Yesterday was the first time that I have looked or felt sad in months. I am trying to stay in control of my emotions but I think I have tried to control them so much that I have in fact lost control. I talked to my aunt LAB today and we discussed the Facebook message I got. A woman who was in the Air Force is looking for my dad to catch up. It was sad for me to inform her that my father was now dead. As much as the idea still breaks my heart it dose not explained the problem at hand.

After talking we figured that maybe it was just my life had a lot of high point, things are going well for me right now. I decided to leave it at that but the feeling still nagged. I wanted to call MeTo and tell him about it, the idea alone made me feel a little better and so it hit me, I miss my boyfriend.

In order for me to miss him this much had to have more of a reason than I just enjoy his company. I need to stop trying to control my emotions. Although I let them get the best of me in the past, I know how to act and not act on them irrationally now. I don’t need to convince myself that what I feel is only like, infatuation, or lust. I need to just go with it. But the fear still remains, what if get hurt again?

To help make this fear subside I confronted him. I told him that I was feeling a little . . . something. After talking I relized that while I feared being hurt I also feared hurting him. The conversation really helped to put things in perspective.

We talked about loving ourselves unconditionally. We talked about how we both really felt about each other, and that a relations can be as easy or as complicated as two people make it and things were easy, not because we were slacking or didn’t care. It was because we both were putting in what it takes to make it work.

After talking for a good while I realized that although I just saw him yesterday I really missed him and it was obvious he missed me to, I was trying to make my feelings something they weren’t. I got all my change together and saw that my change plus the green I had in my wallet was enough to go see him and still have enough to make it to all my interviews.

We had planned on seeing each other but I had told him the night before I didn’t have gas money. But after counting my change I packed my car and told him I was on my way we were chatting through aim but he used every known method to denote his excitement.

I wasted no time hopping in my car and taking off. What should have been a quick hour and 45 minute ride turned into an over 2 hour ride thanks to the stupid directions from Google maps. I eventually got there with the help of a random guy in the campus community center, a lady in housing and having him meet me at the community center.

We took a shower together, I ate some ziti he made the night before, we went all the way, he made dinner and after the monopoly game we went to bed. It was a perfect day and I knew that there was no way Mr. MeTo would ever be like Mr. M.

The 100th Post Is About Me, Vixc B.

For my 100th post I have decided to go a little more in depth about me.

So ok over this past year you, my readers have gotten to know me on quite an intimate level. You have read about break ups, random hookups, new men in my life, the loss of friends, the acquisition of new ones and me moving and experiencing new things. My life has not been a smooth one and although it is steadily getting better it is not going to get any more vanilla.

What makes me, me and the life I have what it is? To put it in a nut shell, a lot. I am influenced by all my surroundings and all the people in my life. Each person that I have ever mentioned in my life has contributed greatly to the person I am at this very moment.

A very important aspect of my personality is the fact that people like to talk to me. I am quite the listener and have come to be able to give good if not great advice. I don’t know what it is about me that make people open up but the truth of the matter is they just can’t help themselves.

It is rare that I go to someone to vent and talk about me; it’s only done when asked. This is why I have IndigoLife. It is the one place that I am allowed to fully express myself uninhibited. I can say what I please and writ what I was thinking and wanted to say when a certain situation came up in my life.

My friends and family are very important to me. Despite the pain that I have endured from so many of my family members I have learned that although I don’t get support in all I do many times their reactions are simply honest reflections one what they think is the best for my life.

I am at a good point in my life while to look at my chaotic state with my debt, living with mom, you cant help but see that things are falling in place for my destiny.

I believe in Karma, not the traditional since but a more modern universal since. Every realign believes to some extent, you reap what you sow, what goes around comes around, you get out what you put in; treat others how you want to be treated. It is not a matter of religious belief, it’s a belief in the world that positive people have bad times but things end ultimately well, while negative people have good times, things ultimately end poorly.

Well I am a positive person and I am and had some pretty bad times, but look at my enthusiasm for life. While things get good in my eyes they get really bad and while to others things may look grim I am bouncing back at an alarming rate.

Recently I met a fantastic guy, almost too good to be true. I met Mr. MeTo online and we both can’t believe it is working out so well. So I not only have family who love me and friends who adore me but I also have one hell of a boyfriend.

Just this Friday I was offered an amazing job opportunity, so I can now add a good job to the list of things that I am grateful to God for.

As things are getting better and the leaves in my life are falling away while my branches are growing stronger, I must remember to stay humble and not count on all of this to steadfastly, because in the Indigo Life you never know what is around the corner.

Why did I pick Indigo? Contrary to what some people may think indigo is not my favorite color. To find out why I picked indigo, go back and read Hello Indigo. My favorite color is in fact a tie between Black and Red. I find them to be two strong colors that go well together and many other colors. Many of my friends have come to know me for my Black and White Checkers. I have a whole list of items that I want to own with heat print and most of them are clothing pieces.

My since of fashion is still in the developmental stages. I wear what I like and I am quickly leaning which of the things I like look good on me and which ones don’t. I pray that I will soon be able to go shopping and get things that truly look good on me.

Aside from what I have just mentioned there is no to much you need to know about me. I am growing like many males my age and I like to share my story with anyone who wants to listen. I also like to listen to others for there sake as well as mine.

Some people would say I am far more complex while my best friends would agree that this sums op Vixc (Vic) B in a nut shell.

The Obama Party and So Much More (dup)

The day had arrived Monday, January 19th; I was finally going to see Mr. MeTo. The moment I woke up I turned on my computer and logged into my gmail and Google chat so I could find out what time I would need to pick him up from 30th street train station. We had been talking about this party for weeks, it was a big deal, we were going to see each other, and he was going to meat my closest friends and go all the way.

After I talked to MeTo I began working on the list of things my mother wanted me to work on. I was quite excited, in cleaning the bath room, doing dishes, cleaning my room, and straitening the hall. I had made plans to pick MeTo up early to have alone time before my mom came home then head over to Jason’s to help set up for the party. Britt was out and I was not sure what time she was going to get home.

My step dad called to let me know he was leaving me the money I had asked for, for gas in his mail slot. So I now had money for gas and a little for the party. With Jay and the majority of us being broke the party became a BYOB.

I made it down the 30th street around 1:20, as I was not supposed to meet MeTo until 1:25 and I figured I would park and go in to meet him. I still have no cell phone so it was going to be a little complicated. I found the perfect spot in a place that is impossible to get a spot at all. I went in and waited for the guy who was now my official boyfriend.

The train was running late so I went to buy a coke, the guy in front of me decided to waste time by making pointless conversation with the woman running the cash register. It was not until after I heard the announcement that the R7 had arrived that I could check out. What should have been a well timed meet up turned out to be a surprise for me. I went out to the car hoping to see him but he wasn’t there. So I went back and the moment I turned around to go back out side, there he was, Mr. MeTo. My heart began beating and I could not help but smile. My heart said kiss him but my mind said wait.

A ride to Germantown and a long ride through the city to get back home and we were alone. Alone until my sister came in. a conversation about what to snack on and a cup of tea and I was on my back enjoying a Hot make out session with a guy who not only captivated me with his looks, but his personality.

The time came when making out had to stop and I had to get dressed and in the process of doing so my mother came home earlier than expected. I came up with a good half truth to tell my mother with an excellent delivery. I sill had to rush us out the house.

The night became all about rushing, to the point I had no time to put on my makeup, which I promised MeTo I would do for him, I left my earrings and rings at home. But some how I did not feel naked like I normally do, I think it was due to my excitement in having my boyfriend around who complimented me greatly.

MeTo, Jay, and I spent time just hanging out and coming up with a game plan for the night. We even discussed some racy topics, but in with understanding and open mindedness.

The time came about where I had to go pick up Phil and Mr. K. and like all ways it was a big to do. I had to stop at home to get money for alcohol and Phil took his time getting outside. Then having forgotten that it was a holiday we had to find a place to buy beer from as all state stores was closed. There was a place called Pinocchio’s. Phil gave me a 20 so I took that and bought a case of Yuengling and a case of mikes hard lemonade. I put gas in the car and saved the rest to put in for pizza. After dropping the first car load I had to go pick up Britt and Towayne. Rob stayed behind to work on the camp fire.

When I got back to the house I made a point to ensure my people got a mike’s lemonade. MeTo and I could not keep our hands off each other. A trip to the 3rd floor and the passing of an Armani Exchange bag latter and rob and I were on our way to pick up pizza. I was so attracted to him, a great intelligent kisser who acted like a guy and not a queen, he built a fire from scratch and it was a total turn on.

A few slices of pizza, and a beer later and it was time to check on the fire which no one was enjoying. Only about 20 people showed up and none of us had planned on it snowing up until the party started. MeTo and I did enjoy the fire but not as much as we did each other. Things between the two us got hotter than the fire to the point we got spotted and someone yelled “stop that.” We laughed and continued a little longer.

The night progressed with dancing and playing Wii fit. Jay found a good opponent for the dance to Single Ladies. We then watched comedy clips on you tube. At some point MeTo and I went upstairs and while talking jay came in not to happy. I did my job as best friend and help Jay with the problem at hand. It was an on going lessen that he was quickly learning the hard way, don’t put to much faith in dating younger.

We finally put on a movie, Pineapple Express, and slowly people started leaving, first a handful that came together then one by one everyone else. I took Britt home and Towayne decided to sleep over. All that was left was the trio our two guys and Towayne.

While everyone was around the comp up stairs I caught the last of Pineapple Express. I then got in the bed with MeTo.

Things went as planned but the water bed and an interruption for a phone charger made things a little awkward. Things did get to a good point and we went to sleep.

The next day was the 20th and the day of inauguration for the countries first Afro-American president as the 44th president ever. We watched with glee and pride as he was sworn in without a hitch. We were all proud to be Americans and it was such a great moment to spend with friends.

I could not help but be moved by the words of hope and empowerment from Obama H Barrack. I truly feel that the change the USA needs is coming. I do not look to Obama as a miracle worker; I do not plan on seeing a perfect country come from his first four years. I do however plan to see him empower this country to fight for change, I intend to see him restore pride in being an American and all the while fighting for laws to improve equality and change the financial status of our country. I am proud to say I believe in Obama, not because he is a black president but because he is a true representative of what this country stands for.

After dropping off trash and getting donuts I took MeTo to the train station. To my surprise I came home to an empty house and a half hour later I received a call from MeTo and we had a deep conversation about unconditional love. It was deep and enlighten, he reminded me of how dynamic he really is.

The rest of my after noon was spent writing this Blog and having another deep conversation with MeTo. This time we talked about the seriousness of our relationship. I understood that we had been official and I even knew what it meant to be so but it finally hit me, and it scared me for a minute. Why I was scared I had no clue exactly.

MeTo and I are extremely compatible, we get along so well, and we have found flaws and still are attracted to each other. Being in a serious relationship is not just a relationship for now but it means you are entertain the possibility of thinking about being the one, about allowing yourself to fall in love, it means trying to make this the last relationship.

I just got a call from Jay that people are going over his place tonight so after I drop off my little bro I am going to Jay’s.

The Obama Party and So Much More

The day had arrived Monday, January 19th; I was finally going to see Mr. MeTo. The moment I woke up I turned on my computer and logged into my gmail and Google chat so I could find out what time I would need to pick him up from 30th street train station. We had been talking about this party for weeks, it was a big deal, we were going to see each other, and he was going to meat my closest friends and go all the way.

After I talked to MeTo I began working on the list of things my mother wanted me to work on. I was quite excited, in cleaning the bath room, doing dishes, cleaning my room, and straitening the hall. I had made plans to pick MeTo up early to have alone time before my mom came home then head over to Jason’s to help set up for the party. Britt was out and I was not sure what time she was going to get home.

My step dad called to let me know he was leaving me the money I had asked for, for gas in his mail slot. So I now had money for gas and a little for the party. With Jay and the majority of us being broke the party became a BYOB.

I made it down the 30th street around 1:20, as I was not supposed to meet MeTo until 1:25 and I figured I would park and go in to meet him. I still have no cell phone so it was going to be a little complicated. I found the perfect spot in a place that is impossible to get a spot at all. I went in and waited for the guy who was now my official boyfriend.

The train was running late so I went to buy a coke, the guy in front of me decided to waste time by making pointless conversation with the woman running the cash register. It was not until after I heard the announcement that the R7 had arrived that I could check out. What should have been a well timed meet up turned out to be a surprise for me. I went out to the car hoping to see him but he wasn’t there. So I went back and the moment I turned around to go back out side, there he was, Mr. MeTo. My heart began beating and I could not help but smile. My heart said kiss him but my mind said wait.

A ride to Germantown and a long ride through the city to get back home and we were alone. Alone until my sister came in. a conversation about what to snack on and a cup of tea and I was on my back enjoying a Hot make out session with a guy who not only captivated me with his looks, but his personality.

The time came when making out had to stop and I had to get dressed and in the process of doing so my mother came home earlier than expected. I came up with a good half truth to tell my mother with an excellent delivery. I sill had to rush us out the house.

The night became all about rushing, to the point I had no time to put on my makeup, which I promised MeTo I would do for him, I left my earrings and rings at home. But some how I did not feel naked like I normally do, I think it was due to my excitement in having my boyfriend around who complimented me greatly.

MeTo, Jay, and I spent time just hanging out and coming up with a game plan for the night. We even discussed some racy topics, but in with understanding and open mindedness.

The time came about where I had to go pick up Phil and Mr. K. and like all ways it was a big to do. I had to stop at home to get money for alcohol and Phil took his time getting outside. Then having forgotten that it was a holiday we had to find a place to buy beer from as all state stores was closed. There was a place called Pinocchio’s. Phil gave me a 20 so I took that and bought a case of Yuengling and a case of mikes hard lemonade. I put gas in the car and saved the rest to put in for pizza. After dropping the first car load I had to go pick up Britt and Towayne. MeTo stayed behind to work on the camp fire.

When I got back to the house I made a point to ensure my people got a mike’s lemonade. MeTo and I could not keep our hands off each other. A trip to the 3rd floor and the passing of an Armani Exchange bag latter and MeTo and I were on our way to pick up pizza. I was so attracted to him, a great intelligent kisser who acted like a guy and not a queen, he built a fire from scratch and it was a total turn on.

A few slices of pizza, and a beer later and it was time to check on the fire which no one was enjoying. Only about 20 people showed up and none of us had planned on it snowing up until the party started. MeTo and I did enjoy the fire but not as much as we did each other. Things between the two us got hotter than the fire to the point we got spotted and someone yelled “stop that.” We laughed and continued a little longer.

The night progressed with dancing and playing Wii fit. Jay found a good opponent for the dance to Single Ladies. We then watched comedy clips on you tube. At some point MeTo and I went upstairs and while talking jay came in not to happy. I did my job as best friend and help Jay with the problem at hand. It was an on going lessen that he was quickly learning the hard way, don’t put to much faith in dating younger.

We finally put on a movie, Pineapple Express, and slowly people started leaving, first a handful that came together then one by one everyone else. I took Britt home and Towayne decided to sleep over. All that was left was the trio our two guys and Towayne.

While everyone was around the comp up stairs I caught the last of Pineapple Express. I then got in the bed with MeTo.

Things went as planned but the water bed and an interruption for a phone charger made things a little awkward. Things did get to a good point and we went to sleep.

The next day was the 20th and the day of inauguration for the countries first Afro-American president as the 44th president ever. We watched with glee and pride as he was sworn in without a hitch. We were all proud to be Americans and it was such a great moment to spend with friends.

I could not help but be moved by the words of hope and empowerment from Obama H Barrack. I truly feel that the change the USA needs is coming. I do not look to Obama as a miracle worker; I do not plan on seeing a perfect country come from his first four years. I do however plan to see him empower this country to fight for change, I intend to see him restore pride in being an American and all the while fighting for laws to improve equality and change the financial status of our country. I am proud to say I believe in Obama, not because he is a black president but because he is a true representative of what this country stands for.

After dropping off trash and getting donuts I took MeTo to the train station. To my surprise I came home to an empty house and a half hour later I received a call from MeTo and we had a deep conversation about unconditional love. It was deep and enlighten, he reminded me of how dynamic he really is.

The rest of my after noon was spent writing this Blog and having another deep conversation with MeTo. This time we talked about the seriousness of our relationship. I understood that we had been official and I even knew what it meant to be so but it finally hit me, and it scared me for a minute. Why I was scared I had no clue exactly.

MeTo and I are extremely compatible, we get along so well, and we have found flaws and still are attracted to each other. Being in a serious relationship is not just a relationship for now but it means you are entertain the possibility of thinking about being the one, about allowing yourself to fall in love, it means trying to make this the last relationship.

I just got a call from Jay that people are going over his place tonight so after I drop off my little bro I am going to Jay’s.

Party Sequels

It is an amazing thing when a small get together turns into an all out party, it is even better when the host decides to have a part two. A part two can never be planned from the get go it is one of those things that evolve towards the end of the night or the morning after. A part two always takes place no more than 24 hours after the beginning of the party previous. However party sequels typically suck. The squeal usually lacks the spontaneity that the first party had and many of the people who showed don’t make it to the second, either lack of being informed or prior engagements.

The party that we went to Friday night had a part two and unlike most sequels this one quite the party. The extra planning made for a more intense time, there was using the hot tub, the basement was turned into a discothèque, and there was a much better selection of mixers for the vodka. While some people were not present there were new faces.

Jason stayed true to form and danced to single ladies and got with the hottest guys at the party. I was quite surprised when Tia showed; she danced and made the party all the more fun. The host was drunk before we arrived and crashed early.

We danced and drank and Jay got in the hot tub with a few gays and females, while it was snowing. I stayed dressed and enjoyed raving with my favorite straight guy Adam Fulmer. I still remain amazed at how many of the guys that are finally old enough to drink legally date girls that are still in high school or recently graduated.

The party began to die down once everyone got out the hot tub around 3 in the morning. We pushed the night to about five and then we let it die. I passed out on the floor next to Tia. According to Jay he kicked me and nothing. I was truly tired, not stupid drunk, just tired.

I woke around 8:30 and once again Jay decided to stay behind, he was quite cozy cuddled up next to some guy named Cory. I left because I had to go to church. Sometimes it is really funnie how things can get mixed together in the process of full circle.

I remember a party where Jay woke me up because he had to go to church and her I was up early so I could go. I thought my party days were dieing down but it looks like it just beginning. With two parties this weekend and the Obama party Monday then another we are planning for February, and the fact that we have so many new friends for 2009, I can see many more wild and crazy night for us. But its ok this is what friends and your 20’s are for.