Chocolates, roses or favorite flowers, cards, vacations, and nights on the town, it would seem when it comes to money we have no problem telling someone how we care. We do small gestures and grand gestures all to make our significant other see that we have feelings. But what happens the day that we realize what feelings we have exactly?
Its just three little words that while growing up are no big deal to say to mom, dad and other family members. As we get older we learn what they truly mean and find friends who really become special to the point that they feel like family and we find ourselves telling them the same words with the exact same meaning.
But the day comes when someone takes your heart in a way that has never happened before. You start to experience feeling that you have only herd about. Butterflies in your stomach, sporadic giddiness, random sighs and smiles when you hear their name or think about them, you even find yourself wanting to give of yourself in ways you never wanted to do for anyone.
As time goes buy and you find that these new feelings become developed and you find the other person appears to feel the same as you have a eureka moment. You love spending time, touching each other, and just trying to make each other happy. We natural find that although we are romantically involved with this person the common goals are the same that you share with your family and friends.
Do you tell them and then how do you tell them that you have grown past infatuation and lust. That giving of yourself for their happiness, makes you happy and you would be happy to do so for the rest of your life.
It suddenly seems like rocket science, you start to think if saying such a simple phrase will change things, will it ruin the way you interact? Will it make things better? You think about how serious you are willing to be with this person. You know that you are in it for the long haul. But you wonder, How will they take you saying such a serious phrase?
It then becomes a debate of “Should I, shouldn’t I.” To say or not to say, “I Love You”
You will find anniversaries and holidays could be a perfect time to say such a thing but you may back down. So you think you will let it just come naturally and each time your about to let it slip something in you pulls it back. You may think to just casually say it at the end of a phone conversation like you do with your mom. But that is not a good way to say it the first time. A card and candy may work but it may not be taken seriously because its on a card.
How and when do you say it, you cannot be ruled by fear. So I had finally decided to tell MR. MeTo how felt on our one week. But for some reason I Chickened out. I had told MeTo that I had a surprise for him but wanted to save it for Valentine’s Day.
The new plan was to make a romantic breakfast in bed and tell him then. To my surprise our pillow talk the night before turned to how we felt about each other. He, in a special sort of way, told me he loved me. I responded with an “I love you too.” We had both wanted me to say it first but he could no longer wait.
The moral of this story is that while you may be nervous to say it the other person may feel the exact same way you do. If you truly do love someone and you feel the urge just say it and leave the fear of being hurt aside. I knew MeTo loved me but I had in my mind all these different ways and scenarios of saying it when just coming out and doing it would have been the most effective.
And while using the old Olive Juice may seem like a good idea you will only regret it later.
Vixc B
15 February 2009
Comming Soon . . .
gSo i bet your wonder what happened after the Obama party. What is Jason up too, whats with the new friends and what kind of plans do Indigo Foursome have planned? Is Phill and Mr. K official yet and What are me and Mr.MeTO up to in our bliss? Check back soon to find out what The Indigo Guys and all our friends have been up to. From My new job and new faces to Aunt LAP and Britt's possible new Beau.
Recently in Indigo.
02/20/2009
Recently in Indigo.
02/20/2009
12 February 2009
Living Life, Some Advice!
You can’t help but think about many of the things you do in life. Some things you do because they are easy while others you do because they give you a challenge. Then there are things like breathing that you just do out of basic necessity and unconsciously. Yes we eat, wash and use the bathroom because we have to. But what about the things that we can not help to do for some extreamly odd reson that require extreme analyzing and reflection for us to figure out what is we are doing, and moreover, why.
Many times we find gestures of the heart some of the oddest things we can ever try to understand. Why and when do we fall in love, why do we tell someone we care about yes to doing what they want to do even when we know they are perfectly fine doing what we want to do?
Could it be that love is biological and not physical? Or is it mental and not emotional? If that is the case shouldn’t we be able to analyze all emotions and categorize the whys, whens, and whats of each action?
Life is always throwing us questions and we constantly choose to seek out the answers or let the question go by ignored.
Why do we, work jobs, have friends, listen to music, watch TV, read the things we read, and eat the foods we eat? The whole point to adulthood is to have the ability to do what we please without the consequences we once had.
No matter how old we get and how much wisdom we obtain, every move we make is governed by something or someone. We don’t look at it as being controlled because no one person or thing has total influence or control over our lives.
What in our head says pizza every day is bad for you, why can’t we skip work when we want to? Sure we know the results but we already know that nothing is certain in life. You can do you job to the best of your ability and still get fired tomorrow. You can slack for years at the same stupid job and never get notice. There are people who smoke their entire lives and live to 80. For every thing that we have been told is bad for us we knew a story to contradict it.
Is it fear; are we just living on the side of caution just to be on the safe side? I don’t get It life is short no matter how you look at. It seems like all the people who drink and stay out late are having all the fun. Sure some die young and just as many of the opposites die at the same ages.
I say fuck it all. You’re going to die of something, better to live a happy life and die young than live a long life and die unhappy. So love yourself, you will only be happy if you see it as making YOU truly happy, work when and where you want to. Read things that make you happy and watch TV until your satisfied and when you are unhappy with the decisions that you have made then change your path to something new.
Life is a buffet of opportunities and while you will always have regrets its better that you are to blame for making them than someone else. It’s your damn life so live it.
Many times we find gestures of the heart some of the oddest things we can ever try to understand. Why and when do we fall in love, why do we tell someone we care about yes to doing what they want to do even when we know they are perfectly fine doing what we want to do?
Could it be that love is biological and not physical? Or is it mental and not emotional? If that is the case shouldn’t we be able to analyze all emotions and categorize the whys, whens, and whats of each action?
Life is always throwing us questions and we constantly choose to seek out the answers or let the question go by ignored.
Why do we, work jobs, have friends, listen to music, watch TV, read the things we read, and eat the foods we eat? The whole point to adulthood is to have the ability to do what we please without the consequences we once had.
No matter how old we get and how much wisdom we obtain, every move we make is governed by something or someone. We don’t look at it as being controlled because no one person or thing has total influence or control over our lives.
What in our head says pizza every day is bad for you, why can’t we skip work when we want to? Sure we know the results but we already know that nothing is certain in life. You can do you job to the best of your ability and still get fired tomorrow. You can slack for years at the same stupid job and never get notice. There are people who smoke their entire lives and live to 80. For every thing that we have been told is bad for us we knew a story to contradict it.
Is it fear; are we just living on the side of caution just to be on the safe side? I don’t get It life is short no matter how you look at. It seems like all the people who drink and stay out late are having all the fun. Sure some die young and just as many of the opposites die at the same ages.
I say fuck it all. You’re going to die of something, better to live a happy life and die young than live a long life and die unhappy. So love yourself, you will only be happy if you see it as making YOU truly happy, work when and where you want to. Read things that make you happy and watch TV until your satisfied and when you are unhappy with the decisions that you have made then change your path to something new.
Life is a buffet of opportunities and while you will always have regrets its better that you are to blame for making them than someone else. It’s your damn life so live it.
10 February 2009
Shadows
Sometimes in the healthiest of relationships, it could feel like you are living in a shadow, the shadow of the ex. I dated many guys and went into a few relationships knowing that I was walking into the shadow of the ex. It is not a pleasant feeling. You are told horror stories of things you know you could never do, and you hear about how good the good times were. You then get to see photos and shown many of the things that were bought during the relationship, many times pleasant memories attached.
No matter how much reassuring you receive from the shadow keeper, one bad experience can ruin it all. Now as you all know when I dated Mr. M I was heavily under a shadow and it ultimately was the end of our relationship, that being my one bad experience. Now while I trust Mr. MeTo, I can't help but feel that showdown every now and then. Nothing that he dose but sometimes the stories I hear and the photos I see really get me to wondering, am I just a replacement?
In this modern world of social networking sites, a lot of meaning is put on the placement of your top friends, your comments and the titles you give your photos. While MySpace had a good run, it really looks like Facebook is becoming the new MySpace in my circle. No one bats an eyelash at what was once considered social law and conduct on MySpace. Yet, through Facebook, social laws and conduct are once again changing with emphasis being put on status messages, profile pictures, wall comments and relationship status.
When the chill of the shadow is felt by the new person, we try hard to subtly mark territory by encouraging the changing and removal of many sighs that "the ex was here." Many times, there is a plethora of photos where they look truly happy and in some cases, sexy. But despite all the evidence that there were happy times, you hold fast to the stories that made it end and the word of your significant other that you two are doing great.
You do your best to remind yourself and him that you are great together. You try not to do anything directly related to your insecurity; for fear that, you may ruin things. But as time marches on and that shadow gets bigger you feel one of two things will happen. He will leave you because he still has strong feelings for his ex or you will become so consumed with the fear he may leave you that you ultimately do something so detrimental that everything goes south.
Now while you may think that holding fast will work and in many cases it dose, there will comes those times where you fell you need to speed things along. Here is my word of advice. Don’t invest touch to fast. I know this may seem like general advice for all kinds of relationships but let's look at this for just a moment.
In every scenario that you have gotten your heart broken or simply let down by the person you thought would be the one there is a common thread, we invested more than the other did. We put our hearts into it and we give of ourselves. We buy them gifts, we go to the places they want to go, we work around their schedules and constantly sacrifice without thinking, "am I getting a return on investment?" the result becomes an one sided relationship with one taking more than the other,
The solution is simple and will help you in not just relationships where there is a shadow of an ex but also all relationships. Set yourself standard and don’t adjust until you are sure the person you are with is willing to do the same for you. Only give as much as you receive and take as much as you give. This all seems like a complicated dance but if the person you are with is truly worth it, it will come easy. After you have seen that he is really about trying to make things work with you is the only time you can stop analyzing and start give yourself completely.
Even after you, start giving of yourself completely is sure not to allow yourself to get blinded by love or infatuation. Becoming blinded will keep you from seeing when things are going bad weather it is that your needs are not being met or that you are not meeting the needs of the other. It may seem like an odd thing but it happens. You think things are great but you don’t see how when you roll your eyes at his stupid jokes annoys the hell out of him, or the way you get all lovey dove in public turns him off.
But in the case of that darn shadow, you typical have nothing to worry about. There is one great thing to do to ease your mind about the great yet horrid ex. Get you guy to talk about it. If you find there was significant time to grieve, go through the emotion process then you know chances of getting back together are slim. If you then find that they are still friends and have see n each other several times since the break up then you know they are even slimmer. In the case that you find there was, no time to grieve and no contact since the break up proceed with caution.
Matters of the heart are not easy and living in someone else's shadow only makes them harder. The key to any happy relationship is to be happy with being yourself and loving the person your with because he is happy with the real you and showing you the real him.
No matter how much reassuring you receive from the shadow keeper, one bad experience can ruin it all. Now as you all know when I dated Mr. M I was heavily under a shadow and it ultimately was the end of our relationship, that being my one bad experience. Now while I trust Mr. MeTo, I can't help but feel that showdown every now and then. Nothing that he dose but sometimes the stories I hear and the photos I see really get me to wondering, am I just a replacement?
In this modern world of social networking sites, a lot of meaning is put on the placement of your top friends, your comments and the titles you give your photos. While MySpace had a good run, it really looks like Facebook is becoming the new MySpace in my circle. No one bats an eyelash at what was once considered social law and conduct on MySpace. Yet, through Facebook, social laws and conduct are once again changing with emphasis being put on status messages, profile pictures, wall comments and relationship status.
When the chill of the shadow is felt by the new person, we try hard to subtly mark territory by encouraging the changing and removal of many sighs that "the ex was here." Many times, there is a plethora of photos where they look truly happy and in some cases, sexy. But despite all the evidence that there were happy times, you hold fast to the stories that made it end and the word of your significant other that you two are doing great.
You do your best to remind yourself and him that you are great together. You try not to do anything directly related to your insecurity; for fear that, you may ruin things. But as time marches on and that shadow gets bigger you feel one of two things will happen. He will leave you because he still has strong feelings for his ex or you will become so consumed with the fear he may leave you that you ultimately do something so detrimental that everything goes south.
Now while you may think that holding fast will work and in many cases it dose, there will comes those times where you fell you need to speed things along. Here is my word of advice. Don’t invest touch to fast. I know this may seem like general advice for all kinds of relationships but let's look at this for just a moment.
In every scenario that you have gotten your heart broken or simply let down by the person you thought would be the one there is a common thread, we invested more than the other did. We put our hearts into it and we give of ourselves. We buy them gifts, we go to the places they want to go, we work around their schedules and constantly sacrifice without thinking, "am I getting a return on investment?" the result becomes an one sided relationship with one taking more than the other,
The solution is simple and will help you in not just relationships where there is a shadow of an ex but also all relationships. Set yourself standard and don’t adjust until you are sure the person you are with is willing to do the same for you. Only give as much as you receive and take as much as you give. This all seems like a complicated dance but if the person you are with is truly worth it, it will come easy. After you have seen that he is really about trying to make things work with you is the only time you can stop analyzing and start give yourself completely.
Even after you, start giving of yourself completely is sure not to allow yourself to get blinded by love or infatuation. Becoming blinded will keep you from seeing when things are going bad weather it is that your needs are not being met or that you are not meeting the needs of the other. It may seem like an odd thing but it happens. You think things are great but you don’t see how when you roll your eyes at his stupid jokes annoys the hell out of him, or the way you get all lovey dove in public turns him off.
But in the case of that darn shadow, you typical have nothing to worry about. There is one great thing to do to ease your mind about the great yet horrid ex. Get you guy to talk about it. If you find there was significant time to grieve, go through the emotion process then you know chances of getting back together are slim. If you then find that they are still friends and have see n each other several times since the break up then you know they are even slimmer. In the case that you find there was, no time to grieve and no contact since the break up proceed with caution.
Matters of the heart are not easy and living in someone else's shadow only makes them harder. The key to any happy relationship is to be happy with being yourself and loving the person your with because he is happy with the real you and showing you the real him.
28 January 2009
The Break-Up
It has come to my attention quite recently that I have not written a clear post dedicated to one of the most dreaded things in both the indigo world but also the regular world. It is a topic that books have been written about, it’s a topic that has sold many magazines and it is the reason we hang on to so many of our friends. The topic is none other than, breaking up.
My sister brought it to my attention and as she and I are so close and have shared information concerning most if not all of our past break up I feel its time I finally write one to help her out. No she is not about to break up but simply talk about it for school.
For some breaking up can be easy while for others it is never easy. Some find a 50/50 split while other look at breaking up as playing roulette. To be honest, no matter how cold hearted you may act; there is no such thing as an easy break up.
When I first started to seriously date, the one thing I hated about breaking up was hurting the other person. Many of two week relationships and I decided to stop looking and take a break. Then I started finding men who I thought would make great boyfriends and maybe end up being the one. Only they never wanted anything serious.
Then it became a life of swinging form on type of relationship to the next and that was when I made the promise to myself. I promised that if I ever found a guy who lasted more than two weeks I would come out of the closet. Shortly after my 21st birthday I met Mr. M. I didn’t know it at the time but the worse and longest breakup that I would ever face was only around the corner.
The break up took only five weeks after the day we met, to come about. It was a quick phone call that ended like many of my other break ups, "let's stay friends."
Well we stayed friends and I was more attached than ever. I didn’t want to admit it but I had fallen in love, and I was also shocked because no one had ever broken up with me. You truly don’t know what it feels like to break up until you experience it from both sides.
I had dated but chose to never give my heart unless I knew that without a doubt they would not break it. I dated others but found that after Mr. M moved to the Philadelphia area I made myself readily available. To the point, I missed a friend's birthday party to help him move, then we ended up sleeping together on more than one occasion and it was almost never inishiated by me.
Many times after a major break up one can allow themselves to get so low that they actually become a door mate for the very person that hurt them. After several months I realized what I was doing, I was hurt and angry and turning my anger inward. When I stopped to truly analyze my feeling, is when it all stopped. I had to realize I was not Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. M was not my Mr. Big. I began to analyze my feelings to see how it was actually affecting me.
I had an unhealthy friendship with the man who broke my heart. I was angry that I allowed this to happen. I was angry with him because while I was honest with how I felt, he seemed to just take advantage. I eventually cut him off and began the true break up recovery process.
Some say it takes half the time you were dating to get over someone. In many cases, I have found that to be true. While many of my two-week relationships took only a week to get over there were a few that took a little more or a little less. By this rule, however I should have been over Mr. M in two weeks and a half. Had we just parted ways it probably would have. But adding friendship right away, can and did in many ways complicate things and sent mixed signals.
Just like in relationships, breakups have different emotions. There is no science as to which emotions you will go through. It will all depend on the people involved, the relationship, and how much you had invested. You will typically experience, anger, sadness, and indifference. I have found during any of these emotions is the wrong time to have contact with your ex.
During you time of anger you could say some hurtful things and ruin any chances at a friendship. Sadness can cause false sympathy and lead to getting into a dangerously unhealthy situation for both parties. You could end up having sex which is not good because that will send your head and heart into a whirlwind of bad emotions and thoughts, you can end up back together knowing that one is unhappy and doing it only to draw out what should have taken much less time.
Indifference can make you curious as to why you don’t have any feelings and can make you force yourself to feel things you really don’t feel towards that person. Many times your indifference is caused by a multitude of feelings and your heart and head are just not ready to settle down and deal with each one individually. Finally many times after you have dealt with all the emotions indifference comes about to simply let things settle. It is only after you have given your mind and heart proper time to adjust and recover from all the thoughts and emotions you have been going through that you can make an educated decision as to if friendship can honestly be an option.
You may think that the person who gets dumped is the only one who goes through such an emotional rollercoaster but the dumber also goes through one. The person who doses the dumping typically rides most of the rollercoaster before deciding it's over and walking away. It’s the same emotions and depending on the one felt last, determines the type of breakup you get.
I said break ups are never easy, and for the most part this is true. There are those rare occasions where both parties realize that the relationship is not working and you have already begun being friends, those are the only easy ones, other than that it's all emotions for both sides.
This is breaking up 101, you may wonder how you can spot one coming and that is another area in which I am well versed, but that is another blog post. until then Keep coming back to read whats new in My Indigo Life.
My sister brought it to my attention and as she and I are so close and have shared information concerning most if not all of our past break up I feel its time I finally write one to help her out. No she is not about to break up but simply talk about it for school.
For some breaking up can be easy while for others it is never easy. Some find a 50/50 split while other look at breaking up as playing roulette. To be honest, no matter how cold hearted you may act; there is no such thing as an easy break up.
When I first started to seriously date, the one thing I hated about breaking up was hurting the other person. Many of two week relationships and I decided to stop looking and take a break. Then I started finding men who I thought would make great boyfriends and maybe end up being the one. Only they never wanted anything serious.
Then it became a life of swinging form on type of relationship to the next and that was when I made the promise to myself. I promised that if I ever found a guy who lasted more than two weeks I would come out of the closet. Shortly after my 21st birthday I met Mr. M. I didn’t know it at the time but the worse and longest breakup that I would ever face was only around the corner.
The break up took only five weeks after the day we met, to come about. It was a quick phone call that ended like many of my other break ups, "let's stay friends."
Well we stayed friends and I was more attached than ever. I didn’t want to admit it but I had fallen in love, and I was also shocked because no one had ever broken up with me. You truly don’t know what it feels like to break up until you experience it from both sides.
I had dated but chose to never give my heart unless I knew that without a doubt they would not break it. I dated others but found that after Mr. M moved to the Philadelphia area I made myself readily available. To the point, I missed a friend's birthday party to help him move, then we ended up sleeping together on more than one occasion and it was almost never inishiated by me.
Many times after a major break up one can allow themselves to get so low that they actually become a door mate for the very person that hurt them. After several months I realized what I was doing, I was hurt and angry and turning my anger inward. When I stopped to truly analyze my feeling, is when it all stopped. I had to realize I was not Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. M was not my Mr. Big. I began to analyze my feelings to see how it was actually affecting me.
I had an unhealthy friendship with the man who broke my heart. I was angry that I allowed this to happen. I was angry with him because while I was honest with how I felt, he seemed to just take advantage. I eventually cut him off and began the true break up recovery process.
Some say it takes half the time you were dating to get over someone. In many cases, I have found that to be true. While many of my two-week relationships took only a week to get over there were a few that took a little more or a little less. By this rule, however I should have been over Mr. M in two weeks and a half. Had we just parted ways it probably would have. But adding friendship right away, can and did in many ways complicate things and sent mixed signals.
Just like in relationships, breakups have different emotions. There is no science as to which emotions you will go through. It will all depend on the people involved, the relationship, and how much you had invested. You will typically experience, anger, sadness, and indifference. I have found during any of these emotions is the wrong time to have contact with your ex.
During you time of anger you could say some hurtful things and ruin any chances at a friendship. Sadness can cause false sympathy and lead to getting into a dangerously unhealthy situation for both parties. You could end up having sex which is not good because that will send your head and heart into a whirlwind of bad emotions and thoughts, you can end up back together knowing that one is unhappy and doing it only to draw out what should have taken much less time.
Indifference can make you curious as to why you don’t have any feelings and can make you force yourself to feel things you really don’t feel towards that person. Many times your indifference is caused by a multitude of feelings and your heart and head are just not ready to settle down and deal with each one individually. Finally many times after you have dealt with all the emotions indifference comes about to simply let things settle. It is only after you have given your mind and heart proper time to adjust and recover from all the thoughts and emotions you have been going through that you can make an educated decision as to if friendship can honestly be an option.
You may think that the person who gets dumped is the only one who goes through such an emotional rollercoaster but the dumber also goes through one. The person who doses the dumping typically rides most of the rollercoaster before deciding it's over and walking away. It’s the same emotions and depending on the one felt last, determines the type of breakup you get.
I said break ups are never easy, and for the most part this is true. There are those rare occasions where both parties realize that the relationship is not working and you have already begun being friends, those are the only easy ones, other than that it's all emotions for both sides.
This is breaking up 101, you may wonder how you can spot one coming and that is another area in which I am well versed, but that is another blog post. until then Keep coming back to read whats new in My Indigo Life.
26 January 2009
An Emotional Rollercoaster of Heart
I have always had a hard time hiding my feeling from those that love me and it is next to imposable to hide what I am feeling when I don’t know what I am feeling or why I am feeling it.
Wednesday proved to be a day in which MeTo and I came quite physically close. I don’t think I have ever gotten close to someone like that who was not just a friend or family member. It kind of scared me, it kind of made me happy, it kind of left me limbo.
I have always been a guy so in touch with my feelings that I know when a guy is wasting my time, I always could tell if the possibility to fall in love was there after week one. And while at times I have seen that I could fall more times than not then chose not to, didn’t want to, or simply wanted something not serious with me. I had a long string of men who just broke my heart, wasted my time or chipped a small part of my self esteem away.
Thanks to my friends, things were always repaired and thanks to Jay I learned many of my lessons faster because I hade some one to say “I told you so.”
But what is going on in my heart, why do I feel all kinds of emotions, and not have anyone or anything to direct them towards. The people in my life that matter are all doing much better now then they were a year ago. Jay, aunt LAB, my mother, Louise, even my sister who is trying to come into her own is doing it responsibly. Sure things could be better for me that will come with time.
People like me, and people open up to me, I have 3 people in my life that I can go to, to talk about anything and get advice. I have all the seeds for a happy life, I am happy.
Yesterday was the first time that I have looked or felt sad in months. I am trying to stay in control of my emotions but I think I have tried to control them so much that I have in fact lost control. I talked to my aunt LAB today and we discussed the Facebook message I got. A woman who was in the Air Force is looking for my dad to catch up. It was sad for me to inform her that my father was now dead. As much as the idea still breaks my heart it dose not explained the problem at hand.
After talking we figured that maybe it was just my life had a lot of high point, things are going well for me right now. I decided to leave it at that but the feeling still nagged. I wanted to call MeTo and tell him about it, the idea alone made me feel a little better and so it hit me, I miss my boyfriend.
In order for me to miss him this much had to have more of a reason than I just enjoy his company. I need to stop trying to control my emotions. Although I let them get the best of me in the past, I know how to act and not act on them irrationally now. I don’t need to convince myself that what I feel is only like, infatuation, or lust. I need to just go with it. But the fear still remains, what if get hurt again?
To help make this fear subside I confronted him. I told him that I was feeling a little . . . something. After talking I relized that while I feared being hurt I also feared hurting him. The conversation really helped to put things in perspective.
We talked about loving ourselves unconditionally. We talked about how we both really felt about each other, and that a relations can be as easy or as complicated as two people make it and things were easy, not because we were slacking or didn’t care. It was because we both were putting in what it takes to make it work.
After talking for a good while I realized that although I just saw him yesterday I really missed him and it was obvious he missed me to, I was trying to make my feelings something they weren’t. I got all my change together and saw that my change plus the green I had in my wallet was enough to go see him and still have enough to make it to all my interviews.
We had planned on seeing each other but I had told him the night before I didn’t have gas money. But after counting my change I packed my car and told him I was on my way we were chatting through aim but he used every known method to denote his excitement.
I wasted no time hopping in my car and taking off. What should have been a quick hour and 45 minute ride turned into an over 2 hour ride thanks to the stupid directions from Google maps. I eventually got there with the help of a random guy in the campus community center, a lady in housing and having him meet me at the community center.
We took a shower together, I ate some ziti he made the night before, we went all the way, he made dinner and after the monopoly game we went to bed. It was a perfect day and I knew that there was no way Mr. MeTo would ever be like Mr. M.
Wednesday proved to be a day in which MeTo and I came quite physically close. I don’t think I have ever gotten close to someone like that who was not just a friend or family member. It kind of scared me, it kind of made me happy, it kind of left me limbo.
I have always been a guy so in touch with my feelings that I know when a guy is wasting my time, I always could tell if the possibility to fall in love was there after week one. And while at times I have seen that I could fall more times than not then chose not to, didn’t want to, or simply wanted something not serious with me. I had a long string of men who just broke my heart, wasted my time or chipped a small part of my self esteem away.
Thanks to my friends, things were always repaired and thanks to Jay I learned many of my lessons faster because I hade some one to say “I told you so.”
But what is going on in my heart, why do I feel all kinds of emotions, and not have anyone or anything to direct them towards. The people in my life that matter are all doing much better now then they were a year ago. Jay, aunt LAB, my mother, Louise, even my sister who is trying to come into her own is doing it responsibly. Sure things could be better for me that will come with time.
People like me, and people open up to me, I have 3 people in my life that I can go to, to talk about anything and get advice. I have all the seeds for a happy life, I am happy.
Yesterday was the first time that I have looked or felt sad in months. I am trying to stay in control of my emotions but I think I have tried to control them so much that I have in fact lost control. I talked to my aunt LAB today and we discussed the Facebook message I got. A woman who was in the Air Force is looking for my dad to catch up. It was sad for me to inform her that my father was now dead. As much as the idea still breaks my heart it dose not explained the problem at hand.
After talking we figured that maybe it was just my life had a lot of high point, things are going well for me right now. I decided to leave it at that but the feeling still nagged. I wanted to call MeTo and tell him about it, the idea alone made me feel a little better and so it hit me, I miss my boyfriend.
In order for me to miss him this much had to have more of a reason than I just enjoy his company. I need to stop trying to control my emotions. Although I let them get the best of me in the past, I know how to act and not act on them irrationally now. I don’t need to convince myself that what I feel is only like, infatuation, or lust. I need to just go with it. But the fear still remains, what if get hurt again?
To help make this fear subside I confronted him. I told him that I was feeling a little . . . something. After talking I relized that while I feared being hurt I also feared hurting him. The conversation really helped to put things in perspective.
We talked about loving ourselves unconditionally. We talked about how we both really felt about each other, and that a relations can be as easy or as complicated as two people make it and things were easy, not because we were slacking or didn’t care. It was because we both were putting in what it takes to make it work.
After talking for a good while I realized that although I just saw him yesterday I really missed him and it was obvious he missed me to, I was trying to make my feelings something they weren’t. I got all my change together and saw that my change plus the green I had in my wallet was enough to go see him and still have enough to make it to all my interviews.
We had planned on seeing each other but I had told him the night before I didn’t have gas money. But after counting my change I packed my car and told him I was on my way we were chatting through aim but he used every known method to denote his excitement.
I wasted no time hopping in my car and taking off. What should have been a quick hour and 45 minute ride turned into an over 2 hour ride thanks to the stupid directions from Google maps. I eventually got there with the help of a random guy in the campus community center, a lady in housing and having him meet me at the community center.
We took a shower together, I ate some ziti he made the night before, we went all the way, he made dinner and after the monopoly game we went to bed. It was a perfect day and I knew that there was no way Mr. MeTo would ever be like Mr. M.
25 January 2009
The 100th Post Is About Me, Vixc B.
For my 100th post I have decided to go a little more in depth about me.
So ok over this past year you, my readers have gotten to know me on quite an intimate level. You have read about break ups, random hookups, new men in my life, the loss of friends, the acquisition of new ones and me moving and experiencing new things. My life has not been a smooth one and although it is steadily getting better it is not going to get any more vanilla.
What makes me, me and the life I have what it is? To put it in a nut shell, a lot. I am influenced by all my surroundings and all the people in my life. Each person that I have ever mentioned in my life has contributed greatly to the person I am at this very moment.
A very important aspect of my personality is the fact that people like to talk to me. I am quite the listener and have come to be able to give good if not great advice. I don’t know what it is about me that make people open up but the truth of the matter is they just can’t help themselves.
It is rare that I go to someone to vent and talk about me; it’s only done when asked. This is why I have IndigoLife. It is the one place that I am allowed to fully express myself uninhibited. I can say what I please and writ what I was thinking and wanted to say when a certain situation came up in my life.
My friends and family are very important to me. Despite the pain that I have endured from so many of my family members I have learned that although I don’t get support in all I do many times their reactions are simply honest reflections one what they think is the best for my life.
I am at a good point in my life while to look at my chaotic state with my debt, living with mom, you cant help but see that things are falling in place for my destiny.
I believe in Karma, not the traditional since but a more modern universal since. Every realign believes to some extent, you reap what you sow, what goes around comes around, you get out what you put in; treat others how you want to be treated. It is not a matter of religious belief, it’s a belief in the world that positive people have bad times but things end ultimately well, while negative people have good times, things ultimately end poorly.
Well I am a positive person and I am and had some pretty bad times, but look at my enthusiasm for life. While things get good in my eyes they get really bad and while to others things may look grim I am bouncing back at an alarming rate.
Recently I met a fantastic guy, almost too good to be true. I met Mr. MeTo online and we both can’t believe it is working out so well. So I not only have family who love me and friends who adore me but I also have one hell of a boyfriend.
Just this Friday I was offered an amazing job opportunity, so I can now add a good job to the list of things that I am grateful to God for.
As things are getting better and the leaves in my life are falling away while my branches are growing stronger, I must remember to stay humble and not count on all of this to steadfastly, because in the Indigo Life you never know what is around the corner.
Why did I pick Indigo? Contrary to what some people may think indigo is not my favorite color. To find out why I picked indigo, go back and read Hello Indigo. My favorite color is in fact a tie between Black and Red. I find them to be two strong colors that go well together and many other colors. Many of my friends have come to know me for my Black and White Checkers. I have a whole list of items that I want to own with heat print and most of them are clothing pieces.
My since of fashion is still in the developmental stages. I wear what I like and I am quickly leaning which of the things I like look good on me and which ones don’t. I pray that I will soon be able to go shopping and get things that truly look good on me.
Aside from what I have just mentioned there is no to much you need to know about me. I am growing like many males my age and I like to share my story with anyone who wants to listen. I also like to listen to others for there sake as well as mine.
Some people would say I am far more complex while my best friends would agree that this sums op Vixc (Vic) B in a nut shell.
So ok over this past year you, my readers have gotten to know me on quite an intimate level. You have read about break ups, random hookups, new men in my life, the loss of friends, the acquisition of new ones and me moving and experiencing new things. My life has not been a smooth one and although it is steadily getting better it is not going to get any more vanilla.
What makes me, me and the life I have what it is? To put it in a nut shell, a lot. I am influenced by all my surroundings and all the people in my life. Each person that I have ever mentioned in my life has contributed greatly to the person I am at this very moment.
A very important aspect of my personality is the fact that people like to talk to me. I am quite the listener and have come to be able to give good if not great advice. I don’t know what it is about me that make people open up but the truth of the matter is they just can’t help themselves.
It is rare that I go to someone to vent and talk about me; it’s only done when asked. This is why I have IndigoLife. It is the one place that I am allowed to fully express myself uninhibited. I can say what I please and writ what I was thinking and wanted to say when a certain situation came up in my life.
My friends and family are very important to me. Despite the pain that I have endured from so many of my family members I have learned that although I don’t get support in all I do many times their reactions are simply honest reflections one what they think is the best for my life.
I am at a good point in my life while to look at my chaotic state with my debt, living with mom, you cant help but see that things are falling in place for my destiny.
I believe in Karma, not the traditional since but a more modern universal since. Every realign believes to some extent, you reap what you sow, what goes around comes around, you get out what you put in; treat others how you want to be treated. It is not a matter of religious belief, it’s a belief in the world that positive people have bad times but things end ultimately well, while negative people have good times, things ultimately end poorly.
Well I am a positive person and I am and had some pretty bad times, but look at my enthusiasm for life. While things get good in my eyes they get really bad and while to others things may look grim I am bouncing back at an alarming rate.
Recently I met a fantastic guy, almost too good to be true. I met Mr. MeTo online and we both can’t believe it is working out so well. So I not only have family who love me and friends who adore me but I also have one hell of a boyfriend.
Just this Friday I was offered an amazing job opportunity, so I can now add a good job to the list of things that I am grateful to God for.
As things are getting better and the leaves in my life are falling away while my branches are growing stronger, I must remember to stay humble and not count on all of this to steadfastly, because in the Indigo Life you never know what is around the corner.
Why did I pick Indigo? Contrary to what some people may think indigo is not my favorite color. To find out why I picked indigo, go back and read Hello Indigo. My favorite color is in fact a tie between Black and Red. I find them to be two strong colors that go well together and many other colors. Many of my friends have come to know me for my Black and White Checkers. I have a whole list of items that I want to own with heat print and most of them are clothing pieces.
My since of fashion is still in the developmental stages. I wear what I like and I am quickly leaning which of the things I like look good on me and which ones don’t. I pray that I will soon be able to go shopping and get things that truly look good on me.
Aside from what I have just mentioned there is no to much you need to know about me. I am growing like many males my age and I like to share my story with anyone who wants to listen. I also like to listen to others for there sake as well as mine.
Some people would say I am far more complex while my best friends would agree that this sums op Vixc (Vic) B in a nut shell.
20 January 2009
The Obama Party and So Much More (dup)
The day had arrived Monday, January 19th; I was finally going to see Mr. MeTo. The moment I woke up I turned on my computer and logged into my gmail and Google chat so I could find out what time I would need to pick him up from 30th street train station. We had been talking about this party for weeks, it was a big deal, we were going to see each other, and he was going to meat my closest friends and go all the way.
After I talked to MeTo I began working on the list of things my mother wanted me to work on. I was quite excited, in cleaning the bath room, doing dishes, cleaning my room, and straitening the hall. I had made plans to pick MeTo up early to have alone time before my mom came home then head over to Jason’s to help set up for the party. Britt was out and I was not sure what time she was going to get home.
My step dad called to let me know he was leaving me the money I had asked for, for gas in his mail slot. So I now had money for gas and a little for the party. With Jay and the majority of us being broke the party became a BYOB.
I made it down the 30th street around 1:20, as I was not supposed to meet MeTo until 1:25 and I figured I would park and go in to meet him. I still have no cell phone so it was going to be a little complicated. I found the perfect spot in a place that is impossible to get a spot at all. I went in and waited for the guy who was now my official boyfriend.
The train was running late so I went to buy a coke, the guy in front of me decided to waste time by making pointless conversation with the woman running the cash register. It was not until after I heard the announcement that the R7 had arrived that I could check out. What should have been a well timed meet up turned out to be a surprise for me. I went out to the car hoping to see him but he wasn’t there. So I went back and the moment I turned around to go back out side, there he was, Mr. MeTo. My heart began beating and I could not help but smile. My heart said kiss him but my mind said wait.
A ride to Germantown and a long ride through the city to get back home and we were alone. Alone until my sister came in. a conversation about what to snack on and a cup of tea and I was on my back enjoying a Hot make out session with a guy who not only captivated me with his looks, but his personality.
The time came when making out had to stop and I had to get dressed and in the process of doing so my mother came home earlier than expected. I came up with a good half truth to tell my mother with an excellent delivery. I sill had to rush us out the house.
The night became all about rushing, to the point I had no time to put on my makeup, which I promised MeTo I would do for him, I left my earrings and rings at home. But some how I did not feel naked like I normally do, I think it was due to my excitement in having my boyfriend around who complimented me greatly.
MeTo, Jay, and I spent time just hanging out and coming up with a game plan for the night. We even discussed some racy topics, but in with understanding and open mindedness.
The time came about where I had to go pick up Phil and Mr. K. and like all ways it was a big to do. I had to stop at home to get money for alcohol and Phil took his time getting outside. Then having forgotten that it was a holiday we had to find a place to buy beer from as all state stores was closed. There was a place called Pinocchio’s. Phil gave me a 20 so I took that and bought a case of Yuengling and a case of mikes hard lemonade. I put gas in the car and saved the rest to put in for pizza. After dropping the first car load I had to go pick up Britt and Towayne. Rob stayed behind to work on the camp fire.
When I got back to the house I made a point to ensure my people got a mike’s lemonade. MeTo and I could not keep our hands off each other. A trip to the 3rd floor and the passing of an Armani Exchange bag latter and rob and I were on our way to pick up pizza. I was so attracted to him, a great intelligent kisser who acted like a guy and not a queen, he built a fire from scratch and it was a total turn on.
A few slices of pizza, and a beer later and it was time to check on the fire which no one was enjoying. Only about 20 people showed up and none of us had planned on it snowing up until the party started. MeTo and I did enjoy the fire but not as much as we did each other. Things between the two us got hotter than the fire to the point we got spotted and someone yelled “stop that.” We laughed and continued a little longer.
The night progressed with dancing and playing Wii fit. Jay found a good opponent for the dance to Single Ladies. We then watched comedy clips on you tube. At some point MeTo and I went upstairs and while talking jay came in not to happy. I did my job as best friend and help Jay with the problem at hand. It was an on going lessen that he was quickly learning the hard way, don’t put to much faith in dating younger.
We finally put on a movie, Pineapple Express, and slowly people started leaving, first a handful that came together then one by one everyone else. I took Britt home and Towayne decided to sleep over. All that was left was the trio our two guys and Towayne.
While everyone was around the comp up stairs I caught the last of Pineapple Express. I then got in the bed with MeTo.
Things went as planned but the water bed and an interruption for a phone charger made things a little awkward. Things did get to a good point and we went to sleep.
The next day was the 20th and the day of inauguration for the countries first Afro-American president as the 44th president ever. We watched with glee and pride as he was sworn in without a hitch. We were all proud to be Americans and it was such a great moment to spend with friends.
I could not help but be moved by the words of hope and empowerment from Obama H Barrack. I truly feel that the change the USA needs is coming. I do not look to Obama as a miracle worker; I do not plan on seeing a perfect country come from his first four years. I do however plan to see him empower this country to fight for change, I intend to see him restore pride in being an American and all the while fighting for laws to improve equality and change the financial status of our country. I am proud to say I believe in Obama, not because he is a black president but because he is a true representative of what this country stands for.
After dropping off trash and getting donuts I took MeTo to the train station. To my surprise I came home to an empty house and a half hour later I received a call from MeTo and we had a deep conversation about unconditional love. It was deep and enlighten, he reminded me of how dynamic he really is.
The rest of my after noon was spent writing this Blog and having another deep conversation with MeTo. This time we talked about the seriousness of our relationship. I understood that we had been official and I even knew what it meant to be so but it finally hit me, and it scared me for a minute. Why I was scared I had no clue exactly.
MeTo and I are extremely compatible, we get along so well, and we have found flaws and still are attracted to each other. Being in a serious relationship is not just a relationship for now but it means you are entertain the possibility of thinking about being the one, about allowing yourself to fall in love, it means trying to make this the last relationship.
I just got a call from Jay that people are going over his place tonight so after I drop off my little bro I am going to Jay’s.
After I talked to MeTo I began working on the list of things my mother wanted me to work on. I was quite excited, in cleaning the bath room, doing dishes, cleaning my room, and straitening the hall. I had made plans to pick MeTo up early to have alone time before my mom came home then head over to Jason’s to help set up for the party. Britt was out and I was not sure what time she was going to get home.
My step dad called to let me know he was leaving me the money I had asked for, for gas in his mail slot. So I now had money for gas and a little for the party. With Jay and the majority of us being broke the party became a BYOB.
I made it down the 30th street around 1:20, as I was not supposed to meet MeTo until 1:25 and I figured I would park and go in to meet him. I still have no cell phone so it was going to be a little complicated. I found the perfect spot in a place that is impossible to get a spot at all. I went in and waited for the guy who was now my official boyfriend.
The train was running late so I went to buy a coke, the guy in front of me decided to waste time by making pointless conversation with the woman running the cash register. It was not until after I heard the announcement that the R7 had arrived that I could check out. What should have been a well timed meet up turned out to be a surprise for me. I went out to the car hoping to see him but he wasn’t there. So I went back and the moment I turned around to go back out side, there he was, Mr. MeTo. My heart began beating and I could not help but smile. My heart said kiss him but my mind said wait.
A ride to Germantown and a long ride through the city to get back home and we were alone. Alone until my sister came in. a conversation about what to snack on and a cup of tea and I was on my back enjoying a Hot make out session with a guy who not only captivated me with his looks, but his personality.
The time came when making out had to stop and I had to get dressed and in the process of doing so my mother came home earlier than expected. I came up with a good half truth to tell my mother with an excellent delivery. I sill had to rush us out the house.
The night became all about rushing, to the point I had no time to put on my makeup, which I promised MeTo I would do for him, I left my earrings and rings at home. But some how I did not feel naked like I normally do, I think it was due to my excitement in having my boyfriend around who complimented me greatly.
MeTo, Jay, and I spent time just hanging out and coming up with a game plan for the night. We even discussed some racy topics, but in with understanding and open mindedness.
The time came about where I had to go pick up Phil and Mr. K. and like all ways it was a big to do. I had to stop at home to get money for alcohol and Phil took his time getting outside. Then having forgotten that it was a holiday we had to find a place to buy beer from as all state stores was closed. There was a place called Pinocchio’s. Phil gave me a 20 so I took that and bought a case of Yuengling and a case of mikes hard lemonade. I put gas in the car and saved the rest to put in for pizza. After dropping the first car load I had to go pick up Britt and Towayne. Rob stayed behind to work on the camp fire.
When I got back to the house I made a point to ensure my people got a mike’s lemonade. MeTo and I could not keep our hands off each other. A trip to the 3rd floor and the passing of an Armani Exchange bag latter and rob and I were on our way to pick up pizza. I was so attracted to him, a great intelligent kisser who acted like a guy and not a queen, he built a fire from scratch and it was a total turn on.
A few slices of pizza, and a beer later and it was time to check on the fire which no one was enjoying. Only about 20 people showed up and none of us had planned on it snowing up until the party started. MeTo and I did enjoy the fire but not as much as we did each other. Things between the two us got hotter than the fire to the point we got spotted and someone yelled “stop that.” We laughed and continued a little longer.
The night progressed with dancing and playing Wii fit. Jay found a good opponent for the dance to Single Ladies. We then watched comedy clips on you tube. At some point MeTo and I went upstairs and while talking jay came in not to happy. I did my job as best friend and help Jay with the problem at hand. It was an on going lessen that he was quickly learning the hard way, don’t put to much faith in dating younger.
We finally put on a movie, Pineapple Express, and slowly people started leaving, first a handful that came together then one by one everyone else. I took Britt home and Towayne decided to sleep over. All that was left was the trio our two guys and Towayne.
While everyone was around the comp up stairs I caught the last of Pineapple Express. I then got in the bed with MeTo.
Things went as planned but the water bed and an interruption for a phone charger made things a little awkward. Things did get to a good point and we went to sleep.
The next day was the 20th and the day of inauguration for the countries first Afro-American president as the 44th president ever. We watched with glee and pride as he was sworn in without a hitch. We were all proud to be Americans and it was such a great moment to spend with friends.
I could not help but be moved by the words of hope and empowerment from Obama H Barrack. I truly feel that the change the USA needs is coming. I do not look to Obama as a miracle worker; I do not plan on seeing a perfect country come from his first four years. I do however plan to see him empower this country to fight for change, I intend to see him restore pride in being an American and all the while fighting for laws to improve equality and change the financial status of our country. I am proud to say I believe in Obama, not because he is a black president but because he is a true representative of what this country stands for.
After dropping off trash and getting donuts I took MeTo to the train station. To my surprise I came home to an empty house and a half hour later I received a call from MeTo and we had a deep conversation about unconditional love. It was deep and enlighten, he reminded me of how dynamic he really is.
The rest of my after noon was spent writing this Blog and having another deep conversation with MeTo. This time we talked about the seriousness of our relationship. I understood that we had been official and I even knew what it meant to be so but it finally hit me, and it scared me for a minute. Why I was scared I had no clue exactly.
MeTo and I are extremely compatible, we get along so well, and we have found flaws and still are attracted to each other. Being in a serious relationship is not just a relationship for now but it means you are entertain the possibility of thinking about being the one, about allowing yourself to fall in love, it means trying to make this the last relationship.
I just got a call from Jay that people are going over his place tonight so after I drop off my little bro I am going to Jay’s.
The Obama Party and So Much More
The day had arrived Monday, January 19th; I was finally going to see Mr. MeTo. The moment I woke up I turned on my computer and logged into my gmail and Google chat so I could find out what time I would need to pick him up from 30th street train station. We had been talking about this party for weeks, it was a big deal, we were going to see each other, and he was going to meat my closest friends and go all the way.
After I talked to MeTo I began working on the list of things my mother wanted me to work on. I was quite excited, in cleaning the bath room, doing dishes, cleaning my room, and straitening the hall. I had made plans to pick MeTo up early to have alone time before my mom came home then head over to Jason’s to help set up for the party. Britt was out and I was not sure what time she was going to get home.
My step dad called to let me know he was leaving me the money I had asked for, for gas in his mail slot. So I now had money for gas and a little for the party. With Jay and the majority of us being broke the party became a BYOB.
I made it down the 30th street around 1:20, as I was not supposed to meet MeTo until 1:25 and I figured I would park and go in to meet him. I still have no cell phone so it was going to be a little complicated. I found the perfect spot in a place that is impossible to get a spot at all. I went in and waited for the guy who was now my official boyfriend.
The train was running late so I went to buy a coke, the guy in front of me decided to waste time by making pointless conversation with the woman running the cash register. It was not until after I heard the announcement that the R7 had arrived that I could check out. What should have been a well timed meet up turned out to be a surprise for me. I went out to the car hoping to see him but he wasn’t there. So I went back and the moment I turned around to go back out side, there he was, Mr. MeTo. My heart began beating and I could not help but smile. My heart said kiss him but my mind said wait.
A ride to Germantown and a long ride through the city to get back home and we were alone. Alone until my sister came in. a conversation about what to snack on and a cup of tea and I was on my back enjoying a Hot make out session with a guy who not only captivated me with his looks, but his personality.
The time came when making out had to stop and I had to get dressed and in the process of doing so my mother came home earlier than expected. I came up with a good half truth to tell my mother with an excellent delivery. I sill had to rush us out the house.
The night became all about rushing, to the point I had no time to put on my makeup, which I promised MeTo I would do for him, I left my earrings and rings at home. But some how I did not feel naked like I normally do, I think it was due to my excitement in having my boyfriend around who complimented me greatly.
MeTo, Jay, and I spent time just hanging out and coming up with a game plan for the night. We even discussed some racy topics, but in with understanding and open mindedness.
The time came about where I had to go pick up Phil and Mr. K. and like all ways it was a big to do. I had to stop at home to get money for alcohol and Phil took his time getting outside. Then having forgotten that it was a holiday we had to find a place to buy beer from as all state stores was closed. There was a place called Pinocchio’s. Phil gave me a 20 so I took that and bought a case of Yuengling and a case of mikes hard lemonade. I put gas in the car and saved the rest to put in for pizza. After dropping the first car load I had to go pick up Britt and Towayne. MeTo stayed behind to work on the camp fire.
When I got back to the house I made a point to ensure my people got a mike’s lemonade. MeTo and I could not keep our hands off each other. A trip to the 3rd floor and the passing of an Armani Exchange bag latter and MeTo and I were on our way to pick up pizza. I was so attracted to him, a great intelligent kisser who acted like a guy and not a queen, he built a fire from scratch and it was a total turn on.
A few slices of pizza, and a beer later and it was time to check on the fire which no one was enjoying. Only about 20 people showed up and none of us had planned on it snowing up until the party started. MeTo and I did enjoy the fire but not as much as we did each other. Things between the two us got hotter than the fire to the point we got spotted and someone yelled “stop that.” We laughed and continued a little longer.
The night progressed with dancing and playing Wii fit. Jay found a good opponent for the dance to Single Ladies. We then watched comedy clips on you tube. At some point MeTo and I went upstairs and while talking jay came in not to happy. I did my job as best friend and help Jay with the problem at hand. It was an on going lessen that he was quickly learning the hard way, don’t put to much faith in dating younger.
We finally put on a movie, Pineapple Express, and slowly people started leaving, first a handful that came together then one by one everyone else. I took Britt home and Towayne decided to sleep over. All that was left was the trio our two guys and Towayne.
While everyone was around the comp up stairs I caught the last of Pineapple Express. I then got in the bed with MeTo.
Things went as planned but the water bed and an interruption for a phone charger made things a little awkward. Things did get to a good point and we went to sleep.
The next day was the 20th and the day of inauguration for the countries first Afro-American president as the 44th president ever. We watched with glee and pride as he was sworn in without a hitch. We were all proud to be Americans and it was such a great moment to spend with friends.
I could not help but be moved by the words of hope and empowerment from Obama H Barrack. I truly feel that the change the USA needs is coming. I do not look to Obama as a miracle worker; I do not plan on seeing a perfect country come from his first four years. I do however plan to see him empower this country to fight for change, I intend to see him restore pride in being an American and all the while fighting for laws to improve equality and change the financial status of our country. I am proud to say I believe in Obama, not because he is a black president but because he is a true representative of what this country stands for.
After dropping off trash and getting donuts I took MeTo to the train station. To my surprise I came home to an empty house and a half hour later I received a call from MeTo and we had a deep conversation about unconditional love. It was deep and enlighten, he reminded me of how dynamic he really is.
The rest of my after noon was spent writing this Blog and having another deep conversation with MeTo. This time we talked about the seriousness of our relationship. I understood that we had been official and I even knew what it meant to be so but it finally hit me, and it scared me for a minute. Why I was scared I had no clue exactly.
MeTo and I are extremely compatible, we get along so well, and we have found flaws and still are attracted to each other. Being in a serious relationship is not just a relationship for now but it means you are entertain the possibility of thinking about being the one, about allowing yourself to fall in love, it means trying to make this the last relationship.
I just got a call from Jay that people are going over his place tonight so after I drop off my little bro I am going to Jay’s.
After I talked to MeTo I began working on the list of things my mother wanted me to work on. I was quite excited, in cleaning the bath room, doing dishes, cleaning my room, and straitening the hall. I had made plans to pick MeTo up early to have alone time before my mom came home then head over to Jason’s to help set up for the party. Britt was out and I was not sure what time she was going to get home.
My step dad called to let me know he was leaving me the money I had asked for, for gas in his mail slot. So I now had money for gas and a little for the party. With Jay and the majority of us being broke the party became a BYOB.
I made it down the 30th street around 1:20, as I was not supposed to meet MeTo until 1:25 and I figured I would park and go in to meet him. I still have no cell phone so it was going to be a little complicated. I found the perfect spot in a place that is impossible to get a spot at all. I went in and waited for the guy who was now my official boyfriend.
The train was running late so I went to buy a coke, the guy in front of me decided to waste time by making pointless conversation with the woman running the cash register. It was not until after I heard the announcement that the R7 had arrived that I could check out. What should have been a well timed meet up turned out to be a surprise for me. I went out to the car hoping to see him but he wasn’t there. So I went back and the moment I turned around to go back out side, there he was, Mr. MeTo. My heart began beating and I could not help but smile. My heart said kiss him but my mind said wait.
A ride to Germantown and a long ride through the city to get back home and we were alone. Alone until my sister came in. a conversation about what to snack on and a cup of tea and I was on my back enjoying a Hot make out session with a guy who not only captivated me with his looks, but his personality.
The time came when making out had to stop and I had to get dressed and in the process of doing so my mother came home earlier than expected. I came up with a good half truth to tell my mother with an excellent delivery. I sill had to rush us out the house.
The night became all about rushing, to the point I had no time to put on my makeup, which I promised MeTo I would do for him, I left my earrings and rings at home. But some how I did not feel naked like I normally do, I think it was due to my excitement in having my boyfriend around who complimented me greatly.
MeTo, Jay, and I spent time just hanging out and coming up with a game plan for the night. We even discussed some racy topics, but in with understanding and open mindedness.
The time came about where I had to go pick up Phil and Mr. K. and like all ways it was a big to do. I had to stop at home to get money for alcohol and Phil took his time getting outside. Then having forgotten that it was a holiday we had to find a place to buy beer from as all state stores was closed. There was a place called Pinocchio’s. Phil gave me a 20 so I took that and bought a case of Yuengling and a case of mikes hard lemonade. I put gas in the car and saved the rest to put in for pizza. After dropping the first car load I had to go pick up Britt and Towayne. MeTo stayed behind to work on the camp fire.
When I got back to the house I made a point to ensure my people got a mike’s lemonade. MeTo and I could not keep our hands off each other. A trip to the 3rd floor and the passing of an Armani Exchange bag latter and MeTo and I were on our way to pick up pizza. I was so attracted to him, a great intelligent kisser who acted like a guy and not a queen, he built a fire from scratch and it was a total turn on.
A few slices of pizza, and a beer later and it was time to check on the fire which no one was enjoying. Only about 20 people showed up and none of us had planned on it snowing up until the party started. MeTo and I did enjoy the fire but not as much as we did each other. Things between the two us got hotter than the fire to the point we got spotted and someone yelled “stop that.” We laughed and continued a little longer.
The night progressed with dancing and playing Wii fit. Jay found a good opponent for the dance to Single Ladies. We then watched comedy clips on you tube. At some point MeTo and I went upstairs and while talking jay came in not to happy. I did my job as best friend and help Jay with the problem at hand. It was an on going lessen that he was quickly learning the hard way, don’t put to much faith in dating younger.
We finally put on a movie, Pineapple Express, and slowly people started leaving, first a handful that came together then one by one everyone else. I took Britt home and Towayne decided to sleep over. All that was left was the trio our two guys and Towayne.
While everyone was around the comp up stairs I caught the last of Pineapple Express. I then got in the bed with MeTo.
Things went as planned but the water bed and an interruption for a phone charger made things a little awkward. Things did get to a good point and we went to sleep.
The next day was the 20th and the day of inauguration for the countries first Afro-American president as the 44th president ever. We watched with glee and pride as he was sworn in without a hitch. We were all proud to be Americans and it was such a great moment to spend with friends.
I could not help but be moved by the words of hope and empowerment from Obama H Barrack. I truly feel that the change the USA needs is coming. I do not look to Obama as a miracle worker; I do not plan on seeing a perfect country come from his first four years. I do however plan to see him empower this country to fight for change, I intend to see him restore pride in being an American and all the while fighting for laws to improve equality and change the financial status of our country. I am proud to say I believe in Obama, not because he is a black president but because he is a true representative of what this country stands for.
After dropping off trash and getting donuts I took MeTo to the train station. To my surprise I came home to an empty house and a half hour later I received a call from MeTo and we had a deep conversation about unconditional love. It was deep and enlighten, he reminded me of how dynamic he really is.
The rest of my after noon was spent writing this Blog and having another deep conversation with MeTo. This time we talked about the seriousness of our relationship. I understood that we had been official and I even knew what it meant to be so but it finally hit me, and it scared me for a minute. Why I was scared I had no clue exactly.
MeTo and I are extremely compatible, we get along so well, and we have found flaws and still are attracted to each other. Being in a serious relationship is not just a relationship for now but it means you are entertain the possibility of thinking about being the one, about allowing yourself to fall in love, it means trying to make this the last relationship.
I just got a call from Jay that people are going over his place tonight so after I drop off my little bro I am going to Jay’s.
18 January 2009
Party Sequels
It is an amazing thing when a small get together turns into an all out party, it is even better when the host decides to have a part two. A part two can never be planned from the get go it is one of those things that evolve towards the end of the night or the morning after. A part two always takes place no more than 24 hours after the beginning of the party previous. However party sequels typically suck. The squeal usually lacks the spontaneity that the first party had and many of the people who showed don’t make it to the second, either lack of being informed or prior engagements.
The party that we went to Friday night had a part two and unlike most sequels this one quite the party. The extra planning made for a more intense time, there was using the hot tub, the basement was turned into a discothèque, and there was a much better selection of mixers for the vodka. While some people were not present there were new faces.
Jason stayed true to form and danced to single ladies and got with the hottest guys at the party. I was quite surprised when Tia showed; she danced and made the party all the more fun. The host was drunk before we arrived and crashed early.
We danced and drank and Jay got in the hot tub with a few gays and females, while it was snowing. I stayed dressed and enjoyed raving with my favorite straight guy Adam Fulmer. I still remain amazed at how many of the guys that are finally old enough to drink legally date girls that are still in high school or recently graduated.
The party began to die down once everyone got out the hot tub around 3 in the morning. We pushed the night to about five and then we let it die. I passed out on the floor next to Tia. According to Jay he kicked me and nothing. I was truly tired, not stupid drunk, just tired.
I woke around 8:30 and once again Jay decided to stay behind, he was quite cozy cuddled up next to some guy named Cory. I left because I had to go to church. Sometimes it is really funnie how things can get mixed together in the process of full circle.
I remember a party where Jay woke me up because he had to go to church and her I was up early so I could go. I thought my party days were dieing down but it looks like it just beginning. With two parties this weekend and the Obama party Monday then another we are planning for February, and the fact that we have so many new friends for 2009, I can see many more wild and crazy night for us. But its ok this is what friends and your 20’s are for.
The party that we went to Friday night had a part two and unlike most sequels this one quite the party. The extra planning made for a more intense time, there was using the hot tub, the basement was turned into a discothèque, and there was a much better selection of mixers for the vodka. While some people were not present there were new faces.
Jason stayed true to form and danced to single ladies and got with the hottest guys at the party. I was quite surprised when Tia showed; she danced and made the party all the more fun. The host was drunk before we arrived and crashed early.
We danced and drank and Jay got in the hot tub with a few gays and females, while it was snowing. I stayed dressed and enjoyed raving with my favorite straight guy Adam Fulmer. I still remain amazed at how many of the guys that are finally old enough to drink legally date girls that are still in high school or recently graduated.
The party began to die down once everyone got out the hot tub around 3 in the morning. We pushed the night to about five and then we let it die. I passed out on the floor next to Tia. According to Jay he kicked me and nothing. I was truly tired, not stupid drunk, just tired.
I woke around 8:30 and once again Jay decided to stay behind, he was quite cozy cuddled up next to some guy named Cory. I left because I had to go to church. Sometimes it is really funnie how things can get mixed together in the process of full circle.
I remember a party where Jay woke me up because he had to go to church and her I was up early so I could go. I thought my party days were dieing down but it looks like it just beginning. With two parties this weekend and the Obama party Monday then another we are planning for February, and the fact that we have so many new friends for 2009, I can see many more wild and crazy night for us. But its ok this is what friends and your 20’s are for.
17 January 2009
here it Comes, The fan base.
Hey guys, LifeIndigo.blogspot.com, is finally starting to get a fan base and because of this I am making a big deal about my 100th post. I have gotten a lot of you guys over the past year as to what you would like to read on my Blog. You should have noticed that the whole focus has been shifted to encompass the events of my life as well as helping people relate to and learn from the events that take place in it.
For my 100th post, I would like it to be completely reader influenced. So please send me ideas for what you would like to read. It can be as wild and crazy, or as vanilla as you like. I will choose based on originality and my own experience. If I do not use your idea for the 100th post, I may use it later on and still give credit where credit is due.
Also remember you may write to me by email Titus.VSBII@GMail.com. Send me stories and whatever else you heart may desire.
Thank you for reading and always comeback to read what's new.
For my 100th post, I would like it to be completely reader influenced. So please send me ideas for what you would like to read. It can be as wild and crazy, or as vanilla as you like. I will choose based on originality and my own experience. If I do not use your idea for the 100th post, I may use it later on and still give credit where credit is due.
Also remember you may write to me by email Titus.VSBII@GMail.com. Send me stories and whatever else you heart may desire.
Thank you for reading and always comeback to read what's new.
1, 2, 3 . . . Where is four?
Last night the guys and I decided we wanted to go to Tom Jones. Jason’s reason for initiating it was our search for number 4. I have to admit my groups have always been a foursome, from the Geek Squad in grade school, to surf and turf in High School, Always four.
The person being auditioned was none other than RJ Della Barba. We have known RJ for over a year through Jason, of course. It was quite the experience. The poor boy drove like a maniac, picking up Phil and then to Tom Jones. I asked if he was hungry when I noticed he barely slowed down for a stop sign, Jay simply responded that “RJ doesn’t pay for anything, daddy takes care of it.”
Once at the dinner we were seated and the audition began, poor Phil was clueless. He only knew we were going to TJ’s with RJ. He I had also forgot to tell him that he was supposed to pay for me. RJ took over that job and we talked like friends do.
At one point, which is typical at TJ’s other people we knew came into the place and Jay popped up to be cordial, which like most times near the weekend, we ended up getting invited to a party.
Our friend Graig’s “girlfriend” was having a get together and with Jay being the party started that he is, was a must invite.
Eating resumed and it was a typical conversation about Mr. MeTo, Mr. K, Jay being a Samantha and Phil being Phil. RJ did fit in with his silly quips and his comments on sex and men. While jay was talking his missed the debate on Brie Cheese and cum, but knowing Jay it probably would have just gone longer.
Everyone debated the bill witch is not completely uncommon, Phil ended up being the cash buffer.
RJ did well that night but if can truly be one the Guys is still up for debate.
The Friday following the first audition was the party. I got to meet Alex and Brandon. Two homos that Jay thought might be good candidates. I knew after 3 minuets that Alex was a no go, and I guess so did jay because they did make out during the party.
The party started slow but when it picked up it picked up, Graig got drunk and came to the Indigo Light which is normal, except he was a little more aggressive than normal. I spent a good part of the night physically fighting him off.
This was one of those, just a few friends, deals that got blown out of proportioned and thus produced its own drama,
A quick break down, Delco’s police are notorious party busters. Apparently when the invite list got to long, someone alerted the police and so a new location had to found. Jay was elected to invite Andrew. Andrew was all for it but he had not been invite as part of the original plan. While getting ready I checked my computer and IMed me saying hurry up. I responded I still had an hour. Jay was quick to respond with the location changed and so did the time.
I rushed getting dressed and picked up Jay, which for one of the rarest times he was ready and waiting. Ok so I was given the run down of how Andrew was not informed of the location change and still thought people were coming to his house. Mind you that Andrew is good friends with Graig.
So long story short no one went to Andrews, the party continued at Alex’s house and I had a chance to speak to Andrew and he was hurt, I would have been pissed and cursing people out but hey.
So the party continued and we never made it Andrews because it just kept getting better and I had to really restrain myself. The first party I went where I was attached, and to make matters worse he was not with me. So I had Graig grinding on me, another kid who made it quite obvious he was into me, and yeas I found a straight guy that I wanted to just throw myself all over.
The party was one of these where it was hot guy after hot guy and although most were straight just to make out with someone would have been nice to ease my tension. I have to admit Mr. MeTo is worth the restraint and honesty. A few said “Well he aint here and your not wearing a ring.” But that’s just not me.
I got drunk the sober then started drinking again but my body was not into it. Tia and I left and Jay stayed behind being a Samantha as he later told me. I also was told that Round two will commence around 9:30 tonight.
After this part there is no doubt that the hunt for number 4 will continue.
The person being auditioned was none other than RJ Della Barba. We have known RJ for over a year through Jason, of course. It was quite the experience. The poor boy drove like a maniac, picking up Phil and then to Tom Jones. I asked if he was hungry when I noticed he barely slowed down for a stop sign, Jay simply responded that “RJ doesn’t pay for anything, daddy takes care of it.”
Once at the dinner we were seated and the audition began, poor Phil was clueless. He only knew we were going to TJ’s with RJ. He I had also forgot to tell him that he was supposed to pay for me. RJ took over that job and we talked like friends do.
At one point, which is typical at TJ’s other people we knew came into the place and Jay popped up to be cordial, which like most times near the weekend, we ended up getting invited to a party.
Our friend Graig’s “girlfriend” was having a get together and with Jay being the party started that he is, was a must invite.
Eating resumed and it was a typical conversation about Mr. MeTo, Mr. K, Jay being a Samantha and Phil being Phil. RJ did fit in with his silly quips and his comments on sex and men. While jay was talking his missed the debate on Brie Cheese and cum, but knowing Jay it probably would have just gone longer.
Everyone debated the bill witch is not completely uncommon, Phil ended up being the cash buffer.
RJ did well that night but if can truly be one the Guys is still up for debate.
The Friday following the first audition was the party. I got to meet Alex and Brandon. Two homos that Jay thought might be good candidates. I knew after 3 minuets that Alex was a no go, and I guess so did jay because they did make out during the party.
The party started slow but when it picked up it picked up, Graig got drunk and came to the Indigo Light which is normal, except he was a little more aggressive than normal. I spent a good part of the night physically fighting him off.
This was one of those, just a few friends, deals that got blown out of proportioned and thus produced its own drama,
A quick break down, Delco’s police are notorious party busters. Apparently when the invite list got to long, someone alerted the police and so a new location had to found. Jay was elected to invite Andrew. Andrew was all for it but he had not been invite as part of the original plan. While getting ready I checked my computer and IMed me saying hurry up. I responded I still had an hour. Jay was quick to respond with the location changed and so did the time.
I rushed getting dressed and picked up Jay, which for one of the rarest times he was ready and waiting. Ok so I was given the run down of how Andrew was not informed of the location change and still thought people were coming to his house. Mind you that Andrew is good friends with Graig.
So long story short no one went to Andrews, the party continued at Alex’s house and I had a chance to speak to Andrew and he was hurt, I would have been pissed and cursing people out but hey.
So the party continued and we never made it Andrews because it just kept getting better and I had to really restrain myself. The first party I went where I was attached, and to make matters worse he was not with me. So I had Graig grinding on me, another kid who made it quite obvious he was into me, and yeas I found a straight guy that I wanted to just throw myself all over.
The party was one of these where it was hot guy after hot guy and although most were straight just to make out with someone would have been nice to ease my tension. I have to admit Mr. MeTo is worth the restraint and honesty. A few said “Well he aint here and your not wearing a ring.” But that’s just not me.
I got drunk the sober then started drinking again but my body was not into it. Tia and I left and Jay stayed behind being a Samantha as he later told me. I also was told that Round two will commence around 9:30 tonight.
After this part there is no doubt that the hunt for number 4 will continue.
16 January 2009
Green With Envy
Everything in my life is going well. I have great friends, I am having good times, my mother and I are getting along like old times and I have an amazing boyfriend. I am missing a job and a place of my own which is coming soon. Things, aside from the two missing, could not be better.
I continue to feel the need to make, one phone call and cannot wrap my head around a good reason why. Do I want to flash my amazingly happy life before them? Do I want them to compare and realize that my life is better? Or is it a classic case of wanting to make them feel bad by knowing they could have been a part but stupidly chose not to?
It is never enough to be happy, we always need someone who missed out to see and turn green with envy. Why is that? Everyone who knows Vixc B knows that his happiness dose not come from anywhere else but within. So why do I feel that making someone else feel bad will make me feel better?
I think it could very well have to do with the two things that are missing from my life, a decent job with cash flow and my own place. It would seem that when I had a place of my own I searched high and low to find a man to enjoy it all with so much so I was willing to settle for the wrong man. Now that I have a great guy, I want more to share with him.
To really be honest I used to think I was to good for most guys, I had a lot going for me at the age of 20. I had my own place, a full time job, I was going to school and I was quite the looker. I had no social life outside of work, no one to really hang out with other than who I was dating at the time, and I was taking the bus. But I still thought I was hot stuff.
I had asked myself the other day what had I done to karma and now it is clear. I had only half and acted like I was a bad ass, now I lost that but gained the other half and I feel like I can and should do better, if karma only wanted to teach me a lesson, lesson learned.
When you think you have it all you may only have half. You should always act like you could have more but enjoy what you have at the moment. One should never look to have more, more, more, but know and except the fact that things are good and with diligence and time more shale come. Life is short with lesson after lesson to learn, place after place to see, moment after moment to experience.
One may ask when dose a person just live and enjoy, to which we must remember the best of times were always spent while learning, seeing, hearing, or tasting something new. We relish the moment that we triumphantly made it through a hard time and look up with glee and are grateful we are alive. To live happily is not to spring boarding off others, it is not measuring your life next to someone else’s and trying to ensure you always have more than your enemies.
To live is to take every moment and enjoy. Enjoy the new and the old, enjoy growing to a better person and if you have someone to share it with then you are truly blessed. To truly measure a man’s wealth is not to measure his bank account, but buy the friends he keeps.
I may have lost what I had but what I gained is far grater. The half I had was sacrificed so that I could get the half that was more important. Now with baby steps I will start my mission of getting it all. Knowing the importance and value of what I have I will not sacrifice it for something materialistic.
As for that person I wanted to call, there is no need, I am happy because I am me and I have what I have and I know how much its worth. That is the key.
I continue to feel the need to make, one phone call and cannot wrap my head around a good reason why. Do I want to flash my amazingly happy life before them? Do I want them to compare and realize that my life is better? Or is it a classic case of wanting to make them feel bad by knowing they could have been a part but stupidly chose not to?
It is never enough to be happy, we always need someone who missed out to see and turn green with envy. Why is that? Everyone who knows Vixc B knows that his happiness dose not come from anywhere else but within. So why do I feel that making someone else feel bad will make me feel better?
I think it could very well have to do with the two things that are missing from my life, a decent job with cash flow and my own place. It would seem that when I had a place of my own I searched high and low to find a man to enjoy it all with so much so I was willing to settle for the wrong man. Now that I have a great guy, I want more to share with him.
To really be honest I used to think I was to good for most guys, I had a lot going for me at the age of 20. I had my own place, a full time job, I was going to school and I was quite the looker. I had no social life outside of work, no one to really hang out with other than who I was dating at the time, and I was taking the bus. But I still thought I was hot stuff.
I had asked myself the other day what had I done to karma and now it is clear. I had only half and acted like I was a bad ass, now I lost that but gained the other half and I feel like I can and should do better, if karma only wanted to teach me a lesson, lesson learned.
When you think you have it all you may only have half. You should always act like you could have more but enjoy what you have at the moment. One should never look to have more, more, more, but know and except the fact that things are good and with diligence and time more shale come. Life is short with lesson after lesson to learn, place after place to see, moment after moment to experience.
One may ask when dose a person just live and enjoy, to which we must remember the best of times were always spent while learning, seeing, hearing, or tasting something new. We relish the moment that we triumphantly made it through a hard time and look up with glee and are grateful we are alive. To live happily is not to spring boarding off others, it is not measuring your life next to someone else’s and trying to ensure you always have more than your enemies.
To live is to take every moment and enjoy. Enjoy the new and the old, enjoy growing to a better person and if you have someone to share it with then you are truly blessed. To truly measure a man’s wealth is not to measure his bank account, but buy the friends he keeps.
I may have lost what I had but what I gained is far grater. The half I had was sacrificed so that I could get the half that was more important. Now with baby steps I will start my mission of getting it all. Knowing the importance and value of what I have I will not sacrifice it for something materialistic.
As for that person I wanted to call, there is no need, I am happy because I am me and I have what I have and I know how much its worth. That is the key.
14 January 2009
More Than Just Post
Welcome to the Indigo Life. You have come to read because you got a link from me, Vixc B. For those of you that have been here before you probably just come to read my post and that’s it. I am officially asking you to look around. You will notice a few interesting things such as the intro, which hits you in the face as soon as you get to my blog.
Going down the right column you will notice a play list. These are songs that go with my overall mood for the month. I also feel they go with several of my post.
Then there is my personal profile, which is still being tweaked.
Under my profile, you will find the blog archive. This is maybe the second most important part of my blog as it grants you access to all past post, including LifeStorms.
I also have a collection of links to blogs and podcast that I feel are a reflection on the types of reading and video viewing I like.
Under each post, there is a section that gives you the opportunity to give me feedback based on what you read. It would really help if my readers left my comments as to what they like and dislike in different post and about the blog in general.
At the bottom of the page are links to other blogs that I have had and my social networking profile pages. Feel free to look and add me to your friends list if you have not done so already.
Lastly is a reminder to all my visitors of my freedom of speech and my right to use this blog as a tool to express myself. I recognize the limitations on such a right and express those as well. If you ever read anything that violates my expressed understanding of freedom of speech, please do not hesitate in commenting.
This is Indigo Life, enjoy and remember it more than just Reading.
(Please all page elements listed are permanent but placements are subject to change)
Going down the right column you will notice a play list. These are songs that go with my overall mood for the month. I also feel they go with several of my post.
Then there is my personal profile, which is still being tweaked.
Under my profile, you will find the blog archive. This is maybe the second most important part of my blog as it grants you access to all past post, including LifeStorms.
I also have a collection of links to blogs and podcast that I feel are a reflection on the types of reading and video viewing I like.
Under each post, there is a section that gives you the opportunity to give me feedback based on what you read. It would really help if my readers left my comments as to what they like and dislike in different post and about the blog in general.
At the bottom of the page are links to other blogs that I have had and my social networking profile pages. Feel free to look and add me to your friends list if you have not done so already.
Lastly is a reminder to all my visitors of my freedom of speech and my right to use this blog as a tool to express myself. I recognize the limitations on such a right and express those as well. If you ever read anything that violates my expressed understanding of freedom of speech, please do not hesitate in commenting.
This is Indigo Life, enjoy and remember it more than just Reading.
(Please all page elements listed are permanent but placements are subject to change)
13 January 2009
It's Still January
So the year rang in and I spent it with Mr. MeTo, a kiss to begin a Great year. I then came home to get yelled at by my mother who was unhappy that I did not ring in the new year at church, I agreed to make an effort to go to church on Sundays.
My sister decided to not only get her navel pierced but also her tong, she did her best to avoid my mother but while they were working at church my mother noticed her tong and the proverbial shit hit the fan later that night.
Jason started his new job and loves it, as it turns out he and his new boss have a common interest. Things are looking good for jay but he is still on the hunt to find that special guy as well as funds for his Britany Spears ticket. Jay is hoping to kill two birds with one stone.
Phil is still working on getting his label; he and his Mr. K are quite happy with each other. Things are oh so hot and heavy as the two rang in the New Year with far more than just a kiss. It has been romantic playlist and constant phone calls and the two are going strong, unofficially. MR. K has gone back to NYC and decided that once they see how things progress via a long distance relationship, they would then exchange titles.
As the first Friendly social event of the year approaches, the first problem among my friends reared its ugly head. Sometimes when you have an ex turned best friend, there comes a point where you stop introducing him as the ex and as just a friend, to which you later add to important parties, we dated a while back.
It would seem that that little line has been crossed by Phil and Jay but Phil failed to realize it. It took a three-way call of the three of us, to help him see it and that it had already caused some tension for Mr. K. Needless to say, all is once again well among my trio and we did in fact decide we were an official trio and should look into getting a fourth. Sorry Zach not being on our level did not make the cut.
In the same way that Carrie and MR. Big decided to get married, MR. MeTo and I made things official. So at the Obama Party I will be showing off my new boyfriend to all my friends and get final approval from Jay. Mr. MeTo continues to surprise me, it's amazing how someone who claims to be so boring is so interestingly complex.
I have been to church both Sundays this year and have found that I enjoy it, I just have to convince a friend to go with me on second Sundays as my mother and sister will be working in the kitchen those days leaving me to sit alone.
I am still on the search for a job, HUGO Models proved to be scam and the guy who was supposed to be my boss chose not to pay me for services rendered. You live, you learn, I am moving on with my 2009.
My sister decided to not only get her navel pierced but also her tong, she did her best to avoid my mother but while they were working at church my mother noticed her tong and the proverbial shit hit the fan later that night.
Jason started his new job and loves it, as it turns out he and his new boss have a common interest. Things are looking good for jay but he is still on the hunt to find that special guy as well as funds for his Britany Spears ticket. Jay is hoping to kill two birds with one stone.
Phil is still working on getting his label; he and his Mr. K are quite happy with each other. Things are oh so hot and heavy as the two rang in the New Year with far more than just a kiss. It has been romantic playlist and constant phone calls and the two are going strong, unofficially. MR. K has gone back to NYC and decided that once they see how things progress via a long distance relationship, they would then exchange titles.
As the first Friendly social event of the year approaches, the first problem among my friends reared its ugly head. Sometimes when you have an ex turned best friend, there comes a point where you stop introducing him as the ex and as just a friend, to which you later add to important parties, we dated a while back.
It would seem that that little line has been crossed by Phil and Jay but Phil failed to realize it. It took a three-way call of the three of us, to help him see it and that it had already caused some tension for Mr. K. Needless to say, all is once again well among my trio and we did in fact decide we were an official trio and should look into getting a fourth. Sorry Zach not being on our level did not make the cut.
In the same way that Carrie and MR. Big decided to get married, MR. MeTo and I made things official. So at the Obama Party I will be showing off my new boyfriend to all my friends and get final approval from Jay. Mr. MeTo continues to surprise me, it's amazing how someone who claims to be so boring is so interestingly complex.
I have been to church both Sundays this year and have found that I enjoy it, I just have to convince a friend to go with me on second Sundays as my mother and sister will be working in the kitchen those days leaving me to sit alone.
I am still on the search for a job, HUGO Models proved to be scam and the guy who was supposed to be my boss chose not to pay me for services rendered. You live, you learn, I am moving on with my 2009.
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http://blog.loveandpride.com/
Check us out daily for a refreshing mix of entertainment news, politics, healthy tips, fashion from The L Word and beyond, special events and more.
Featuring guest writers from all walks of life: from pop stars to health gurus, philanthropists, stylists and designers, writers and other public figures. This blog is big!
The Love and Pride blog is about more than jewelry. It is the cornerstone of our community, where you can discuss the issues and topics that matter to you.
Subscribe to us, leave comments, get involved at blog.loveandpride.com
10 January 2009
Almost Over
Its funnie how at the very moment you think you are over something or that is it is simply behind you, you do something stupid to bring it back. Today I did something that people only do in movies and TV shows.
I was alone and not feeling like myself emotionally. I wanted someone to talk to and he was the first person to cross my mind. So to avoid doing something stupid I called Jason, who was at work and could not talk. So after sitting for a moment I did it. I called Mr. M. he never answers when I call, I had planned on simply hanging up after I herd the intro to his voice mail, but he answered and I hung up.
I should not be calling this guy but I did. I know what some of you are thinking, I should have called Mr. MeTo but I don’t have a cell phone and my mother’s house dose not have long distance. So with him on my mind I called and hung up. I know the song “why did I ever like you” by Pink has made its way to my number one’s list for the moment and every time I hear it I think of the guy who has no clue on how to treat me.
Why cant I just drop this whole thing? Some say it takes half the time you were dating to get over someone, if that were true I should have been over him over a year ago. But who is to say when our romantic relationship ended and our friendship began.
It was complicated we went from a serious relationship to friends to friends who have sex to fuck buddies who were thinking about dating to what ever the hell we are now. He is more than fine telling me about his relationships and his life but when it comes to me I am just a guy who swings from guy to guy and I like to hear myself speak.
Is it that I want to convince him to see me for the person I am? My friends love me for several reasons and while they are mostly good they also love the side that acts like a bitch. Mr. M says I fake my bitchiness that I continue to try and show a fake me, he points out the worse things about me when we are with people but when its just the two of us he says the nicest things. Why cant I just say, “Fuck You,” and walk away?
When it comes to friends, boyfriends, and family, why cant I just let go and let God? I put myself through torture I get my heart broken and still give them all a second chance. I have no reason to be desperate for any friends I have the best of the best. I continue to think that there is good in everyone and that at some point I will benefit from that good but I am really starting to realize that some people make an active choice to never give there good to certain people.
I choose to be a happy person who lives to have happy times and lean on myself to get through the tough times, I accept help when offered but I never look for it.
To be perfectly honest that ass hole hurt me and refuses to see it, I want an honest hear felt apology, the chance to get more than even or to sit back and watch him get hell and be there to say “Karma is a Bitch.”
I want his heart broken, I want to see him cry. I have hatred for him but at the same time I keep allowing him to get to me.
I was alone and not feeling like myself emotionally. I wanted someone to talk to and he was the first person to cross my mind. So to avoid doing something stupid I called Jason, who was at work and could not talk. So after sitting for a moment I did it. I called Mr. M. he never answers when I call, I had planned on simply hanging up after I herd the intro to his voice mail, but he answered and I hung up.
I should not be calling this guy but I did. I know what some of you are thinking, I should have called Mr. MeTo but I don’t have a cell phone and my mother’s house dose not have long distance. So with him on my mind I called and hung up. I know the song “why did I ever like you” by Pink has made its way to my number one’s list for the moment and every time I hear it I think of the guy who has no clue on how to treat me.
Why cant I just drop this whole thing? Some say it takes half the time you were dating to get over someone, if that were true I should have been over him over a year ago. But who is to say when our romantic relationship ended and our friendship began.
It was complicated we went from a serious relationship to friends to friends who have sex to fuck buddies who were thinking about dating to what ever the hell we are now. He is more than fine telling me about his relationships and his life but when it comes to me I am just a guy who swings from guy to guy and I like to hear myself speak.
Is it that I want to convince him to see me for the person I am? My friends love me for several reasons and while they are mostly good they also love the side that acts like a bitch. Mr. M says I fake my bitchiness that I continue to try and show a fake me, he points out the worse things about me when we are with people but when its just the two of us he says the nicest things. Why cant I just say, “Fuck You,” and walk away?
When it comes to friends, boyfriends, and family, why cant I just let go and let God? I put myself through torture I get my heart broken and still give them all a second chance. I have no reason to be desperate for any friends I have the best of the best. I continue to think that there is good in everyone and that at some point I will benefit from that good but I am really starting to realize that some people make an active choice to never give there good to certain people.
I choose to be a happy person who lives to have happy times and lean on myself to get through the tough times, I accept help when offered but I never look for it.
To be perfectly honest that ass hole hurt me and refuses to see it, I want an honest hear felt apology, the chance to get more than even or to sit back and watch him get hell and be there to say “Karma is a Bitch.”
I want his heart broken, I want to see him cry. I have hatred for him but at the same time I keep allowing him to get to me.
09 January 2009
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL"Stolen"
We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away
You have stolen my heart
Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight
You have stolen my heart
And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well
You have stolen
You have stolen my heart
I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away
You have stolen my heart
Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight
You have stolen my heart
And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well
You have stolen
You have stolen my heart
I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart
08 January 2009
Not Just Sex
They say sex sells, that it drives the economy. They also say sex has lost all meaning in today's modern society. Why is that? Why do so many people feel the need to objectify such an invasive act? It is not like having your teeth cleaned or getting dressed in the morning before work. It is not like fixing a car or cooking dinner. It is far more complicated and meaningful. It would appear than many of us will put more thought into cooking someone dinner if we know the reward will be sex. Yet we think very little on how special the reward itself is.
If you were to ask your friends which is more fun, masturbating or hot sex, I am fairly certain they would unanimously agree that sex is far better. You man have some friends who like different partners and others who want to be in love and some who don’t care as long as they get it. Sex not only drives the economy via advertisements and family planning products, but it has also changed the way we think and how we act.
If the goal is to orgasm, then why is sex more valued than masturbating?
It would appear that everyone tries to look sexy to someone, we all want to be desired and for a brief second to be a part of someone else's fantasy. Intern we want someone to make some of ours into reality.
Why do people bother with relationships anymore? Is it for the sex and all the other cool stuff is just added bonuses? It would simply explain why so many people find it hard to stay in a relationship, and moreover why 50% of marriages end in divorce. If sex continues to be the driving force behind what we do, then the future is doomed.
Imagine if you literally stopped before doing every activity in your day to link it to how it will increase or diminish the amount of sex you get in your life. Such as driving to work or eating a snack. From cooking yourself dinner to what time you go to bed. Sex doesn’t seam so important now, dose it?
What makes for a successful relationship you may ask. The same old bull shit of common interest and complimentary differences, the ability to surprise the other, the growth and nourishment of love. In times where we are so consumed with sex and how to get it we fail to see that our one night stands, moments with fuck buddies, random one timers and relationships based on sex always leave us feeling more empty than how we were before we were with the other person.
Is there a recipe for the perfect relationship, and if there is where do we get it? How dose one stop a life of sex sex sex and begin working on a recipe for a successful and healthy relationship? If it were easy as baking cookies or a cake even then only one or two writers would have best selling books on the matter, like Pillsbury or Dunkin Hines.
I am not saying that our entire life is spent craving and looking for sex, but I am saying that we many times can miss out on true happiness because we at one time were so blinded by being fixated on one thing.
I once herd that if you truly like someone, the moment that you are about to go all the way, you should put on your pants and leave. I have learned the moment you make it about more than sex is the first moment to a fulfilling life in pursuit of the one.
If you were to ask your friends which is more fun, masturbating or hot sex, I am fairly certain they would unanimously agree that sex is far better. You man have some friends who like different partners and others who want to be in love and some who don’t care as long as they get it. Sex not only drives the economy via advertisements and family planning products, but it has also changed the way we think and how we act.
If the goal is to orgasm, then why is sex more valued than masturbating?
It would appear that everyone tries to look sexy to someone, we all want to be desired and for a brief second to be a part of someone else's fantasy. Intern we want someone to make some of ours into reality.
Why do people bother with relationships anymore? Is it for the sex and all the other cool stuff is just added bonuses? It would simply explain why so many people find it hard to stay in a relationship, and moreover why 50% of marriages end in divorce. If sex continues to be the driving force behind what we do, then the future is doomed.
Imagine if you literally stopped before doing every activity in your day to link it to how it will increase or diminish the amount of sex you get in your life. Such as driving to work or eating a snack. From cooking yourself dinner to what time you go to bed. Sex doesn’t seam so important now, dose it?
What makes for a successful relationship you may ask. The same old bull shit of common interest and complimentary differences, the ability to surprise the other, the growth and nourishment of love. In times where we are so consumed with sex and how to get it we fail to see that our one night stands, moments with fuck buddies, random one timers and relationships based on sex always leave us feeling more empty than how we were before we were with the other person.
Is there a recipe for the perfect relationship, and if there is where do we get it? How dose one stop a life of sex sex sex and begin working on a recipe for a successful and healthy relationship? If it were easy as baking cookies or a cake even then only one or two writers would have best selling books on the matter, like Pillsbury or Dunkin Hines.
I am not saying that our entire life is spent craving and looking for sex, but I am saying that we many times can miss out on true happiness because we at one time were so blinded by being fixated on one thing.
I once herd that if you truly like someone, the moment that you are about to go all the way, you should put on your pants and leave. I have learned the moment you make it about more than sex is the first moment to a fulfilling life in pursuit of the one.
07 January 2009
Slacker
Yesterday I decided to take a bath to get things rolling, I was quite surprised to find that, that one little moment set the tine for the entire day. I decided to watch a movie after my bath and that led me to wanting to do nothing even more.
I typically turn a bath day into a spa day, but not yesterday. It was truly a lazy day, a day of watching movies and non stop eating. Trust me when you’re my size a day of non stop eating is a good thing typical it causes me to gain no weight but in my head it works so its all good.
I then got on my computer and figured I would finally make the switch, I stopped talking about Pink City Life and made it all indigo. I then got a IM from Jay and he needed my clippers so I made it up in my mind to go over at a decent hour and take them to him, a decent hour was any hour my mother was home.
Right before my mom got home had gotten out of my slump and began getting dressed and tiding up the house. My goal was to make it out before she got in and if I failed to do so make sure she had no reason to yell. I failed. She came and yelled about the trash cans, the dining room light being on where I was going. She soon changed her tone and became pleasant when she realized should g=could be spending the night home alone. I told her I was dropping something off to a friend and would b back in 15 minutes to do the dishes.
She acted all surprised when I actually came back, it wasn’t in 15 only because the roads were icy but it was a short time. I began on the dishes and she was all lovey dovey.
After doing the dishes I did my hair and watched another movie. I then ate dinner and launched Indigo Life. To my surprise the first official post was a success.
Today Jason stars a new job and I have an interview. Hope all goes well for the both of us. As for my sister she has gone on a 3 day vacation over our aunt’s house which she plans on getting her tong and navel pierced. When my mother sees her Thursday she will freak, and I don’t want to miss it.
Don’t worry I am still working for Mr. New York, just don’t trust him much.
I typically turn a bath day into a spa day, but not yesterday. It was truly a lazy day, a day of watching movies and non stop eating. Trust me when you’re my size a day of non stop eating is a good thing typical it causes me to gain no weight but in my head it works so its all good.
I then got on my computer and figured I would finally make the switch, I stopped talking about Pink City Life and made it all indigo. I then got a IM from Jay and he needed my clippers so I made it up in my mind to go over at a decent hour and take them to him, a decent hour was any hour my mother was home.
Right before my mom got home had gotten out of my slump and began getting dressed and tiding up the house. My goal was to make it out before she got in and if I failed to do so make sure she had no reason to yell. I failed. She came and yelled about the trash cans, the dining room light being on where I was going. She soon changed her tone and became pleasant when she realized should g=could be spending the night home alone. I told her I was dropping something off to a friend and would b back in 15 minutes to do the dishes.
She acted all surprised when I actually came back, it wasn’t in 15 only because the roads were icy but it was a short time. I began on the dishes and she was all lovey dovey.
After doing the dishes I did my hair and watched another movie. I then ate dinner and launched Indigo Life. To my surprise the first official post was a success.
Today Jason stars a new job and I have an interview. Hope all goes well for the both of us. As for my sister she has gone on a 3 day vacation over our aunt’s house which she plans on getting her tong and navel pierced. When my mother sees her Thursday she will freak, and I don’t want to miss it.
Don’t worry I am still working for Mr. New York, just don’t trust him much.
06 January 2009
Hello to Indigo
Ok I know I keep droning on and on about it, I am 22 and I am mature for my age. Most people don’t know it about me but my life has not been an all too happy one. I never want pity for the things that have happened to me, it has mad me who I am, and the person I am, people love.
My mom and I don’t see eye to eye on most things like most people and there mothers, yet we adore each other. My sister and I are not your typical siblings. It is quite clear that I would kill and die for my sister; the scary part is I am almost certain she would do the same for me. We love spending time together and hanging out. We agree on very few things but when it comes to fashion, men and shopping we always have good advice for the other.
My friends are another important aspect in my life; Jason Taylor is my best friend, it is funny how in only a few months of hanging out we became so attached to each other. Jay and I have been BFF for only about a year and a half but I feel like we have been friends forever. Then there is Phillip Greway, he was Jason’s boyfriend at the time Jay and I became friends. Phil is a true sweet heart and is one of those guys you just can’t help but love. After hanging out, just the two of us, we realized we had a few things in common and lots to talk about so it was not long before I was calling Phil a BFF. Then there is Louis, every group has an odd ball and while he is barley in my group, he very much an important part of my life. I dated Louis a few months after Jason did. It was a no, no. according to the rules of friendship but Jay gave a chuckle and his blessing. I did not last long as I just could not fall for Louis, weeks later he and I were best buds. Come to find out a week before he and I started dating, he and Phil made out, go figure.
Then there are my friends such as Tia, and Zack. Two people I know thorough Jason, of course, but an outing without one of them just would not be the same. You can call Tia our token Lesbian, A very sexy young woman who is about her money and having a good time with her friends. Then there is Zack I have known the guy almost as long as I have known Jason and yet I can’t tell if the kid wants to be just like Jason of if he just has a crush on him. In time I suspect I will find out for sure.
Then there are my straight friends such as Matt, who is the last of my BFFs. I look to Matt for spiritual guidance and as I have said before is my mother’s favorite of all my best friends. Brenda Sharpe, who is truly my second mother, I will never be able to repay her for all the good she has done, and continues to do in my life. Kim, my former roommate is more like a big sister than anything else. And last but not least My Aunt Lisa, a cool lady loved by all who know her, she and I always got along and we both came out the closet around the same time, it’s thanks to her that I stay true to myself and never give way to the way people say I should be.
These are the people who play major rolls in my life, a life that has good times and bad times. A life peppered with nights at bars and clubs, house parties and get-togethers, nights home along with a good movie or book and Chinese food. Days at work, jobs past and present, days that look dark and days that shine bright with our hopes for the future. These are the people I go to Tom Jones, shopping and joy riding with. These are the people who know all about my Indigo Life.
Why is my life indigo? It’s not my favorite color, and it’s not a color used by a large group of people to describe being, funny or night life. It was a color chosen by one man to describe something truly great, something that is misunderstood by so many people. It is the color Victor Bethea, me, express living a gay life. Pink is too feminine, the rainbow to diverse. Indigo is just right while sometimes mistaken for blue or violet or even purple it is always just indigo.
The color indigo in the modern world has four shades, Electric Indigo, Blue-Violet, Pigment Indigo, and Indigo Dye. Each can be used to describe, not different gay people or different gay lifestyles but the different parts of Gay life. There is the Artsy, the family oriented, the party loving, and the economical.
We all have a part in each shade; we all have experienced a moment that was colored one particular shade of indigo. We all looked at are lives and compared it to that of a heterosexual and have seen how most of it is no different.
The Indigo life, it’s the life I live. I use this Blog to discuses what it is like to live the Indigo Life and throughout my Blogs I will assign different shades of Indigo based on what was going on my life at the time. It is my goal for 2009 to touch on all the issues that not only my friends and I face but all that homosexuals face. I have chosen the color indigo because like homosexuality, indigo is a mistaken color. Many times it is forgotten how important it is in our everyday life, many times it is said to be blue or purple and it truly is not. And while indigo is indigo it is like green and yellow. It can be dark or light, have a slight red or blue added to make it just slightly off from the rest. Indigo is not simply indigo its complex, just like my life and the people in it.
My mom and I don’t see eye to eye on most things like most people and there mothers, yet we adore each other. My sister and I are not your typical siblings. It is quite clear that I would kill and die for my sister; the scary part is I am almost certain she would do the same for me. We love spending time together and hanging out. We agree on very few things but when it comes to fashion, men and shopping we always have good advice for the other.
My friends are another important aspect in my life; Jason Taylor is my best friend, it is funny how in only a few months of hanging out we became so attached to each other. Jay and I have been BFF for only about a year and a half but I feel like we have been friends forever. Then there is Phillip Greway, he was Jason’s boyfriend at the time Jay and I became friends. Phil is a true sweet heart and is one of those guys you just can’t help but love. After hanging out, just the two of us, we realized we had a few things in common and lots to talk about so it was not long before I was calling Phil a BFF. Then there is Louis, every group has an odd ball and while he is barley in my group, he very much an important part of my life. I dated Louis a few months after Jason did. It was a no, no. according to the rules of friendship but Jay gave a chuckle and his blessing. I did not last long as I just could not fall for Louis, weeks later he and I were best buds. Come to find out a week before he and I started dating, he and Phil made out, go figure.
Then there are my friends such as Tia, and Zack. Two people I know thorough Jason, of course, but an outing without one of them just would not be the same. You can call Tia our token Lesbian, A very sexy young woman who is about her money and having a good time with her friends. Then there is Zack I have known the guy almost as long as I have known Jason and yet I can’t tell if the kid wants to be just like Jason of if he just has a crush on him. In time I suspect I will find out for sure.
Then there are my straight friends such as Matt, who is the last of my BFFs. I look to Matt for spiritual guidance and as I have said before is my mother’s favorite of all my best friends. Brenda Sharpe, who is truly my second mother, I will never be able to repay her for all the good she has done, and continues to do in my life. Kim, my former roommate is more like a big sister than anything else. And last but not least My Aunt Lisa, a cool lady loved by all who know her, she and I always got along and we both came out the closet around the same time, it’s thanks to her that I stay true to myself and never give way to the way people say I should be.
These are the people who play major rolls in my life, a life that has good times and bad times. A life peppered with nights at bars and clubs, house parties and get-togethers, nights home along with a good movie or book and Chinese food. Days at work, jobs past and present, days that look dark and days that shine bright with our hopes for the future. These are the people I go to Tom Jones, shopping and joy riding with. These are the people who know all about my Indigo Life.
Why is my life indigo? It’s not my favorite color, and it’s not a color used by a large group of people to describe being, funny or night life. It was a color chosen by one man to describe something truly great, something that is misunderstood by so many people. It is the color Victor Bethea, me, express living a gay life. Pink is too feminine, the rainbow to diverse. Indigo is just right while sometimes mistaken for blue or violet or even purple it is always just indigo.
The color indigo in the modern world has four shades, Electric Indigo, Blue-Violet, Pigment Indigo, and Indigo Dye. Each can be used to describe, not different gay people or different gay lifestyles but the different parts of Gay life. There is the Artsy, the family oriented, the party loving, and the economical.
We all have a part in each shade; we all have experienced a moment that was colored one particular shade of indigo. We all looked at are lives and compared it to that of a heterosexual and have seen how most of it is no different.
The Indigo life, it’s the life I live. I use this Blog to discuses what it is like to live the Indigo Life and throughout my Blogs I will assign different shades of Indigo based on what was going on my life at the time. It is my goal for 2009 to touch on all the issues that not only my friends and I face but all that homosexuals face. I have chosen the color indigo because like homosexuality, indigo is a mistaken color. Many times it is forgotten how important it is in our everyday life, many times it is said to be blue or purple and it truly is not. And while indigo is indigo it is like green and yellow. It can be dark or light, have a slight red or blue added to make it just slightly off from the rest. Indigo is not simply indigo its complex, just like my life and the people in it.
05 January 2009
Aesop's -The Fox and The Crow
A Fox once saw a Crow fly off with a piece of cheese in its beak and settle on a branch of a tree.
"That's for me, as I am a Fox," said Master Reynard, and he walked up to the foot of the tree.
"Good day, Mistress Crow," he cried. "How well you are looking today: how glossy your feathers; how bright your eye. I feel sure your voice must surpass that of other birds, just as your figure does; let me hear but one song from you that I may greet you as the Queen of Birds."
The Crow lifted up her head and began to caw her best, but the moment she opened her mouth the piece of cheese fell to the ground, only to be snapped up by Master Fox.
"That will do," said he. "That was all I wanted. In exchange for your cheese I will give you a piece of advice for the future: "Do not trust flatterers."
"That's for me, as I am a Fox," said Master Reynard, and he walked up to the foot of the tree.
"Good day, Mistress Crow," he cried. "How well you are looking today: how glossy your feathers; how bright your eye. I feel sure your voice must surpass that of other birds, just as your figure does; let me hear but one song from you that I may greet you as the Queen of Birds."
The Crow lifted up her head and began to caw her best, but the moment she opened her mouth the piece of cheese fell to the ground, only to be snapped up by Master Fox.
"That will do," said he. "That was all I wanted. In exchange for your cheese I will give you a piece of advice for the future: "Do not trust flatterers."
04 January 2009
The First Weekend
Today I wasted most of my time doing nothing. I had an extremely long conversation with my boss to clarify 3 simple concerns of mine and an even longer online conversation with Mr., MeTo. I am coming to realize that you can’t always put your life out there for all to read. I knew that eventually everyone I featured in my Blog would read it but I am no fan of censorship. I like my new job a lot and truly do not want to sacrifice my career, I am truly blessed to be dating a guy who agrees and is doing the same thing that I am doing now.
I made a resolution to be honest with my friends, but it looks like my honesty is something than I need to work on all the way around. I had began to use my Blog as way to express the things that I had trouble saying, and would encourage the people in my life to read it so they could gain clarity. I have learned though, “LifeStorms” has taught me to express myself period. I don’t have the trouble saying things to anyone that I truly feel needs to be said.
I am still feeling out my boss, I trust him and I feel in time I will be able to tell him what I need to say without sugar coating, and I know in time an hour conversation will shrink down to a 15 minute one because we will be on the same page.
Mr. MeTo and I are really making progress, I have no fear in telling him anything, and I feel he feels the same way.
Today I also found out that Jason is trying to quit smoking, I could not be happier for him. I always thought he should cut back but it was nothing that bothered me or I saw as a big enough problems, especially while I was alongside him smoking. So now it looks like all but one of my friends will be a smoker, good ole Louis, but in time.
Yesterday I hung out with my friend Matt, my mother only knows what I tell her and she loves him, he is by far her favorite of all my friends.
Matt is working part time at Panera Bread and he gets a fifty percent discount. So we had lunch and then went to Barns and Noble. We talked on religion, dating, and work. I told him about my new job and he told me about his business adventure. We both have faith or trust in god that the other will go far given that proper time is invested.
I decided that I would by a book or two with my gift card. I picked up Aesop’s fables and then saw there was a sale on the BN editions of classic lit. Aesop’s fables was among them and it was by two get one free. It became quite the adventure as I tried hard to find three books of equal price that I had an honest interest in reading. There was Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Beowulf, the scarlet letter and finally I found two I wanted. In addition to Aesop I found Pride and Prejudice. Both 5.95 meaning I had to find another that was 5.95 so I hunted down Gulliver’s Travels and to my delight it was also 5.95.
After Matt convinced me to go with my gut and check out fashion, he and I both saw me finding the right book from that section was going to be no easy task so we checked out and went home.
I enjoy every moment I spend with Matt; he is a great teacher and an awesome friend who keeps me from truly going to the dark side of the pink life.
I did go to church today and I think I will make it a new habit, just have to find a church that I like.
I made a resolution to be honest with my friends, but it looks like my honesty is something than I need to work on all the way around. I had began to use my Blog as way to express the things that I had trouble saying, and would encourage the people in my life to read it so they could gain clarity. I have learned though, “LifeStorms” has taught me to express myself period. I don’t have the trouble saying things to anyone that I truly feel needs to be said.
I am still feeling out my boss, I trust him and I feel in time I will be able to tell him what I need to say without sugar coating, and I know in time an hour conversation will shrink down to a 15 minute one because we will be on the same page.
Mr. MeTo and I are really making progress, I have no fear in telling him anything, and I feel he feels the same way.
Today I also found out that Jason is trying to quit smoking, I could not be happier for him. I always thought he should cut back but it was nothing that bothered me or I saw as a big enough problems, especially while I was alongside him smoking. So now it looks like all but one of my friends will be a smoker, good ole Louis, but in time.
Yesterday I hung out with my friend Matt, my mother only knows what I tell her and she loves him, he is by far her favorite of all my friends.
Matt is working part time at Panera Bread and he gets a fifty percent discount. So we had lunch and then went to Barns and Noble. We talked on religion, dating, and work. I told him about my new job and he told me about his business adventure. We both have faith or trust in god that the other will go far given that proper time is invested.
I decided that I would by a book or two with my gift card. I picked up Aesop’s fables and then saw there was a sale on the BN editions of classic lit. Aesop’s fables was among them and it was by two get one free. It became quite the adventure as I tried hard to find three books of equal price that I had an honest interest in reading. There was Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Beowulf, the scarlet letter and finally I found two I wanted. In addition to Aesop I found Pride and Prejudice. Both 5.95 meaning I had to find another that was 5.95 so I hunted down Gulliver’s Travels and to my delight it was also 5.95.
After Matt convinced me to go with my gut and check out fashion, he and I both saw me finding the right book from that section was going to be no easy task so we checked out and went home.
I enjoy every moment I spend with Matt; he is a great teacher and an awesome friend who keeps me from truly going to the dark side of the pink life.
I did go to church today and I think I will make it a new habit, just have to find a church that I like.
03 January 2009
A Resolution
I have decided after reviewing last year and several episodes of my favorite TV shows that this year's resolution would be a simple one of two parts.
Last year I quite smoking, I stopped smoking social pot and learned how to have a good time with little or no alcohol. This year I need to appreciate my friends more, and be more open and honest with them. I know sometimes Jay may get mad and yell but as his best friend I really need to step up to the plate and be the one that tells him the truth no matter how much he may disagree and get angry.
My mom may think that I prance around Sodom and Gomorra, but I have been there and left. I have always known what I wanted out of life, the whole fabulous, well off, in love, surrounded by friends. But as to how to achieve it I was at a loss. I am a loyal person; I have changed and stopped wasting time on guys who don't appreciate me. I even learned how to exploit those who hurt me. I learned a lot from last year, and its time I start putting my knowledge into practice.
Now that Mr. M is no longer Mr. M, he has no power over my heart and if he wants too be friends I have left it not in his hands but in the hands of his actions. No more letting him, or anyone for that matter, use my kindness to better themselves without anything in return. No more dating guys who get what they want but never deliver on what I want. I will no longer hold onto people who don't want to keep me in their lives.
I may wonder how someone can be happy with me then throw it away like Mr. M and Jazz, or say that they want what I want but never fight for it, like Ramón and Damian. But they are my past, and there is no need fretting over the past.
My future consist of fabulous good times, going to new places and returning home to my friends and the man who is going to sweep me off my feet. I am going to work heard towards my goal of three and cultivating friends ships with those who put forth effort.
It's not a year of great things just happening it's a year of me and my friends seeing a return on our investments. Jason and I will have those fabulous jobs we want. My credit and driving record will return to good standing and I will become quite independent like I was back in 2006.
My Resolution is to pay more attention to my REAL friends and focus on getting my dream life.
I started my adult life three years ago and lots has changed, but it was all for the best.
Last year I quite smoking, I stopped smoking social pot and learned how to have a good time with little or no alcohol. This year I need to appreciate my friends more, and be more open and honest with them. I know sometimes Jay may get mad and yell but as his best friend I really need to step up to the plate and be the one that tells him the truth no matter how much he may disagree and get angry.
My mom may think that I prance around Sodom and Gomorra, but I have been there and left. I have always known what I wanted out of life, the whole fabulous, well off, in love, surrounded by friends. But as to how to achieve it I was at a loss. I am a loyal person; I have changed and stopped wasting time on guys who don't appreciate me. I even learned how to exploit those who hurt me. I learned a lot from last year, and its time I start putting my knowledge into practice.
Now that Mr. M is no longer Mr. M, he has no power over my heart and if he wants too be friends I have left it not in his hands but in the hands of his actions. No more letting him, or anyone for that matter, use my kindness to better themselves without anything in return. No more dating guys who get what they want but never deliver on what I want. I will no longer hold onto people who don't want to keep me in their lives.
I may wonder how someone can be happy with me then throw it away like Mr. M and Jazz, or say that they want what I want but never fight for it, like Ramón and Damian. But they are my past, and there is no need fretting over the past.
My future consist of fabulous good times, going to new places and returning home to my friends and the man who is going to sweep me off my feet. I am going to work heard towards my goal of three and cultivating friends ships with those who put forth effort.
It's not a year of great things just happening it's a year of me and my friends seeing a return on our investments. Jason and I will have those fabulous jobs we want. My credit and driving record will return to good standing and I will become quite independent like I was back in 2006.
My Resolution is to pay more attention to my REAL friends and focus on getting my dream life.
I started my adult life three years ago and lots has changed, but it was all for the best.
02 January 2009
So long 2008 and HELLO 2009
2008 proved to be a dynamic and stressful year not only for those attached to LifeStorms, but the entire country, With the US falling into a recession, the stock market plummeting and the passing of Proposition 8. However there was a light at the end of the tunnel when the United States took a stand and elected its first black president Mr. Barack Obama.
The year although a not so good one ended with hope for many with the government trying to work hard to protect current jobs and trying to save companies that are vital to the economy.
While the country was going through its trials and tribulations my life and all those involved were going through theirs as well.
The year started like most years me at a party, toasting in the New Year with friends no man in my life and thanking God that I made it out of another year alive. I really had no plans for the new year just to get my life together but it would seam fate had something else on its agenda.
Things started to pick up after my car was reposed, and I was mugged on my way home one night, and my best friends and roommate called off their wedding.
I switched jobs at EDU so that when the time came I could return to school full time. But that never happened. I was fired in mid march and had to focus on finding income and something to do with my spare time. At the same time my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and was told she would have to undergo an extremely invasive procedure.
I refused to let it get me down I still had a party for my 22nd birthday and invited all my friends from EDU and my gang. To my surprise my gang did not show and only a few people from work showed, but party hard we did. One of the people who really was helping me through this hard time decided not to come, My friend Matt who only a month ago had broken up with his fiancé, my roommate.
I was still dealing with Mr. M and the emotional rollercoaster he had me on. It had been a year of parties one of which my best friend Jazz made a total fool of herself by drinking to the point of black out and acted as if she lost her mind completely. At our birthday party she did control herself.
I had decided to move in with my mother to help her do the things that needed to be done while she was recovering from surgery. It was hard for all of us. I had to deal with her depression and pickiness in everything and she had to deal with body altering surgery.
After I chose to move out my mother found out my sister was no angel, my mother found my sister and her boyfriend on the couch in a very unholy position, I would imagine missionary. My sister made it to graduation in one piece and my mother was depressed because she could not throw the party she had planned.
Job interview after interview and from Home Depot I found UAS, an alarm company, which came right before forth of July.
I had slept with Louis and decided to start dating him despite what his ex boyfriend, Jason said. Jay way supportive and everything a best friend should be. After the family barbecue we went down to see the fireworks which ended not so well with jay and I fighting over something stupid. We made up shortly after. It was odd for Phil as he was the only single one, Jason and Clinton, Jazz and Tristan, Me and Louise, and Phil was alone.
The summer proved to be on crazy event after the other with me finally confronting Mr. M. the break up of Louis and I, Jason finding out that dating younger is not always easy and Jazz breaking up with Tristan. I then from guy to guy never getting serious or too close, no whore or slutty business, which left a lot of guys totally disappointed. I remained true to my self and knew what I wanted.
UAS proved to be much like EDU in its racy sense of humor and openness. But when they found out I was thinking about leaving it was short lived.
I had decided mid august that I would try to get into modeling, and after almost completing my intro courses figured I would move to NYC, I had to leave Chester anyway. My roommate had a bad year and after a bad dating experiences; she was trying to figure out if she would sell the house or rent it completely.
After trying to move with Louis I figured it was best not to. His roommate took advantage of him then kicked him out while he was at work. I helped him move to south Philly with his friend.
After weighing my options I called Jazz and we decided that my plan sounded good and it was finalized that I was moving to NYC. While in NYC for an interview UAS decided to let me go. I moved a week later and three days after that I started working at another central station.
I met a few guys, had some laughs but my roommate decided to make my life hell, my friends warned me it was going to happen. So after discussing it with my mother and friends I packed my car and left back for Philadelphia, she decided to end the friendship and to try and keep the stuff that I left there. This is one thing that is still not over.
After moving back I partied hard thanks to Jason. I tried one last time to make something with Ramón, which failed.
Job interview after job interview led me to bad job after bad job and I finally got my break all the way around. After celebrating Mr. M’s Birthday with a few of his friends and the ex before me I saw that Mr. M was never going to change. All feelings for that ass hole were gone. I was 100% free.
I made a connection with two guys Mr. New York and Mr. New Jersey. Mr. New York became my boss when he offered me the job as personal assistant at a modeling agency, and Mr. New Jersey became Mr. MeTo when we started dating.
I rung in the New Year 2009 with Mr. MeTo and my friend Alex, I had a lot of fun and a really good kiss from a guy that is truly NOT a waste of time.
The year although a not so good one ended with hope for many with the government trying to work hard to protect current jobs and trying to save companies that are vital to the economy.
While the country was going through its trials and tribulations my life and all those involved were going through theirs as well.
The year started like most years me at a party, toasting in the New Year with friends no man in my life and thanking God that I made it out of another year alive. I really had no plans for the new year just to get my life together but it would seam fate had something else on its agenda.
Things started to pick up after my car was reposed, and I was mugged on my way home one night, and my best friends and roommate called off their wedding.
I switched jobs at EDU so that when the time came I could return to school full time. But that never happened. I was fired in mid march and had to focus on finding income and something to do with my spare time. At the same time my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and was told she would have to undergo an extremely invasive procedure.
I refused to let it get me down I still had a party for my 22nd birthday and invited all my friends from EDU and my gang. To my surprise my gang did not show and only a few people from work showed, but party hard we did. One of the people who really was helping me through this hard time decided not to come, My friend Matt who only a month ago had broken up with his fiancé, my roommate.
I was still dealing with Mr. M and the emotional rollercoaster he had me on. It had been a year of parties one of which my best friend Jazz made a total fool of herself by drinking to the point of black out and acted as if she lost her mind completely. At our birthday party she did control herself.
I had decided to move in with my mother to help her do the things that needed to be done while she was recovering from surgery. It was hard for all of us. I had to deal with her depression and pickiness in everything and she had to deal with body altering surgery.
After I chose to move out my mother found out my sister was no angel, my mother found my sister and her boyfriend on the couch in a very unholy position, I would imagine missionary. My sister made it to graduation in one piece and my mother was depressed because she could not throw the party she had planned.
Job interview after interview and from Home Depot I found UAS, an alarm company, which came right before forth of July.
I had slept with Louis and decided to start dating him despite what his ex boyfriend, Jason said. Jay way supportive and everything a best friend should be. After the family barbecue we went down to see the fireworks which ended not so well with jay and I fighting over something stupid. We made up shortly after. It was odd for Phil as he was the only single one, Jason and Clinton, Jazz and Tristan, Me and Louise, and Phil was alone.
The summer proved to be on crazy event after the other with me finally confronting Mr. M. the break up of Louis and I, Jason finding out that dating younger is not always easy and Jazz breaking up with Tristan. I then from guy to guy never getting serious or too close, no whore or slutty business, which left a lot of guys totally disappointed. I remained true to my self and knew what I wanted.
UAS proved to be much like EDU in its racy sense of humor and openness. But when they found out I was thinking about leaving it was short lived.
I had decided mid august that I would try to get into modeling, and after almost completing my intro courses figured I would move to NYC, I had to leave Chester anyway. My roommate had a bad year and after a bad dating experiences; she was trying to figure out if she would sell the house or rent it completely.
After trying to move with Louis I figured it was best not to. His roommate took advantage of him then kicked him out while he was at work. I helped him move to south Philly with his friend.
After weighing my options I called Jazz and we decided that my plan sounded good and it was finalized that I was moving to NYC. While in NYC for an interview UAS decided to let me go. I moved a week later and three days after that I started working at another central station.
I met a few guys, had some laughs but my roommate decided to make my life hell, my friends warned me it was going to happen. So after discussing it with my mother and friends I packed my car and left back for Philadelphia, she decided to end the friendship and to try and keep the stuff that I left there. This is one thing that is still not over.
After moving back I partied hard thanks to Jason. I tried one last time to make something with Ramón, which failed.
Job interview after job interview led me to bad job after bad job and I finally got my break all the way around. After celebrating Mr. M’s Birthday with a few of his friends and the ex before me I saw that Mr. M was never going to change. All feelings for that ass hole were gone. I was 100% free.
I made a connection with two guys Mr. New York and Mr. New Jersey. Mr. New York became my boss when he offered me the job as personal assistant at a modeling agency, and Mr. New Jersey became Mr. MeTo when we started dating.
I rung in the New Year 2009 with Mr. MeTo and my friend Alex, I had a lot of fun and a really good kiss from a guy that is truly NOT a waste of time.
25 December 2008
It Just Came Late, I Think.
As any of my friends can tell you and almost all of my family, this year was not a merry season. I did not want to yet could I afford to buy gifts. I did not feel like decorating and wished that this holiday would soon pass. I had planned to sleep most of it away and then fast forward through the rest; it however did not work out that way.
I was awakened from a not so pleasant dream by my mother who wanted me to clean the tub. I was pissed, as after I permed my hair I made sure I returned it to the state it was before I used it. Not having cleanser, I used some purple cleaner that she handed me and happened to work better. I returned to bed and had difficulty falling back to sleep as the sun had already risen.
Tossing and turning I received a text message wishing me a merry Christmas from Zach, to which I replied, "To early." An hour or two later my mother started to scream for my sister and I. With her not saying what needed to be done after each yell I figured I stay half asleep. She stopped yelling and I then felt bad, as I knew, she wanted to open gifts and I probably hurt her feeling by not making a big deal or even pretending for her sake.
I half listened as gifts were opened and she guessed what hers was without even touching the box. I knew she had gotten me a gift card, and I was satisfied with the idea, no need to rush to open it. I awoke finally and started to get ready. I was excited to wear the present I bought myself, a chain with a Whinny the Pooh charm. It was going to go great with my black shirt that has silver and white lines running through it.
I showered, shaved, dressed, and talked to my sister who told me what I was to get from my stepfather for Christmas, 60 dollars. I told everyone I needed money and why. I know why I got the gift card from my mother and I am completely satisfied, to be quite honest from her money would not have meant as much. In the middle of getting dressed, she gave me a big kiss on the cheek and ensured that I had an imprint of red lips on my face.
Once I dressed completely and put on makeup to hide my puffy face, from a lack of sleep the past few days, I joined the rest of my family and drank a cup of tea. It was not long before we left to continue with family tradition. We went to my grandmother's house as it has been done since the birth of the first grandchild 24 years ago. We waited for the entire family to arrive, which includes my grandmother, her three daughters, her one son, my stepfather, my aunt's husband, 8 blood grand children, and one adopted. The eldest of us had to work, thank god.
We had breakfast, which any black family can tell you a truly good meal for any family event consist of fried chicken and waffles. I think that has been a tradition for the past maybe 8 or 10 years. Then the gifts my grandmother bought for all while uncle john bought for the little ones and his favorite, my sister. My aunt Shunie bought for the little ones, and thank god, she did. My youngest aunt has absolutely no fashion since; her daughter is dressed like a boy and her son an old man. To rectify this, my aunt bought my cousin clothes to make her look like a little girl. My cousin after trying them all on decided to keep an outfit on.
I was cynical and was quick to make snappy comments and jokes about what annoyed me. My cousins and sister joined in because they felt the same way.
After the gift opining, this was done in size order according to gifts and I going third having gotten a wallet, had bid farewell and headed to my next stop. I called Brenda who has become part of my Christmas tradition, only to find out I missed her, so I grabbed my cards and to my Grandma Betty's.
It was perfect timing, as I was sitting in my car filling out the cards my aunt pulled aside me and had my cousin in the car with her. I hadn't seen him since we worked together. We chatted and I went in the house.
It was just how it is every year. Eating and merry making, Card reading and joke telling, it was how Christmas with the family should be. I was quite shocked as I left my grandmother's house. I had to admit I had a really nice Christmas. I got a decent amount of money, and had a good time with the people I loved.
Was it because I lowered my expectations, or was it because the spirit just came late? Whatever it was I hope the feeling comes sooner next year so that I don’t risk hurting any feelings or feeling bad at the end of the day. So while I still feel warm in heart I wish merry Christmas to all and to all the happiest New Year.
I was awakened from a not so pleasant dream by my mother who wanted me to clean the tub. I was pissed, as after I permed my hair I made sure I returned it to the state it was before I used it. Not having cleanser, I used some purple cleaner that she handed me and happened to work better. I returned to bed and had difficulty falling back to sleep as the sun had already risen.
Tossing and turning I received a text message wishing me a merry Christmas from Zach, to which I replied, "To early." An hour or two later my mother started to scream for my sister and I. With her not saying what needed to be done after each yell I figured I stay half asleep. She stopped yelling and I then felt bad, as I knew, she wanted to open gifts and I probably hurt her feeling by not making a big deal or even pretending for her sake.
I half listened as gifts were opened and she guessed what hers was without even touching the box. I knew she had gotten me a gift card, and I was satisfied with the idea, no need to rush to open it. I awoke finally and started to get ready. I was excited to wear the present I bought myself, a chain with a Whinny the Pooh charm. It was going to go great with my black shirt that has silver and white lines running through it.
I showered, shaved, dressed, and talked to my sister who told me what I was to get from my stepfather for Christmas, 60 dollars. I told everyone I needed money and why. I know why I got the gift card from my mother and I am completely satisfied, to be quite honest from her money would not have meant as much. In the middle of getting dressed, she gave me a big kiss on the cheek and ensured that I had an imprint of red lips on my face.
Once I dressed completely and put on makeup to hide my puffy face, from a lack of sleep the past few days, I joined the rest of my family and drank a cup of tea. It was not long before we left to continue with family tradition. We went to my grandmother's house as it has been done since the birth of the first grandchild 24 years ago. We waited for the entire family to arrive, which includes my grandmother, her three daughters, her one son, my stepfather, my aunt's husband, 8 blood grand children, and one adopted. The eldest of us had to work, thank god.
We had breakfast, which any black family can tell you a truly good meal for any family event consist of fried chicken and waffles. I think that has been a tradition for the past maybe 8 or 10 years. Then the gifts my grandmother bought for all while uncle john bought for the little ones and his favorite, my sister. My aunt Shunie bought for the little ones, and thank god, she did. My youngest aunt has absolutely no fashion since; her daughter is dressed like a boy and her son an old man. To rectify this, my aunt bought my cousin clothes to make her look like a little girl. My cousin after trying them all on decided to keep an outfit on.
I was cynical and was quick to make snappy comments and jokes about what annoyed me. My cousins and sister joined in because they felt the same way.
After the gift opining, this was done in size order according to gifts and I going third having gotten a wallet, had bid farewell and headed to my next stop. I called Brenda who has become part of my Christmas tradition, only to find out I missed her, so I grabbed my cards and to my Grandma Betty's.
It was perfect timing, as I was sitting in my car filling out the cards my aunt pulled aside me and had my cousin in the car with her. I hadn't seen him since we worked together. We chatted and I went in the house.
It was just how it is every year. Eating and merry making, Card reading and joke telling, it was how Christmas with the family should be. I was quite shocked as I left my grandmother's house. I had to admit I had a really nice Christmas. I got a decent amount of money, and had a good time with the people I loved.
Was it because I lowered my expectations, or was it because the spirit just came late? Whatever it was I hope the feeling comes sooner next year so that I don’t risk hurting any feelings or feeling bad at the end of the day. So while I still feel warm in heart I wish merry Christmas to all and to all the happiest New Year.
22 December 2008
Never Over
Why is it when you decide to cut someone out of your life something kind of major happens to remind you of him or her, the good times, and why you allowed him or her to stay in your life for so long. I cannot look at a picture that was artistically taken without thinking of Neal Curly, I look at some of the clothes I bought to where to a party and I think about how jazz was with me to pick them out and what a good time we had. Almost everywhere, I go in the city of Philadelphia I See my friends from high school and ex boyfriends.
The new job has taken me to a town I never thought I would go to again, a town I had decided would have a great memory and that its. It was July second and I had lead my boy friend at the time to the wrong extension of the Penn Turnpike. I was supposed to get him to the turnpike then follow him back to his place, but we never made it. We found a motor lodge to spend the night and after taking showers, we were intimate for the first time. The town is called Lansdale a little town north of Philadelphia that has no real significance.
My now ex and I had spent the morning of July fourth in what seemed to be a dead town before parting ways.
My new job has me working indirectly for Verizon FiOs, going door to door to get current landline and DSL customers to make the switch to the much better FiOs. The place I have to do this is Lansdale. I started the Thursday after Mr. M's birthday hangout, where I decided that not talking to him for a while would be a great idea. I was ever so shocked to find myself driving ever closer to the spot where I felt I truly fell for him.
After two days of having to go door to door learning the greatness that is VZ FiOs I saw that this town did not deserve to be remembered as that place but rather the place where I may one day move only because the cost of living seemed to be cheaper with all the apartments.
Once again, I received divine enlightenment one night while talking to Mr. MeTo it was explained how why so many people hold onto bad relationships. I had not asked for understanding nor had I told him about how I was feeling about Mr. M, the topic of relationships came up and wanted to share a lesson he learned and it helped me to see and understand Mr. M. a little better.
I have decided that I will continue with this break but when the New Year comes and he and I are friends again I will be all the better a friend because Mr. MeTo is really proving to be the half that I've been looking for.
The new job has taken me to a town I never thought I would go to again, a town I had decided would have a great memory and that its. It was July second and I had lead my boy friend at the time to the wrong extension of the Penn Turnpike. I was supposed to get him to the turnpike then follow him back to his place, but we never made it. We found a motor lodge to spend the night and after taking showers, we were intimate for the first time. The town is called Lansdale a little town north of Philadelphia that has no real significance.
My now ex and I had spent the morning of July fourth in what seemed to be a dead town before parting ways.
My new job has me working indirectly for Verizon FiOs, going door to door to get current landline and DSL customers to make the switch to the much better FiOs. The place I have to do this is Lansdale. I started the Thursday after Mr. M's birthday hangout, where I decided that not talking to him for a while would be a great idea. I was ever so shocked to find myself driving ever closer to the spot where I felt I truly fell for him.
After two days of having to go door to door learning the greatness that is VZ FiOs I saw that this town did not deserve to be remembered as that place but rather the place where I may one day move only because the cost of living seemed to be cheaper with all the apartments.
Once again, I received divine enlightenment one night while talking to Mr. MeTo it was explained how why so many people hold onto bad relationships. I had not asked for understanding nor had I told him about how I was feeling about Mr. M, the topic of relationships came up and wanted to share a lesson he learned and it helped me to see and understand Mr. M. a little better.
I have decided that I will continue with this break but when the New Year comes and he and I are friends again I will be all the better a friend because Mr. MeTo is really proving to be the half that I've been looking for.
21 December 2008
The Pink Life
I like to refer to gay life as the Pink Life. It sounds better and doesn't hit as hard. There is this belief that being gay means spending late nights out in the clubs drunk and having wild crazy sex. There are many different types of gay people who lead lives as different as there are different shades of pink.
Some gays chose to be conservative, while others are just out there, and then the rest fall somewhere in between. With all the persecution of what is debated as a choice or luck of the draw. Many men choose refuge with those who are the same and the best place to find other men who are like them are the clubs that pepper many major cities. There are online communities that cater to gentlemen who are longing to keep how they feel a secret but want to escape from a life of lies and deception for only a moment.
We live in a world where sex sells and many have forgotten what sex is. Not just Pink clubs but all clubs promote sex. The whole nightlife scene whether it be straight or gay is riddled with glamorous over use of Alcohol, provocative dance and dress, trying to score, illegal drug use, and all under the cover of night.
The modern Pink Life man is making a point to change. You see the LGBT organizations hosting events that are more wholesome. Showcasing the things that gays have been known to be good at for years, the arts. From film and stage to building and painting, the pink life is more than just sex.
Modern gay are now trying to prove that we are in fact the same as heterosexuals. We are just as good at raising children and taking care of families, we can manage money, work in any field not just the arts, we are different in only one way and that is the people we date are of the same sex and that is all.
Sure I talk about sex freely and my relationships, I talk about going to the clubs and the men in my life, But I also talk about my family, friends work and what I want in my future. To be quite honest I talk about the same things everyone else does, it's just in blog form.
This is my blog, it is about my life and my life is Pink.
Some gays chose to be conservative, while others are just out there, and then the rest fall somewhere in between. With all the persecution of what is debated as a choice or luck of the draw. Many men choose refuge with those who are the same and the best place to find other men who are like them are the clubs that pepper many major cities. There are online communities that cater to gentlemen who are longing to keep how they feel a secret but want to escape from a life of lies and deception for only a moment.
We live in a world where sex sells and many have forgotten what sex is. Not just Pink clubs but all clubs promote sex. The whole nightlife scene whether it be straight or gay is riddled with glamorous over use of Alcohol, provocative dance and dress, trying to score, illegal drug use, and all under the cover of night.
The modern Pink Life man is making a point to change. You see the LGBT organizations hosting events that are more wholesome. Showcasing the things that gays have been known to be good at for years, the arts. From film and stage to building and painting, the pink life is more than just sex.
Modern gay are now trying to prove that we are in fact the same as heterosexuals. We are just as good at raising children and taking care of families, we can manage money, work in any field not just the arts, we are different in only one way and that is the people we date are of the same sex and that is all.
Sure I talk about sex freely and my relationships, I talk about going to the clubs and the men in my life, But I also talk about my family, friends work and what I want in my future. To be quite honest I talk about the same things everyone else does, it's just in blog form.
This is my blog, it is about my life and my life is Pink.
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