The Darkest Chapter of My Life - Part 2

I would go to work and on my way home I would, get sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka. Once I got home I would tidy my room give myself a facial and get hammered on the vodka. I would eat a little then swallow the entire box of sleeping pills.

I went to work as I had planned and I was excited about my plan, I was looking forward to 5 o’clock when I got off and could home to end the pain forever. I was at work for all of two hours when I had to answer the phone, the person asked for Victor Bethea, it as a man then I heard the unmistakable voice of my mother. “Do you know what I went through this morning?” I knew it my plan was foiled. I told her not to come to my and she said ok, I knew that meant she was already on her way.

I had no idea how to handle this, do I run, where do I run to? I asked to go on a ten and I went to buy the sleeping pills. I came back still panicky. I decided that when I saw my mother I would run out the back and hide or take the bus home or something that I did not know, all I knew was that I would find a way to get away from her.

My plan was foiled yet again because my coworker told me she hated being on the register and so I jumped on and in the midst of taking orders and failed to know the passing of time or the fact that my mother had jumped in line. My heart sank as I saw the expression of, “I GOT YOU!” on her face. It was a look of relief and joy mixed with hurt.  I had never seen it before but I recognized it immediately and my heart screamed and cried.  I wanted to hit the floor and let my emotions poor out but I could not because something else within me cranked the spigot to the faucet tight and would not let any emotions of any kind out.

My mother demanded that I go and speak with her. I could see fear, the kind that she was afraid of what I might do, but I also saw the strength in her that she could handle whatever I could dish out and then some. So I reluctantly complied and I tried to rationalize my decision which still after all I just saw seemed like a good idea. When pleading and trying to get me to see the mistake I was making did not work, her friend came to speak with me and then the her pastor who made me want to do nothing more than get away and so I did.

Everyone else handled themselves well but the pastor caused a scene and I was embarrassed. I wanted him to go away and my boss was trying to understand what was going on and do here job of getting control of the situation and the pastor just clammed up and repeated, “I want to talk to the STORE manager.” And after the assistant manager was not enough I was asked if I wanted to take this to a more private location and as my mother chased me she called the police so that I could be 302’d. Once the police arrived, I was asked all kinds of questions as to my plan and why.

The pills were found and my fate was sealed. I was going to be taken to Norristown hospital. My mother wanted to take me to some place in DelCo but the pastor insisted that I be taken by the police. I was willing to go to DelCo, HELL I know DelCo I did not know Montgomery County.

Handcuffed, I was escorted out of the store and placed in a police vehicle where a motor brigade of my mother, another cop car and my mother’s pastor took me to a place for people like me. On the way I tried to snap myself out of it by talking to the cop. No lie this guy was hot. I asked him where he was from and I immediately knew why, he looked like the more butch version of J.R. he was nice a guy though and the conversation flowed naturally.

Once I arrived they took everything from me. My bag, cell phone, wallet, all I had on was the clothes on my back. After waiting for what seemed like hours we got to talk to the doctor. He was HUGE a big fat guy who sat down and I was stunned he could fit in the chair I did my best not to let what was going on in my head to show on my face. He decided that I needed to be “admitted” I heard “committed” but potato, tomato.   

We were offered juice as we waited further and it was undrinkable, I wanted to say something but mother advised agents it.  I began joking and felt better and took a shot of asking my mother if she would reconsider but she said this was something I needed, I felt for her I knew this was hard but she was making it look easy. This is a woman who I have no doubts would lay down here life for me if it meant I could just live minutes longer. Would circle the world to save me and stop at nothing to and sacrifice everything to ensure my welfare. Here she was allowing me to be locked up in a place where she could not come and see me every day, or talk to me every day, just so I could get the help I needed. She was logical and rational, but the love was POWERFUL to the point I could not argue with her.

She eventually had to leave and I felt like crying again. My mouth said I understand and I was well aware of here other obligations and the fact she had to tell my sister what happened but a huge part of me wanted, “My Mommy.”

With the strange guy in the lobby, the bad orange juice and the fact that I could not have my cell phone, I wondered how anyone was prevented from really going insane. I figured hey I have 10 bucks my mom will bring me more and there is a coke machine, can’t be that bad.

I had to go through triage and relinquish my belt and all jewelry except my watch, I told them the studs in my second holes were new and might close. I needed a little bling. I then had to talk to a nurse about what happened, I then ate turkey, yogurt, and carrots and washed it down with apple juice that came from one of those little cartons you get in grade school at lunch time. I wondered where the green was but considering this was hospital food and the turkey tasted like real turkey and needed no salt I could deal.

Then an MRI then I had to talk to the activities coordinator and sign paper work, then I met with my first contact person, then I made my room and then I was alone. I prayed that my roommate was someone cool, cute, and if possible gay AND a top. He however was only two out of three and that’s far from bad. He told me about how things worked and that it beats prison, Yup my roommate was an ex con with the sexiest eyes that you ever did see. He was in sales and with eyes like that it was no wonder he did well. He was in for a heroin overdose and he parents thought it was intentional. I would soon find out that in a place like this the only people who really get along with one another are Attempted Suicide cases and Drug over doses.  It was going to be a long however long they planned on keeping me.