Finding Closure

Every great relationship deserves an ending that makes it clear to both parties that things are over and everyone involved will try to move on. Sometimes this happens in the most in just of ways and sometimes it happens in the most poetic of ways, but what do you do if you never get closure to a relationship and the other person is still somehow in and out of your life?

The biggest riddle in “The Indigo Life,” I that no matter what I do Mister M and Doctor MeTo are still in my life and the three of us are caught in some kind of love triangle. Mister M is not sure what he wants, the two of us talk too much and I begin chasing after him while Doctor MeTo keeps popping up out of the blue and confessing his undying love for me.

The problem is obvious we all need to just let each other go. I need to accept the fact the Mister M will never be completely honest and tell me I am just not what he wants and that Doctor MeTo and I may just not be meant to be. I am a Philly Boy who likes my independence and he lives in Brooklyn and his life revolves around his family and his career, there is no room in MeTo’s life for me.

But what is closure really? When you are with someone or on a roller-coaster with someone for so many years how to you honestly get off and leave the amusement park to never return? The gays may never know. Honestly think about how many gays do you know who break up and get back together? It truly becomes entertainment for their friends. “Are these two Big and Carrie?”

(Spoiler Alert) Well this is real life and the true Sex and the City fans know Big and Carrie never ended up together. Is it that we all are hoping too much for a fairytale ending, is it that we want to be that great love story our friends talk about for years, or is it that we have allowed television to brainwash us so much that we think this type of masochistic behavior is how love really looks?

When you break up with someone whom you have only been dating a short while you know when it is over, you make it clear that you gave it a shot and are sure this won’t work. Even if out of desperation in the future you decide to call them up and try again, when you call it quits you know it is quits. However when you spend a few years with or chasing someone letting go becomes difficult, with holding closure is your hope in getting back together. Even when one of you dates someone else, in your head you think, not like Carrie but like Carrie’s  friends, we will get back together just like on Sex and the city, or Noah’s Arc, or some other show where after several seasons of masochistic behavior they get together in the final episode.

I for one am tired of this merry-go-round with Doctor MeTo and this roller-coaster with Mister M. I hate the heartache and the letdown. Mister Wonderful is in my life and while things are not going the way I want them to, how can I give him the honest chance if in my head I am wondering which of my past major love’s is Mister Big and which is Aidan?

The truth of the matter is neither. If either of them wanted things to work they would have. If it was a truly romantic story they would try something to make a relationship work. MeTo is unwilling to change anything about his life and neither is M. so I need to not only let them go but tell them I am letting them go. It is easier said than done I know, but like discipline to a child this has to be done.

I confess I love M and MeTo very much and my heart will ache when I close the doors on us forever. This means that all the hopes and dreams I had and discussed with MeTo will have been just that and never come to reality and all the things M and I talked about maybe doing one day will never happen but if I am truly honest with myself I was destined to lose out anyway. I could only have one man and only one future the other would have remained just a dream.

So my readers there is no Mister Big in this story because it is real life, I have to end things and await the day to hear how they have moved on and are happy, and hopefully I will end up happy too.