Happy New Year 2015

There comes a time when one must examine their life and make changes. Welcoming in a new year seams the perfect time to do such evaluations. For so long I wrote about MeTo and how I hoped he and I would either become friends or get back together the same with Mister M but as it stands my future is not in my past. MeTo for whatever reason could not find a way to move forward without repeating the past and so I had to cut my losses which are great and let him go.

The headrest part in cutting him out of my life completely is that all the things that I had attached value to because of memories or the fact that they had once belonged to my father are now gone never to be seen by me again because I trusted a very selfish person.

Giving up on what one could call the greatest love of my life, thus far, makes me reevaluate many of the friendships that I am currently holding on to. Many of the people who came to my rescue at my darkest time have moved on with life. Not that they have abandoned me but life moved us forward in different directions and we all just moved along taking different paths when presented with a fork in the road.

I have had a great life and met so many wonderfully interesting people but the lessons learned are so great in number. I look back at that 21 year old boy just coming out of the closet and trying to find his way. The way that I used to dress and my dreams for my future. The gay man that I wanted to become. I look in the mirror and I am happy with whom I see. He is different, unimaginable, loveable, well liked and truly blessed although scared and scorned he is a happy person full of love.

I was young and I knew absolutely nothing but thought I knew enough, then the day came and I realized I knew nothing because I had learned so much. Am I a man now? I am not quick to remake bad mistakes in hopes that because a few variables have changed the result will change. I avoid the temptation to recreate the past. I lived it once and made my memories, no need to try and create them over. I no longer miss lovers past or friends who I have lost touch with, if it was meant to be it would be, because I did try.

I have such great memories and I am still so young. This is what drives me forward it is my goal to create a full life that only I can create, I know not what my future holds but I do know the fun part is creating it. So I welcome 2015 and my resolution is to continually let go of the past and not let it hold me back. Let the good times roll.