Trouble in Las Vegas

I can honestly say that I was warned. Everyone who I told about my vacation and who I was going to stay with all made that face. The one that says, “Something is going to happen.” Some expressed concern. I was told that we were going to have sex, some said a fight, others smiled and hoped for us to reunite but I was not prepared for what was to actually happen.

I honestly thought that Mister M and I had it all figured out. I honestly thought that MeTo was gone for sure but it would seem that when it rains it pours. M and I were on our way to the Wicked Spoon Buffet for brunch. I was decked out in my brand new black and white number complete with coordinating hat. I was excited until I looked at my phone.

“Hey Victor its (blank), how are you.”

I responded with “(Blank) who?”

“Your ex, how are you?”

My stomach sank, I did not want to deal with this during my vacation. I wanted to throw my phone away and pretend that I never saw it but my emotions got the best of me. Before I knew it my heart was feeling all kinds of things and my mind was swimming with responses. I wanted to curse him out, tell him how poorly I thought of him but I composed myself and with one word answers I got him to tell me that he was listening to Rihanna and Beyoncé and it made him think of me. All the hurt that I thought I had moved passed was back.

Soon I stopped responding and went on to explore the Vegas strip with Mister M. it was a fun night even after I went to meet his mother and stepfather. From a bar to their house it was a good time getting to know M’s mother but soon I felt like a third wheel when stepdad went off to do his own thing and M and his mother decided to have a heart to heart. It felt awkward to listen so I watched the movie that was playing until it stopped, I assumed that the disk just got stuck. I sipped my drink in silence until Mom bid us a good night and M and I were left alone.

I was asked if I wanted to spend the night and I expressed that I had nothing to change into. I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. I had felt that way for over an hour and was patiently waiting for the moment where M would tell his mom we would see her the next day at the Super Bowl party. There was no communication, M would make snippy comments about how I was not used to the climate, he then asked me to go outside because he wanted to show me something, I expressed that I wanted to stay in because it was cold, he insisted he wanted to show me something so I played along. Then I was told a cab was coming so we went to wait in the front of the house. I had not eaten since brunch and his mother made it clear that there was nothing to eat in the house. I was freezing I had not planned on being out this late I only had a vest and It was not enough.

I finally had it, I told M that he needed to communicate with me, I was in his circle and some how expected to navigate on my own, I did not know how his family operated and I was frustrated and annoyed. He understood and we decided to sleep over.

In typically fashion we got in bed and began to cuddle, I kissed his hand to express that we were cool and he thanked me. He then said that he was shocked that I spoke up and that he liked it. I expressed that he was not used to the new Victor and he then retorted that, “I knew it was always in there or you would not be here right now.” He then expressed that he was not happy that I said I would figure Vegas out in my one week stay because it took him quite a while.

It was typical Victor and M, we have a fight or misunderstanding and we made up only for him to take a shot at me. I had originally told M that I was going to figure out the busses because I could not relay on him every day to give me a ride everywhere but somehow it was me being critical. And what did he mean buy me being here? As fucked up as our relationship is was there more to it than just friendship? The last time we saw each other we had a similar conversation.

In the mist of all of this we went from cuddling to him saying that we should probably not cuddle, we made out and he then told me that he was not going to have sex with me in his mother’s house and that I had gotten better at kissing. Last I checked I was always a good kisser and why the hell is he being so critical? Why could he not just leave well enough alone? The next day he asked if anything was wrong and I told him no, he then asked why I was being so bitchy. So now because I am quiet I am a bitch?

When I told him that between what he said and MeTo trying to get back in my life my head and heart was fucked up. I could not believe that he was still so critical of me despite how greatly I have grown and how stable my life was. And I felt as though my reason for still being around was not for friendship.

I looked as if he and MeTo both were in that classic case of “I don’t want you but I want someone like you.” The truth of the matter is, it doesn’t exist I am the only me and there is no guy who comes close. I am tired of being held on the back burner and treated as if I am great one day and not good enough the next. MeTo keeps confusing his emotions head and not considering how his actions affect me or how I will feel about him and M is the same case.

I want to be done with MeTo walking away from me and ignoring me for moths and then coming back as if nothing happened, it’s not something I will stand for. And as for M I am still in Vegas and I am staying with him but I no longer see him like I once did I don’t feel there is anything attracting me to him and one big thing he made evident is that there is a lot about me he does not know, he didn’t even know my dad passed away. So it may be time to seriously consider that while MeTo and M are two of my greatest loves it might be true to say that neither of them are the one or fit for friendship with a man of my caliber