Jason was in a herb kind of mood and after calling two trusted suppliers and getting no decent response; he called the one person we all can count on for such things. Peter is a true pothead through and through. I had a crush on him for some demented reason and things would have worked had it not been for obsession with marry J.
We got to Pet's house and Jason pointed out the house number while we waited for the door to be answered, 420, how appropriate. It was so perfect that to this day I think Pet's dad changed it on purpose.
Inside there was a party going on and a game of beer pong was under way and way to extended. To our surprise, we found a friend of Kevin's. You will have to stay tuned for the summer gap to get all the juicy details.
I met Mike at Kevin's AKA K birthday party over the summer. Mike had played the lead in "Bye, Bye Birdie." I saw him looking at us when we came in the door but could barely see him when he stood up Jason recognized him immediately. We hugged and started catching up. We had the whole how do you know so and so where you going what you doing later. And that's how two more people were on their way to Kevin's house for Jen's 21st birthday.
I had a beer then had Mike give Zack directions to Kevin's house I was all turned around after going to Pete's and I hadn't been since early august. So much confusing directions were discussed while I drank a beer and enjoyed how for once I was not the one driving.
A few turns her and few turns her and one u-turn later we were at Kevin's I was not sure how he was going to take to me just showing up after all I knew about the party but he did not extend an invitation. I was quite surprised to find people thrilled to see me. It was all, hey where have you been and what have you been up to's. I was MIA for quite some time.
I noticed that Zack, Jen's boyfriend was not present but felt It would be a bad idea to ask where he was. I made a drink and sat next to Tia. I leaned over and told her I saw the host naked and that he was thinner then. Once I felt my drink hit I said there we go and joined in on the electric slide. My tooth hurt so bad I could not really eat so I just drank. That was until I went outside and had a cigarette with everyone else. I even herd Kevin the guy who doesn't smoke smoked on to relax.
In the middle of talking to someone about Mac and cheese and after I had invited her over my house to have some Kevin grabs my hand and takes me up stairs. I though oh god what did I say or do. To my surprise, I was on my back and his lips were attached to mine. I was shocked and during short breaks, he told me he would stop if I wanted him to. That he was not trying to take advantage, that I really turned him one and all that shit guys who want to fuck you but still come off as gentlemen say.
I asked where I was and he said Mar and Lar's room, His parents' bedroom. It was a scene from so many movies. I had official seen every room in this house but two. Before I knew it, my saying I think we should stop turned into us getting naked. Like responsible people, the question of aids test came up but there was no way he was fucking me. One he was not my boyfriend and two we had no condom. So it was naked grinding and jerking off on his parent's bathroom floor. We got dressed to the sounds of people screaming, what you are doing, not in mar and Lair's room. Fire, we decided to tell everyone we just made out. I felt like a slut. The party went on and we stayed at opposite ends until it was time to go when he gave me a hug and said we still had to meet for drinks in the city.
It would appear that the guys I always want claim they don’t want to date and just fuck around which was a big change for Kevin considering what happened over the summer.
We got to Jason's and I got in my car and drove home. Got in bed and went to sleep knowing the next day would bring a hangover.
Vixc B
05 December 2008
03 December 2008
Happy Friday
Friday I was home alone. My mother went to my step Dad's to get her car fixed and my sister had spent the night at my aunts. I got up and went to pick up my sister, buy her several phone calls and text made it clear that she was ready to leave. I promised I would drive her to the mall so she could pick up long-sleeved shirts. West Philly left us time wise equally between the best malls to do such shopping.
To KOP we went. I think josh was off as I walked passed and looked for him and no where to be seen. We went to all the stores she thought would have shirts she liked and I called VZW to see what had to be done to get my phone back one. One argument with my Cell provider and 4 stores and we were on our way back home.
The rest of the day was spent doing much of nothing online, that is until I got a call from Jason. He asked if I wanted to go with him to a Birthday party at Kevin's. it was our friend Jen's 21st and I had completely forgot that Kevin and I had talked about it. As far as Kevin knew, I had to work back in NYC and he was unaware that I moved home. So I agreed and got ready, mother gave her slight disapproval of me hanging out every night, gas wearer and tear on car and what not. Little did she know the only night I drove was the night before thanksgiving. So I met Zach at Jason's told him why i moved back home and we went to pick Jayson up from Olive garden.
I was summoned in to see all the people that were there I knew and jokes, hugs, and insults later we left for Kevin's house.
To KOP we went. I think josh was off as I walked passed and looked for him and no where to be seen. We went to all the stores she thought would have shirts she liked and I called VZW to see what had to be done to get my phone back one. One argument with my Cell provider and 4 stores and we were on our way back home.
The rest of the day was spent doing much of nothing online, that is until I got a call from Jason. He asked if I wanted to go with him to a Birthday party at Kevin's. it was our friend Jen's 21st and I had completely forgot that Kevin and I had talked about it. As far as Kevin knew, I had to work back in NYC and he was unaware that I moved home. So I agreed and got ready, mother gave her slight disapproval of me hanging out every night, gas wearer and tear on car and what not. Little did she know the only night I drove was the night before thanksgiving. So I met Zach at Jason's told him why i moved back home and we went to pick Jayson up from Olive garden.
I was summoned in to see all the people that were there I knew and jokes, hugs, and insults later we left for Kevin's house.
02 December 2008
OMG Thanksgiving
For the first time ever my mother needed hardly any help with preparing the house for guest. I had no hang over and only slept until about noon. I figured I would call Ramón tomorrow as I saw him this morning and today was a holiday.
I just spent the day being a big brother to the world's greatest younger sister. Joking and all the cool stuff siblings that are close as the two of us are do. We both have always hated the doorbell. It's this obnoxious old church bell clock-chiming thing. So Britt suggested putting a sign on the door-saying knock. So we meaning me did. The first had to be my grandmother and that was the end of that.
My mother had asked that I be in charge of activities so I got apples to apples and candy land. My family is even to boring for those. I never played apples to apples and didn't have a little fun. Thank god for my favorite cousins Tiffany and Lauren,. Lauren tried her hardest to keep up but she was at a disadvantage. She is only 8 and Tiffany the next youngest is 19.
The food was good and there was no big dinner is done or a prayer of thanks just a bunch of prissy boring black people digging in to dishes off food and sitting where ever to eat. I must admit I looked amazing in my checker outfit. And to the family's surprise my jacket matched.
My non stop crying baby cousin did just that, cry, and my adopted cousin continued to show why kids with add should just be eradicated at birth. Crystal the supper model for ghetto monthly was loud and obnoxious like always. And the rest leave me with material to boring to even mention them, except for uncle john who I am planning a house warming for.
My mother did all the cooking and had time to spend with the family she worked hard and would have been the life of the party had she not been cooking since 3am.
After my family left, I went over Jason's and played, blurt with all his family who were all mostly cousins and second cousins. I had so much I cannot honestly tell you who won. The wine was good and so was the company. I then went with Tia, Jason and Sam, to Sam's place and we watched to boondocks, two of the four of us was high. I thought I was going to get a contact but nothing. My damn toothache sent me home at about midnight. Some thanks giving been home for two days and yet to have gotten drunk.
I just spent the day being a big brother to the world's greatest younger sister. Joking and all the cool stuff siblings that are close as the two of us are do. We both have always hated the doorbell. It's this obnoxious old church bell clock-chiming thing. So Britt suggested putting a sign on the door-saying knock. So we meaning me did. The first had to be my grandmother and that was the end of that.
My mother had asked that I be in charge of activities so I got apples to apples and candy land. My family is even to boring for those. I never played apples to apples and didn't have a little fun. Thank god for my favorite cousins Tiffany and Lauren,. Lauren tried her hardest to keep up but she was at a disadvantage. She is only 8 and Tiffany the next youngest is 19.
The food was good and there was no big dinner is done or a prayer of thanks just a bunch of prissy boring black people digging in to dishes off food and sitting where ever to eat. I must admit I looked amazing in my checker outfit. And to the family's surprise my jacket matched.
My non stop crying baby cousin did just that, cry, and my adopted cousin continued to show why kids with add should just be eradicated at birth. Crystal the supper model for ghetto monthly was loud and obnoxious like always. And the rest leave me with material to boring to even mention them, except for uncle john who I am planning a house warming for.
My mother did all the cooking and had time to spend with the family she worked hard and would have been the life of the party had she not been cooking since 3am.
After my family left, I went over Jason's and played, blurt with all his family who were all mostly cousins and second cousins. I had so much I cannot honestly tell you who won. The wine was good and so was the company. I then went with Tia, Jason and Sam, to Sam's place and we watched to boondocks, two of the four of us was high. I thought I was going to get a contact but nothing. My damn toothache sent me home at about midnight. Some thanks giving been home for two days and yet to have gotten drunk.
R is for Ramón
I dropped Liz and Jason and Jason's house. On the way she puked thank god she remembered to open the door, and she attacked the decal of Whinny the Pooh on my windshield. She was to drunk so she was going to sleep it off before driving herself home.
I called Ramón to tell him I was on my way. He gave me directions but I was tired I past his house twice. He had moved back home after his father died. So I had never been to this House although it was closer.
I finally made it and he made fun of me for passing him and his dog. Dog, hmmm, I don’t date guys with dogs. I had tried once but we never made it to a date and all the other just did things with them that creped me out.
I was willing to look past it, come to think of it there were lots of things I was going to have to look past in order to date him. We talked and concluded I was to keep him awake. And before I knew it my glass of orange juice was on the TV and I was on my back. We were going at it pretty strong to the point I agreed to lose the clothing. And for the first time I felt and saw his penis completely uncovered and knew what all the fuss was about.
It was huge the kind guys like me normally work up to. Before we even started, making out we agreed not to have sex but I was so turned on that jerking each other off was not out the question. And a quick double hand job and clean up I was out and he was next to me fast asleep. I remember an alarm clock going off and I think I am responsible for it being turned off, but I won't tell him that.
Ramón popped up and yelled at me for not keeping him up. He always had this tone where I could not tell if he was joking or serious. Hje was supposed to go running and he had put on a little bit of weight so this run was important if we were to honestly give this a shot. He ran downstairs and I was behind him and to my surprise I found an older slightly frail woman standing in a night gown. The dog was ever so happy to see her. I had to quickly remember that Ramón was adopted and that this was our first time meeting. Thank god, I look decent when I wake up even after a night of clubbing and drinking. Ramón introduced me as "you remember my friend Victor." We never met before but we both played along.
Some way to start your Thanksgiving.
I called Ramón to tell him I was on my way. He gave me directions but I was tired I past his house twice. He had moved back home after his father died. So I had never been to this House although it was closer.
I finally made it and he made fun of me for passing him and his dog. Dog, hmmm, I don’t date guys with dogs. I had tried once but we never made it to a date and all the other just did things with them that creped me out.
I was willing to look past it, come to think of it there were lots of things I was going to have to look past in order to date him. We talked and concluded I was to keep him awake. And before I knew it my glass of orange juice was on the TV and I was on my back. We were going at it pretty strong to the point I agreed to lose the clothing. And for the first time I felt and saw his penis completely uncovered and knew what all the fuss was about.
It was huge the kind guys like me normally work up to. Before we even started, making out we agreed not to have sex but I was so turned on that jerking each other off was not out the question. And a quick double hand job and clean up I was out and he was next to me fast asleep. I remember an alarm clock going off and I think I am responsible for it being turned off, but I won't tell him that.
Ramón popped up and yelled at me for not keeping him up. He always had this tone where I could not tell if he was joking or serious. Hje was supposed to go running and he had put on a little bit of weight so this run was important if we were to honestly give this a shot. He ran downstairs and I was behind him and to my surprise I found an older slightly frail woman standing in a night gown. The dog was ever so happy to see her. I had to quickly remember that Ramón was adopted and that this was our first time meeting. Thank god, I look decent when I wake up even after a night of clubbing and drinking. Ramón introduced me as "you remember my friend Victor." We never met before but we both played along.
Some way to start your Thanksgiving.
01 December 2008
The Pink Pub Crawl
Jason told me to get to his place at 8:00 so we would arrive at 8:45 as the crawl started at 9:00. I was 15 min late and he in true Jay Fashion was still not ready. We even had to wait on our friend Liz. Once she arrived and we hurried Jason some we went to pick up Tia and her friend.
Then we had to go pick up pot for two out of the five people going it set us back so far that we for went the first bar in the crawl.
The hood was alive and strong Tavern on Camac was the second stop on the crawl and the first for us. I had been once before and loved it but could never convince my friends to go instead of Woody's. as it was a pink pub crawl Tavern or TPC as it is called played every pink dance mix it possibly could.
Having to wait a half hour we made the best of it that we could, watching the drunk queen spin around the dance floor, our friend Tia dance with the mirror and I listened to Liz tell sort of funny stories, and laughed appropriately.
When the bar began to get crowded, we went to look for the guy with tickets so we could start drinking. no luck upstairs to get a drink I went down stairs and for the first time in my life I had to wait to get back into a place. My kamikaze was offal to much lime. I finally got back to the dance floor and found my friends the music was changing and it was approaching the hour where we move on. The next stop was Bump a place that has great significance it would seem every guy that I was in a serious relationship no matter how short has bought me a drink from this place and the time we have always sets the tone of the relationship.
I was not feeling the kamikaze at all. So I ordered another I always feel the second. Bump was bumping its only flaw was lack of a dance floor. The orange bar that normally glows bright was almost completely bock by all the body ordering drinks. The thing I always hated about bump was the bartenders attitudes. I guess because bump is the one place every gay guy has been to and promises to go again they just feel no need to be polite, or it could be because its normally a last stop before pure or home and everyone is pinching money when it comes to tips.
We found a table and did what everyone in bump dose, we caught up with each other while bumping into our friends. First it was Jeff, Ramon's roommate that I once had crush one. I was feeling loose and everyone noticed apparently. It was like no matter what I did tonight people kept staring. Their was one guy across the bar that Tia agreed was charming in appearance. I would have gone over if I were closer and not blocked by bags and cotes. I kept staring and he kept staring back. And when Jason made me where his hat I must have looked even better because everyone took a look. It always happens when you don’t care how you look and you are not putting yourself out there that the would assumes you are.
Soon Ramón showed up and we caught up. Ramon and I had tried to date but his reputation as some one who has really slept around, and the fact he continued to sleep with my best friend stopped us. After the last attempt to date failed once again and we decided to be friends he went after the guy I was clearly talking to for a month, I was done and hadn't talked to him since.
This was the first I saw of him since then and all those old feelings came back so strong that I forgave him for wasting my time and allowed him to buy me a drink. Well I almost forgave him, after he returned with the drinks he turned to talk to his friend and we jokingly egged a drunk and apparently bisexual Liz to drink his drink. She did with very little hesitation. To my surprise when he turned to find his drink empty and got upset I felt no remorse.
Ramón and I spent the time catching up and getting to know each other all over again, it had been quite some time since we last talked. Everyone else went to Woody's and we went to 12th air to grab another drink, Ramón thought Long islands were on special but it turned out it was Cosmos. It was while talking to him that I realized Mr. M was never supposed to be the person I made him out to be in my head. I began thinking if Ramón was supposed to be. I always had feelings for the guy and he apparently had them for me.
After making plans to go on a real date on the 3rd of December and moving to the other bar and ordering yet another drink I bumped into Jimmy Dupree. Picture a younger and much sexier Anthony Marantino I mean for the first time I saw and thought sexy instead of silly little fag. He was angry about something but would not tell me. We chatted a little introduced the guys we were with as just friends and began catching up a little. I also sang a little Karaoke.
The time came to leave and I walked Ramón to his car which was on the way to a very drunk Jason and Liz. I found Jason and the first thing out his mouth was, "Victor I'm done." For the first time that I ever hung out with Jason he was far more drunk than I.
We found Tia and Sam and I drove everyone home. But my night was not over I still had a private after party with MR. R.
Then we had to go pick up pot for two out of the five people going it set us back so far that we for went the first bar in the crawl.
The hood was alive and strong Tavern on Camac was the second stop on the crawl and the first for us. I had been once before and loved it but could never convince my friends to go instead of Woody's. as it was a pink pub crawl Tavern or TPC as it is called played every pink dance mix it possibly could.
Having to wait a half hour we made the best of it that we could, watching the drunk queen spin around the dance floor, our friend Tia dance with the mirror and I listened to Liz tell sort of funny stories, and laughed appropriately.
When the bar began to get crowded, we went to look for the guy with tickets so we could start drinking. no luck upstairs to get a drink I went down stairs and for the first time in my life I had to wait to get back into a place. My kamikaze was offal to much lime. I finally got back to the dance floor and found my friends the music was changing and it was approaching the hour where we move on. The next stop was Bump a place that has great significance it would seem every guy that I was in a serious relationship no matter how short has bought me a drink from this place and the time we have always sets the tone of the relationship.
I was not feeling the kamikaze at all. So I ordered another I always feel the second. Bump was bumping its only flaw was lack of a dance floor. The orange bar that normally glows bright was almost completely bock by all the body ordering drinks. The thing I always hated about bump was the bartenders attitudes. I guess because bump is the one place every gay guy has been to and promises to go again they just feel no need to be polite, or it could be because its normally a last stop before pure or home and everyone is pinching money when it comes to tips.
We found a table and did what everyone in bump dose, we caught up with each other while bumping into our friends. First it was Jeff, Ramon's roommate that I once had crush one. I was feeling loose and everyone noticed apparently. It was like no matter what I did tonight people kept staring. Their was one guy across the bar that Tia agreed was charming in appearance. I would have gone over if I were closer and not blocked by bags and cotes. I kept staring and he kept staring back. And when Jason made me where his hat I must have looked even better because everyone took a look. It always happens when you don’t care how you look and you are not putting yourself out there that the would assumes you are.
Soon Ramón showed up and we caught up. Ramon and I had tried to date but his reputation as some one who has really slept around, and the fact he continued to sleep with my best friend stopped us. After the last attempt to date failed once again and we decided to be friends he went after the guy I was clearly talking to for a month, I was done and hadn't talked to him since.
This was the first I saw of him since then and all those old feelings came back so strong that I forgave him for wasting my time and allowed him to buy me a drink. Well I almost forgave him, after he returned with the drinks he turned to talk to his friend and we jokingly egged a drunk and apparently bisexual Liz to drink his drink. She did with very little hesitation. To my surprise when he turned to find his drink empty and got upset I felt no remorse.
Ramón and I spent the time catching up and getting to know each other all over again, it had been quite some time since we last talked. Everyone else went to Woody's and we went to 12th air to grab another drink, Ramón thought Long islands were on special but it turned out it was Cosmos. It was while talking to him that I realized Mr. M was never supposed to be the person I made him out to be in my head. I began thinking if Ramón was supposed to be. I always had feelings for the guy and he apparently had them for me.
After making plans to go on a real date on the 3rd of December and moving to the other bar and ordering yet another drink I bumped into Jimmy Dupree. Picture a younger and much sexier Anthony Marantino I mean for the first time I saw and thought sexy instead of silly little fag. He was angry about something but would not tell me. We chatted a little introduced the guys we were with as just friends and began catching up a little. I also sang a little Karaoke.
The time came to leave and I walked Ramón to his car which was on the way to a very drunk Jason and Liz. I found Jason and the first thing out his mouth was, "Victor I'm done." For the first time that I ever hung out with Jason he was far more drunk than I.
We found Tia and Sam and I drove everyone home. But my night was not over I still had a private after party with MR. R.
29 November 2008
One Day Back
The first lace I went to was good ole Jason's. To my surprise, he had company. I had already found out that he and Clinton we no more while I was in New York. The reason he still will not tell me. So he was surprised that I made it home so soon, after a little chatting in true Jason form he sent me a text, politely kicking me out so he could finish what he started with John.
I got to my mother's house and found that the chain was on the door so I had no choice but to ring the ball and wake her. She came down and gave me a little speech about how I need to decide what I should do with my life and have a plan before I move again.
I grabbed some water and then went to sleep on the couch, only to be awakened around some ungodly hour by my mother who wanted to talk now that she was awake and about to start getting ready for work. It was all pleasant about her night and the little bit of things she had for gotten to tell me about her and her friends since the last time we talked. She had to have told me she was happy I was backing home a dozen times.
She then woke me again as she was leaving to ask me to run some errand to which I had no problem agreeing. I then got a call from Jason asking to go to KOP mall we agreed on 12 noon. When I got another call from my mother with a change in errands I woke up got showered and dressed in a quite depressing outfit and picked up Jason.
It was quit shocking seeing him with money buying clothes and paying for lunch and then giving me 230 so I could go with him to the pub-crawl in the gayborhood. I then got a text from Josh that he and Joe were on their way to the mall. It took me for a moment. Didn't Joe dump josh? I was to taken back to send a text asking about that can of worms.
Armani Exchange was having a sale and Jason was beside himself. I would have been too as the sale was unbelievable and the clothes were my style. After lunch, I felt better and realized how offal I looked, I really looked like I lost my best friend, and for the first time in my life, I had. I took Jason back to game stop to meet MR. M; I warned him that his looks were not all that and that he was going to see what I saw in him.
We arrived and I walked up and said hi and he gave me the same look he always does when I stop in the store. Jason began to laugh as we waited for the store to calm down and just when Jay was going to leave josh got free. I introduced the two and that was that I never had a chance to tell him jazz and I were done and that I was back for good. Jason and I just went to get his brothers tea.
It was quite a take trying t find what tea his brother wanted. It was an even bigger task of trying to get the tea home. For some strange reason Sean, Jason's brother wanted a certain tea and he wanted it made with hot water. So Jason had to carry around this cup of hot tea from store to store along with his bags. I never Sean some one curse a cup of teas so much. Needles to say the tea had the last laugh; when Jason got home, he found that the tea spilt on his new shirt that he bought for the pub-crawl.
We left and stopped by the grave of Jason's grandparents. It was on the way home. Then while I was on my way back to Delaware count I got a call from my mother-asking if I got her smoked turkey parts. I explained to her that I was on my way to the market to get them. Oddly enough, it was not a lie. She was unhappy with that response she also wanted berries from produce junction, which was now closed, and that part she explained as unimportant when talked on the phone the first time. One liquor store, and four markets later I was home and getting ready for the pub-crawl. I told my sister that I would take her to the mall Friday.
I ate dinner found an outfit that would go with the pink shirt I was going to borrow from Jason and it was off to his place.
I got to my mother's house and found that the chain was on the door so I had no choice but to ring the ball and wake her. She came down and gave me a little speech about how I need to decide what I should do with my life and have a plan before I move again.
I grabbed some water and then went to sleep on the couch, only to be awakened around some ungodly hour by my mother who wanted to talk now that she was awake and about to start getting ready for work. It was all pleasant about her night and the little bit of things she had for gotten to tell me about her and her friends since the last time we talked. She had to have told me she was happy I was backing home a dozen times.
She then woke me again as she was leaving to ask me to run some errand to which I had no problem agreeing. I then got a call from Jason asking to go to KOP mall we agreed on 12 noon. When I got another call from my mother with a change in errands I woke up got showered and dressed in a quite depressing outfit and picked up Jason.
It was quit shocking seeing him with money buying clothes and paying for lunch and then giving me 230 so I could go with him to the pub-crawl in the gayborhood. I then got a text from Josh that he and Joe were on their way to the mall. It took me for a moment. Didn't Joe dump josh? I was to taken back to send a text asking about that can of worms.
Armani Exchange was having a sale and Jason was beside himself. I would have been too as the sale was unbelievable and the clothes were my style. After lunch, I felt better and realized how offal I looked, I really looked like I lost my best friend, and for the first time in my life, I had. I took Jason back to game stop to meet MR. M; I warned him that his looks were not all that and that he was going to see what I saw in him.
We arrived and I walked up and said hi and he gave me the same look he always does when I stop in the store. Jason began to laugh as we waited for the store to calm down and just when Jay was going to leave josh got free. I introduced the two and that was that I never had a chance to tell him jazz and I were done and that I was back for good. Jason and I just went to get his brothers tea.
It was quite a take trying t find what tea his brother wanted. It was an even bigger task of trying to get the tea home. For some strange reason Sean, Jason's brother wanted a certain tea and he wanted it made with hot water. So Jason had to carry around this cup of hot tea from store to store along with his bags. I never Sean some one curse a cup of teas so much. Needles to say the tea had the last laugh; when Jason got home, he found that the tea spilt on his new shirt that he bought for the pub-crawl.
We left and stopped by the grave of Jason's grandparents. It was on the way home. Then while I was on my way back to Delaware count I got a call from my mother-asking if I got her smoked turkey parts. I explained to her that I was on my way to the market to get them. Oddly enough, it was not a lie. She was unhappy with that response she also wanted berries from produce junction, which was now closed, and that part she explained as unimportant when talked on the phone the first time. One liquor store, and four markets later I was home and getting ready for the pub-crawl. I told my sister that I would take her to the mall Friday.
I ate dinner found an outfit that would go with the pink shirt I was going to borrow from Jason and it was off to his place.
28 November 2008
An Even Bigger night
I slept only half the day due to my hang over and decided to spend the day and night inside. The craving for brownies and chocolate cake finally got the best of me, I had been craving brownies ever since I watched the episode of sex and the city where Miranda gave up sex and inadvertently replaced it with chocolate.
I got dressed, went to a little no named market on Rockaway Boulevard, and bought two boxes of brownie mix and two boxes of chocolate cake mix. This craving was bad strong.
I made dinner while the brownies were in the over and realized there was a problem. While my craving for them was strong, it was not going to be strong enough to conquer my bad toothache. The night before I had bit my tong but blamed it on being drunk. However, the day after proved that, my new wisdom tooth was coming in and there was no room. The pain was so agonizing that it sent my dinner to the fridge and my brownies looked like I was a mouse sneaking little nibbles out of them.
I decided to call KK the guy I met yesterday. I left him a voice mail and went back to watching a movie. To my surprise, he called back from a different number. It was a 212 and normally I don’t answer but I did. We talked and he was heading out of town for the holiday. It was a short conversation but long enough for the two of us to make it clear enough we both were interested.
Jazz came home soon followed by her boyfriend. She asked me to take her to the Laundromat. It latter became an argument of her simply not paying attention. This began to escalate into how I should act in the apartment. Was I her roommate or a guy renting some space in her apartment? She decided to make it a financial 50/50. I being wise and seeing where this friendship was going called my friends and mother for advice. They all wanted me back home and I wanted to go back home as well.
I filled my car with as much as I could fill it and went home.
I got dressed, went to a little no named market on Rockaway Boulevard, and bought two boxes of brownie mix and two boxes of chocolate cake mix. This craving was bad strong.
I made dinner while the brownies were in the over and realized there was a problem. While my craving for them was strong, it was not going to be strong enough to conquer my bad toothache. The night before I had bit my tong but blamed it on being drunk. However, the day after proved that, my new wisdom tooth was coming in and there was no room. The pain was so agonizing that it sent my dinner to the fridge and my brownies looked like I was a mouse sneaking little nibbles out of them.
I decided to call KK the guy I met yesterday. I left him a voice mail and went back to watching a movie. To my surprise, he called back from a different number. It was a 212 and normally I don’t answer but I did. We talked and he was heading out of town for the holiday. It was a short conversation but long enough for the two of us to make it clear enough we both were interested.
Jazz came home soon followed by her boyfriend. She asked me to take her to the Laundromat. It latter became an argument of her simply not paying attention. This began to escalate into how I should act in the apartment. Was I her roommate or a guy renting some space in her apartment? She decided to make it a financial 50/50. I being wise and seeing where this friendship was going called my friends and mother for advice. They all wanted me back home and I wanted to go back home as well.
I filled my car with as much as I could fill it and went home.
22 November 2008
Intensive Care?
You all ways hear in life you never know how much you need something, or love something, or simply want something until it is gone or you are awaken by some event when you have to imagine life with out something or some one. This can be a car accident, cancer, a recent encounter with death or simply just be taken away by someone.
Most recently I have had to think about this everyday. As I have said before I moved to New York. And although the transition has seamed easy it has been one of the hardest of my life. The person that I have considered my best friend to the point of family is showing me a side that I simply cannot stomach, self centered, narcissistic, bratty behavior of an only or extremely younger child. She in fact has such a gap between her and her older brother that while still in grad school she practically became an only child.
I however refuse to allow this to be a handicap or an excuse. It makes no since to me how someone can be so judgmental, self absorbed and stubborn, to the point that the closes of the close friends don’t last. I will admit in the beginning we used each other I had a car and needed a friend that would be at my beck and call so to speak. And she needed some one to hang out with. However what started out as a summer of tit for tat turned into what I thought would be an everlasting friendship.
In the beginning we fought over who was good enough to hang out with us. We felt so secure with each other that we gave up our other two friends and became a duo. We fought like brothers and sister, had the inside jokes and called each other’s mom, mom. Then I lost the car and got an apartment. The tit for tat continued unintentionally. She would crash at my place when she came home from school and didn’t want to be trapped in the house with her parents. And she would clean but I would cook. Then my fortune flipped again and I had a car and just sort of bounced until I ended up in Chester.
I would say it was the acquisition of the new car that threw things off balance. I drove us everywhere and never really asked for gas. I would pick her up from the buss stop and drop her off. She would get pissed when I was late or didn’t drop her off at all. We had had one big fight when she had sex in my apartment while my little sister was sleeping in the same room, and from the way she reacted to my anger I should have known then that although she is mature for her age, she was quite the spoiled brat. It was I who was the bigger person and made up. She was the one who violated my home and had sex in it when I asked her not to and made the conditions uncomfortable to normal people.
Now I tend to bit my tong a lot with all my friends, I tend to attract people with issues that cause them to see them selves superior to most people. Funny how it is no real contest when it comes to looks and personality from what I have been told, but they are the ones that must always be in the spot light.
At the moment my best friend and I are living together. I will admit taking someone into your home is a big deal. But this is something that was discussed in detail, the good, the bad, and the dirty. I try to manage my little 10 X 4 foot area. I think we could have rearranged the place to fit things in better and make the place more live able but she insist on having things her way. So I let it be. But she complains about how I pile my clothes on my futon. I have no place to put them. She complains about me taking my time to do the dishes. I cook for the two of us one would think she offer to do the dishes. I am not staying her for free I do pay rent. We fought over light bulbs because she was mad he gave me the silent treatment for 3 days. We when food shopping and I made it clear days before how much money I had. I even made a point to keep a running total of how much we put in the cart and just kept adding. We get to the register and she looks at me when the total was $101. I paid my $43 in cash and told he that all I have like I said. She in a huff and pissed had no choice but to pay for the rest with debit. Mind you I got dressed to take her to get a pony tail and I still drive us both around when we go out and never ask for gas.
I asked her for $15 in gas money to help pay so we could both get to Philly, after paying she ask “When am I going to see it again?” I paid all the tolls and was paying for the gas to get back, in short the trip cost me about $30.
Then I read her blog and she is talking about how much she hates living with me. I know two people living in a studio basement is cramped but I try hard to make the best of it. While she mumbles under breath, ask truly stupid questions, maintains a sarcastic attitude towards the world 80% of the time and talks incessantly about herself, how she spends her days and her views on people, “Why can’t the world be like me? Women are all the same that’s why I can’t be friends with one. So and so treats me bad because everyone treats him bad, He will never amount to anything, she is so depressed, why am I friends with him, her, you are a smart ass, dumb ass, I hate you, he is ugly, I don’t like this dish you made.” This is 90% of what she talks about which over laps with the other 10% making her like every other woman, ex boy friends.
There was a time when I played along yet she fails to notice that I never take her side initially. I can’t help but cheer for her opponent that something will clique in her closed fist of a brain and see, that stereotypes are false and unreliable and that her opinion is not the only one that matters.
What brought me to write this today was what happened when I got home? There is no key for the top lock it locks from the inside with a knob. She is well aware that I get home by 8:30 am yet the top lock was locked. So I had to bang on the door one to wake her and two to get her to realize that I needed to get in. For the second time I came home to place that reeked of sex a man that I barley know and my friend naked. This time it was different however. The temperature was 2 degrees above hell. Her crappy land lord has yet to turn the heat on and to get around the cold and having to deal with the bitch. My friend turns the oven on and opens it until the place warms up. I could tell that her and her friend we quite hot while sleeping because both were sweaty and both barely used the covers to cover up.
I went to the kitchen to turn off the oven which was wide open and clearly had been on all night while the two did what ever then slept. It was so hot I had to run and move quickly. Everything in the kitchen was hot to the touch. And then I saw it. Every day I check my plants to see how they are doing. I barley have a green thumb, so I have cacti. An Aloe Vera, a spiky yet non prickly cactus and then a snake plant which is not a cactus but it quite easy to take care of. All had been baked my aloe gained big brown spots. All the tips on the other plant shriveled up and my snake plat which normally has thick strong hard leaves were hanging down. I knew I got a little joy from my plants and I liked the fact that theses plants were only a month younger than my car. I had did it but a stupid act but someone who rarely thinks about her actions may cost me the one simple pleasure that I have had for almost two years. They are in intensive care. I never imagined my life with out theses plants I have another one at my moms that planned on getting when I go down for thanks giving. I was shocked at how hurt was at the prospect of maybe loosing my plants. I came quit close to crying, but anger stopped me.
When I think about what dose she and I have in common aside from grade school? I am the funny one. I am the cook. I am the one with the car. How has having her enriched my life over the most recent years together? Her chance to make it all even and I come home to place when she has flat out said she wish I wasn’t only to find that I could have all been burnt down. My plants took a huge blow and so is our friendship. I have a hue feeling that if I walk away she will pretend not to care and rationalize it to the point that it was my entire fault.
If my plants do die I have a feeling our relationship will to. How to you explain to someone that there couplet disregard for feeling is going to cost them their longest friendship. I know some people grow apart and like branches on tree people brake off from your life, either due to a bad storm or under the stress of something else. I cannot afford to remain friends with people who are not helping me in life because they want to. I stayed friends with her only to have my immediate needs met and now that I am big enough to satisfy my self and look for healthy relationships this one is draining me. Real friends let you be who you are never judging you just advising and supporting you. A real friend never tries to make you into something your not. Your best friend should be the one behind you when the world is agents you telling you to be strong but reminds you when you fucked up and will tell you how bad you did.
I had that once but now she’s different.
Most recently I have had to think about this everyday. As I have said before I moved to New York. And although the transition has seamed easy it has been one of the hardest of my life. The person that I have considered my best friend to the point of family is showing me a side that I simply cannot stomach, self centered, narcissistic, bratty behavior of an only or extremely younger child. She in fact has such a gap between her and her older brother that while still in grad school she practically became an only child.
I however refuse to allow this to be a handicap or an excuse. It makes no since to me how someone can be so judgmental, self absorbed and stubborn, to the point that the closes of the close friends don’t last. I will admit in the beginning we used each other I had a car and needed a friend that would be at my beck and call so to speak. And she needed some one to hang out with. However what started out as a summer of tit for tat turned into what I thought would be an everlasting friendship.
In the beginning we fought over who was good enough to hang out with us. We felt so secure with each other that we gave up our other two friends and became a duo. We fought like brothers and sister, had the inside jokes and called each other’s mom, mom. Then I lost the car and got an apartment. The tit for tat continued unintentionally. She would crash at my place when she came home from school and didn’t want to be trapped in the house with her parents. And she would clean but I would cook. Then my fortune flipped again and I had a car and just sort of bounced until I ended up in Chester.
I would say it was the acquisition of the new car that threw things off balance. I drove us everywhere and never really asked for gas. I would pick her up from the buss stop and drop her off. She would get pissed when I was late or didn’t drop her off at all. We had had one big fight when she had sex in my apartment while my little sister was sleeping in the same room, and from the way she reacted to my anger I should have known then that although she is mature for her age, she was quite the spoiled brat. It was I who was the bigger person and made up. She was the one who violated my home and had sex in it when I asked her not to and made the conditions uncomfortable to normal people.
Now I tend to bit my tong a lot with all my friends, I tend to attract people with issues that cause them to see them selves superior to most people. Funny how it is no real contest when it comes to looks and personality from what I have been told, but they are the ones that must always be in the spot light.
At the moment my best friend and I are living together. I will admit taking someone into your home is a big deal. But this is something that was discussed in detail, the good, the bad, and the dirty. I try to manage my little 10 X 4 foot area. I think we could have rearranged the place to fit things in better and make the place more live able but she insist on having things her way. So I let it be. But she complains about how I pile my clothes on my futon. I have no place to put them. She complains about me taking my time to do the dishes. I cook for the two of us one would think she offer to do the dishes. I am not staying her for free I do pay rent. We fought over light bulbs because she was mad he gave me the silent treatment for 3 days. We when food shopping and I made it clear days before how much money I had. I even made a point to keep a running total of how much we put in the cart and just kept adding. We get to the register and she looks at me when the total was $101. I paid my $43 in cash and told he that all I have like I said. She in a huff and pissed had no choice but to pay for the rest with debit. Mind you I got dressed to take her to get a pony tail and I still drive us both around when we go out and never ask for gas.
I asked her for $15 in gas money to help pay so we could both get to Philly, after paying she ask “When am I going to see it again?” I paid all the tolls and was paying for the gas to get back, in short the trip cost me about $30.
Then I read her blog and she is talking about how much she hates living with me. I know two people living in a studio basement is cramped but I try hard to make the best of it. While she mumbles under breath, ask truly stupid questions, maintains a sarcastic attitude towards the world 80% of the time and talks incessantly about herself, how she spends her days and her views on people, “Why can’t the world be like me? Women are all the same that’s why I can’t be friends with one. So and so treats me bad because everyone treats him bad, He will never amount to anything, she is so depressed, why am I friends with him, her, you are a smart ass, dumb ass, I hate you, he is ugly, I don’t like this dish you made.” This is 90% of what she talks about which over laps with the other 10% making her like every other woman, ex boy friends.
There was a time when I played along yet she fails to notice that I never take her side initially. I can’t help but cheer for her opponent that something will clique in her closed fist of a brain and see, that stereotypes are false and unreliable and that her opinion is not the only one that matters.
What brought me to write this today was what happened when I got home? There is no key for the top lock it locks from the inside with a knob. She is well aware that I get home by 8:30 am yet the top lock was locked. So I had to bang on the door one to wake her and two to get her to realize that I needed to get in. For the second time I came home to place that reeked of sex a man that I barley know and my friend naked. This time it was different however. The temperature was 2 degrees above hell. Her crappy land lord has yet to turn the heat on and to get around the cold and having to deal with the bitch. My friend turns the oven on and opens it until the place warms up. I could tell that her and her friend we quite hot while sleeping because both were sweaty and both barely used the covers to cover up.
I went to the kitchen to turn off the oven which was wide open and clearly had been on all night while the two did what ever then slept. It was so hot I had to run and move quickly. Everything in the kitchen was hot to the touch. And then I saw it. Every day I check my plants to see how they are doing. I barley have a green thumb, so I have cacti. An Aloe Vera, a spiky yet non prickly cactus and then a snake plant which is not a cactus but it quite easy to take care of. All had been baked my aloe gained big brown spots. All the tips on the other plant shriveled up and my snake plat which normally has thick strong hard leaves were hanging down. I knew I got a little joy from my plants and I liked the fact that theses plants were only a month younger than my car. I had did it but a stupid act but someone who rarely thinks about her actions may cost me the one simple pleasure that I have had for almost two years. They are in intensive care. I never imagined my life with out theses plants I have another one at my moms that planned on getting when I go down for thanks giving. I was shocked at how hurt was at the prospect of maybe loosing my plants. I came quit close to crying, but anger stopped me.
When I think about what dose she and I have in common aside from grade school? I am the funny one. I am the cook. I am the one with the car. How has having her enriched my life over the most recent years together? Her chance to make it all even and I come home to place when she has flat out said she wish I wasn’t only to find that I could have all been burnt down. My plants took a huge blow and so is our friendship. I have a hue feeling that if I walk away she will pretend not to care and rationalize it to the point that it was my entire fault.
If my plants do die I have a feeling our relationship will to. How to you explain to someone that there couplet disregard for feeling is going to cost them their longest friendship. I know some people grow apart and like branches on tree people brake off from your life, either due to a bad storm or under the stress of something else. I cannot afford to remain friends with people who are not helping me in life because they want to. I stayed friends with her only to have my immediate needs met and now that I am big enough to satisfy my self and look for healthy relationships this one is draining me. Real friends let you be who you are never judging you just advising and supporting you. A real friend never tries to make you into something your not. Your best friend should be the one behind you when the world is agents you telling you to be strong but reminds you when you fucked up and will tell you how bad you did.
I had that once but now she’s different.
18 November 2008
Sex in the City
The next day Jazz and I spent the entire time rearranging setting up and adding my stuff to hers. When the work was done we were happy with the result. Jazz’s apartment is abasement studio. The ceiling has a clearance of 6’4 I am 6’2. The bath room is small with no tub just a shower stall ad the kitchen is a joke. Just looking around one could come up with a dozen ways to improve the place by using different light fixtures, moving the water closet and even the carpet that was used.
I am proud of Jazz she found an apartment near her school that is affordable and not a hole in the ground but her landlord clearly did not plan the layout effectively. The lad lord has also gone the entire summer with out cutting the grass ad when work is needed to be done pulling teeth is a under statement. In short Jazz is ready to move.
The Sunday after moving in, after arranging everything, we needed to do laundry. The hut for a Laundromat in Jamaica was a joke it was only 8 o’clock and all but one was closed. The one was crowded but we managed. I had Monday morning to my self after dropping Jazz off at school. I spent the time on a4a. MySpace. My yearbook and aim. When jazz got home I wet to the market and picked up the makings for spaghetti. I dint know I should have also bought knives, pots ad a can opener. We jokingly argued why she should have had these things and I tolled her to get out the kitchen.
It ended up being a tomato stir-fry over pasta; I had no way to open the can of tomato sauce.
We then went to rite aid to get the last parts of my costume and gas ex for her, along with junk food.
Tuesday was my interview and another rainy day. It literally rained every other day since I been in NYC. I had to call to alert them I was running late because the highway I had to take from Queens to Brooklyn was flooded on one half. Then I had the wrong address. I made it and I was cold and damp. The whole thing was just going wrong I even forgot a pen. However I was hired on the spot and was to start the next day.
Three days I the big apple and I had two of the five things I needed to get, a place to live and a job. Now all I needed was a boyfriend, a New York ID and a cheep fun place to hang out. I was up and coming.
O my way home from the interview I noticed a shopping center with a target. So I went in for a can opener I also picked up some spoons and the second season of Dexter, something to keep me home and from spending money.
By the end of week one I was back to my old hobbits I had been stood up once and then found myself in a pool in the Bronx. Although it was a new setting with new things to do, they were all a variation of something else I have done already.
His Name was Ray and a busy student among other things he liked to sped his free time around his apartment building. He managed it so he had 24hr access to all the Simi cool places like the pool which was your typical above ground pool that they set up in the basement ad he had filled with hot water. Several beers later I was disappointed I was o where ear drunk. I could feel his boner so I took control of the conversation. I brought up the topic of skinny dipping which he had brought up earlier while o the phone.
Dating was out of the question, he was 30 years old and still in the closet. Log story short anyone who knows him knows. But I wanted to fool around so off came the boxers and there we were I a candle lit basement naked I a warm pool. The conversation switched to how it the basement was haunted but he held me close the whole time. He the started talking about poppers and I opened my self up to making out. He took to my lips like a fish to bate. He was good. He then suggested going to get the poppers. He did ad I tried it. Before it hit we started making out and grinding. I could not contain my self it was so euphoric and wore off just as I came.
I was covered I both his ad mine it was just sticking to me I tried to wash it off but it became like underwater glue. That gummy stuff that they use to keep packages I place.
A little more conversation and I realized it was about 5. We both were tired so we called it a night. I was shocked the man came and he still wanted to make out with me. So a kiss good night and I was back in my car crossing the Whitestone Bridge.
I had received several invitations from a man named Kevin that wanted me to come over ad smoke pot. His pics were cute so we exchanged numbers and Friday came and I was at his place. He was about 50 pounds bigger than his picks and had to be almost 40 and not 34 like he said. He had a dog who loved me I hate dogs. The dog who Kev said was fixed jumped up ad started humping my leg. I was almost intoxicated from the rum and OJ. I then took a look through his DVD’s ad they were all fag movies (another blog). I sat on the bed and we began smoking he started kissing my neck ad I went to look at the movies again.
He followed me ad I kissed him o the lips to shoe him away ad it worked. I was I the mod to fool around but I needed to get high ad drunk if it was going to be him. Before I had a chance to feel the pot he was all over me. He was a good kisser so I let him continue and before I knew it he was naked while I was only half there. My question to dog owners is, do you all fuck with your dog in the room?
He rimmed me he sucked me and the he humped me. I came and was loud but not like I used to be. I forget how he got off put I cleaned up and put most of my clothes back on. He then whispered in my ear ever so gently I have to go to work tomorrow. He gets off at 10 it was midnight, REALLTY? I had decided to finish watching sex ad the city but he was coaxing me to get dressed. So the fat old ma lost all cool points.
The next day I stayed home being lazy jazz wet out then came home only to go out again she asked if I wanted to go but I said no. after she left I better thought of it and decided I would go out. I found a sexy out fit put on sex ad the city the showered dressed put on makeup and the jazz walked in the door. We decided to go to a lounge so I could get a drink I wanted to check out the gayborhood aka the village. The one lounge I knew of I could not fid so we walked around looking for a different gay bar that we both could get into. No luck so she suggested I got to the one we walked passed earlier ad meet up later it was almost 2 in the morning this would never happen in Philly at this time of night. So I go in order a kamikaze and the bartender says 5 dollars ad its 2 for one until 3. I texted jazz to say I was going to be drunk but o service. The guys next to me started talking to me and I started laughing. They were really gay. The this guy sat next to me who reminded me of a ex but cuter and more masculine I asked him of other places to hag out and he named a place called chi chi’s 21 ad older, gave me the run down and I ordered my second drink. I was already buzzed we talked ad flirted and after hearing last call check text ad jazz was home so I ordered water and wet home with Jermaine to go get high.
Jermaine is what I call a poser he looks thug and rough, but is nothing more than a fag. The closer we got to his place the more sugar I saw and the uglier he got. I should have known a sexy 37 year old is never what he seams. His penis was like a childes crayon the jumbo kind that you get when your 3. It was light by the time I went to sleep and at 12 I got the hell out.
He lived in Harlem and had cheep rent, although I was having crappie sex all over Manhattan I was finding the affordable places to live.
I am proud of Jazz she found an apartment near her school that is affordable and not a hole in the ground but her landlord clearly did not plan the layout effectively. The lad lord has also gone the entire summer with out cutting the grass ad when work is needed to be done pulling teeth is a under statement. In short Jazz is ready to move.
The Sunday after moving in, after arranging everything, we needed to do laundry. The hut for a Laundromat in Jamaica was a joke it was only 8 o’clock and all but one was closed. The one was crowded but we managed. I had Monday morning to my self after dropping Jazz off at school. I spent the time on a4a. MySpace. My yearbook and aim. When jazz got home I wet to the market and picked up the makings for spaghetti. I dint know I should have also bought knives, pots ad a can opener. We jokingly argued why she should have had these things and I tolled her to get out the kitchen.
It ended up being a tomato stir-fry over pasta; I had no way to open the can of tomato sauce.
We then went to rite aid to get the last parts of my costume and gas ex for her, along with junk food.
Tuesday was my interview and another rainy day. It literally rained every other day since I been in NYC. I had to call to alert them I was running late because the highway I had to take from Queens to Brooklyn was flooded on one half. Then I had the wrong address. I made it and I was cold and damp. The whole thing was just going wrong I even forgot a pen. However I was hired on the spot and was to start the next day.
Three days I the big apple and I had two of the five things I needed to get, a place to live and a job. Now all I needed was a boyfriend, a New York ID and a cheep fun place to hang out. I was up and coming.
O my way home from the interview I noticed a shopping center with a target. So I went in for a can opener I also picked up some spoons and the second season of Dexter, something to keep me home and from spending money.
By the end of week one I was back to my old hobbits I had been stood up once and then found myself in a pool in the Bronx. Although it was a new setting with new things to do, they were all a variation of something else I have done already.
His Name was Ray and a busy student among other things he liked to sped his free time around his apartment building. He managed it so he had 24hr access to all the Simi cool places like the pool which was your typical above ground pool that they set up in the basement ad he had filled with hot water. Several beers later I was disappointed I was o where ear drunk. I could feel his boner so I took control of the conversation. I brought up the topic of skinny dipping which he had brought up earlier while o the phone.
Dating was out of the question, he was 30 years old and still in the closet. Log story short anyone who knows him knows. But I wanted to fool around so off came the boxers and there we were I a candle lit basement naked I a warm pool. The conversation switched to how it the basement was haunted but he held me close the whole time. He the started talking about poppers and I opened my self up to making out. He took to my lips like a fish to bate. He was good. He then suggested going to get the poppers. He did ad I tried it. Before it hit we started making out and grinding. I could not contain my self it was so euphoric and wore off just as I came.
I was covered I both his ad mine it was just sticking to me I tried to wash it off but it became like underwater glue. That gummy stuff that they use to keep packages I place.
A little more conversation and I realized it was about 5. We both were tired so we called it a night. I was shocked the man came and he still wanted to make out with me. So a kiss good night and I was back in my car crossing the Whitestone Bridge.
I had received several invitations from a man named Kevin that wanted me to come over ad smoke pot. His pics were cute so we exchanged numbers and Friday came and I was at his place. He was about 50 pounds bigger than his picks and had to be almost 40 and not 34 like he said. He had a dog who loved me I hate dogs. The dog who Kev said was fixed jumped up ad started humping my leg. I was almost intoxicated from the rum and OJ. I then took a look through his DVD’s ad they were all fag movies (another blog). I sat on the bed and we began smoking he started kissing my neck ad I went to look at the movies again.
He followed me ad I kissed him o the lips to shoe him away ad it worked. I was I the mod to fool around but I needed to get high ad drunk if it was going to be him. Before I had a chance to feel the pot he was all over me. He was a good kisser so I let him continue and before I knew it he was naked while I was only half there. My question to dog owners is, do you all fuck with your dog in the room?
He rimmed me he sucked me and the he humped me. I came and was loud but not like I used to be. I forget how he got off put I cleaned up and put most of my clothes back on. He then whispered in my ear ever so gently I have to go to work tomorrow. He gets off at 10 it was midnight, REALLTY? I had decided to finish watching sex ad the city but he was coaxing me to get dressed. So the fat old ma lost all cool points.
The next day I stayed home being lazy jazz wet out then came home only to go out again she asked if I wanted to go but I said no. after she left I better thought of it and decided I would go out. I found a sexy out fit put on sex ad the city the showered dressed put on makeup and the jazz walked in the door. We decided to go to a lounge so I could get a drink I wanted to check out the gayborhood aka the village. The one lounge I knew of I could not fid so we walked around looking for a different gay bar that we both could get into. No luck so she suggested I got to the one we walked passed earlier ad meet up later it was almost 2 in the morning this would never happen in Philly at this time of night. So I go in order a kamikaze and the bartender says 5 dollars ad its 2 for one until 3. I texted jazz to say I was going to be drunk but o service. The guys next to me started talking to me and I started laughing. They were really gay. The this guy sat next to me who reminded me of a ex but cuter and more masculine I asked him of other places to hag out and he named a place called chi chi’s 21 ad older, gave me the run down and I ordered my second drink. I was already buzzed we talked ad flirted and after hearing last call check text ad jazz was home so I ordered water and wet home with Jermaine to go get high.
Jermaine is what I call a poser he looks thug and rough, but is nothing more than a fag. The closer we got to his place the more sugar I saw and the uglier he got. I should have known a sexy 37 year old is never what he seams. His penis was like a childes crayon the jumbo kind that you get when your 3. It was light by the time I went to sleep and at 12 I got the hell out.
He lived in Harlem and had cheep rent, although I was having crappie sex all over Manhattan I was finding the affordable places to live.
17 November 2008
NYC Update 1
October 1st I decided to move to NYC. It was a quick decision I was already in the process of finding a new place to live in Delaware county, I even had a new roommate lined up. My current roommate was debating to either sell her house or rent the whole thing out completely. I could barley afford to pay the rent I was, yet alone what she was thinking of renting it for. I told her I would be out by the 15th and it looked like things were going as planed until I felt that having my ex as a roommate was a bad idea. I was uncomfortable with the way he managed money and the fact we had sex twice since we decided to move in together.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
11 November 2008
Hello Big Apple
October 1st I decided to move to NYC. It was a quick decision I was already in the process of finding a new place to live in Delaware county, I even had a new roommate lined up. My current roommate was debating to either sell her house or rent the whole thing out completely. I could barley afford to pay the rent I was, yet alone what she was thinking of renting it for. I told her I would be out by the 15th and it looked like things were going as planed until I felt that having my ex as a roommate was a bad idea. I was uncomfortable with the way he managed money and the fact we had sex twice since we decided to move in together.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
I called me play sister Jazz and we talked about it. At first she was agents it but in a matter of three seconds she was thrilled. I told her my plan of moving up as soon as I found a job or the 31st which ever came first. I told her after we saved up money then she Nsangie and I would fid a two bed room ad split ret three ways. It was a idea that thrilled us both.
That night I called my sister so she would be the first to know, at first she was a little sad but by the end she was excited the same way everyone else would be when I told them. I waited a few days then told some friends at work. A bit of a mistake on my part.
The move date kept bouncing between the 2nd of November and the 30th of October. After some planning with my job I settled on the 2nd and would spend my Halloween and every day off until the move in the big apple Job hunting.
I did not wat to tell my supervisor and boss my plan until I had two weeks left. Then day of the company get together I found out that Helen a woman I already knew could ot be trusted had called my boss and told her that I was planning to move to New York. My boss was cool and I knew I didn’t have to much to worry about as the time to tell them was coming close anyway.
I approached her and we talked about it, she the said she had a connection in Brooklyn and would email a recommendation. I knew for a fact I had a job now.
One night after a long and tiring week one that left me with two days and no sleep, the next day I had to go to NYC for a job interview at the Metropolitan Museum of art’s store, I was sure to get a job offer. My cell phone was off due to non payment and the directions I got off lie left me lost I Brooklyn. I was trying to get to queens so I could change and the take MTA to my interview. By the time I made it to jazz’s house it was past my interview time so I found her “hidden” key let myself I and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was not going to get to see her and leave, she came in and proved once more how poorly she listens. I had told her that I was coming up ad yet she was surprised to see me. I asked to borrow her comp to check my email and that’s when I got the bad news. A one lie email from my boss “Effective immediately your employment with us is terminated.”
I ordered Chinese and chatted with Jazz and then went to bed. It was nice I hidden slept 8 hours straight . . . since before I started working nights. I was sad to be fired again, yet happy to have some free time to just be lazy. The move dated was switched to the 25th and I already had a job lead. I called my mother and set it up so that I would stay with my mother for 10 days. I had worked it down to seven and that was to long by day three we were arguing about water bottles. (Whole other blog)
Wednesday night I made plans to grab a drink with Josh (Mr.) after my modeling class. To my surprise he was at Friday’s with friends, Kathryn and his Boyfriend of 2 months, his name was Joe and he was quiet.
Shortly after my arrival Josh’s roommate Mike showed up and I could not help to leave Josh and his quite friend to their quiet dinner. It is important that you know I did not know who Joe was before I arrived I knew Josh was dating someone but I didn’t know his name or what he looked like. When I got to the bar he introduced him as “this is my friend.”
A small scene later and I was being told that Joe was unhappy with my presence ad that he might back out of the trip they had planed to Florida the next day. This was the last time josh ad I could hang out. I was leaving Saturday and not coming back and was leaving tomorrow for five days.
A trip to the bathroom and one phone call later I was ready to go home ad call it a night. The crew was moving on to another bar and I was advised it would be a good idea if I did not go in order to preserve my ex and his boyfriend’s trip. Josh ad Kathryn felt I should go. So I did and it’s a good thing Joe explained how he felt ad realized I was not the one he should be angry with its was just another case of Josh being Mr. M. a point I wanted explain to Joe but I realized it was not my place. I understood a little better now. I saw that Joe was a good guy I liked him a lot he made it a lot easier to let Mr. M go.
That Thursday I was hug over and had to push moving my stuff into storage to Friday. A hut for auntie Maime left my a little sad but I soon got over it.
Friday came and only one day left in the grater Philadelphia area. I got my sister and Lou to help me pack the truck and much to my surprise my sister ad I alone packed my storage space which I got a hell of a deal on.
One would think that I would have had a going away party or a big night on the town with my friends but nothing. I awoke Saturday to pack my car and begin my new life.
I pulled into Queens on the rainy Saturday of October 25th 2008. Lets just say my life still involves sex and working but it is no Sex and the City.
25 September 2008
Found this interesting
Get Over Your Crush
Jaimie E
Knowing when it's time to back off your crush
I know it’ll never happen. In my logical, levelheaded cranium, I know that my feelings for her will never be reciprocated. But no matter how many times I’ve said it to myself, my illogical, unreasonable heart still holds onto the empty hope that it isn’t true—that one day, she’ll tell me that’s it my faith that was right, not my brain. And even though the likelihood of that sentiment ever being shared is equivalent to that of Britney Spears legitimately making a successful “comeback,” I’m still there, holding on, waiting to fall.
I guess that’s why they call it a crush.
Though my crush on one of my closest college friends didn’t develop until she made the rather surprising first move, it was in the moment of that kiss that I realized I’d had feelings for her for a couple of years. And when she left later that night, I thought it would work out. But, I should have known nothing’s that easy.
After a series of Shakespeare-length passive-aggressive emails were exchanged, she finally said that what happened between us was a mistake. I couldn’t understand how something that seemed to feel right could have been wrong in her mind and the complete opposite in mine, but nevertheless, this was how she felt. And there was nothing I could do to change that.
Ever since, I’ve held onto that night—thinking she was “scared,” didn’t want to ruin our friendship, or any of the other textbook excuses one gives when explaining to his/herself why someone you have feelings for isn’t feeling the same. I interpret the possible meanings of dinners, touches, trips to the movies, texts, etc. in instead of there actual meaning. But the truth of the matter is, she just doesn’t feel the same way.
And I guess I have to learn to accept it.
To me, the term crush is painfully accurate— when you’re into someone so much that they’re on your mind all the time, only to find out that you barely ping on their Daily-Thought-O-Meter, it feels like someone ripped out your heart, stomped on it a little, then made a smoothie out of it and threw it in the garbage. Basically, you feel like unadulterated crap.
But, unfortunately, for many, the crap factor is even greater when they realize how much time they spent with their head in the clouds, doodling on a notebook, checking myYearbook profile pages, and talking everyone else’s ears off over some guy or girl who doesn’t really care all that much about you. It’s sad, but true. No matter how much you’ve seen or heard the tales of unrequited love in movies, TV shows, depressing songs, and the lives of those around you, when it comes to your crush, the blinders take over. You ignore the fact that you’re always the one making the phone calls or sending the texts; that s/he always seem to be busy when you extend an invite to hang out; that you’re the one asking all the questions when you are together, while s/he continues to check his/her phone/watch and gives you monosyllabic answers; that cancellations of your plans are far too common; and that some other friends conveniently join you when you’re supposed to be spending quality time together. Although logically you know that all these situations are serious indications that you need to get out now, “crush” you has no idea of the agonizing truth that’s right in front of you and continues to try to win him/her over—only to lead to more heartache, pain, and humiliation.
“Don’t try to ‘make’ someone like you,” explains PBS Kids. “When a crush doesn't return our feelings, it's easy to think we can fix it. If that involves trying to be someone you're not, or acting the way you think your crush likes people to act, you're not being true to yourself…and probably just making things worse. In the end, the best thing to do is respect his or her feelings,” even if they’re not the same as yours. The desperation act is not a pretty one—save yourself the embarrassment. Obviously, it’s not always that cut and dry, but do you really want to be with someone you can’t be yourself around? A relationship based on lies isn’t going to go anywhere fast but downhill. You need to recognize the signs that Sex and the City made famous—“s/he’s just not that into you” and get over your crush.
1. First, remove your crush from that pedestal. You have an idealized version of this person in your head, formulated on wishful thinking and overly hopeful expectations. There’s no way s/he lives up to the ideal you’ve settled on so it’s time to face reality—s/he isn’t perfect. “You weren't actually in a relationship with this [person], so you didn't really get to experience the annoying things about him[/her]. Like how [s/]he checks out other [people] in front of you or how[s/]he thinks it's funny to let out a fart amidst a macking-session,” says Carina Kolodny for CosmoGIRL! “Because you don't have those experiences with him[/her], you start to think that those faults don't exist. ‘[S/]He could've been Mr[s]. Right.’ You idealize him[/her]. You make him[/her] perfect. Guess what? [S/]He WASN'T PERFECT. And if it didn't work out, [s/]he obviously wasn't Mr[s]. Right. [S/]He was just your ‘Mr[s]. Right Now.’” Sure, this person looked good on paper—maybe s/he was your physical ideal or seemed to laugh at all the same parts during your favorite Family Guy episode. But the truth of the matter is, if the sparks weren’t there on one end, it’s not actually meant to be. It’s not about the perfect person—it’s about the perfect person for you. Sometimes, in trying to move on, it helps to try to notice some of the things that you really don’t like about this person and try to think about those things more than the ones that lead you to place your crush so high.
2. Next, lose hope. Yes, it sounds sad, but hanging onto to anything that you can grasp as an indication that maybe you two will happen in the future is preventing you from moving on. “It’s hard. We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic,” explains He’s Just Not That Into You co-author, Liz Tuccillo. “Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first.” At the risk of being harsh, you need to let go of that ridiculous idea that “the universe” is keeping the two of you apart because as long as you feel that outside influences are preventing the relationship from happening, you’re just going to be waiting on “the universe.” In reality, however, the only force keeping the both of you apart was your crush. So by letting go of that idea and not waiting on “the universe,” you’re freeing yourself from that infatuation and the pain it caused.
3. Finally, focus your attention elsewhere. Do not spend time alone, dwelling on your situation. Spend time with friends or family and people who can help get your mind off of it. Sitting around will only lead to thoughts of negativity persisting and that’s not going to help you at all. You could be missing out on meeting someone else who actually could be better for you and reciprocate your feelings. “It's likely that there are many other people out there who are worth getting to know, and perhaps even more deserving of your feelings,” says PBS Kids. Instead of wasting more time on someone who isn’t into, give your time and attention to someone who is.
I know it’s all easier said than done, but the more you follow your head than your heart in these situations, the less likely you are to get hurt. I’ve tried not to be so analytical about every little thing my crush does or says—besides the fact that I realize it’s creepy, it also drives me borderline crazy. I’m learning to just let it go and instead of being hurt by the idea that she doesn’t feel the same, trying to be liberated by the idea that she’s just not that into me—and someone else might be.
Jaimie E
Knowing when it's time to back off your crush
I know it’ll never happen. In my logical, levelheaded cranium, I know that my feelings for her will never be reciprocated. But no matter how many times I’ve said it to myself, my illogical, unreasonable heart still holds onto the empty hope that it isn’t true—that one day, she’ll tell me that’s it my faith that was right, not my brain. And even though the likelihood of that sentiment ever being shared is equivalent to that of Britney Spears legitimately making a successful “comeback,” I’m still there, holding on, waiting to fall.
I guess that’s why they call it a crush.
Though my crush on one of my closest college friends didn’t develop until she made the rather surprising first move, it was in the moment of that kiss that I realized I’d had feelings for her for a couple of years. And when she left later that night, I thought it would work out. But, I should have known nothing’s that easy.
After a series of Shakespeare-length passive-aggressive emails were exchanged, she finally said that what happened between us was a mistake. I couldn’t understand how something that seemed to feel right could have been wrong in her mind and the complete opposite in mine, but nevertheless, this was how she felt. And there was nothing I could do to change that.
Ever since, I’ve held onto that night—thinking she was “scared,” didn’t want to ruin our friendship, or any of the other textbook excuses one gives when explaining to his/herself why someone you have feelings for isn’t feeling the same. I interpret the possible meanings of dinners, touches, trips to the movies, texts, etc. in instead of there actual meaning. But the truth of the matter is, she just doesn’t feel the same way.
And I guess I have to learn to accept it.
To me, the term crush is painfully accurate— when you’re into someone so much that they’re on your mind all the time, only to find out that you barely ping on their Daily-Thought-O-Meter, it feels like someone ripped out your heart, stomped on it a little, then made a smoothie out of it and threw it in the garbage. Basically, you feel like unadulterated crap.
But, unfortunately, for many, the crap factor is even greater when they realize how much time they spent with their head in the clouds, doodling on a notebook, checking myYearbook profile pages, and talking everyone else’s ears off over some guy or girl who doesn’t really care all that much about you. It’s sad, but true. No matter how much you’ve seen or heard the tales of unrequited love in movies, TV shows, depressing songs, and the lives of those around you, when it comes to your crush, the blinders take over. You ignore the fact that you’re always the one making the phone calls or sending the texts; that s/he always seem to be busy when you extend an invite to hang out; that you’re the one asking all the questions when you are together, while s/he continues to check his/her phone/watch and gives you monosyllabic answers; that cancellations of your plans are far too common; and that some other friends conveniently join you when you’re supposed to be spending quality time together. Although logically you know that all these situations are serious indications that you need to get out now, “crush” you has no idea of the agonizing truth that’s right in front of you and continues to try to win him/her over—only to lead to more heartache, pain, and humiliation.
“Don’t try to ‘make’ someone like you,” explains PBS Kids. “When a crush doesn't return our feelings, it's easy to think we can fix it. If that involves trying to be someone you're not, or acting the way you think your crush likes people to act, you're not being true to yourself…and probably just making things worse. In the end, the best thing to do is respect his or her feelings,” even if they’re not the same as yours. The desperation act is not a pretty one—save yourself the embarrassment. Obviously, it’s not always that cut and dry, but do you really want to be with someone you can’t be yourself around? A relationship based on lies isn’t going to go anywhere fast but downhill. You need to recognize the signs that Sex and the City made famous—“s/he’s just not that into you” and get over your crush.
1. First, remove your crush from that pedestal. You have an idealized version of this person in your head, formulated on wishful thinking and overly hopeful expectations. There’s no way s/he lives up to the ideal you’ve settled on so it’s time to face reality—s/he isn’t perfect. “You weren't actually in a relationship with this [person], so you didn't really get to experience the annoying things about him[/her]. Like how [s/]he checks out other [people] in front of you or how[s/]he thinks it's funny to let out a fart amidst a macking-session,” says Carina Kolodny for CosmoGIRL! “Because you don't have those experiences with him[/her], you start to think that those faults don't exist. ‘[S/]He could've been Mr[s]. Right.’ You idealize him[/her]. You make him[/her] perfect. Guess what? [S/]He WASN'T PERFECT. And if it didn't work out, [s/]he obviously wasn't Mr[s]. Right. [S/]He was just your ‘Mr[s]. Right Now.’” Sure, this person looked good on paper—maybe s/he was your physical ideal or seemed to laugh at all the same parts during your favorite Family Guy episode. But the truth of the matter is, if the sparks weren’t there on one end, it’s not actually meant to be. It’s not about the perfect person—it’s about the perfect person for you. Sometimes, in trying to move on, it helps to try to notice some of the things that you really don’t like about this person and try to think about those things more than the ones that lead you to place your crush so high.
2. Next, lose hope. Yes, it sounds sad, but hanging onto to anything that you can grasp as an indication that maybe you two will happen in the future is preventing you from moving on. “It’s hard. We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic,” explains He’s Just Not That Into You co-author, Liz Tuccillo. “Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first.” At the risk of being harsh, you need to let go of that ridiculous idea that “the universe” is keeping the two of you apart because as long as you feel that outside influences are preventing the relationship from happening, you’re just going to be waiting on “the universe.” In reality, however, the only force keeping the both of you apart was your crush. So by letting go of that idea and not waiting on “the universe,” you’re freeing yourself from that infatuation and the pain it caused.
3. Finally, focus your attention elsewhere. Do not spend time alone, dwelling on your situation. Spend time with friends or family and people who can help get your mind off of it. Sitting around will only lead to thoughts of negativity persisting and that’s not going to help you at all. You could be missing out on meeting someone else who actually could be better for you and reciprocate your feelings. “It's likely that there are many other people out there who are worth getting to know, and perhaps even more deserving of your feelings,” says PBS Kids. Instead of wasting more time on someone who isn’t into, give your time and attention to someone who is.
I know it’s all easier said than done, but the more you follow your head than your heart in these situations, the less likely you are to get hurt. I’ve tried not to be so analytical about every little thing my crush does or says—besides the fact that I realize it’s creepy, it also drives me borderline crazy. I’m learning to just let it go and instead of being hurt by the idea that she doesn’t feel the same, trying to be liberated by the idea that she’s just not that into me—and someone else might be.
31 August 2008
Roughly Defined
Racism
a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
Discrimination or prejudice based on race.
Racist
based on racial intolerance; "racist remarks"
discriminatory especially on the basis of race or religion
Opinion
a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second medical opinion.
Law. the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.
a favorable estimate; esteem: I haven't much of an opinion of him.
Fact
a piece of information about circumstances that exist or events that have occurred; "first you must collect all the facts of the case"
a statement or assertion of verified information about something that is the case or has happened; "he supported his argument with an impressive array of facts"
an event known to have happened or something known to have existed; "your fears have no basis in fact"; "how much of the story is fact and how much fiction is hard to tell"
a concept whose truth can be proved; "scientific hypotheses are not facts"
a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
Discrimination or prejudice based on race.
Racist
based on racial intolerance; "racist remarks"
discriminatory especially on the basis of race or religion
Opinion
a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second medical opinion.
Law. the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.
a favorable estimate; esteem: I haven't much of an opinion of him.
Fact
a piece of information about circumstances that exist or events that have occurred; "first you must collect all the facts of the case"
a statement or assertion of verified information about something that is the case or has happened; "he supported his argument with an impressive array of facts"
an event known to have happened or something known to have existed; "your fears have no basis in fact"; "how much of the story is fact and how much fiction is hard to tell"
a concept whose truth can be proved; "scientific hypotheses are not facts"
23 August 2008
Woody's and Closure
It was a night unlike any other. Much like the night I went to my first gay bar. The air smelled of new air, what ever that means. The city just felt different.
I made a few phone calls and sent a few text messages and ended creating a potentially entertaining night on the town. Alex, Mr. M, Louise and myself. The plan was that we all would make guest appearances in each others evening. Louise and I was to meet Alex and his friends at Bump. Then part ways when Alex and his friends went to shampoo. Lou and I planned to play it by ear but meet Mr. M somewhere for a drink.
Alex never showed. While at Bump we met this guy who over herd me talking about sex. He was a bottom as well and talked about his family and told cool stories about how his bing gay created memorable incidences. He told us about his job and his soon new to be job and why he was in the city that night. I then realized that he was just a guy looking for some people to talk to while he waited to meet his friends someplace else.
After our new friend left Lou and I walked around trying to find Lascala's the restaurant Mr. M always hangs at. He wasn't responding to my text messages. After walking in circles we decided to fore go Mr. M. And went to gay pizza on the we met one of Lou's friends and his entourage.
Then gay pizza we chatted with the employees for a brief while then went to Woody's.
I felt good the door man flirted with me which never happens. Then we went inside chilled at the bar and Lou could not wait to get up stairs to the dance floor. He paid for the both of us and much to our surprise, the crowd was not young. I could not hid the horror on my face. We walked to the far bar and just watched. Then we realized that it was square dancing. I asked the sexy body that was mixing drinks about the nights venue and he told me at 11 it goes normal. But little time went by before I started enjoying myself.
Then I saw him a cute guy in his late 20's maybe early 30's. He then lifted up his shirt for some reason and we saw his rock hard six pack. I felt mosey. Lou told me to go ask for a dance but I was nervous. Lou then played wing man and told him I was interested . Lou came back and said I was going to dance with him next song. He never did come over though. He did walk past us as he left the room and made a playful punching motion to Lou.
The lights changed and then so did the music. The dance floor went nuts and got younger by the second. Then we noticed the sexy strippers. One was the guy I told Lou I liked he waved but I suck at keeping it cool. I just danced and kept in site.
Mr. M then sent a text saying he was back in KOP. I danced on and I danced from 11 to 2 with only one 10 min break. I never did get a chance to talk to the hot guy I wanted but I figured I would see him again or just wasn't meant to be.
On the way home Mr. M started texting me. Right when I was dropping Lou of I got one that said” why you always gotta be a bitch” shocking as we were having a friendly conversation. I let M get away with a lot and figured it was time I called him on something.
I called him and asked what he to explain how I was being a bitch. The text before in response to his “I'm awake now” was “Never mind I'll talk too you tomorrow” it started a fight and he brought up things from months ago that bothered him and I told him to stop waiting so long to tell me what bothers him. I also explain what I wanted. I even forced him to give me closure on our past relationship.
I told him that were either to be good friend or go separate ways. Now I have closure but I know Josh never wants to get back together. I am disappointed but I have my closure.
In a year it probably wont matter he will have moved to Las Vegas and I will have found the man of my dreams but as for now it feels like Josh and I just broke up all over.
I made a few phone calls and sent a few text messages and ended creating a potentially entertaining night on the town. Alex, Mr. M, Louise and myself. The plan was that we all would make guest appearances in each others evening. Louise and I was to meet Alex and his friends at Bump. Then part ways when Alex and his friends went to shampoo. Lou and I planned to play it by ear but meet Mr. M somewhere for a drink.
Alex never showed. While at Bump we met this guy who over herd me talking about sex. He was a bottom as well and talked about his family and told cool stories about how his bing gay created memorable incidences. He told us about his job and his soon new to be job and why he was in the city that night. I then realized that he was just a guy looking for some people to talk to while he waited to meet his friends someplace else.
After our new friend left Lou and I walked around trying to find Lascala's the restaurant Mr. M always hangs at. He wasn't responding to my text messages. After walking in circles we decided to fore go Mr. M. And went to gay pizza on the we met one of Lou's friends and his entourage.
Then gay pizza we chatted with the employees for a brief while then went to Woody's.
I felt good the door man flirted with me which never happens. Then we went inside chilled at the bar and Lou could not wait to get up stairs to the dance floor. He paid for the both of us and much to our surprise, the crowd was not young. I could not hid the horror on my face. We walked to the far bar and just watched. Then we realized that it was square dancing. I asked the sexy body that was mixing drinks about the nights venue and he told me at 11 it goes normal. But little time went by before I started enjoying myself.
Then I saw him a cute guy in his late 20's maybe early 30's. He then lifted up his shirt for some reason and we saw his rock hard six pack. I felt mosey. Lou told me to go ask for a dance but I was nervous. Lou then played wing man and told him I was interested . Lou came back and said I was going to dance with him next song. He never did come over though. He did walk past us as he left the room and made a playful punching motion to Lou.
The lights changed and then so did the music. The dance floor went nuts and got younger by the second. Then we noticed the sexy strippers. One was the guy I told Lou I liked he waved but I suck at keeping it cool. I just danced and kept in site.
Mr. M then sent a text saying he was back in KOP. I danced on and I danced from 11 to 2 with only one 10 min break. I never did get a chance to talk to the hot guy I wanted but I figured I would see him again or just wasn't meant to be.
On the way home Mr. M started texting me. Right when I was dropping Lou of I got one that said” why you always gotta be a bitch” shocking as we were having a friendly conversation. I let M get away with a lot and figured it was time I called him on something.
I called him and asked what he to explain how I was being a bitch. The text before in response to his “I'm awake now” was “Never mind I'll talk too you tomorrow” it started a fight and he brought up things from months ago that bothered him and I told him to stop waiting so long to tell me what bothers him. I also explain what I wanted. I even forced him to give me closure on our past relationship.
I told him that were either to be good friend or go separate ways. Now I have closure but I know Josh never wants to get back together. I am disappointed but I have my closure.
In a year it probably wont matter he will have moved to Las Vegas and I will have found the man of my dreams but as for now it feels like Josh and I just broke up all over.
22 August 2008
The Sex Game
So many men tell you they want a guy or girl who wont play games, but the moment that emotions start going and your honest they start toying with you. Calling when they want making it seam like your just as booty call and then they just fade out with no closure and you both know you were dating exclusively.
Why is it when we stop the games that we get hurt and treated like shit? The truth of the matter is games were not invented to get others to do what we want but to protect ourselves and now the are so ingrained that men have no respect for someone who doesn't play games.
Playing hard to get is a game no man can resist. The ugliest person can get a man by playing this game. But take a guy like me that can get almost anyone, I hate playing games and so fail to realize that by not doing so I come off as a slut, and easy.
So what can the people like me who believe in karma, and honesty do. We don't want to remain single and want someone who holds the same values that we do. Are we doomed to the “if you you cant beat them” mantra of the 20th and 21st centuries?
For once in my life I cant help but say we need games. Men don't know how to operate without them.
Take K or Mr. R for example, two guys both romantic and both well liked by me. I made the mistake of just going with the flow and both times resulted in being with out a boyfriend.
Mr. R was obsessed with after the facts. “I'm not 29” or “I'm not looking for anything serious” how ever on the first date made it seam like he was telling my his entire life sorry. So I slept with him. After awhile I saw we were nothing more than fuck buddies and I swore off 30 year olds.
There was also jerry. Who I told flat out what I wanted. He made it seam like he was going to deliver but never did even after I reminded him. The sex was great so he says but there was no intimacy in site. SO I called it off and in my true form was completely honest about what I thought of him.
Finally there is K. I told my self that I was going to have a relationship free summer. One filled with lots of sex, dancing and drinking. But before I knew it I was dating Lou and trying to figure out how to get out. Then I met K and realized I wanted him and if I was going to be in a relationship it had to be him. So I brook it off with Lou and began predating K. he talked a good game but it ended with heartache.
He had no time for me after his smooth talk took off my clothes. There was no sex but we did both cum. I even went to his play and it looked like fate was bringing us together but he decided to tell me after moving back to NYC that he did not like me as much as I liked him. So I fucked someone else that night.
I have decided to start playing the games. No sex on the first date, and playing hard to get, and to top it all off making it seam like I am busy and have very little time for a relationship and sex. I got this advice from all my exes, little do they know. I think once I master them all I will not be single much longer.
In the mean time . . . “Let the games begin!”
Why is it when we stop the games that we get hurt and treated like shit? The truth of the matter is games were not invented to get others to do what we want but to protect ourselves and now the are so ingrained that men have no respect for someone who doesn't play games.
Playing hard to get is a game no man can resist. The ugliest person can get a man by playing this game. But take a guy like me that can get almost anyone, I hate playing games and so fail to realize that by not doing so I come off as a slut, and easy.
So what can the people like me who believe in karma, and honesty do. We don't want to remain single and want someone who holds the same values that we do. Are we doomed to the “if you you cant beat them” mantra of the 20th and 21st centuries?
For once in my life I cant help but say we need games. Men don't know how to operate without them.
Take K or Mr. R for example, two guys both romantic and both well liked by me. I made the mistake of just going with the flow and both times resulted in being with out a boyfriend.
Mr. R was obsessed with after the facts. “I'm not 29” or “I'm not looking for anything serious” how ever on the first date made it seam like he was telling my his entire life sorry. So I slept with him. After awhile I saw we were nothing more than fuck buddies and I swore off 30 year olds.
There was also jerry. Who I told flat out what I wanted. He made it seam like he was going to deliver but never did even after I reminded him. The sex was great so he says but there was no intimacy in site. SO I called it off and in my true form was completely honest about what I thought of him.
Finally there is K. I told my self that I was going to have a relationship free summer. One filled with lots of sex, dancing and drinking. But before I knew it I was dating Lou and trying to figure out how to get out. Then I met K and realized I wanted him and if I was going to be in a relationship it had to be him. So I brook it off with Lou and began predating K. he talked a good game but it ended with heartache.
He had no time for me after his smooth talk took off my clothes. There was no sex but we did both cum. I even went to his play and it looked like fate was bringing us together but he decided to tell me after moving back to NYC that he did not like me as much as I liked him. So I fucked someone else that night.
I have decided to start playing the games. No sex on the first date, and playing hard to get, and to top it all off making it seam like I am busy and have very little time for a relationship and sex. I got this advice from all my exes, little do they know. I think once I master them all I will not be single much longer.
In the mean time . . . “Let the games begin!”
18 August 2008
Last time at Woody's
After deciding to go to Woody's I went home to shower and dress. It took me longer than I would have liked to find an outfit but I eventual did. It was OK but not a “hey guys I'm back” type. I even wore a gray wife beater instead of my typical black or white. I did where my life guard shirt. I felt I looked like I didn't care which typical means some one would try to pick me up.
I got in my car and called my job to call out I did just an OK performance of sounding like I had a sour throat. It was good enough though and now I was in the clear. I proceeded to Jason's to pick him up and like always he was not ready.
Before I knew it I was literal fighting with his kitten. This ill creature was jumping on me, bitting, scratching me and attacking my by surprise. He was fun at first but the ill thing started to piss me off and I started to hit for real which only made him fight harder.
I and Jason then went to Louise's house to make an appearance at the baby shower than whisk him away with us to the club. A few laughs and after making a new friend or two we were ready.
Little did I know it was Jason and Clinton's 2mo anniversary. So we dropped Jason off to spend a ill time while we retrieved Tia. That was an adventure as I managed to slightly damage my car's right fender.
After I managed to all in the car it was your normal ride down chestnut street to our normal parking spot. Although it had been almost two month's since I've driven this rout it felt like I had just done it yesterday.
We parked I changed my shoes and we walked to the club only for me to realize my ID was not in my pocket like I thought. I went back to the car, looked inside outside and all around it. Jason and all ended up coming back to help me find it. It turned out to be in the driver seat.
My lavender bad didn't feel any more special than all the other colors I had collected over my trips to Woody's. I walked in looking and felling like I didn't care half waiting on K and my other half still open to the idea that their still may be something better.
Once on the dance floor, nothing I was board. If I had money for a drink it would have been slightly better but sober I remained, sober was all I could afford. I found gorge to say happy birthday and returned to my friends. I spent most of the night dancing with Louise.
Much to my surprise Jerry was not only at the club tonight he was dancing. With some 19year old that was friends with Jason. I was angry and jealous. Jerry had never danced with me, and what did this 19 year old kid know about my 37 year old fling and old crush. No matter how hard I tried to get jerry alone that ill 19 year old was right there. OK he was really more like 21 22 my age or even older because he was able to follow us to the bar but still. Why could I never get jerry to dance with me or even cling to me the was he was clinging to this guy who clearly was not looking for a relationship?
Then it hit me once again like it always dose. Men want what they cant have, and jerry could have me so he didn't want me. I no longer wanted jerry at 37 and still playing games and fooling around with younger guys is not a man who can potentially comment.
I danced the rest of the night away only to stop and have servers older men stare at me. I feared being hit on so I looked angry and stuck up.
The ride how was far more fun than than the club. We joked and laughed and turned getting gas into quite a comedy routine. We paid mostly with change found in my back seat.
When dropping Tia off I announced that I quit smoking when she offered me a Newport 100. Jason said “again” and I assured him I already had quit it was a done deal unlike the times before when I said I was going to .
I got in my car and called my job to call out I did just an OK performance of sounding like I had a sour throat. It was good enough though and now I was in the clear. I proceeded to Jason's to pick him up and like always he was not ready.
Before I knew it I was literal fighting with his kitten. This ill creature was jumping on me, bitting, scratching me and attacking my by surprise. He was fun at first but the ill thing started to piss me off and I started to hit for real which only made him fight harder.
I and Jason then went to Louise's house to make an appearance at the baby shower than whisk him away with us to the club. A few laughs and after making a new friend or two we were ready.
Little did I know it was Jason and Clinton's 2mo anniversary. So we dropped Jason off to spend a ill time while we retrieved Tia. That was an adventure as I managed to slightly damage my car's right fender.
After I managed to all in the car it was your normal ride down chestnut street to our normal parking spot. Although it had been almost two month's since I've driven this rout it felt like I had just done it yesterday.
We parked I changed my shoes and we walked to the club only for me to realize my ID was not in my pocket like I thought. I went back to the car, looked inside outside and all around it. Jason and all ended up coming back to help me find it. It turned out to be in the driver seat.
My lavender bad didn't feel any more special than all the other colors I had collected over my trips to Woody's. I walked in looking and felling like I didn't care half waiting on K and my other half still open to the idea that their still may be something better.
Once on the dance floor, nothing I was board. If I had money for a drink it would have been slightly better but sober I remained, sober was all I could afford. I found gorge to say happy birthday and returned to my friends. I spent most of the night dancing with Louise.
Much to my surprise Jerry was not only at the club tonight he was dancing. With some 19year old that was friends with Jason. I was angry and jealous. Jerry had never danced with me, and what did this 19 year old kid know about my 37 year old fling and old crush. No matter how hard I tried to get jerry alone that ill 19 year old was right there. OK he was really more like 21 22 my age or even older because he was able to follow us to the bar but still. Why could I never get jerry to dance with me or even cling to me the was he was clinging to this guy who clearly was not looking for a relationship?
Then it hit me once again like it always dose. Men want what they cant have, and jerry could have me so he didn't want me. I no longer wanted jerry at 37 and still playing games and fooling around with younger guys is not a man who can potentially comment.
I danced the rest of the night away only to stop and have servers older men stare at me. I feared being hit on so I looked angry and stuck up.
The ride how was far more fun than than the club. We joked and laughed and turned getting gas into quite a comedy routine. We paid mostly with change found in my back seat.
When dropping Tia off I announced that I quit smoking when she offered me a Newport 100. Jason said “again” and I assured him I already had quit it was a done deal unlike the times before when I said I was going to .
13 August 2008
It was a Wednesday . . .
So its Wednesday and I hadn't been to the club in what felt like an eternity. With my new job I either have a Thursday and Friday night off or I have a Saturday and Sunday night off. Jaz got back from Alaska and kept asking to go to Woody's. Despite my several reminders that I had to work that night she kept asking. I finally told her I would call out if K would go.
The big Wednesday was now here and it was truly big. I got off work at 7 and made it home by 7:15. I pull into the driveway and in the park I can hear loud construction and I was blasting Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable” in my car another thing that felt like it was centuries ago. After my song I turned off the car and went inside. I knew my roommate was home because I saw her car and her friend that is staying with us car was parked outside as well.
As if by perfect timing and well rehearsed as I opened the door Emily sits up and Kim begins walking down the stares. After living along for two or three months I could not help but utter “ there are pretty women everywhere.” mind you they truly are pretty I know a million that wish they looked half as good as they do when they roll out the bed.
I changed into my jeans that I where when cutting the lawn because the back needed to be cut. I then tried to use the toilet and noticed it didn't quite work. Despite being gay it was one of those moment that I felt proud to be a man. I discussed the issue with Kim and then went to work plunging. Part one of the problem was fixed. The tank would not and still will not fill properly. I fiddled a ill but having no clue as to what I was doing I let it be.
I then came down stares to check email work on the blog and see whats new on myspace. Kim came down stares and we chatted and the opining came for her to tell me about the recent break up. Lets just say I was right and I'm pissed that I was and even more so with her now new ex.
Mom called and I chatted and made some food then I got sleepy and bide her farewell. I ate then I could not help it I skipped the grass and went to sleep.
I awoken at five to find my cell completely dead and powered off. I got up to go to the bathe room and Kim was home from work. Surprised I asked the time and she said some time that I rounded to five. I called my agent and we finalized my stylist meetings.
I then started watching a movie on line and Jayson sent an IM asking where I was and asking for a ride. So I set my away message to Playing hero, again. And went to pick him up
. I then called Lou to borrow season 2 and 3
of sex and the city, he also finally gave me the time and date of his room mate's baby shower he was throwing. Right then a their. I told him I was not coming in I looked like shit and did.
after an attempt by several guest to get me to come in I compromised. I said I would go home and freshen up then come back and spend an hour or two before I went to work. All agreed it was a plan.
Lou then asked about Woody's a call to Jason and I had decided to call out sick to shake my ass to the Thumpa Thumpa of Woody's . . .
The big Wednesday was now here and it was truly big. I got off work at 7 and made it home by 7:15. I pull into the driveway and in the park I can hear loud construction and I was blasting Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable” in my car another thing that felt like it was centuries ago. After my song I turned off the car and went inside. I knew my roommate was home because I saw her car and her friend that is staying with us car was parked outside as well.
As if by perfect timing and well rehearsed as I opened the door Emily sits up and Kim begins walking down the stares. After living along for two or three months I could not help but utter “ there are pretty women everywhere.” mind you they truly are pretty I know a million that wish they looked half as good as they do when they roll out the bed.
I changed into my jeans that I where when cutting the lawn because the back needed to be cut. I then tried to use the toilet and noticed it didn't quite work. Despite being gay it was one of those moment that I felt proud to be a man. I discussed the issue with Kim and then went to work plunging. Part one of the problem was fixed. The tank would not and still will not fill properly. I fiddled a ill but having no clue as to what I was doing I let it be.
I then came down stares to check email work on the blog and see whats new on myspace. Kim came down stares and we chatted and the opining came for her to tell me about the recent break up. Lets just say I was right and I'm pissed that I was and even more so with her now new ex.
Mom called and I chatted and made some food then I got sleepy and bide her farewell. I ate then I could not help it I skipped the grass and went to sleep.
I awoken at five to find my cell completely dead and powered off. I got up to go to the bathe room and Kim was home from work. Surprised I asked the time and she said some time that I rounded to five. I called my agent and we finalized my stylist meetings.
I then started watching a movie on line and Jayson sent an IM asking where I was and asking for a ride. So I set my away message to Playing hero, again. And went to pick him up
. I then called Lou to borrow season 2 and 3
of sex and the city, he also finally gave me the time and date of his room mate's baby shower he was throwing. Right then a their. I told him I was not coming in I looked like shit and did.
after an attempt by several guest to get me to come in I compromised. I said I would go home and freshen up then come back and spend an hour or two before I went to work. All agreed it was a plan.
Lou then asked about Woody's a call to Jason and I had decided to call out sick to shake my ass to the Thumpa Thumpa of Woody's . . .
12 August 2008
Bye Bye Birdie
So last night I went to see K's play. I really didn't think I was going to like Bye Bye Birdie but I loved it. It was funny and all that great stuff and then it was really well done.
I walked out the theater thinking I wasn't going to get to see K but I got stuck be hind a guy with a woman in a wheel chair and then the crowd wouldn't let them through so I waited patiently and as I was near the door I saw our friend mike. He played one of the lead roils and did really well so I had t o tell him. I looked round ans saw most of the cast was out so I asked if k was coming out he said in a min and in a min he did.
During the play I hadn't known but K was in one of the scenes. I was sitting in the back and having to wear glasses I could not make out faces all to well. As soon as the lights came on I knew it was him. K also had a part in the play. He sang and did a good job acting. I could not help but blush. I tried to hid it but couldn't. It was this moment that proved to me I am really attracted to this guy nothing else is to blame.
So I was now standing next to k it looked as if he didn't want me to go so I stayed and it was a good thing I did I get to say hi to his mom and dad. They are two really cool people. So after a little chit chant in between people coming up to tell him how great the play was and how awesome he is, I told him I was off to tom Jones to meet Jason and the gang.
I got to Tom Jones and it was fun hanging out and I was on air from seeing k and could not think about eating but had to order like 4 dollars so I got coffee and ice cream.
About 20 min and three of our friends took off and 10 min after that I turned around to see K. I was thrilled once again I felt him happy to see me as well but he was tired with a headache. I told him to eat and mike came over to say hi also. Jay introduced him to our friend Andrew who was acting a little weird.
The time came when k had to go back to his table and and I told him we would say bye b4 we left. I don't know what it is about him but I tend to light upon when he is around.
The time came when we need a change in scenery when I went to say bye I saw Monica was there as well I said hi gave a hug and sat down to exchange numbers and chat a little. K allowed me to kiss him on the lips and all felt right.
I normally feel awkward and refrain from an all out Blaine kiss in public but it felt so right and with me being proud of him I kinda felt like I was marking territory. .
I was happy I got to spend some time with the one person I have ever had the biggest crush on.
And from the looks of things it just may be fate
I walked out the theater thinking I wasn't going to get to see K but I got stuck be hind a guy with a woman in a wheel chair and then the crowd wouldn't let them through so I waited patiently and as I was near the door I saw our friend mike. He played one of the lead roils and did really well so I had t o tell him. I looked round ans saw most of the cast was out so I asked if k was coming out he said in a min and in a min he did.
During the play I hadn't known but K was in one of the scenes. I was sitting in the back and having to wear glasses I could not make out faces all to well. As soon as the lights came on I knew it was him. K also had a part in the play. He sang and did a good job acting. I could not help but blush. I tried to hid it but couldn't. It was this moment that proved to me I am really attracted to this guy nothing else is to blame.
So I was now standing next to k it looked as if he didn't want me to go so I stayed and it was a good thing I did I get to say hi to his mom and dad. They are two really cool people. So after a little chit chant in between people coming up to tell him how great the play was and how awesome he is, I told him I was off to tom Jones to meet Jason and the gang.
I got to Tom Jones and it was fun hanging out and I was on air from seeing k and could not think about eating but had to order like 4 dollars so I got coffee and ice cream.
About 20 min and three of our friends took off and 10 min after that I turned around to see K. I was thrilled once again I felt him happy to see me as well but he was tired with a headache. I told him to eat and mike came over to say hi also. Jay introduced him to our friend Andrew who was acting a little weird.
The time came when k had to go back to his table and and I told him we would say bye b4 we left. I don't know what it is about him but I tend to light upon when he is around.
The time came when we need a change in scenery when I went to say bye I saw Monica was there as well I said hi gave a hug and sat down to exchange numbers and chat a little. K allowed me to kiss him on the lips and all felt right.
I normally feel awkward and refrain from an all out Blaine kiss in public but it felt so right and with me being proud of him I kinda felt like I was marking territory. .
I was happy I got to spend some time with the one person I have ever had the biggest crush on.
And from the looks of things it just may be fate
30 July 2008
I am going to do it!!
Summer is half gone. I had planned on being single with no serious relationships and not wanting to be serious but it was everything but. I had on boyfriend, broke up with him to date someone else who is taking it slow and I found out that Mr. M and I could have had a chance but I missed it.
It was a summer that was interesting and will make for steamy fall writing and winter reading. So check back often for chapters from my first novel, “Learning Love.”
It was a summer that was interesting and will make for steamy fall writing and winter reading. So check back often for chapters from my first novel, “Learning Love.”
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