Another Day in the life of Bethea

It’s been a great while since anyone has herd of me। It is true when I tell you no one can tell the story of Victor better than I can.

It was just another day or so victor thought। He woke up looking forward to tomorrow. Today held nothing special with the exception of one thing, he was going to allow himself to call his RM. You may ask, "What is an RM?" I will tell you. RM stands for Romantic Male. As you are, well aware MR. Bethea is gay and so dates men. What you are unaware of is he has decided to give the exclusive dating thing in hopes of finding true love one last try.

His RM’s name is something I cannot disclose, at least not yet। But I can tell you when is say RM I should put emphasis on the R. Today Victor found himself telling his aunt about him and Victor really lit up. Unlike with any other guy.

Later that day while waiting for his sister’s nails to dry in the nail salon he could not wait to hear from RM. Little did he know he became totally distracted and could not hear his sister asking him to pass her purse. The conversation although all good still had some sad points.

Earlier that day Victor set up an additional 3 interviews including one in Pittsburgh PA। Just having met RM it could have been a bad thing to mention the Pittsburgh interview, Also Victor remembered something from his last serious relationship that made him wish he could bite his tong.

You would think a conversation of good news and flirtatious exchanges one would get off the phone happy, elated of thrilled. Not our friend Victor. No he felt remorse for making it seem like he was willing to throw his chance at true love away and he thought and analyzed the entire conversation to see if he said anything that was unattractive or could turn his new RM off.

The EB or ex boyfriend had mentioned a few things to him that mad him show his fake side. The eb hated his British slang and told him that he didn’t act black enough among many other hurtful things. So Victor tried to change the things he could could while others were physically impossible. This left his self-esteem scared.
So now in this new relationship instead of being just happy to be falling for someone he is still looking for either validation or for RM to tell him all the things that he dissent have and others that need to be changed.

While Victor and EB are now friends he is still trying to undo the emotional scars that the relationship left on his heart, self esteem and mental image.

I Was A Bitch

It was one of those days Yesterday. I woke up and it all was just not feeling right. What started out as running a few simple errands turned out to be a bitchy morning then day. It was simple I wanted to put air in my tires and fill out an application at the ACME I used to work at. My mom added an even simpler task of dropping something off at the post office.

I got to the gas station that has the free air pump and some lady was pumping a pool, so I went inside and grabbed my favorite, a 1.5 ltr bottle of water, only to come out and find an old couple waiting to use the pump as well. So I left and went to ACME and asked if the guy I needed to give a heads up was in, he wasn’t. I then dropped off my mom’s piece of mail and headed back to the gas station and the same woman and old couple were there, so I left.

While driving out I saw him, this handsome guy with black shades in a nice silver car. I could not help but notice he was staring at me and I soon realized he would figure out that I was staring back. Not knowing what to do I made it clear that I was looking away then I looked back. Being a guy who always wears shades, I mastered how to make people aware I am staring. He drove in and I drove out. I then lit my cigarette.

I then went to the gas station around the corner that cost 75 cents by then my tires were warmed and I found out that my tire gauge needed new batteries and I was missing a valve cap. Pissed, I drove pass the other gas station to check the status and to see if the guy in the silver car was around. It was all bad so I went home, A wasted morning.

I was still feeling bitchy and it lasted a good while. I ran and got mother and I lunch from the king. I really did forget how good the chicken sandwiches are there.

After lunch I figured I would pound the cyber pavement for a job. it held my attention for a good while and I applied for a few positions. Then my mother’s aunt, cousin and great aunt made a visit. I love my Aunti-Re a real southern lady. I chatted with them for a while and went back to work. Then my sister came home and of course, her boyfriend was with her I hid in the kitchen with them for a little while and ate and drank, I had been eating like a horse all day. He could tell I still didn’t like him and I wasn’t trying to hide it.

Then my grandmother came over and brought my baby cousin Nicolas. The women went crazy but soon had to leave. I then had Nicolas to myself kind of. He is truly a cute baby boy, happy too. I was distracted from trying to figure out why I was feeling bitchy. I spent the rest of daylight with family. Nicolas’ mom and sister then came to pick him up but spent some time with us all. Lauren his sister and my favorite cousin told me how much she loved me and I told her the same and talked about school and all the things she learned.

When I got back to the comp Jaz had hit me on AIM. We chatted about Josh and Ralph. She wanted me to stay away from Josh and give Ralph time. She still thinks I have feeling for Josh and I don’t.

Ralph and I have had two dates and known each other for two weeks. I really like him and can see myself falling for him. However I don’t think I am ready. I am ready to fall in love with a guy who is in love with me but I cannot have another Joshua situation. I had told some other guy I was willing to go on a date Wednesday.

I texted the entire three in hopes to get advice. Jaz was not helpful, I chickened out of trying to tell Josh after talking to Jaz. She said don’t tell him give it a month to be quite honest I don’t think she knew what the hell she was saying. Then Jason put it all in perspective. Why waste time going on a date with some other guy if Ralph and I are, well, hot and heavy. My fear is that we are not solid and the relationship is new and we can still end up like josh and I did after five weeks.

Any way I had just finished watching Sex and the City on MyPHL 17 and this advertisement came on TV for Interactive Male. I had seen the print ads before but this was the first commercial. While putting the number in my phone and trying to figure out when I was going to use it, it hit me.

Here I am this attractive guy. I have nice features, a decent brain and everyone agrees I am an all around attractive guy. Why am I looking for love online and phone lines. I simply need to build up my confidence. Every time that I think, I am close to dating again its because I have my 5. Yes, 5 guys I call my current potentials. I never got a boyfriend out of it but I always felt good when I had my five. This time it’s really only one and I am close. I have figured out when it’s just one it usually means a relationship, and I cant help but compare the beginnings of this one to that of the last one. It is all almost the same. The butter flies, the blushing, the touching its all there except this time in the form I want it and without the emotional baggage.

I have paid my dues to karma and I have confidence that this is a good thing and I may just get my fairytale ending.

Fairytales

Lately this has been a constant theme in my life, from talking to my little cosine, Sex and the City movie, to my friends Blogs and life events. Ever since I came out the closet, I have been waiting for that fairytale moment in my life. You know the one where you can say with confidence I know my life won’t be perfect but I will live happily ever after with so and so.

I have been waiting for that guy who helps me see the world differently like Aladdin. Or prince Philip who rescues me from all the bad in the world and dance with me as we did in our dreams, and the beast who rescues me from falling for the wrong man while I rescue him from his vices.

Sometimes I feel like Cinderella always doing for everyone else and never myself. I was left so much by my late father but my evil grandfather took it all for himself. I am stuck with having to pretend as if all is well and do as my family ask of me. I finally feel like Ariel, the place where I live is beautiful, but I just don’t fit, my prince is in another place and I am ready to do anything to be with him.

How gay is that for you. For about a year, I felt that maybe I was Carrie and I was trapped to go in and out of love until my Mr. Big realized he wanted to be with me, and I realized that we were made for each other. Let’s just say that is one fairytale I don’t want to be in.

Recently I met a prince charming. He is romantic, the type of guy who would send you flowers to work, take a stroll along the beach at sun set or surprise you with a weekend away at some quite bed and breakfast. That works for me, as I am the type who will cook, clean and do small everyday things to make a guy like that feel he is appreciated.

However, I can’t help but find myself feeling the same way I did last year around the fourth of July. My emotions are unpredictable. He is making it easy to fall in love although I am not in love I am on the verge. I have a date with another guy tomorrow. As it stands now and as I have already made up in my mind, there will be no sex. I feel as though I must go to see if I am ready for love again or if I am meant to play the field a little while longer.

I had this dream awhile back that this guy whom I knew for quite awhile and thought was straight proposed to me. My mother who disapproves of homosexuality actually approved of the guy asking me to marry him as well as all my friends. Needles to say it was a modern fairytale, the perfect ring, and the perfect time and place. But I can’t imagine that coming to pass.

I said what I wanted and now I think I found it. Does it work that easy? It did for my mother she got what she described. He is now in her life and I smile every time I see them they are so happy despite all the things that are slowing down progression, the divorce and recuperating from breast cancer.

I, who always thought of myself as independent, now find myself in debt with absolutely no money, and no job. I owe back rent and car payments. I want my independence back. Although I am gay and want a fairytale, I still look at myself as a guy who needs a decent job and needs to depend upon myself instead of others.

Maybe there is a lesson in all of this for me and maybe this is part of the fairytale. Do I get rescued from all the bad in my life to realize being a househusband is enough to make me happy and work from there, or is it that at my lowest point I find away to pull myself up and then get it all?

I don’t know how this story turns out which is why they call it life. But is it too much to ask that I get a happy love ending? I know I want it all fancy clothes a husband who loves me a house I can entertain guest in and some day kids. After all Cinderella and Ariel got the Happily Ever After, Or do I need to talk to my godmother?

Victor Building, Victor Pub, Victor Burger, The New Guy?

So Friday night I called the new guy to see what he was up to. A late day at work and tired yet he still wanted to see me at least that what I gathered from our conversation. I had suggested a movie but he was to tired he said and before I could say it was ok and we could hang out Saturday he said he wanted to hang out around his building, the Victor Building. It was on the Camden waterfront. I said it sounded good and he told me how great the pup downstairs was, Victor’s Pub. I made it ok and found the pub all right but I struggled trying to find the parking lot.

I started walking around the building to the apartment entrance and then I saw him. It was like a scene from a movie. I ended up on the wrong stairs and was walking down as he was walking towards me. He was looking sexy. Kind of took my breath away and I pretended I didn’t recognize him but he had a big smile on his face and I knew without a doubt it was him.

We hugged and then we walked to the pub. He is great, a gentlemen through and through wants to get the door and all that other stuff that gentlemen do.

After we were seated, I told him how I hated menus. Too many options and I asked him what’s good and what he was going to order. He smiled and said either the Victor Burger a salad or a club. We also used process of elimination by me telling him things I don’t eat such as pork and lunch meat. So for me a Victor Burger and for him a Turkey Club. He couldn’t order a salad I was already making fun of him drinking a light bear. We talked, ate, and kept the alcohol to a minimum one beer for the each of us.

The time came when I told him the place was almost perfect. And he looked me in the eye and asked how is it almost perfect I told him I would let him know when the waitress came back. I asked if he remembered my favorite soda, it was only our second date so I was not going to hold it agents him if he didn’t remember. He didn’t I asked the waitress if they carried Coke or Pepsi products she said coke so I ordered a coke and told him the place was perfect. He bowed and thanked the waitress. I just laughed. Then there was that moment when we looked at each other and I had to look away, blushing I guess.

We wrapped our food and headed to the roof of his building. We stared over the river to Philadelphia talked about what ever came to mind and I kept thinking wow. He held me close and kept me warm. Then of course, we started making out. On a roof alone with only the streetlights was romantic and he knew it. I was touched because he rather romance and put in effort than just trying to rub me down to get me ready.

I was turned on to the tenth degree. After a good while, he asked if I wanted to watch TV, I was more than ready. He then asked if we should lie down or sit in the living room. I looked at him and said, “You had a long day we should lay down.”

Cuddling I have no clue what was on TV because we started making out the candle light did it. Let’s just say we both got a work out and slept heard that night. The first time I slept over his house. It was our send date and I had the strangest nightmare, dream, or premonition. Not ready to talk about it just yet but stay tuned for it latter.

We cuddled the whole night just about and I was in a whole new world. I do feel there were a few times when I forced myself to think about my ex and compare the two to what I think I want. Anyway, I think new guy will be more soon; I’ll just have to wait and see.

Friday

To put it simply I went for some kind of interview at blinds to go. I really want the job but I cant find the number to take it to the next sep and I think the guy I talked to hated me. But No biggie.

Thursday

Thursday was the first day I had to myself kind of. I stayed home with my mom and did stuff around the house. My sister being stressed came home from school early and I applied for more jobs via the web. My sister tried to convince me to go her boyfriend’s football game. Laughable I a gay guy, who is getting more and more into fashion, modeling, and the internet tech and shopping, go to a high school football game.

Well I also understand the duties of high school students so when she said she wasn’t going I told she had to and that I would go with.

Meanwhile the whole day Josh and I were texting each other and arguing playfully as to who is more gay and acts it. I lost, thanks Jazz. Our “text-versation” morphed into simpler topics and his last text of the left me looking a fool in front of all those people. He texted me “I have a mouth full of skittles and I know you want to taste the rainbow, some kid just said that to me.” I died laughing and couldn’t stop.

I eventually started calling people and that was entertainment for a little while. The game went into overtime and my sister’s boy friend’s team was winning. As it was late, we had to leave so we would not miss Sex and the City.

Wednesday

So Wednesday as you have already read, I had an interview with a staffing agency in Parsippany NJ. Little did I know that it was not far from NYC so I stopped and visited my play sister Jazz. You know we had fun and what not.

We played Monopoly for the sake of her boy friend he really wanted to play and Jazz and I didn’t. I didn’t want to play so bad that I stared buying everything I could in hopes of going bankrupt. It didn’t work I ended up winning the game which was poetic justice for jazz as her Boyfriend went bankrupt so the game was over.

Next, we went to get food and watched a movie called Hard Candy. A miss titled movie if you ask me. It was about some little bitch who wanted to avenge the death of some little girl who was raped and killed by a pedophile. To sum it all up “It’s fucked up.”
After the movie I drove back home.

Sex and the City Movie

So Thursday I went to the midnight showing of Sex and the City, may I just say it was totally awesome. Pulled at the heart strings, made me laugh and even entertain the thought of moving to NYC in search of labels and love.

Any way let me just say that even if you not a fan of the show you will like the movie. It is well worth it.

Several Post Comming

Ok so I know it’s been awhile since I have blogged but it’s all because life has been busy. Mom is doing exceptionally well. Healing faster than we thought and I will be moving back to my place this Saturday with confidence that she will be ok with me not sleeping here. I will still come over every day but she doesn’t need me at night anymore.

Over the next few hours, I will be releasing several posts that will bring you up to date on Victor.

Oh Shit

Ok, I had an interview in Persepiany New Jersey. I had no clue it was so close to New York City. So after my interview I had to buy a car charger for my phone. Once I was back in the car i called and got Jazz's address.

I drove up to NYC for the first time and now I am sitting here being forced to play Monopoly. It cost me $13 in tolls just to get into the city and Jazz's house in queens. I still have a quarter tank of gas and and i have to go through Jersey so I'll get gass there.

Well TTYL My Fanz

Scary

Xanthophobia -
Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.

Hmm i wonder what people who look like Jaz and have this do. Probly go to tanning Salons alot.

I Think I failed To Mention

Ok so things have been rapidly changing. Friday morning i quit Home Depot, cant remember if i told you that. I quit mainly because I am sick of my life revolving around there schedule. I had to make everything in my life come second to to my job. I dint even like my job like that and I was not in a high paying position. It made no since to me that I could not have some kind of stable schedule. So I quit not to mention they had a points system and it turned out that I was late at least twice a week. I didn’t know because I punched in on time but I didn’t make it to the floor on time. In combination with the two days that I had to call out it was at the point limit.

Not to be unnerved by not having a job I relied on the appointment at the talent agency and an interview with blinds to go. That afternoon I had set up an interview in Plymouth meeting, New Jersey and a phone interview for a job in Pittsburgh.

Came Saturday I went to the talent agency and all went well I wasn’t even asked all the questions I was supposed to be asked. And I guess you can say I was called back. That night I went to my friend Rachael’s birthday get together. We had fun and I think its official I will be donating sperm later in life to father her and her fiancé’s baby. Yes they are lesbians.

I found out this morning my roommate is going to throw a party on June sixth. The same day as my sister’s senior prom, so I will be quite busy that day. Hopefully I will have a job I like by then.


So there you have it, today I got the car washed so I will look nice getting out of it at my interview in case I am seen prematurely, I darkened my hair and I am hoping to get an oil change early tomorrow and then go to my interview.

Also, I think there may be a new guy but I’ll tell about all that tomorrow.

This Aint Me

Tropophobia -
Fear of moving or making changes.

Two of my posibule job leads would require me to move.

Not Yet, Go crazy, CHANGE!!

I really want to quit smoking but I have to take care of my mom and being irritable while doing it is difficult. So I bought a new pack and quit my job today. I started the day with only one real interview set up and an appointment with a modeling agency. By the end of the day I had a totle of four. I have to give a shout out to Monster.com.

Things are looking up and I was a lil nervous to just quite Home Depot but I now know why the store I was working at cant keep cashiers.

I also cut and died my hair today. The red is back and it is curlier.

I hope with all this changes and interviews I will end up making decent money and being happy with my life.

Oh Shit

Why did I quit smoking yesterday?

Food For Thought

Fear of The Week
Pharmacophobia
Fear of taking medicine

Mr. O'Neill:"You know what they say: A spoonfull of sugar helps the medicine go down!"
Jane:"Not if you're diabetic."


-From Daria Episode "Arts 'n' Crass."

WoW I was angry!

I went pretty far back in my blogs today. The ones on vpoin0.blogspot.com. I got to a certain point then realized that I was really angry in high school. So angry I am shocked that I didn't die of a heart attack.

One post in particular stuck out to me. It was so bad that I had to send a friend who I barley talk to an apology. It was an I.M. session where I got quite angry fairly quickly. I failed to see and truly understand someone that now I think about it should be in my circle of best friends. I still feel bad about the things I said to him and I can't believe that for the longest time he tried to be my friend whole-heartedly.

For the first time I am dedicating this blog to someone, Boima Blake. You have a heart of gold and I'm sorry I took you for granted.

Ok I am going to do this one more time.

Bubble Gum, I just may be obsessed with it. I asked once before on V.0 Any Questions. Why is it that they make everything you can think of bubble gum flavored except Kool Aid. They have hugs, bubbles, yes those things you blow and are made of soap. They have ice pops, ice cream, hard candy, cotton candy, cakes and cookies, they even have a whole line of body washes and lotions. Don’t doubt it I have a set, don’t ask. But you cannot buy bubble gum flavored Kool Aid.

Everyone loves the flavor of bubble gum. While researching the whole Bubble gum Kool Aid Conundrum I found several sites where people were asking for a recipe for bubble gum flavored ice cream. I remember growing up my cousins and I could take a dollar to the drug store and come back with a bag of bubble gum flavored stuff. No need to mention what we bought just read the first paragraph again.

On would think since this country of ours is a little obsessed with bubble gum and its grand flavor, that the makers of Kool Aid the favorite beverage of millions and the prized table wine of black people, would make a bubble gum flavored Kool Aid.

Today at Home Depot

It was an interesting day at work, aside from the sky having trouble making up its mind as to whether it wanted to send rain or sun shine. I was stuck the entire day in the garden center, the one area that stays busy enough to make me like my job. Mind you I was more than happy to go work for Home Depot but every time I am forced to work on an indoor register I can’t help but want to throw my hands in the air and exclaim “I Quite, this place is to boring!”

I think the first issue I had was I had to work side by side with the world worst talker. This woman doesn’t talk she rambles. And when she is not rambling, she is butting in where she is not needed. Now we both started the same time and I except the fact that we know a fair decent amount but she irks my nerves. I can be helping a customer and she will but in only to repeat what I am saying or to show that she is listening. I hate that as a customer and I hate that as someone providing a service. I don’t dislike her she just has this bad habit of talking when she should just shut up.

After the annoyance was gone, I was alone in the garden center. It had slowed down a decent amount but not to the point, I was bored. I had a lot of price inquires, finding missing or correct SKUs, and ringing up items that I never get to really see, you know the big stuff that people pick up after they pay for.

But finally, I had the customer of the day, the one that put me on my toes. She was drunk and bought 36 plants, all the same type and color. I was nervous because she was clearly intoxicated to the point she could not stand straight up. She weebled and wobbled yet didn’t fall down. She told me her father had dropped dead last Thursday; she also told me she had some odd number of acres of land. I gave her my apologies for her loss and she hugged me. She said it has become uncommon for people to say that anymore. She then decided to pay debit and mentioned it was because she didn’t trust credit cards and daddy taught her well,

She was so intoxicated that I made her finish it out as a credit transaction; she had a visa check card. I then figured out she was one of this wealthy women. She told me she had some obscene amount of money in her checking account and she didn’t care how she paid along as it came out of there.

She hugged me again and told me how drunk she was and that she thought she smashed part of her car on the way to Home Depot. But she didn’t care. I let her go and I was worried, I was not trained on how to handle an intoxicated customer. She clearly couldn’t drive and she knowing she was drunk asked for loading assistance. So I figured is anyone would know how to handle it, it would be one of the lot techs who have been there longer than I have.

A little while later one of my crushes came by and mentioned about the drunken lady, as soon as he loaded her car and she pulled off, she smashed into a Cadillac pulled away and went on about her business.

He also informed me that she tried to make out with him. He was cute about it. Calling her a MILF and saying she wasn’t his type. Stupid me not keeping track failed to realize it was a perfect opportunity to ask, “Then what is your type?” But I missed an opportunity. I just need him to tell me he is straight so I can cross him off my list officially.
For now, I am just waiting to see if I was wrong for ringing her up and not taking any other action. As of now, I received word she was caught. But I won’t think about that now, I’ll think about it tomorrow.

VSBII Update I

Ok so I know its time for an official update.

Last Tuesday my car was towed again. Jason told me parking in an iffy spot was ok because he did it before. When we returned to my car, it was gone. I was sick the next day so I called out of work. When I made the call, I could barley talk. I knew I was getting sick all Tuesday I just didn’t feel myself. I had to spend the whole day at Jason’s house I had no money to take septa and my house keys were in my car. I had to wait for my last unemployment check to hit my account. Needles to say I dint hit until Friday because I filled something out wrong.
Thursday was the big day. My mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. The solution was a mastectomy. It was scheduled for that Thursday. I washed the closes on my back and put them on again in the morning after taking a shower. The day was truly an off day for me. I left the house without my cell phone and my hair was beyond hope, not to mention I spent the whole day in the hospital with no money. Everyone showed up grandma, my two aunts, my uncle and my mom’s good friend Donna who drove us to the hospital.

After what felt like a century, the doctor came and told us everything went well and that she would soon be moved to recovery. We went to the next waiting room, a few hours more hours latter and me almost cursing out a nurse, we were allowed to see her two by two. My sister and I were first.

My mother groggy from the anesthesia did not hesitate to joke. “Did you see the truck that hit me?” I not being sure if she was joking or a little loopy from the anesthesia felt the need to tell her she wasn’t hit by a truck. She told me it was a joke. It was hard knowing what she just went through and I was sad but tried my best not to show it.

After everyone else went to see, her Donna and I were the last two it was my second time. My mom told the truck joke and Donna didn’t miss a beat. She went along and the two of them joked but I could see Donna wanted to cry.

Every day my sister and I go to see my mother and although she looks better each and every single time. It breaks my heart when I think about what she has gone through and how she will have to wait for scars to fade. I really do love my mother and I am really seeing her strength.
The day after the surgery, I had to call out of work because I received word, while I was trying to get my car before 9:30 am, she might have to go back into the OR. I stayed almost the whole day until my sister started falling asleep.
Saturday was my first day back to work and I had to face the music. I had been honest and my boss already knew what was going on. I explained to her and her boss the major details of why I had to call out. They were just concerned and wanted me to know that the understood and wanted to make sure we were all on the same page as I am in my first 90 days.
So now I am living back in Sharon Hill, my mom is currently in the hospital, I am trying to make everything revolve around my work schedule, and keep my sister inline. With all this running, I am tired and I still have to set her room up.

Today I met the guy my mother will be officially dating once her divorce goes through. I knew he was a good guy and from what my mom was telling me I knew I liked him. Although she described him in was that made him seem too good to be human, I tried my best to see what she really meant. I must admit physically he is not what I would have picked for her but he is a handsome man with a nice body. He has a great personality and the best feature of all. . . I can have a real conversation with him.

My love life is a little more complicated yet still existent if you can call it that. Damian had surgery on the 15th but being the G he is he is forcing a quick recovery. Jerry is making a point to remind me how much he misses me but every time I have time to talk to him, he is asleep or at work. I really need to tell him what is going on so it doesn’t seem like I am avoiding him.
However, I am technically single. And there are three guys I have a little crush on at work, not sure, if any of them are gay so I am not getting my hopes up, not to mention I work with them.
The past several days I have been, feeling really overwhelmed with emotion and needed someone who would listen to me. Out of all the people I know there was only one I knew I could really open up to. Jazz was busy with her life in NYC and her phone hardly works. I was angry with Jason and Gina, well she has her own issues and although she is a great listener, I would still need a little advice on how to deal.

Of all the people, I know Joshua is the one great listener. As I list all my best friends, I realize each one has a specialty. Josh s my soon to be best friend for his ability to be in touch with his emotions on such a level its downright annoying at times but it is also helps him see into others and relate as needed. And I was missing that so we are talking now. I haven’t poured out my heart and soul as I wanted to but I think its coming.